by JA Low
“Christian, you’re more than that to me and you know it,” I say on a whisper, trying desperately to say the right words, but not being able to find them.
“Really, are you sure about that, Ness?” The sarcastic tone filters through the night air.
“I thought it was always going to be you and me, having fun, messing around. I never thought there would ever be…more.” I’m lying here, of course I thought about it. Every man I date I compare to him, but I would never tell anyone that, that secret is locked away in the vault, right next door to my heart.
“You thought for the rest of our lives we would just fool around?”
Silence stretches out between us as his question hangs in the air.
“I’m sorry that I finally had the balls to say how I feel, Ness. What you and I have between us…it’s once in a lifetime stuff. We’re meant to be together and you know it.” His arms unfold from his chest as he pulls me to him. “I want happily ever after with you and I’m sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable. These feelings I have for you scare the absolute shit out of me but I am willing to give this a try.” He smiles, that goddamn smile that melts my stone cold heart. “Someone needed to be honest with their feelings here. Five years we’ve been in and out of each other’s beds and yet we haven’t become sick of each other. That must mean something.”
Pulling myself out of his arms I put distance between us. “I’m sorry, Chris, but I can’t. I can’t love you like that. I don’t think I can love anyone like that.”
“Nothing? You feel nothing for me?” he asks, thumping his chest.
Tears surprise me as one falls down my cheek. “I can’t give you what you want, Christian. I’m sorry.”
“You’re a fucking liar, Ness. Don’t forget I know you. I can tell when you’re lying to me, lying to my face. Have you forgotten what it feels like between us?” Grabbing my face, pulling me closer to him, he presses soft and desperate kisses against my lips, showing me the chemistry that sizzles between us. He sets my whole body on fire. My hands automatically grab hold of his hard body, pulling him closer to me feeling his warmth against my chest as those luscious lips claim mine. This is probably going to be the last kiss between us, we can’t continue a physical relationship anymore, we have strayed into uncharted territory and extreme feelings have become involved. I don’t want to hurt Christian, but I can’t be the woman he wants me to be. I’m too broken and he may not see that because it’s a side I keep hidden from everyone, even from myself. I’m not worthy of his love, Christian deserves a woman that is whole, not this shell of a woman, who struggles every day with the scars deep down inside of her. He doesn’t realize it yet, but this is goodbye.
Resting his forehead against mine, our lips are swollen from the intensity of the kiss. “I felt exactly how much you love me in that kiss, Ness.”
“I can’t. Why is that so hard for you to understand? I have my job, we live together, our friendship. I’m sorry, I’m not risking all that for some fantasy life you think we can have together.”
Christian looks stunned by my words.
“I’m not capable of loving you the way you want me to.” But I do, I fucking love him so much. What he doesn’t know is one of the reasons I crawl into his bed most nights are because he stops the nightmares, the scars that seek me out in the darkness. I start to walk away. I can’t be here anymore looking at his devastated face, knowing I’ve hurt the one person I promised myself I would never hurt. I can see his big heart break into a million pieces as I toss his confession in his face. “I’m sorry, Chris, it’s not worth the risk.”
He stares at me for a long moment and then something passes over him. He pulls his shoulders back and straightens to his full height. “Okay, Ness, I hear you loud and clear. I’m not worth the risk. All I am to you is a convenient cock.” I hear the hurt in his voice, he takes a couple of steps toward me. “I would have made you happy, if only you had the balls to take a chance. Don’t worry, V, I won’t make that mistake again. Like I said, I hear you loud and clear.” And with that he turns away from me, and I watch as he disappears back into the wedding where all our family and friends are happily enjoying their night.
I think I’ve just changed the course of my life forever and I don’t think it’s for the better.
62
Vanessa
Five years earlier
“I can’t believe you are really here!” Camryn squeals, opening the door.
“I know, I’ve missed you so much, it’s been too long.” I pull her into a tight hug on the front door step of her Venice Beach home. I can’t believe I am now living in LA. The sun is shining, the sky’s blue, I can hear the waves crashing in the distance, it reminds me so much of my home in Australia. The last couple of years I have been working in dreary old London, where it rains regularly and the weather is usually miserable most days. It’s finally great to be back in a place filled with permeant sunshine again.
“I know you just arrived but I hope you’re in the mood to party because tonight we’ve been invited to some swanky party in the Hills.” Her blue eyes shimmer with excitement.
I’ll probably be suffering from jet lag so why not spend the night awake at a Hollywood party instead of staring blankly at the ceiling in my bedroom. “Just like the old days.” I smile, giving her a high five.
I met Camryn a couple of years ago when she was the event assistant organizing an album launch for some B-list pop star I was working with. We clicked over our mutual hatred for our bosses and our dreams of one day running our own businesses. Last year Camryn decided to move to Los Angeles from London and try her luck working here in events. Within a week of arriving she was working for one of the most exclusive event companies in Hollywood. It was through one of her many contacts that she set up an interview with Montgomery Records while I was visiting her on holidays a couple months ago. And now here I am in LA about to start my new job as the record label’s public relations executive. I am so excited and can’t wait to start my new life. I need it after the drama I left behind in London.
Hours later we are pulling up to a large mansion in the Hills where we are greeted at the gates by a huge security guard. Once our names are checked, we are allowed inside the extravagant home which is filled with beautiful people.
“Welcome to La-La Land, Ness,” Camryn laughs as she pulls me toward the backyard. A large bar is set up beside the pool, a clear Perspex dance floor has been built over the top of the pool—people are dirty dancing to the DJ’s music on top of it. Not five minutes after ordering our drinks we are being hit on by two older men, they are kind of gross and aggressive. They are old enough to be our dads. I’m not accustomed to this level of American enthusiasm; they are creeping me out. Camryn rolls her eyes at what they are saying as she expertly rebuffs the men’s advances, pulling me away and back into the safety of the party.
“You will find men like them at most Hollywood parties. They are used to getting what they want,” Camryn remarks.
“Cammie!” A large, tall, blond man yells, sweeping her up into his arms, twirling her around as she giggles.
“Doug.” She smiles as he puts her feet back down on the ground. His blue eyes look at me. “Who’s your beautiful friend?” he asks, giving me a wink. Thankfully he isn’t giving off creeper vibes.
“This is Vanessa. She’s just moved over from London. She is the newest PR girl at Montgomery Records.”
Doug’s face lights up. “Oh, fantastic. Monty, that old bastard, his bark is worse than his bite. If he gives you any problems, you let him know Doug Vincent is a friend and that will shut the old fucker up.” Doug gives me a big hearty chuckle. “Now run along you two little sex kittens, there are some delicious young men here for you and for me.” He gives us a wave as he makes his way back into the crowd.
“Doug owns West Coast Productions. He’s best friends with Monty. They went to school together or something like that,” Camryn rambles on, waving her hands in the air as she talks
. The parties in London were so different to this, I feel like I have stepped onto some sort of Hollywood set. All these larger than life characters walking around, it doesn’t feel real. We head back toward the bar area, more people have arrived filling up every nook and crevasse of the house which hangs precariously on the edge of a cliff. I say a prayer to the earthquake gods to stay calm for tonight, because I don’t want to slide down the mountain when the big one hits.
“Camryn!” A giant blond bear calls out behind us.
“Oh my God, Lance Burrows is here. He plays for the San Diego Chargers,” Camryn whispers to me. Not sure if that is supposed to mean something?
“I met him last weekend when I worked his friend’s wedding. He’s so hot.”
The giant bends down giving Camryn a kiss on the cheek, this makes her giggle. Camryn is a flirt, there isn’t anyone she can’t get, but she’s no slut, she just knows how to work what Mother Nature gave her, which was a shit load of hotness—bitch!
“Nice to see you again.” His eyes are firmly stuck on her bouncing cleavage.
“This is my friend, Vanessa. She’s just arrived from London.”
I smile at him as his eyes also stick to my chest. Footballers!
“This is my buddy, Kane. He plays with me at San Diego,” he says as he introduces us to another equally huge man. The two of them are so big, I feel like I’m on the set of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, one wrong step and I could be squished. Kane has jet black hair, a chiseled jaw and the greenest eyes I have ever seen. His bulging muscles are incased in a white collared fitted shirt that at any minute the buttons could pop off and go flying in all different directions. His tailored black slacks fit tightly around his tree trunk legs. He kisses my cheeks and a tiny flutter takes off in my tummy.
As the night progresses his conversational skills are left lacking, unless it has to do with football, something I’m not particularly interested in.
“It’s been nice talking to you, Kane, but I just flew in from London today and I’m suffering from jet lag.” I try and stifle a fake yawn.
Kane looks a little upset, but I give him a kiss on the cheek to smooth things over, it’s the polite thing to do.
“It’s been nice meeting you, Vanessa. Do you think I could grab your number?” he asks, giving me a smile, which I’m sure works on hundreds of girls, just not this one.
“I’m sure I’ll see you around.” My eyes drift to where Camryn and Lance are sitting close together. “I start a new job on Monday, my life is about to get crazy,” I explain, giving him a wide smile, hoping that would help lessen the sting of rejection.
“Oh yeah sure, see you around,” he calls out as I disappear into the party.
I’ve been busting to go to the bathroom for ages but Kane hadn’t stopped talking to give me a chance to go. I make my way through the crowd and wander inside the grand home, where I see a small lineup to use the facilities. After waiting a couple of moments for the bathroom I go inside and take care of business. I check my make-up, fluff up my hair and step out, right into the chest of one of the older men who were trying to pick us up at the bar earlier.
“We meet again, beautiful. I told you I would have you in my arms by the end of the night,” he chuckles. His beastly dark eyes look over me, making my skin crawl. Giving him a tight smile I try and move away from him. He is so large, he makes the hallway small, and I find it hard to get around him.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he questions, while he grabs my wrist painfully hard. I try to get passed him.
“I’m going back to my friends.” My eyes look down at where his pudgy fingers are holding me. “Please let go of my wrist.”
His grip gets tighter; my heart starts to accelerate. This situation is making me uneasy. I look around hoping someone is waiting to use the bathroom and can stop him, but the hall is deserted. Shit this isn’t good.
“You are so exquisite.” His hand touches my cheek, making me wince. “Do you know…I can make you famous,” he purrs, his gaze roaming over my body.
Cursing myself for choosing this strapless dress, which shows off my ample cleavage, his beady eyes are all over them. “No thanks, I don’t want to be famous.” I try and wiggle free from his tight grip.
The man sniggers, “Everyone wants to be famous, beautiful.” He grips my wrist tighter. “I’m sure you are going to love getting on your knees. Just like they all do in the end.”
“You’re hurting me,” I whisper.
He just laughs; a dark, murderous laugh. “You have no idea how much I want to hurt you,” he says, pushing me up against the wall of the hall, his repulsive erection pressing into me.
My whole body tenses, I’m going to be sick. “Get off me,” I shriek while trying to push him away, but it’s useless. He’s still holding my wrist so tightly he’s going to snap it in two. At this point I don’t know if I care if he snaps it as long as it means he lets go of me. He pushes my hand against his hardening dick that’s straining through his cheap pants. Panic grips me. He’s so much stronger than I am, he can easily overpower me. Think, Vanessa, think. His lips touch my neck and it makes my skin crawl at its touch.
“Get off me. Get the hell away from me,” I scream, hoping someone can hear me. When no one comes, the creep just laughs.
He bends down and licks my neck again. “Fuck, you taste like peaches, I wonder if your pussy tastes the same. I can’t wait to taste it.”
“What! No way, fuck you, get off me.” I push him harder this time, hoping some sort of super human strength will hit me and I can get free, my adrenaline is already pumping but it’s like trying to move a fucking mountain. I need to find another way to get away from him. “Please let me go, I won’t tell anyone.” I try begging but it just makes him laugh harder at me.
“I’m not worried about you telling anyone, beautiful, they wouldn’t believe you anyway. Do you have any idea who I am?”
I shake my head because I don’t. He tries to lick my neck again.
“You are disgusting!” I spit out, making him snarl.
“I’m going to like teaching you a lesson, you fucking bitch.”
Oh shit! I made him angrier. He yanks my wrist, pulling me down the hall. I try digging my heels into the hard floor but it’s hopeless, I keep slipping. Think, Ness, think. Managing to get my shoe off, I hit him over the head with it, thankfully I have on my spiky Louboutin heels tonight. This makes him let go for a moment. He then starts spewing profanities at me, his face turning a nice shade of red as he rubs the egg on his head from my shoe.
I try and make a run for it.
“Fucking bitch.” I hear him scream.
As I run down the hall I look behind me making sure he isn’t following. I’m not watching where I am going and I hit a wall of muscle with such force that we both end up on the floor in a tangled mess of limbs. Dazzling whiskey colored eyes look up at me, tattooed arms are wrapped around me and my breasts are pushed against a hard chest.
“Fuck.” The deep, accented voice mumbles, his eyes fall to the cursing beast behind me. His arms tighten around me. “Are you okay, angel?” he whispers.
I shake my head as the creep looms over us.
“Get up, we haven’t finished what we started.” The man tries to grab me, but the tattooed guy pushes me out of the way.
“Don’t touch her,” he roars.
The old man looks at this guy and mumbles. “Fuck off, she’s mine, give her back. We have unfinished business to attend to.”
My mystery man pulls me up from the ground, his kind eyes looking at me, trying to work out if he is telling the truth. All I do is shake my head.
“Looks like she doesn’t want to go with you.” He positions himself in front of me while the creeper looks at me cowering behind my rescuer weighing up his odds. Seeing that the man has a good twenty years on him and probably double his strength, judging by the bulging muscles on display, he gives up.
“Fine, have the stupid bitch, she’s nothing but a
cock tease anyway.”
“Fuck you!” I scream. How fucking dare he after what he tried to do to me. Then without warning, I throw my other shoe at him, the one I had been clinging to. It hits him in the face.
Wiping his nose as a small trickle of blood falls from it he yells, “You fucking bitch.” He launches himself at me but my rescuer stops him easily.
“Move along before I show you how much of bitch you are when I have you screaming for mercy on the ground,” he growls back. The old man’s eyes flick to mine and back to my rescuer, he walks away grumbling, holding a hand to his nose.
63
Vanessa
My mystery man turns his attention to me, the full force of his handsome face stuns me for a moment. He rests his palms on my shaking shoulders.
“Are you okay?”
I can’t stop staring at this beautiful man, his golden brown hair pulled back into a messy bun, tanned skin from days spent in the sun. Long, muscular arms, adorned in colorful tattoos and then there are those eyes. Like glistening shards of amber, pulling you into him. I nod, maybe because I’m in shock but mainly because words seem to fail me in the presence of such a good looking guy. Then without thinking, and I am going to blame it on the shock, I launch myself into his arms. I wrap myself around his large frame, trying to keep my tears at bay, giving him the tightest hug I have ever given anyone before. His manly scent tickles my nose as my face is buried against his strong chest. A deep, timbered laugh vibrates through my body as he holds me tight.
“Wow, maybe I need to rescue beautiful women more often if this is the response I get.”
He thinks I’m beautiful. Gingerly I let go of him. “Sorry about that.” I take a step back from this perfect stranger.
“Nothing to be sorry about, darlin’.” His smile lights up his entire face. Straight white teeth flash against his weathered skin. I like his accent as well, he sounds like he’s just stepped off the rodeo circuit and directly into Hollywood.