against hers. They both moaned at the same time, breathing heavily. When
Tia’s mouth opened, Carina teased Tia with her tongue, brushing it lightly
over her bottom lip. That seemed to light something deeper inside Tia as
she crushed her lips over Carina’s.
Carina’s hands reached blindly for Tia, needing to feel her skin. When
her hands slid in between Tia’s thigh, Tia’s body jerked in response. Heat
emanated from between Tia’s legs and Carina gingerly shifted her hand
closer to Tia’s center.
“Fuck,” Tia moaned in dire need.
Carina twisted further into Tia until she ended up on top, pressing her
entire body over Tia’s longer frame.
Tia lied on her back, legs dangling over the edge of the bed. Her
hands found their home, squeezing Carina’s inner thighs.
Carina sucked Tia’s bottom lip into her mouth, twirling her finger
tightly around one of Tia’s dreads. “I can kiss you like this forever,” Carina
panted.
“Please do,” Tia said, brushing her lips down Carina’s jaw line.
This time Carina didn’t wait as she pressed her lips back against Tia’s
fuller ones. Just as she was about to trail kisses down Tia’s neck, Rina burst
into the room.
“Mom,” she called out in a high-pitched tone. When Rina realized
what she walked into, her expression skewed. “Ew, Mom, gross. Your butt’s
in the air and everything.”
Carina squeezed her eyes shut and mentally groaned. Motherhood in
all its glories. “Didn’t I say not to interrupt us?” Carina said, climbing off
Tia who suddenly looked embarrassed. Carina sat next to Tia and looked at
her intruding daughter.
“It’d been a while and I figured you guys were just talking about
boring adult things,” Rina responded. “Plus, Johnathan won’t listen to me
and eat what I made him,” she complained.
“All right, Rina. Just go downstairs,” Carina stated. Rina pouted and
moved to leave when Carina spoke up. “And later we’ll have a conversation
about bursting into rooms and following directions.”
“But what if Johnathan or Michelle started choking or something?
Am I supposed to hope you come downstairs?” Rina asked with attitude
laced in her tone.
“And sarcasm. Add that to the list of things to discuss with you,
especially since you already know the answer,” Carina chastised.
“Downstairs. We’ll be there in a few minutes.”
Rina frowned but said nothing else and walked out, already giving her
typical teen attitude. When the door closed Carina grinned weakly at Tia.
“You sure you want to sign up for this?” Carina asked being silly. But
soon her eyes held seriousness. “I don’t want to ever make you feel like you
have to take on this new role in their lives. You’re barely adjusting to the
idea of us.”
“I love those kids,” Tia said. She never wanted that to be questioned
as well as her intentions toward how much closer they could all become.
Tia’s heart felt like it was about to implode. There was a lot that she needed
to work through. Tia began cracking her knuckles, lifting her head high
enough for Carina to see how open she was trying to be. “I hope I’m
enough,” she ended up saying.
Carina linked their fingers, preventing Tia from cracking her knuckles
and smiled. “You are more than enough.” Carina could see Tia growing
overwhelmed and gently gave Tia’s hand a squeeze. “Let’s get back
downstairs before the kids start tearing my house apart,” Carina joked.
Without another word they both stood and headed downstairs. In the back
of Carina’s mind she wondered if Tia would ever let go of her fears and
accept the relationship they were establishing.
Chapter Sixteen
Tia
The next two days Tia couldn’t seem to catch a breath about her
thoughts. The moment Tia left Carina’s house after being found pacing like
a lost and scared woman, Tia at least hoped she’d work up enough courage
to ask Carina out on a date. Joe had been right. Carina knew what she
wanted. It was only she who was hesitant.
She found her father sitting on a stool at a bar he frequented. He had a
partially empty beer resting next to him. Tia was thankful her father never
practiced heavy drinking. Often one addiction could easily lead to a new
one. Giving up his life as a gambler was the one thing that ultimately saved
their relationship. Tia loved her father despite his flaws. She knew with
time and a lot of love he’d eventually come around and he did. Life was
where it needed to be between them.
Nodding to the bartender, Tia politely asked for some water and took
a seat next to her father. He looked over and gave her a knowing grin.
The only time Tia went chasing her father around in a bar was when
she needed to talk. There was a lot on her mind that she finally needed to let
out. Tia told herself in several different ways why she was scared to let
Carina in completely. Her feelings for Carina were real and yet she couldn’t
accept it. Because Bruce was her best friend. A brother. Blaming herself for
Bruce’s death was another major reason. Not being the right kind of person
for Carina or the kids. They were all real reasons to her but not the main
one.
“You sure you don’t want anything stronger?” her father asked. His
eyes held concern. “Looks like there’s a lot going on in that brain of yours.”
Tia smiled weakly. “Can we talk? Privately.”
By Tia’s tone and plea for privacy, her father could see this was
serious. He nodded and stood, placing $10 on the counter.
Thankfully, the bar wasn’t packed. That was about all Tia could focus
on, narrowing her eyes on the empty small booth in the back corner. She
skirted around the other tables as if trying to move around emotional
obstacles until she was seated. She finally breathed.
Hands reached out and gripped her balled fists that rested on the table.
Tia’s father sat on the other end, scooting to the edge of his seat and leaning
across the table. “What’s wrong?”
The more Tia thought about it, the more it hurt to say the words.
When she gazed up at her father she felt a need to cry. She’d put on a brave
face for so many years, afraid that if she showed her real feelings it
would’ve delayed his recovery or made him worse. The gambling wasn’t
the worst part. It was his promises to do better. And better only meant
stealing. But her father was strong now. “You know I blamed you for Mom
leaving us…so many times,” she blew out. “I told myself that if you’d stop
gambling and giving us false promises for once, she wouldn’t have left.”
Tia lowered her head for only a second to gather her thoughts and then
locked eyes with him again. “Then I hated her for leaving me with you.”
All while saying the words, Tia watched her father sit and listen with
attentiveness and understanding. His hands continued to grip Tia’s firmly.
In his eyes, it seemed like he’d been waiting for this a long time.
Saying the words out loud made Tia see all
her doubts and fears
vividly for the first time. A tear slipped from her eye. “It always feels like I
lose the people who matter to me. Whether it’s them leaving me, dying, or
to addiction. I got you back but I’m always waiting for the inevitable to
happen,” Tia said honestly. Tia wiped her face as more tears fell.
There was silence for a long moment until her father spoke. “And
what all fits into your inevitable doom?” he asked in a solemn tone.
Tia blew out a harsh breath. “Losing Carina and those kids.”
He nodded. “Thank you for finally opening up to me. I know how
hard that was. I don’t take it lightly.” Tia had listened to her father countless
times ask for forgiveness. And countless times Tia would only brush it off
as if his mistakes hadn’t hurt her. Tia needed the time to face her feelings.
“I do forgive you!” she finally said.
Her father stifled a sob, covering his mouth briefly with his hand. He
then pressed his fingers up to the corners of his eyes, wiping away any
oncoming tears. “As much as I want to squeeze you till you beg me to let
you go, I know there’s more to why you came here.” Tia’s father knew her
inside and out.
“That obvious?” Tia asked.
Her father nodded. “Do you love her?”
Tia’s eyes widened and then softened thinking of Carina and the
many things she loved about her. She smiled. “So much it frightens me.”
“You can either live your life dissatisfied and always questioning your
reality or you can live it full of love and spontaneous adventures,” her
father spoke as if reciting a quote. He smiled. “Tia, don’t do what I did.
Hoping for things without putting in the work. You love her and I’m betting
she feels the same way. Don’t give up out of fear of rejection, loss, or
something that could possibly happen. Put in the work to get what you’ve
always wanted. A family.”
“Dad,” Tia said softly. The last thing she wanted was for him to think
she didn’t consider him family.
He waved her off. “I know, but I think you understand what I’m
saying.”
Tia sighed. “How do I get past it all?” she asked.
“Step one. Acknowledge what you have with her and own it.”
“Own it!” Tia said, sounding brave and hopeful for the first time in
almost two days. Tia smiled at her father, knowing what she needed to do.
“I think I can do that.”
*
Carina
“Will you leave already? You act as if I’ve never watched your kids,”
Sandra said, practically shoving Carina out of her own house.
Carina stared dumbfounded by her sister’s sudden arrival and “need
to relieve her sister of her motherly duties” as Sandra put it. It was almost
11, the sun making a small appearance when Carina ended up standing
outside her own home. Sandra gave her a short wave and shut the door in
her face. “Really? It’s Sunday. I just want to cozy up in my blanket and
watch rom-coms.”
She heard someone laugh from behind and knew exactly who it was.
Standing several feet away, Tia smiled. “I didn’t tell your sister to be
that dramatic in getting you out of the house.” Tia stood timid for a few
heartbeats until she let out a breath. “You said you liked spontaneous
moments. I’m hoping I haven’t overstepped.”
Carina was more confused than ever. “No, but I’d like to be clued in,”
she said with a grin. She’d missed Tia the last few days. Conversations over
the phone didn’t seem like enough anymore.
“Well…um…” Tia cleared her throat, eyes steady on Carina as if her
response to whatever Tia was about to say mattered. “I thought this was the
best time to ask you, if you’d…you know…with me?”
Carina could see her struggle and snorted out of habit from how cute
Tia looked right now. It was evident something was on her mind. “Are you
asking me—?”
“Will you go on a date with me?” Tia rushed out as if they were
playing a game. Tia shook her head. “That’s not fair. You made me not say
it right.”
“You already didn’t say it right,” Carina teased, closing the distance
between them. Before Tia could echo her disapproval, Carina kissed her
softly on the lips, running her hands down both sides of Tia’s arms. “Yes! I
thought you’d never ask.”
Tia sighed in relief. “Does now work for you?” She asked with a bit
more confidence.
Thankful she dressed up today, Carina shifted a glance toward her
house and then back to Tia with a wide smile. “Appears that it does. Perfect
timing,” she chuckled.
“Good,” Tia responded. Tia glanced down at her watch. “Then we
should get going before we end up in the far back.”
And with that, they were off.
*
Carina
It’d been years since Carina went on a first date. Her nerves had
kicked in until she noticed how nervous Tia was. It made her smile. They
sat on top of thick blankets Tia provided with one covering both of their
lower bodies. A basket filled with food Tia brought was placed in front of
them along with a container of chai tea.
Carina wondered what else Tia noticed. The weather was a bit chilly.
Thankfully, Tia thought of everything and gave Carina one of her thick
sweaters. The sky was grey, the air creating a slight fog. Having a picnic in
early March wasn’t a normal thing Carina did, but with Tia she’d do this
whenever if it meant spending time with her. Other couples and families
spread around the open grass field as they looked forward and watched the
violinist Lindsey Stirling play. Tia bought the tickets a month ago once she
caught onto Carina’s love for instrumental music.
All Carina could do was steal a peek at Tia every few minutes. She
wanted to be closer. Casually, Carina slid a bit closer to Tia, their arms now
brushing against each other.
Tia shifted a glance Carina’s way and studied her for a long time until
she did the unexpected. Only captured by Carina’s presence, Tia’s fingers
brushed her cheek, grabbing a few strands of Carina’s hair and slipping
them back underneath her beanie.
Unsure of what action to take, Carina froze, caught in Tia’s lingering
gaze. Carina’s body suddenly became too hot to manage, needing to fan
herself from all the built-in desires. There was confidence in Tia’s
expression that hadn’t been there before. And that confidence made Carina
want to strip down naked and make love.
“You’re exactly what I need,” Tia said.
Her words sent a jolt of pleasure between Carina’s thighs. When Tia
leaned in, Carina thought she’d hesitate, but she didn’t. Tia’s lips closed
around Carina’s passionately. Before it could go any further, Tia pulled
back and smiled, offering her hand as if she was inviting Carina to run off
and explore the world with her.
Carina took it, resting it between Tia’s legs. Engrossed by Tia’s
comfort, Carina rested her head against Tia’s shoulder as they watched the
musician play.
<
br /> *
Tia
Their date was a success and they spent most of the day together. It
was a quarter to six when they made it to Tia’s station. She’d start work
soon. They both stepped out of the car, Tia wishing she could call out and
spend more time with Carina, but it was too late to ask for anyone to cover
her shift.
Carina popped her trunk and Tia went to the back of the car to
retrieve her bag. She noticed her ambulance parked out front. The lights
were on.
“Should you be helping him set up?” Carina asked.
Tia grinned. “I told him I’d be a bit behind.”
“Did you tell him why?” Carina asked in a raspy tone, skirting around
her car.
Shutting the trunk, Tia chuckled. “Actually, I did.”
Carina’s eyes perked up. “Oh, I was joking.”
“Was I supposed to keep that to myself?” Tia asked. The last thing
she wanted was to screw everything up by running her mouth. She didn’t
plan on sharing it with the rest of her coworkers but she trusted Joe.
Carina waved off Tia’s concern. “It just surprised me that you did at
all. Only a few days ago you were hesitant about everything.”
“Scared, not hesitant,” Tia said, being honest. She sighed. “And I
was. I still am. I just don’t want my fear to win. I want you more than I
want to be afraid.” Tia closed the rest of their distance and reached out for
her hand. “It feels good being able to tell someone else other than my dad
that I’m…” She almost said the words. Chills ran up her spine. “That we’re
—”
“Together,” Carina finished for her.
Tia smiled and nodded. “Together.” They were beyond casual dating.
It was clear to both of them what they were aiming for.
“I don’t care if you scream it to the entire world. As long as you’re
ready for what might happen,” Carina said. She wasn’t ignorant to what
some people might say but was willing to face those hardships with Tia any
day of the week.
Tia nodded. “Whatever happens, I won’t deny my feelings for you.”
“You better not,” Carina teased. She leaned in and kissed Tia’s cheek.
Endless as the Stars Page 15