by JA Low
There is a faint ringing in my ears which keeps stopping and starting. I open my eyes and see Axel is passed out beside me, the moonlight is streaming through the bedroom window and I take a moment to enjoy his naked body. He’s lying on his stomach, my eyes roam over the muscular plains of his back until I reach his perfect ass. Why the hell do men have the best asses in the world? It’s so unfair. It looks like two perfect round globes. If he wasn’t asleep I would totally squeeze them, they look so glorious. I can hear the ringing again and I look around and see one of our cells is lit up, the green illumination lighting the room. I shimmy over to the bedside table and see who’s calling.
Penny.
And there are ten missed calls from her. Why the hell is she calling?
Then the phone lights up again, and it’s her. What is going on? I answer it.
“Fucking finally. Dragged yourself away from your rock star long enough to answer your phone,” she screams down it.
“What the hell do you want, Penny?” I’m not in the mood to listen to her shit, I actually never want to hear from her ever again.
“Oh, are you too good for us now that you have a famous lover boy,” she sneers down the phone.
“Your jealousy knows no bounds, Penny.”
“I wonder if he compares us. I wonder who he thinks the better shag is,” she goads me. “Not like you’re any competition.”
“Oh, I know he didn't touch you, because guess what? I was on the other end of the phone during his late night phone call to you. Who do you think gave him your number?”
Penny is silent for a moment. I can practically hear her seething through the phone. “Fuck you! You think you’re so good now bagging Axel Taylor. Your picture is all over the tabloids here, pictures of you arriving into LA together, pictures of you and him shopping on Rodeo Drive, pictures of you hanging out at Wyld Jones with the rest of the Dirty Texas gang. Never thought I’d see the day my sister went to Hollywood. You're such a fucking try hard, Liv. You don’t belong in that world.”
“And what, you do?”
“Of course I do, look at me and look at you, it’s pretty easy to see which one looks better in the papers.”
“Babe, are you okay?” Axel groans beside me. I cup my hand over the phone so Penny doesn’t hear.
“Is that the only reason for your call? To tell me you look better in the tabloids than me?”
“Oh no. I called to tell you that your little stunt has put Father in the hospital, they’re not sure if he is going to make it.” My world stops, I feel Axel jump up beside me and he starts moving around the room.
“What did you say?” No, I don’t believe anything she says.
“YOU PUT FATHER IN THE HOSPITAL,” she screams down the phone. “If he dies it’s on your conscience.” And then she hangs up on me. The bitch! She bloody just hung up on me.
“I’m grabbing our stuff; we can be out of here in half an hour. Let me make a call and find out where the jet is.” I can hear Axel talking but it’s not registering. “Babe.” He kneels before me, trying to grab my attention. “It’s going to be okay, he is going to be okay.”
“What if I’ve killed him?”
“No, your sister is being a bitch. There is no way in the world you have killed him.”
“But, but, apparently we are in the tabloids.”
“Don’t worry about that, we can deal with that later, let’s get you dressed and ready to be on a plane back to England.”
I look up him, Axel is being my rock at this moment. “Okay,” I say, because that is all I can gather, everything has shut down. I think I’m in shock.
A couple of hours later we are sitting on a helicopter heading back to LA where Axel’s jet is. He is going to fly me there straight away. The first commercial flight is still hours away. As we make it to the heliport, Sammy is there waiting for us with all our bags packed and breakfast. We make our way to the private plane section of LAX Airport. There are paparazzi lurking around and some have managed to take our photo, but we are ushered quite quickly onto the luxurious jet. I’m not in the right frame of mind to be able to take it all in, but I find a seat and sink into it. Axel talks to the flight attendant and she brings over a pot of Earl Grey tea. Axel pours me a cup.
“Here, drink this, it will help.” He holds the piping hot mug to me; I take a sip and instantly feel like I am back home. I have sent a message to Ivy and Camryn who are still at The Paradise Club Resort. I’ve told Ivy not to rush home because I have Axel with me. I told her to enjoy her time and I will see her in a couple of days anyway. She can’t do much for me right now. Before I know it, we have taken off and I fall away into oblivion.
Not the best of flights, not because of turbulence or anything but because it took so bloody long. We finally make it to Edinburgh, where Father is in the hospital, and there is a car waiting to take us directly to him. Mother has texted me the details of which room he is in. We arrive at the hospital and there are paparazzi everywhere waiting for us. Such vultures. The driver takes us around to a back entrance. Axel jumps out of the car and opens my door.
“Axel…” I look up at him. He has been my rock, but I don’t think it would be good for my father’s heart for me to arrive with him on my arm. “I think…um…it might be best if you head to the hotel.” Axel’s body tenses and I am expecting him to argue with me but he doesn’t.
“I understand, but just know that I am here for you. Just say the word and I will be by your side no matter what, okay?”
He leans down and kisses me. My God, this man is bloody perfect. “Thank you,” I say, moving away from his embrace. I take a couple of steps before Axel is pulling me into another kiss, it is desperate and full of knowing that this changes everything This bubble that we’re living in has burst and reality has now hit us smack in the face.
“Liv, just remember…” He presses our foreheads together. “I love you.” My heart skips a beat as I pull myself away from him and head into the hospital.
“Olivia.” Mother sees me first and I run toward her and wrap her in a hug. I can tell she hates it by the stiff body that is under mine, but I don’t care. “Thank you for coming so quickly.”
“No, of course. How is he?”
“He’s okay, it was touch and go, but your father is as strong as an Ox.”
Mother likes to put on a facade that everything is okay, when in reality it isn’t. “This whole matter could have been avoided if you weren’t gallivanting all around town with some rock star.” I can hear the disdain in her voice.
“That rock star is the reason why I am here so quickly, he dropped everything to fly me half way across the world to be with my sick father. And that rock star is not some person I’m gallivanting around town with, I’m not Penny. He is the man that I love, that I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
My mother recoils at my words. “Do you want to kill you father?”
Her words strike me. “Of course not.”
“Then you will not ever speak of this rock star again and you most definitely will not speak about loving him. We just got your father back, he will not have another episode because you are having some kind of episode.”
“Episode?” I squeal.
“Keep your voice down there are people around,” she scolds me. “Yes, you’re having an episode. That has to be the only reason you are acting like this. I think we should take you to see a doctor. I knew running the estate would be too much for you, I told your father you would have a breakdown one day.”
I’m shocked with the way my mother is speaking to me. Really Olivia, are you that shocked?
“I’ve come here to support Father, where is he?”
“In his room, darling.” She points to his open door. I make my way toward it, but I hear laughing and chatting from familiar voices. I enter the room and see Penny and Eddie sitting on either side of my father, chatting away as if they don’t have a care in the world.
“Olivia,” my father murmurs, noticing
me first.
“Sweetheart.” Eddie smiles brightly, coming over and giving me a kiss on the cheek. Penny gives me a death stare but stays quiet.
“Father, are you okay?” I walk over and sit beside him on the bed.
“I am now that you are here,” he croaks.
“What happened?” I hold his cold hand in mine.
“The golden child defied expectations, that’s what happened,” Penny mumbles beside me. I throw daggers at her. “Goodbye, Father. Eddie and I have to go. We will see you later, okay?” They both say their goodbyes.
“Oh, it was so lovely for Eddie to come and see me in the hospital, wasn’t it?”
I ignore my father’s statement. The last thing I want to do is stress my father out. Talking about Eddie is going to do that.
“What did the doctor say?” I change the subject.
“Just a small heart attack. He says one of my valves is clogged and that I am going to have to have bypass surgery to clean it out.”
My stomach sinks. No, no, no, this isn’t good.
“Hey, I’m going to be okay. It was just a little scare; I promise I am going to stay here to walk you down that aisle. It’s the only thing keeping me going, sweetheart. Seeing you marrying Eddie is my one and only wish from my life.”
A lead balloon is stuck inside of me; my father is only hanging on because he thinks Eddie and I are going to get married. I’ve already given him one heart attack with all this tabloid gossip about Axel and I.
“Thank you for coming so quickly, I’m so happy you are here. Family means the world to me.” God, I feel like the biggest asshole.
“I know Father, I would never leave you, you know that.” I kiss his hand.
“You are such a wonderful child; we are so blessed to have you.” He gives me a smile then he lets out a yawn.
“I’ll let you have some rest, I’m going to go home and get changed. I’ll be back later.” I lean down and kiss his cheek.
“You make me so proud,” he whispers. I have to catch my tears because he doesn’t need to see them. I wave him goodbye and as soon as I am out of the hospital I burst into tears. I need to get out of here.
153
Axel
The door to the hotel clicks open, and I jump off the bed. Olivia has only been gone a couple of hours, I thought she would have stayed there all day. When I see how little and fragile she looks, my heart hurts for her. I rush toward her, pick her up in my arms and cradle her against my chest. Olivia lets out loud, sorrowful sobs, she clings to me like I am her anchor and buries her face as close as she can get to me. I walk her over to our bed and lay down with her and just let her sob. She cries for a good ten minutes or so until she is out of tears. She looks up at me with red, puffy eyes and a pink nose. Her make-up has run a little, but I still think she is the most beautiful woman on the planet.
“Thank you, thank you for being here for me.”
“Anytime, darlin’, anytime.” This sets her off again, a few minutes later she settles down again.
“I think we need to talk.” Those words, those words don’t sound good, especially as she moves from my arms and walks into the bathroom to wash her face. She comes back into the room and I’m sitting up, not sure what is going on. “I appreciate everything you have done for me, Axel.”
Why does this sound like a kiss off?
“I don’t know how long I am going to be here for, and you are a busy man and…”
“Stop right there.” I put my hand up, jumping off the bed, moving to where she is standing. “Cut the bullshit, stop buttering me up just to fuck me over.”
Those hazel eyes are red rimmed as she looks at me. “Axel, I’m…it’s just…”
“Spit it out, Olivia, you have no problem telling me where to stick my dick, this shouldn’t be so hard.” I am so angry with her because what she is going to say is written all over her face.
“I think you should go back to LA.”
There, she said it.
“Why? What happened? We were so happy. I don’t get it.” I grab her hands in mine, but she rips them away and stalks across the room.
“It’s for the best, Axel.”
“For who? You? Your family? Because it’s certainly not the best for me.”
“We would never work; my life is here your life is in America.”
“We spoke about this, I can set up an office in London. You would try and work remotely.”
“I think we were kidding ourselves.”
“Are you fucking serious right now?” I don’t mean to make her jump with the tone of my voice, but I am fucking pissed.
“We are too different,” she whispers.
“No we aren’t. Who told you that? Was it your parents? Was it your sister? Was that fuck face Eddie there at the hospital?” She doesn’t look at me, which is telling. “I was proud of your family loyalty, but now it’s fucking pathetic. Your family uses you, Olivia. They use you for their own gain, and you are so fucking blind to it that you would give up on us because of it.” I thump my chest. “You are so far under my skin; you are buried deep inside my heart. But none of that matters to you, does it? Because I will never be enough for you. I will never be enough to risk everything for.”
“My father is dying, Axel; don’t you get that? He’s dying, he has heart failure. He has to have an operation which might keep him going for a little bit longer but…” The tears fall down her cheeks. “He’s asking one thing from me, one small, insignificant thing.”
“Marriage, you think marriage is insignificant?”
Olivia blanches at me.
“You are sacrificing your life for what? Some old bastard’s fucked up sense of legacy.” I know that is a low blow about her father, but I am pissed. I’m pissed that she is prepared to throw away the time we have had together, the connection, the love, everything to make every other person in her life happy.
“He’s my father, Axel.”
“And yet he doesn’t want you to be happy, he puts his own selfishness before yours. That’s not love, Liv.” I walk out of the room and start packing up the bits that I had unpacked and throw them into my bag. She follows me quietly. “I would have made you happy. I would have loved you until our final days. I would have given you everything you have ever wanted in the world. I would have been faithful.” I can’t look at her, especially not when she is crying. I can’t deal with it. We were never going to happen; it was all a goddamn fantasy. I grab my bags and walk out. Sammy is waiting downstairs for me and gives me a concerned look, his eyes taking in my bag. “To the airport, thanks.” He nods but still hesitates.
“Are you sure, boss?” He never second guesses anything I ask.
“Yeah, man, I am. Sometimes some obstacles are just too big to get over.” He nods and takes me back to the jet.
It’s been a week and I haven’t heard anything from Olivia, and I hate it.
I asked Christian if I could go up to his house in Big Bear, I needed to get away. I hate my house in LA at the moment because all I can see are images of Olivia spread out on my bed, or perched on the outside terrace with a cup of tea in her hand. Thankfully the cabin is a long way, away, from LA and I can just sit and wallow without anyone knowing. I will say, heartbreak has given me great ideas for some songs, so I guess I should thank Olivia for that, for being my muse for all these depressing songs.
There’s a knock on the door and when I open it I am surprised to see my bandmates. “What the hell are y’all doin’ here?” I look at them, they all have overnight bags and bottles of beer under their arms.
“Thought we needed bro time, seeing as the girls are always going away together, we never get to just hang out,” Evan replies.
“Plus, I haven’t used my awesome home much yet, so why not start with bro week,” Christian adds.
“Bro week?” I look at them all confused.
“Yes, a week full of testosterone fueled bro stuff,” Derrick adds. “And before you say anything, Mr. Taylor, I know ho
w to be a bro.” This makes me laugh. They push their way past me into Christian’s home.
“Looks like you have been writing,” Oscar states, touching my scattered papers on the coffee table.
“You know, got nothing else to do.” I shrug.
“Well it’s good.” He gives me a smile and continues into the kitchen with the other men.
“You know I came up here to get away from it all?”
“Yeah and so have we,” Christian adds.
“Why the hell are you running away from your new wife?”
“Evan and I are sick to death of planning nurseries and shit,” my brother complains. “I don’t want to know how much it’s costing me. I mean for the love of God I have two and they are already costing me a small fortune, and they aren’t even born yet.”
“Now Sienna has Vanessa to talk baby stuff with it’s like you know, baby shit has exploded everywhere. Plus, Ryder's first birthday is about to happen and they are going crazy over themes and shit, especially now Camryn is in town,” Evan groans
“Hey, I am missing valuable party planning time to hang with you boys,” Derrick adds. “So stop the moaning because we all know in the end you love it and you wouldn’t change anything no matter how much you both moan about it. These women are pushing out babies the size of watermelons from their sacred place and the least you can do is hand over your credit cards.”
Derrick makes me burst out laughing, something I haven’t done in a long time.
“You’re right, D. You are absolutely right.” Christian claps him on the back.
“Good, now just remember that feeling, especially when you have teenage girls who are addicted to shopping. Just remember how much you love them,” Derrick chuckles and Christian flips him off.
“Come on, enough about women. Let’s drink some beers, jump on some snowmobiles and go crazy. What’s the point of all this land and all this snow if we sit around gossiping like a bunch of women?” Finn adds.
“Isla leaves next week. I think someone’s not dealing with it,” Derrick whispers to me as the others walk back into the kitchen to grab supplies before we go off on some crazy guy adventure.