by JA Low
There is music coming from the house as Derrick and I exit the car.
“This should be interesting,” I say to Derrick, pushing open the front door.
Derrick and I walk through the foyer and toward the living area which is empty, we hear voices out near the pool. My stomach sinks, this is not what I want to see when I get home. Christian is sitting on a pool lounge getting his cock sucked by some blonde. There are a number of naked woman lounging by the pool oblivious to what is going on around them. Christian looks up from the blonde sucking his cock and gives us a wicked smile.
“You are a disgusting pig,” I spit out, wanting to throw up.
The girl sucking his dick turns around and looks at me giving me a death stare.
“Ignore her, I do most of the time,” Christian snarls. The blonde turns back and starts working his dick again.
“What the fuck, Christian?” Derrick blurts out. “I have no fucking idea who this guy is in front of me. The Christian I know would never treat his best friend like this.”
Christian frowns at Derrick’s comment then quickly composes himself. “You two going to stand there all night watching or do you want to join in?”
Derrick just shakes his head. “Fuck you, enjoy loneliness you fucking prick because that is where you are heading if you keep this attitude up.”
Christian blanches at the heated words Derrick spews at him.
“Come, V, you don’t need to be subjected to this,” Derrick states, waving his hand at the wannabe porn scene in front of us. Grabbing my arm, he whisks me away and toward my room.
“Come live with me,” Derrick says. “I will not allow you to subject yourself to some man child tantrums. He needs to fucking grow up.”
I give Derrick a weak smile. “But I did this to him.” I feel ridiculously guilty over not saying yes to him.
“Look at me, V.” Derrick grabs my arms and holds me still, those dark eyes sparkling at me. “You were honest with your feelings to him, he is just upset that you turned him down. I don’t think anyone has ever rejected that boy and that must be a new feeling for him. He is screwing around with groupies to feed his ego, to show you that he is desired, that you made a mistake. He is trying to hurt you because he can’t have you and he doesn't know what to do.”
I feel sick. “But I love him, D,” I confess.
“I understand you love him because he is your best friend.” Derrick nods his head at me.
I can’t look at him.
“Ness,” Derrick growls at me.
That’s when I break down in his arms. “I love him, D…but I’m scared and naively I thought we could go back to the way we were, just like we had for the last few years. This time, this time I think he is done with me.”
Derrick is quiet for a moment; I can hear his heart thumping in his chest. “I think what might be best for the two of you is time apart. I don’t think you are ever going to rebuild your relationship if you have to live here and watch him fuck these cheap imitations of you.”
I nod in agreement.
“So, let’s pack a bag for tonight and then we can organize for you to move the rest of your stuff over on the weekend.”
This sounds like a good idea.
Earlier today we collected all of my stuff from the house. I’ve been waiting for Christian to leave so I wouldn't have to run into him. Isla told me he had planned some boys weekend in Vegas this weekend so that’s when I organized to get the rest of my things from his home. Luckily he hadn’t changed the locks on me.
“It’s our one-week anniversary as roomies.” Derrick pops a bottle of champagne for this very special occasion. He moved into this charming 1920s bungalow in West Hollywood not long after we returned from Paris. It is perfect for him; he is close enough to the action but far enough away to feel like living in the suburbs. He has a gorgeous little garden where we have had one too many crazy barbecues in. We are heading out on a girls’ night with Stacey, Isla and Charlotte to celebrate. I finally feel up to a night out after this whole Christian debacle which still hasn’t sorted itself out. I miss him. I’m so used to talking to him every day. It’s been ages since he’s uttered a single word to me.
“Cheer up, buttercup, I have an awesome night planned,” Derrick says, smiling at me.
We’ve had such an amazing night tonight, starting off with delicious Mexican, continued on with copious amounts of cocktails and ended with a party back at Derrick’s place. The ratio of men to women are heavily tipped in our favor. I am currently chatting to a very handsome Australian actor called Darcy. He is funny, charming and great company. Derrick met him when he was asked to style him for an up and coming Australian stars in Hollywood feature. They hit it off straight away. Now I am standing in Derrick’s backyard flirting with this much younger man and loving it. I put all thoughts of Christian behind me.
“I’m glad Derrick introduced us.” He smiles at me, his blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight.
“Me too,” I reply, as we stand huddled together at the back of the garden.
“You are very beautiful, Vanessa.” He compliments me, making me blush.
“You’re not so bad yourself.” Seriously I feel like I am back in high school with these kind of flirtatious comebacks. Darcy moves closer to me; his breath is on the edge of my neck. “I really want to kiss you,” he confesses into my ear.
“Me too.” I feel the butterflies in my stomach. I watch as he moves closer to me, his lips touching mine hesitantly. Slowly we start to explore each other, a tentative tongue comes out as his large palm caresses my head holding me as we softly kiss. It’s a beautiful kiss, not too passionate but not boring either, the perfect amount to leave you wanting more. We smile at each other once it’s over.
“Stop!” I hear Derrick yell as there is a commotion behind us.
“Get out of my face, D.” Is that Christian’s voice? Turning around in Darcy’s arms I see a very pissed off rock star, with a menacing look across his face.
“Christian,” I gasp. What the hell is he doing here?
He stalks over to where I am standing with Darcy and before I know it he has punched Darcy in the face, the poor guy falls to the floor, blood pouring out of his nose.
“You fucker, I think you broke it,” Darcy screams through the blood.
“What the fuck, Christian?” I yell at him pushing him square in the chest. “What the hell have you done?” I crouch down near Darcy whose hand is covered in blood. Someone hands him a towel to clean himself. As he does he winces.
“You need to go to the hospital,” I say, helping him up from the floor.
“Yeah, no thanks to your fucking boyfriend,” he hisses.
“He is not my boyfriend, he’s…he’s…” I’m not sure what he is anymore.
Darcy just frowns and storms off with his friends.
“How fucking dare you!” I push against his chest, making him take a step back.
“How dare I? You’re the one that packed up your shit and left me, Ness. I came home and found your room empty, all your shit has gone. How dare you just pack and leave me.” Christian looks hurt by my actions, but that doesn’t excuse him coming into Derrick’s home and punching out some guy.
“I would have told you if you actually fucking spoke to me instead of giving me the cold shoulder.”
Christian rakes his hands through his disheveled hair.
“Do you even care about my feelings? I guess not because here you are making out with some young punk,” he spits out.
“I don’t give a fuck how you feel anymore because you sure as hell didn’t give a fuck about how I felt. I walk in on you, on a number of occasions, fucking random sluts on our couch or getting a fucking blow job by the pool. I came home to some goddamn kegger in the backyard. As far as I am concerned you can go and get fucked,” I spit at him. I am so fucking angry.
Christian takes a step back as if my words have physically assaulted him. “You didn’t want me, Ness. I am a single fucking man, who I
fuck is none of your business.”
His words are full of anger and I hate that he is so angry at me. I walk up to him and poke him in the chest. “And who I fuck is none of your business either, yet here you are punching out guys, laying them out, bloodied on the floor.”
“You’re right, Ness. I don’t give a shit, you can fuck whoever the fuck you like,” he roars, then walks away as if nothing happened, leaving me shocked and confused.
84
Vanessa
“Oh my God, Si, he is beautiful.” I cuddle my soon-to-be godson, Ryder Hayes Wyld. Touching his little fingers, I look at his tiny little toes, those gorgeous puckered lips and chubby cheeks. Damn it, he is so cute he’s making my ovaries clucky, and I am so far from having kids it’s not funny. Sienna’s a trooper, spending all day in labor. Seeing her finally live out her dream of becoming a mother, I cried. I cried when I saw her holding her beautiful baby boy. Mind you I wasn’t the only one, Sienna and Evan’s parents were equally smitten with little Ryder.
Christian turned up to the hospital with the other guys to greet the new addition to the Dirty Texas family. I still haven’t spoken or seen him since that night at Derrick’s. My hands were sweating; I was nervous seeing him again. He looked good dressed in a hooded sweater and jeans, his golden brown hair has grown a little longer and he’s gotten rid of some of the scruff on his face. I noticed the dark circles under his eyes, he doesn’t look like he’s been sleeping well. Probably all the partying he’s been doing. We may not talk but I read the gossip magazines, I see the reports on TMZ, I have a vague idea of what he has been up to. I also noticed how he’s keeping himself separate from everyone, even the boys. That’s just so not like him, he usually is the life of the party, the one that brings the group together. Now he doesn’t look like he gives a shit. When he leaves and I relax again.
“Hey, how are you?” Axel asks as we stand outside the hospital room.
“Yeah good, really good,” shuffling my feet from side to side.
“You like living with D?”
“Yeah I do, we have lots of fun together.”
Axel nods and falls silent again. “I’m sorry about my brother, he’s just…” He lets his words fall away.
“Having a tantrum.”
Axel chuckles, “Yeah, he’s used to getting the girl and the one he wants isn’t interested.” He gives me a pointed look.
“Look at the way he’s acting Axe.”
“You know he’s just acting out. His ego is hurt, Ness. I know he still loves you. The question is do you still love him?”
I can feel the tears threatening, I don’t want to cry but they fall anyway, down my face, over my cheeks, falling with a splat onto the hospital floor. “Of course I do, but not the way he wants me too.”
“Seriously? You never saw yourself with him in any other way other than as a friend?” Axel questions me.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Axe.” I push off from the wall and walk away from Sienna’s hospital room and head toward the little hospital garden.
“Ness.” Axel follows me out into the garden.
“What, Axe?” I turn around sounding mad.
“Why are you so afraid of my brother’s feelings for you?”
I can’t talk to him about this because I don’t really understand why I am so afraid of Christian.
“Axe, please I don’t want to talk about it,” I plead with him.
“No, I need to know.” He pushes the subject.
“I am worried that if I take a chance on him that we could destroy what we have? That he would eventually get sick of me, or cheat or move on, then what? My heart would be broken. I would have to leave the job that I love, leave the city that has become my home. I have too much to lose to take that chance, Axel.”
“And yet, you already have lost him,” he says, shoving his hands in his pockets as he turns and heads toward the door, leaving me in the tiny courtyard with my thoughts. “Have you ever thought about how much you could have gained if you had said yes?” And with that he leaves me stunned.
“Hi, Mum,” I say into my phone.
“Hey, beautiful, how’s things?” Concern laces her voice, she knows what’s going on between Christian and I.
“Same old stuff, haven’t seen Christian, but I hear the gossip.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. He’s a good guy just probably hurt and lost and doesn’t know what to do with himself.”
I let out a long sigh, it’s frustrating but I don’t know how to fix our relationship, I never thought it would ever be this broken.
“How is little Ryder doing?”
“Oh Mum, he is gorgeous. He is so perfect.”
“I’ve seen so many photos of him. He is gorgeous.”
“I’m sure you have. Enough about them, I need to know about your results.” Mum told me over Christmas she was going to go get the BRCA test done because we have a strong family history of breast cancer. She found a lump and thank God it was benign; it was the push she needed to get the test done. All the women in our family have had some sort of cancer, breast cancer being the majority. It sucks that we have some faulty genes in there.
“I got the results back, sweetie.”
My heart is racing as she sounds so ominous.
“It’s positive.”
No! I think I am going to throw up. “But what does that mean?” I stammer out.
“It means if I am not proactive then I am going to get cancer.”
Fuck, I can’t lose my mum.
“So in a couple of weeks I have scheduled a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy because of my age. I think my baby making days are over.” She jokes.
“I’m coming home.” She needs me there, I need to be there, it’s major surgery.
“Oh, sweetie no, you don’t have to come home. It’s routine, I will be fine. You are so busy with your job, stay, you can’t do anything here.”
As if I am going to get any work done worrying about her. “No, Mum, I’m coming home and helping Dad look after you.”
She knows how stubborn I am especially if I have made my mind up.
“Fine, sweetie, but can you do me one thing before you come.”
“Anything.” And that was the truth.
“I want you to take the test, the results take a while. There’s a big chance you have this faulty gene as well and you need to catch this early to put measures into place. I want to be a grandma someday. You have a long life to live and this way you know instead of it being a ticking time bomb.”
I’m silent, my mind is rushing around trying to work out what this means for me. I didn’t even contemplate having the test thinking it was something for older women to do, but if all the women in my family have this faulty gene, shit.
“Vanessa,” Mum calls out to me, realizing I have zoned out. “Sweetie, please do it for me, it’s important.”
“Of course, Mum, of course I will.”
I booked myself in for the test as soon as I could. It would take about six weeks for the results to come through.
85
Christian
“How are things going, man?” I greet Evan, slapping him on the back.
“I am so fucking tired, Chris. So fucking tired,” he groans as he walks to the man cave with his little bundle wrapped in his arms. “Kids are hard work. Ryder doesn’t stop screaming, and the amount of shit that comes from this tiny little human is unreal. Like how the fuck does he make that much crap?”
Evan hands over the baby to me, I look down at the sleeping child, he is so tiny. Fuck, it takes my breath away that Sienna and Evan created him. “He is going to be a lady killer when he grows up, just like his Uncle Chris,” I joke.
“Speaking of lady killer, how things going with Ness?” Evan asks, placing a beer on the side table.
“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t spoken to her in weeks.” I ignore the pang deep in my heart because one of the closest people in the world to me is now a stranger to me.
&
nbsp; “So, guess you don’t know that she’s in Australia then?”
My whole body stills. “What did you say?” Ryder squirms in my arms feeling the tension in my body. Evan puts his beer down and takes the child from me.
“Si, told me that Ness left for Australia the other day, her mom is having some major surgery and she went to be with her. She’s gone for a month, dude. How the hell did you not know about this?”
Running my hand through my hair, I take a big swig of beer from the bottle and fish around for my phone. I quickly unblock Vanessa’s social media and start cyber stalking her.
“Is her mom okay?” Fuck, I feel like a real asshole not knowing her mom is having surgery. This is the kind of stuff I would have been there for her with, I would have been in Australia right beside her, no questions asked.
Evan nods, “Yeah, Sienna said she had a mastectomy and hysterectomy so she doesn’t get cancer or something like that.”
I nod, shit that’s a big deal. Ness and her mom are really close.
Little Ryder starts fussing. “He’s due for a feed, give me a sec and I’ll palm him off to Sienna.” It doesn’t take Evan long to return.
“So, you over your fucking mantrum yet or not?” Evan asks.
I’m a little shocked by his tone. “Mantrum?”
“Yeah, fuck face, mantrum, you know man-tantrum. I still can’t believe you are this hung up over some chick not wanting to be your girlfriend.”
I just stare at my best friend. Is he serious right now?
“Are you seriously happy with the situation and how it’s turned out?” He questions me.
“She hurt me, man. She broke my fucking heart into a million pieces then stomped on it.”
Evan raises his eyebrow at me. “Boo fucking hoo. You have been treating her like shit for the past couple of months. So much so that she packed her shit and moved in with Derrick, after years living with you.”