But Tia wasn’t just any woman. She’d played a big role in Bruce’s
life. Carina never wanted to cross a line that could offend her husband’s
bond with Tia. She didn’t know if it was wrong being attracted to Tia
because that’s what she felt. She was very attracted to Tia, but it didn’t
mean she was ready for a new relationship. Carina knew she needed more
time. But these feelings were present, and she couldn’t ignore them
anymore.
She needed to talk to someone open minded and willing to listen.
Carina smiled nervously. “I’m…surviving,” Carina finally responded.
Gina nodded and looked up. “I asked Sandra to come too.”
Carina gave her sister a death stare, shaking her head into her hand.
Perhaps she was wrong in trusting Gina to have this private conversation.
Carina had a few close friends she could’ve gone too, but she was much
closer to her sisters. Usually, she and Sandra never had disagreements, until
now.
“You have to give her a chance to listen. I’ll be right here. I’m on
your side.” Gina smiled and Carina caved in. She didn’t really have a
choice.
Sandra approached, giving Gina a hug and then turned to Carina,
cautious of how she’d react. She held up both hands. “I come in piece.”
Carina waved for her to sit. “I surely hope so.”
They ordered their food and Carina stalled, making an excuse for Tia.
She was picking the kids up from their afterschool programs. Both her
sisters waited until she put her phone away.
“You wanted to talk,” Sandra said.
Carina nodded and looked to her sister Sandra. The fact that she
didn’t support her friendship with Tia and had suspicions only made her
more uncomfortable to speak her truth.
“Look, Carina. Whatever you have to say, I’ll listen. I only want the
best for you.” Gina smiled. “I love you.”
“I never thought I’d survive the first year without Bruce.” Carina only
had her truth and hoped she wouldn’t be judged for it. “I never had a plan
B. He was it.” Carina tried not to cry but it was hard with it being so close
to the anniversary of his passing. “No matter what your reasons are for
being so against Tia, I took what mattered most from your words. I know I
can do this with or without anyone’s help now! I’m a single parent. I finally
accept that and have the ability to be one.”
Her sisters did their part in listening.
It’d been years since Carina was in this position. It was like starting
over again. The attraction she felt for Tia was real and she didn’t know what
to do with it. She’d barely been an adult when she met Bruce. It was easy
with him. With Tia, there was so much ahead of them if Carina even
considered her a possibility.
Gina reached out seeing how hard it was for Carina to open up to
them. “You have feelings for someone new?” she asked, already knowing
who it was.
There was hesitation. Carina acknowledged her sister and smiled
sheepishly. She snuck a peak to Sandra whose expression was unreadable.
“I’m attracted to Tia. I always knew there was something tender between
us…but I wasn’t ready to acknowledge it.”
“And you’re ready now?” Sandra asked, her tone a bit harsh. She let
out a sharp exhale.
“Yes!” She narrowed her eyes at Sandra. “I want to make something
clear. Tia is not the first woman I’ve felt something for. Before Bruce, there
were two separate occasions I went out with a woman.”
Sandra’s eyes widened and she looked to her other sister, searching
for shock.
“I remember one night you left with some friends to go to the
movies.” Gina gave Carina a knowing smile. “I knew you were lying. When
you tried to explain what the movie was about you got that movie mixed up
with another. I thought you were sneaking off to see a boy. I watched your
friends go into the movie theater and you run across the parking lot to a girl
and kiss her. Then you took off in her car.”
“You never said anything,” Sandra said, shocked.
“It wasn’t my secret to tell.” Gina shrugged. “A few years later you
met Bruce and it no longer mattered. I knew you loved him.”
Carina smiled, never knowing her sister had followed her that night.
“In telling you this…your whole theory of Tia influencing me is wrong!”
Carina said to Sandra and continued. “I’m very aware of who she is. Every
time I try to forget, I think of Bruce and feel guilty. I don’t know if he’d
approve. His sarcastic side would tell me never to fall in love again. But his
serious side… I don’t know.”
“You’re in love with her?” Sandra asked wry in her question.
“That’s not what she’s saying, Sandra.” Gina seemed to do the
chastising. “I get that we were brought up to believe in certain things. But
we can’t control what we feel, and everyone is entitled to love who they
love.”
“I know,” Sandra grimaced. “I just see people out there who are
threatened and looked at differently for being gay. I don’t want that for you!
It’s not that I hate Tia or the idea of you with her. I’m just scared for how
people will treat you and your kids.”
“All I care about is how you and our conservative parents will treat
me and my kids.” Carina smiled, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I’m not
ready to find some new romance. Bruce is still all I think about. I can’t
picture someone else being the front runner to my heart. Not yet. I just
know I feel…” Carina couldn’t manage to say the words without her skin
warming with a heat she thought she’d never feel again.
“You really see something with this woman?” Sandra smiled weakly.
“Tia,” she said, trying to be respectful and finally acknowledge Tia for who
she is. Someone of value and importance.
“I know it’s barely been a year. I shouldn’t be thinking about her at
all. Especially her.”
“You can always ignore how you feel,” Gina said, taking a sip of her
water.
“I can’t,” Carina said adamantly.
Sandra grinned. “You walked into that one.”
Carina looked to Gina and rolled her eyes. Gina was known for her
reverse psychology and Carina wasted no time falling into that emotional
trap. “I don’t know what to do,” Carina said, sounding defeated.
“You don’t have to do anything. At least not today. But maybe
tomorrow, or after you visit your husband’s grave you can at least talk to
Tia and see how she feels. You don’t have to act on it. Just acknowledge it.”
Gina gave great advice.
In a sigh of relief, Carina thanked both of her sisters for listening and
not giving her a hard time. When it mattered, they would always give her
the support she needed.
Chapter Twelve
Tia
Tia sat in the ambulance drumming her fingers against the steering
wheel. They’d been put on standby for the past 20 minutes for a house fire.
Sitting two blocks from the actual fire in a neighborhood that was known
for d
rug pushing, Tia made sure they kept all their doors locked and
windows rolled up.
“You’ve been quiet.” Joe started to eat some crackers. His foot rested
atop the dashboard. He held out his crackers, offering Tia some.
“I have a lot on my mind.”
Joe grunted. “Like…”
Tia shrugged, turning up the sound to her walkie talkie attached to her
pants belt. “Today is—Bruce died a year ago today.”
There was silence. He put his crackers in his bag and set it between
their chairs. “You should’ve taken the day off.”
“Why? So I can stay at home and get lost in my head?”
“No! I don’t know what you could do, but not that. That option
sounds depressing.”
Tia snorted.
“Don’t you want to spend it with Carina and those awesome kids you
talk about?”
Tia frowned, paying attention to what he was saying. “I already know
he’s gone.”
“Do you?”
Tia glanced at Joe, pursing her lips in frustration. “What the hell are
you talking about?”
“The few times she’s come by, it’s clear there’s this energy between
you two. And every time you’ve mentioned Bruce and how he was with his
family…it’s like you still see him alive, physically present. It’s stopping
you from stepping forward to the possibilities. You’re not stealing his
family.”
“There’s nothing going on between…”
Joe twisted in his seat to face Tia head on, not being deluded by her
statement. “You want to try that lie again?”
Tia said nothing else, knowing she’d only sound defensive.
“This is dispatch to Medic 111. You’re clear to go on scene.”
Tia straightened, clearing her mind of personal issues and put the
ambulance into drive. It took them less than a minute to pull up on scene,
parking behind the roll of fire trucks. The house was badly burned, smoke
still exiting. They hopped out, being guided by fire fighters in full gear up
to the porch where their patient lay unconscious.
“We barely found him. He hid underneath the bed. I guess he thought
he wouldn’t get burned.” The fire fighter pulled off his helmet, helping
them place him on the gurney right away.
“I’m going to need my partner in the back. Is the fire out?” Joe asked.
“Yeah!” The firefighter shouted. “Captain, can we spare one to go
with them?” His captain gave him a thumbs up and he nodded.
It took them a minute to load the patient in the back of the ambulance.
Tia grabbed her shears, working right away to cut off all the patients
clothing. She noticed his hair and nose hair was singed. His face was spared
of second or third degree burns.
Tia placed a mask over their patient’s face, turning it up to 15 liters of
oxygen.
“I need to intubate him, now!” Joe shouted. “Let’s go,” he yelled to
the fire fighter to start driving to the hospital. There was no time to waste in
a situation this critical.
The right side of his body was burned the most. His skin was red with
thick blisters. All his hair was singed on the right side. The patient had
second and third degree burns over his chest down to his lower left leg, his
skin darkened all over.
“Damn it.” Joe sneered.
Tia reached in the cabinet and pulled out a small mac intubation blade
that would help give a curvier glide for the tube. She checked the patient’s
temperature. It was dropping, his body no longer capable of maintaining
heat.
“Got it,” he called out.
Moving with precision, Tia upped the oxygen, forcing air down their
patient’s lungs, squeezing the bag valve every couple of seconds. Joe
moved to start an I.V. in their patient’s left arm.
Joe grabbed a couple of warm blankets underneath the bench and
covered up the patient. Tia sat in the captain’s chair behind the patient’s
head, reaching the hospital on the intercom. Tia spoke clearly and calmly.
“This is Medic 111. Bringing you a 33 year-old male. Patient was in a house
fire, found unconscious with partial and full thickness burns over 36 percent
of his body…” As she gave the report, the patient’s saturation began to
drop. He was headed into cardiac arrest. She gave them an update and
ended her call.
They pulled up to the emergency department, a few nurses already
standing outside to assist them. Tia continued to force air into her patient’s
lungs as they reached their designated room. Respiratory therapy was
present and took over, Tia taking a step around to help slide the patient over
to the hospital bed and off the gurney.
It took them over 30 minutes to clear from the hospital, the back of
the ambulance looking like a tornado tore everything apart. Anytime they
had a critical patient, the ambulance could get messy fast.
“Fuck,” Joe hissed, going over his charting. “This sucks. I could’ve
had a chest tube in him fast.” As a combat medic he could have, but as a
paramedic in this location it was outside of his scope of practice.
All that energy and she had nowhere to put it. Tia wanted to do more
but she had her limits too. For the first time, she wished she was a
paramedic. Damn. Who would’ve thought Bruce’s words would haunt her.
*
The next evening, Tia had her day off. She’d slept when the sun went
down. Before she knew it, she was at Carina’s front porch, holding out a
container of ice cream and a bottle of wine.
The kids were in bed when Tia sat on the floor near the fireplace. She
held her glass of wine, staring at the flames as they ate away at the log
inside. She had so much on her mind, needing to get out some of her
thoughts. Carina sat beside her, leaning her back into the couch. Her posture
was still as if she was on the verge of cracking. “I thought you’d take the
night off. The kids and I were hoping you’d join us in visiting Bruce at the
cemetery.”
Joe had been right. Tia should’ve taken the day off with Carina and
the kids. Tia faced Carina’s guarded eyes and pictured Bruce sitting right
behind her.
The music in the background filled the silence between them. Tia
knew avoiding Carina’s feelings would be a mistake. “I thought…it was
best for you and your family to visit him on your own.”
“You are a part of our family, Tia.” Carina’s eye held sincerity but
also frustration.
Tia sighed. “You know what I mean.”
“Actually, I don’t!” Carina looked up at the ceiling trying not to get
upset. She blinked away tears before facing her again. “While you chose to
work, I was split between making sure my kids were okay and making sure
you were.”
“I’m okay,” Tia lied. Now, Tia finally understood what Bruce was
talking about every time he upset Carina. Tia never wanted to upset her
again.
“But I didn’t know that, Tia! And right now, you don’t look okay.”
Carina spoke calmly though her frustration was building. She wondered
why Tia couldn’t open up enough to express he
r true feelings.
Unsure of how to respond, Tia waited for Carina to relax enough to
hear her out. “If I’d known it meant this much to you for me to take the
night off, I’d have done it.”
“I’m sorry. Maybe you’re right.” Carina stood, not paying attention
and spilling her wine that sat between her thighs. “Fuck!” she hissed,
dropping down to her knees to wipe off the carpet before it stained. She
looked around for anything to clean up the spill and stood again, moving
into the kitchen.
Tia took a few breaths and followed her into the kitchen. Tia could
hear Carina crying the moment she stepped inside. It broke Tia’s heart to
hear Carina in so much pain. She placed her glass on the counter and
ambled slowly toward her. Tia reached out, grazing her fingers over
Carina’s shoulder. Gradually, Tia pulled Carina into her body, embracing
her from behind. Tia’s arm curled around Carina’s waist, and she rested her
cheek against the back of her head. Tia knew the moment she began holding
Carina she didn’t want to let go. This wasn’t how friends hugged. It was
intimate and breathtakingly arousing. Tia swallowed the lump in her throat.
“I’m sorry. I’m doing everything wrong,” she whispered softly.
“It’s not you! I’m putting too much on you because of how I’m
feeling,” Carina admitted.
There was silence. Tia knew it would take time for Carina to regain
her composure. She took advantage of the silence and chose to speak. “My
partner tells me I keep living in the past as if Bruce could walk in here any
moment. It annoys the shit out of me that he’s right.”
“What are you afraid of?” Carina asked softly.
Tia had been drifting into the sound of Carina’s breathing. Carina felt
right in her arms. Everything about this felt right but also wrong. She
shouldn’t want this feeling. Out of all the women Tia came across, Carina
should’ve never been who she wanted. It wasn’t right. How could she say
all that to Carina? She wasn’t naïve. She’d been noticing the way Carina
looked at her too.
Soft delicate hands grazed over the arm she had curled around
Carina’s waist. Tia stifled a moan when Carina pressed into her, their bodies
fully aligned. Tia’s arm tightened around her, not wanting to let her go. It
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