by JA Low
Am I hearing the doctor’s words correctly? How the hell did this happen? Well I know how it happened, but I was careful, we were careful.
“This must come as a shock. Did you not know?” one of the nurses asks as I haven’t responded yet.
“No, I didn’t know. I got my period last month.”
I shake my head in disbelief because it all made sense now. That is why I have been so sick. I’m pregnant. It wasn’t because Evan broke my heart. Instead, he gave me a baby. Shit!
I can feel Yvette's hand on mine letting me know it was going to be okay.
“Some bleeding can occur during implantation; it’s common.”
“But I didn’t know. I have been drinking. Shit, is my baby going to be okay?” Panic is setting in as I realize the severity of the situation.
“We have arranged for an ultrasound later today; we will know more then,” the doctor advises. “Anything else, Miss Hayes?” he asks.
“No thank you. Um…can you just ask Derrick to come in, please.”
The nurses nod and walk out the door. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Evan is going to think I’ve done this on purpose to trap him. He will probably think it’s Beau’s. Shit, I'm going to be a single mum. I can hear the beeping of the machine with each thought racing through my mind.
“Calm down, Sienna, it’s going to be okay,” Yvette says, stroking my hair.
“Hey, princess.” Derrick smiles as he enters the room.
I burst into tears.
Derrick pulls me into his arms hugging me tight which hurt. “Sisi, what happened? What did the doctors say? It can’t be that bad.”
I try to get the words out of my mouth but each time I try, they get stuck.
“Vanessa’s here, sweetie, she’s waiting outside.”
I stop for a moment. Vanessa is here? I’m sure she will know what to do.
“Quick, let her in, I need to see her. There is something I have to tell you both. But please make sure Charlotte doesn’t come in, she can’t know, not yet.”
Derrick frowns, walks to the door and signals Vanessa to come into the room.
The look of worry on her face makes me burst into tears again – damn hormones. She wraps her arms around my sore body.
“So happy to see you, babe,” she greets me with tears, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
She moves my face from side to side inspecting me. "Shit, look at your face, all these bruises."
I have no idea what I look like. I haven’t seen a mirror in twenty-four hours.
“The doctors told me something and I am freaking out.”
Derrick and Vanessa sit on either side of me on the bed. Each taking one of my hands into theirs waiting for me to continue.
“I’m pregnant.”
They both look at me; neither of them say a word. In the silence my heart monitor starts to go crazy with my panic.
“Shit, calm down, Sienna, you’ll have a heart attack,” Derrick says.
“Fuck, Sisi, Evan’s outside.”
My world freezes. What the hell is he doing here? I don’t understand.
“I can’t see him,” I say. Freaking out again, the machine beeps uncontrollably.
“Calm down, Sisi, you don’t have to see him. Not until you are ready, okay?” Vanessa says.
I nod at her as I get my heart rate back down to normal.
“I’m ten weeks, how the hell did I not know I was fucking pregnant? I had my period and everything.”
“Now I understand why you were sick. All that time you had morning sickness,” Derrick states.
“You’re going to have to tell him, Sisi,” Vanessa says, taking my hand.
“I know, but not yet. I don’t get why he is here?”
“Did you hit your head in the accident as well, because why the hell do you think he is here?”
“He’s been a mess, Sienna. The whole plane ride he has been worried about you,” she adds.
Shaking my head, I state, “I can’t see him, not today, not until I have processed what has happened. Not until I know everything is okay with the baby.”
Derrick and Vanessa look at each other and I can tell they are not happy with my decision.
“Christian, Blake, and Chance are here as well.”
Raising my eyebrows, I question, “Chance?” I look at Derrick.
He nods and adds, “Not sure what that is about but I'm happy to see him.”
Vanessa and I smile at Derrick.
“I think maybe he might care about you, D,” I say.
Derrick just shrugs.
“You’re in the city of love, anything can happen,” I remind him. “Tomorrow spend the day with Chance, okay.”
Derrick frowns at me. “I’m not leaving you.”
I shake my head at him. “I’ll be okay, please promise; tomorrow is going to be crazy for me speaking to Evan. Have fun, one of us should.”
Waving his hands dramatically at me he nods and finally agrees.
39
Evan
“She is probably in shock, Evan.” Charlotte tries to explain why Sienna didn’t want to see me. Vanessa and Derrick both couldn’t meet my eyes when they stepped out of her room ushering everyone back to the hotel. I'm so confused; I thought she would want to see me. Shit, maybe she’s disfigured and doesn’t think I will love her? No way in the world that would happen.
“Or maybe she is just dosed up on drugs and isn’t thinking clearly,” Blake adds.
Scrubbing my hands over my face, I don’t know what to think anymore. I hate being this close to her and not being able to touch her.
Sienna has tests for most of the day and its non-visiting hours so we are hanging around at the hotel.
“Why don’t you guys go out, I’m just going to hang here,” I tell Charlotte and Blake.
Charlotte gives me a frown. “I’m not leaving you, Evan.”
“I’m okay, Char. Honestly, I want to be alone.”
“I could kill for a croissant,” Blake adds, grabbing Charlotte’s attention.
“Fine, but I will be back later to check on you, okay?”
Finally, I was alone sitting in the living room staring off over the rooftops of Paris thinking about Sienna and how close I came to losing her.
After a couple of beers, I realize she needs to see me. Sienna needs to know that I am here for her. Grabbing my wallet, I head out, passing Sammy, my bodyguard, on the way. “I’m going back to the hospital. Can you take me?” He nods and we make our way down to the lobby.
Non visiting hours are just about over by the time I get to the hospital and approach Sienna’s room. I see a nurse step out of her room.
“Can I see her?” I ask.
The young nurse’s eyes widen when she sees who is asking the question.
“Of course,” she says with a huge smile and looking a little flustered.
I open the door and see Sienna resting in bed looking fragile and pale; she hasn’t noticed me yet. Her beautiful face marked with blue and black bruising from the accident. She’s staring at a white piece of paper lost in her thoughts. I move further into her room hoping she will notice me.
“Evan,” she gasps, dropping the piece of paper, panicking as the paper flutters to the ground. The machine behind her starts to beep uncontrollably as she tries to maneuver herself out of her bed to get the piece of paper.
“Sienna, don’t move, let me get it,” I offer, as I rush forward toward the paper.
“Evan, no,” Sienna screams.
Ignoring her, I bend down and pick it up. Looking at that piece of paper, my heart starts to thump, my world tilting on its axis. The grainy black and white image of a jelly bean tells me Sienna is pregnant.
“Evan,” Sienna whispers.
Looking up at Sienna, I see the tears falling down her face, my stomach sinking. She is pregnant.
“I just found out, Evan. I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how as I’m shocked myself with the news. That’s why I couldn’t see you today.”
Fuck,
my whole world is spinning.
“Is it mine?” I question, looking down at the piece of paper, my finger touching the little jelly bean.
“How fucking dare you,” Sienna spits at me.
Her tone pulls me away from my thoughts; her face is red with anger. Fuck, I just said the wrong thing. “No, that’s not what I meant, Sienna,” I say, rubbing my head as the shock sets in. I'm going to be a dad. “You caught me off guard.”
“Yeah, well I’m in fucking shock as well, Evan. I woke up from a car accident and have been told that I am pregnant to my ex. I had no fucking idea; remember I got my period? I’ve even been drinking,” she yells in panic. I can see the fear on her face. The medical machine she is attached to lights up; its musical notes beeping at Sienna’s distress.
Moving closer to her now, I ask, “Is the baby okay?”
“The doctors think so. They want to keep an eye on me for the next couple of days. They want weekly check-ups for the next couple of weeks until I pass the three-month mark.”
I can’t believe this is happening, I've come back to win the love of my life and find out I am going to be a father; that we are going to be a family. I am so happy my heart is about to burst right out of my chest. Everything I have ever wanted is staring back at me.
“I promise I will keep you up to date with all the baby scans and you can visit the baby anytime you want.”
Huh, what is she talking about? I won’t need to visit the child because they will be with me, together in our house. “I’m not going to be an absentee father, Sienna. I missed our baby’s first scan. I won’t be missing anymore.”
“But, Evan, that is going to be hard when I live here in Paris and you live in LA.”
My heart is racing looking at the scan again. “Nothing hard about it, sweetheart. We’ll get married, we will become a family. I’ll buy us a beautiful house near the beach to live in. All our friends will come over; we will have an enormous number of babysitters to help us out. Plus, my family is in Texas so they can fly in anytime we need help or we can fly your parents over if you want.”
Sienna looks pained by my declaration. “No,” she shouts.
“What do you mean, no?” I look at her confused. “I am going to be in both of your lives for a very long time. The sooner you catch up and come on board to the plan the easier it will be.”
The machine goes off again.
“Get out, get the fuck out, Evan,” Sienna screams at me.
“How dare you come back into my life like this after two weeks of no contact. You kicked me out of your room in London like I was just some trash. How dare you come back here and demand all these things from me.”
The nurses file into the room trying to calm Sienna down.
“Just leave me alone, Evan,” she finally says, the nurses escorting me out of the room.
“Fuck, man, you’re having a baby,” Christian says, handing me a beer as we sit in the living room of my hotel suite. I fucking needed a drink. All I could do was stare at the picture of the little bean, my little bean.
“I fucked up with Sienna, man. I told her we were going to get married and be a family; that she was going to live in LA with me. I thought we wanted the same things.”
“Seriously, are you fucking stupid?” Derrick sneers as he walks into the room. How the hell did he get in? The rest of the crew follow behind, Charlotte, Blake, Vanessa, Chance.
“I’m going to be an aunty?” Charlotte screams, grabbing the scan out of my hand staring at it. The room erupts into loud cheers as everyone speaks about the baby.
“I can’t believe after everything you put her through, Evan, you would demand those things,” Derrick adds.
“What I put her through? She’s the one that was caught with her ex. Not me,” I scream at Derrick.
“You’re still going on about that. Sienna could have died and you're still going on about how your damn fucking egos bruised.”
“Derrick, back the fuck off my bro, man. That’s not cool,” Christian says beside me.
“No, Christian, he broke her heart. She was heartbroken when he threw her out of his room that day as if she was nothing. She loved you, Evan. She loved you so fucking much and wanted to put her past to rest so you could build a future together. Instead, you kicked her out; then probably went on to fuck a million groupies just to make yourself feel better. Sienna couldn’t function, Evan, she was heartbroken over you,” Derrick bellows, his chest heaving as he defends his best friend.
I get it, I fucked up again.
Derrick was so pissed, that Chance got up and removed him from the room.
“He’s protective of her, Evan,” Vanessa adds. “We all are.”
Looking up at Vanessa, I mumble, “I’ve fucked everything up. I’ve lost her, haven’t I?”
Vanessa shakes her head. “No you haven’t, but walking in demanding she marry you, become a family and move to LA was probably not the way to say sorry or to tell her you still love her, was it?”
Fuck she’s right. “I was in shock, Ness. I mean I panicked.”
Giving me a pat on the arm, she says, “I know, Evan, but Sienna was just as freaked out as you. She was upset this afternoon finding out about the baby. She keeps thinking maybe she hurt it. She feels incredibly guilty that she didn’t know she was pregnant. So you know what, tread carefully for a while. I’m sure the shock of the baby and the shock of seeing you in Paris after everything might be too much for her to handle at the moment.”
Vanessa’s right, I’ll give her some time. But I'm going to show Sienna that the future I saw when we met is worth fighting for, I won't give up.
40
Sienna
A week later I am back in the hospital for my next scan. Evan is meeting me at the hospital to accompany me. I couldn't let him miss another scan; it wasn’t fair to him or the baby. I would just have to get used to being around Evan again. After my break down in the hospital, he's been keeping his distance, giving me the time I need to process everything that has happened.
Evan has organized a suite at a hotel for me to live in, with a nurse on call. Vanessa persuaded me to take Evan up on his offer, saying he just wanted to help, that he cares and wants what is best for the baby and me. Being confined to bed sucks, being in a luxurious hotel with views of the Eiffel Tower made it bearable. Each day Evan sends vases of flowers to my room. They arrive at the same time every day. They are beautiful. It really is generous of him.
“Hey, sorry I'm late, traffic was crazy. Paris is so much worse than LA,” he says giving me a smile, flashing those killer dimples. Fuck! I hated how he affected me. All week I have been having these crazy sex dreams about him, stupid hormones making me horny. It’s just not fair. Thankfully the doctor called us in before I could say anything embarrassing. The doctor checks me over physically then asks for me to jump up onto the table and roll my pants down exposing my belly. Squirting a cold gel onto my stomach, he moves the wand around until he finds the baby. As we look onto the screen, jelly bean appears and moments later we can hear the heartbeat.
“Is that the baby’s heartbeat?” Evan asks, his eyes wide as he stars at the screen.
“Yes, and it’s strong. The baby is looking very healthy.”
I felt Evan’s hand over mine, I look at him but he is lost in his own world staring at our baby, his ocean blue eyes glistening with unshed tears. A future that I dared not think about flashed before my eyes. Nights spent cuddled on a sofa with a sleeping baby against my breast, sitting in the sand building sandcastles with Evan and our child, a large house filled with laughter and pitter-patter of many feet across the floor as our family grows.
I wanted all of this with Evan. I wanted what he demanded from me last week, I want him to be my husband, I want us to be a family. I want Evan’s band to teach our child how to play instruments or sing. I want this child to know about crazy Uncle Derrick and bossy Aunty Vanessa and all the other people in its life. I want Charlotte to take photos of our little fami
ly savoring these memories. Fuck, I move uncomfortably on the table, tears falling from my eyes. I try to brush them away hoping no one can tell what I was thinking.
“You can clean up and meet me next door,” the doctor says, giving me a cloth to wipe the gel off my stomach.
“Are you okay?” Evan asks, helping me down from the bed, his strong arms holding me close to him. I can smell his citrus scent; I can feel his warmth as I look up into his eyes.
“I think we need to talk about all of this.”
Evan nods. “I think we do too. Can I take you out for dinner tonight? Or would you like to eat in your room?”
“I would like to go out, if that’s okay. I'm sick of being stuck in my room.”
Smiling as he rubs the dried tears from my cheek, he adds, “It’s a date.”
My heart skips a beat at his words, did Evan still have feelings for me or was he caught up in the moment of seeing our baby?
Joining the doctor back in the room, we sit down and wait for him to explain how the baby is doing. Evan holds my hand in support.
“Okay, I've gone through your blood tests they took at the time of the crash and your new blood tests and I am confident to say the baby is doing fine. There is just one thing?”
My stomach sinks.
“What is it, doc?” Evan asks, holding my hand tight.
“Well, Miss Hayes here had some rather extensive tests after her crash to make sure everything was okay with the baby, tests that most pregnant women don’t have to have unless they are high risk, which she was. The tests tell me the sex of the baby. Would you like to know?”
I am stunned for a moment; I was expecting bad news not that we could find out the sex of the baby.
“It’s up to you, sweetheart,” Evan says, looking at me.
“I would like to know.”
The doctor smiles. “Congratulations, it’s a boy.”
Evan lets out a whoop.
Oh my, I'm having a boy, we are having a boy. A little Evan.
We leave the doctor’s surgery, but I am still in shock. I am having a boy.