by JA Low
I take a look around at all the people waiting in anticipation for the clock to strike, hope lacing their faces as they look at the person holding them, waiting for the moment when they can kiss the one they are with. Who will I kiss at midnight? Who is going to hold me close and wish me good will? A sense of extreme loneliness flows over me. I may have a million people around me at any moment of the day, but in that sea of people I feel so alone. I can hear the countdown begin. This is a new year Isla, a new you, maybe you should start chasing what you want in life instead of standing on the sidelines watching it pass you by. You need to say yes more often. I realize now that Liam changed me over the years. He changed the girl that used to be up for any kind of adventure, she disappeared under his spell, his questioning, his anger. I lost the essence of who Isla Eriksen is. Find it again. Be brave, go after what you want, no questions asked, live life, embrace it all. And with that new found mantra I started to ring in the new year.
“Three…two…one…Happy New Year,” everyone shouts as fireworks go off on the point at Sienna’s parents’ resort in Byron Bay. People hug and kiss the person they are with. I stare out into the darkness with a smile on my face. I’m okay being alone and sipping on my champagne.
“Happy New Year, sis.” Oscar finds me, pulling me into one of his hugs, it’s just what I needed.
“Happy New Year.” I hug him back.
“Happy New Year, Eriksen’s.” Finn jumps onto my brother’s back and they end up rolling around on the grass, wrestling. Men! It takes me back to when we were teens; they did the exact same thing in our backyard over football. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Vanessa and Christian arguing and it looks serious. Why are they fighting? They looked happy moments ago before the fireworks. Christian stomps off toward the tent shaking his head, while Vanessa is left standing there, her shoulders begin to slump. I make my way over there to see if she is okay.
“Hey. I just saw you and Chris…” Ness looks up at me in tears.
“Leave it, Isla. I’m not talking about it,” she tells me sternly, turning and walking off in the opposite direction of Christian.
“Everything okay?” Finn comes up behind me, making me jump.
“I hope so.”
“They’re best friends, I’m sure they will sort it out.” Finn looks down at me with a familiar smile. “We did.” His hand comes out and links with mine, giving it a squeeze.
“Issy.” Tyler appears out of nowhere. Yvette’s gone from his side. “Happy New Year, babe.” He pulls me into his arms, planting a sloppy kiss onto my lips. Did Finn just growl? “The boys are having a party back at our cabin, want to come join?” He wiggles his eyebrows at me. “Unless you’re busy?” He looks over my shoulder to Finn.
Say yes to adventure and New Year’s revolution number one begins. “No, I’m not. Sounds like fun.”
“Fantastic.” Tyler places his arm around my waist, pulling me to his side.
“Happy New Year, Finn.” I wave as I follow Tyler back to his cabin.
198
Isla
The Sons of Brooklyn boys sure know how to party, couple that with my new found resolution for saying yes to everything and I may be a little in over my head. I’ve reached exhaustion point, it’s been a huge day, especially as I was in the wedding party and we were up super early to get ready. I still can’t believe they are married. Married.
“I have to go guys.”
“No, stay.” Tyler pouts. The boys seem to have found all the single wedding guests to party with them in their cabin.
“I’d love too but…It’s been such a long day,” I moan. Tyler’s eyes widen as if he just notices for the first time I’m wearing a bridesmaid dress.
“Oh yeah.” He smiles. “You looked hot walking down that aisle.” I throw a cushion at him.
“Goodnight, have fun.” Blowing him a kiss I make my exit. My cabin isn’t far so walking home alone will be fine, plus we’re staying at Sienna and Vanessa’s parents’ resort in the middle of nowhere. I know most of the people at the wedding, so I feel safe. I happily make my way back to my cabin enjoying the cooler temperature because I know it won’t be long until it’s stifling again. Who the hell would live in this heat all the time? I follow the lights along the winding dirt path, the odd stone sticking into my bare feet, but thankfully the champagne is dulling any of the pain. “Fuck.” I stub my toe on a stupid rock; the path is becoming darker the further I walk. What happened to the light? Now that I notice how dark it’s become, every noise the rainforest makes comes at me in stereo, making me jump. The first pumps of adrenaline start to travel around my body, I quicken my steps, stupid alcohol and my over active imagination making things worse, plus my love of serial killer shows not helping with my thoughts.
I can see my cabin now, it isn’t far. I’m almost there, couple more steps.
“Isla.” I scream. Finn surprises me, sitting there on my front deck.
“You scared the shit out of me,” I pant, my heart racing like a freight train through my chest.
“I didn’t mean to.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Waiting for you.”
“Me?” Not really sure why. I walk up the couple of stairs to where Finn is sitting on the deck.
“Did you sleep with him tonight?” Finn’s voice is hard and terse.
“Who?” I think those last couple of shots haven’t helped my brain process his question quickly enough.
“Tyler.” I just stare at him in the darkness. Has he lost his mind?
“Why would I sleep with Tyler?” That question throws Finn off.
“Because…” My head is fuzzy and Finn’s making no sense. I push past him opening my front door. Finn’s footsteps are right behind me. I throw my shoes off into the corner then try and get myself out of my bridesmaid dress. I wiggle and jiggle, but the stupid zipper is stuck. “Let me…” Finn’s hands are on me before I have a chance to object. Honestly, I don’t want to be stuck in this dress all night, if he wasn’t here I’d probably end up sleeping in it hoping someone would be able to help me in the morning. The zipper unclasping echoes slowly through the quiet room, the rush of warm air hits my naked back and I can feel Finn’s presence behind me. Lips touch the sensitive skin at the back of my neck, which releases a moan from me. Feather light kisses rain down across my back. My eyes close and I sink back against him. The straps of my dress fall down my arms, I feel a tug and the rest of my dress falls, pooling at my feet. I should stop him, I know I should, but the alcohol is clouding my mind, as is the sexual charge that is racing all over my body, sparking every nerve ending with desire. Finn’s fingers trace up my spine, sending goosebumps over my already heated skin. “Do you want me to stop?” He’s giving me a chance to say no, to stop what is happening between us, my heart is beating heavily in my chest, my nerves are tingling. Don’t forget your New Year’s resolution was to say yes to things. I’m pretty sure yes is the right answer here.
The quiet hum of the rainforest sits between us, Finn’s hand rests on my hip, his fingers curling into my skin, waiting. I shake my head and I feel Finn release a tentative breath and it kisses my skin. “Good, because I don’t think I could have stopped anyway,” he confesses before picking me up into his arms and carrying me upstairs to where the bedroom is. He lays me down against the white, feather soft duvet, gently, his body humming with restraint. He sits back and admires me, those green eyes looking over me, as if seeing me for the first time. “I’ve missed you so much,” he mumbles to himself. His tongue licks his lips as his gaze moves over my body. “I promised myself we would just be friends.” His hand moves over my skin, admiring my curves. “But seeing you walk away with Tyler tonight. Fuck I was jealous.” His hand runs over my body again following the same path.
“It sucks, doesn’t it?” I remind him of all the times I’ve watched him walk away with someone.
“I shouldn’t be touching you.” His hand stops on my hip.
“No yo
u shouldn’t be, but here we are.” I give him a smile.
“Yes, here we are.” The sexual tension hangs between us like a thick curtain. “Finn. If you’re not going to fuck me, can you please leave so I can finish myself off.” Finn’s eyes widen at my request and a small growl falls from his lips.
“The only hands touching that sweet pussy tonight are mine, do you hear me, Issy.” I nod as I bite into my bottom lip, Finn’s dirty words fanning the flames. He moves away from me on the bed, slowly starts to undress, a private show just for me. He takes off his suit jacket then kicks off his dress shoes one by one followed by his socks. He reaches for his tie and slowly undoes it, letting the silky material fall through his calloused fingers and throws it at me. “I think I’m going to use that on you later tonight.” A shiver courses over my body. Finn then unbuckles his belt, pulling the leather through the loops, once it’s free he folds it over and cracks it against his thick thigh. “I think I might use this as well,” he states, throwing the belt beside my naked thigh. I’m liking this dirty Finn. His thick fingers start unbuttoning his dress shirt, inch by inch he pops the buttons, revealing his tanned chest; it seems larger than I remember, as if he’s been working out. With each new button falling I’m shown more and more of his delicious muscles as his six-pack unfolds. He pulls out the shirt then let’s it fall to the floor. My eyes locate the delicious V of his hips, it looks deeper than before. The man standing before me is so much stronger than I have ever seen.
“Like what you see?” He smirks at me.
“Yes. You’ve been working out.” My eyes roam freely over his body.
“Jackson insisted.” I nod. Of course, he’d be used to rigid military training. His fingers move to the button of his suit pants, then to the zip, a thick bulge pushes behind the seams. With a shake, his pants fall to the ground, and he’s left in nothing but his black boxer briefs. “You want this?” His hand cups himself through his boxers. My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I nod in agreement. “Have you missed my cock, Issy?” I swallow, listening to his dirty words. “You know I’m the only one that can satisfy you.” His hands rub himself harder. “I’m the only one that can fill you, Is.” His hand dips beneath the material, pulling his cock out, holding it heavy in his calloused hand, slowly working it, stroking it, gripping it, for me. “It’s missed you.” He smiles as he touches himself. I move from my back to my knees and kneel in front of him, getting a closer look.
“I’ve missed it.” I take his thickness between my hands, the soft, velvety skin moves between my fingers. The guttural hiss that falls from Finn’s lips as I touch him makes me feel powerful. That I have such control over a man like Finn Connolly. I move closer to him and take him into my mouth.
“Fuck, Issy. Fuck!” Finn exclaims as my mouth envelops him. Thick fingers lace into my hair, as if he is unable to stay standing. I suck his thick head, feeling the velvety skin with my tongue. “I’ve missed your mouth. Fuck, how I’ve missed it,” Finn moans as I take him further.
199
Finn
The sounds of the rainforest wake me, the bright sunlight and the heat. It feels ridiculously warm in my bed. Why? Pushing open my eyes I realize I’m wrapped around a body. The blonde hair comes into focus. Isla. She stirs and rolls over; I watch as her eyes flicker open, she gives me a smile as her eyes close again.
“Morning, beautiful.” Isla’s eyes widen and she jumps back.
“Finn,” she says my name as she looks around the room, looking very confused. Her blonde hair is tussled from our night together; she’s never looked more beautiful. I lean over to give her a kiss but she backs away. Okay, this was not the morning welcome I was hoping for. “What are you doing in my bed?” She pulls the sheet up around her.
“You don’t remember last night?” She shakes her head. I didn’t think she was that drunk last night, a little buzzed, but not black out drunk that she doesn’t remember us screwing our brains out. “I was waiting for you on your front porch.” She frowns. “I helped you get undressed.” Her eyes widen. “The zip on your dress was stuck.” She nods as if she remembers that. “And…then things kind of moved to the bedroom.” The sheet is still up around her neck.
“Oh my God.” Her cheeks turn pink remembering what happened last night. “That was kind of stupid. Damn New Year’s resolutions.”
“Was I your New Year’s resolution?” I wiggle my eyebrows at her. She rolls her eyes.
“You most certainly were not.” That stung a little even if she is joking. “My stupid New Year’s resolution is to say yes more often.”
“Yes to having sex with me?” Isla rolls her eyes as she scrubs her face with her hands.
“No. Maybe. I don’t know. It was saying yes to new experiences.” She lets out a sigh. “But this…” She moves her hand between us. “This was not a new experience.” Does that mean saying yes to new experiences with new men? A frown forms on my forehead. “This was an old habit.” She lets out a sigh. “One I thought I had broken.”
“I’m sorry.”
“This isn’t your fault, Finn. I’m the one that lets feelings get involved when I sleep with you. I can’t stop them; they are just always there.”
“And you think I don’t have feelings when I sleep with you?” Is she serious right now? She just shrugs. “Last night I was freaking out because I thought you were screwing Tyler.” Her eyes widening in shock at my confession. “I waited for you like a goddamn desperado on your front porch.” Silence sets between us.
“Were you jealous?” Her question is almost a whisper. Of course I was, but I don’t reply. Isla turns, those icy-blue eyes land on me. “Finn Connolly, rock star, womanizer, playboy, was jealous that I might have been screwing someone else.” Ugh. That possessive, jealous feeling comes over me again. I flip her onto her back, trying to regain some control over this conversation. She looks up at me in surprise and smiles. “It kills you, doesn’t it? You don’t want to be jealous of me with other guys, because then you are going to have to face your feelings toward me and you can’t.” Isla’s face turns serious as I stare down at her, not moving a muscle, too afraid to tell her what is really going on in my head. “Or maybe I’m reading too much into it and you really were just after an easy lay.” The frown that settles between her brows kills me.
“You seriously think you’re an easy lay?” I raise a brow at her.
“Get off me, Finn.” Isla’s upset now as she bucks against me. I grab her wrists and hold them to her sides.
“Hey, no. You brought it up, now let me finish telling you what I think.” She rolls her eyes, but she does as she’s told. “When I see you with another man, it makes me jealous. I’m guessing it’s the same feeling you get when you see me with another woman.” She nods. “It sucks, doesn’t it.” Isla smiles, because she’s seen me with way more chicks than I’ve seen her with guys.
“Yeah it does.” She moves her arms and wraps them around my neck. “This place here. This magical rainforest place, has been giving me some food for thought.” Now I’m intrigued. “It’s been over a year since I broke up with Liam.” I nod. “Breaking up with someone after five years, someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, isn’t easy. Especially when it’s played out in front of the world.” She didn’t deserve the trolls, or the social commentary on what went wrong, but she dealt with it, she endured it all like a trooper. “I realize I’ve been using what we have as a crutch. That after the whole Liam thing, I ran straight into your arms. I keep doing that when I feel alone, or sad. That’s not fair.”
“I’m not complaining.” She smiles at my comment.
“I’m not complaining either.” This makes her smile as well. “Believe me, it’s been awhile.” This makes me happy. “But I think I keep coming back to you because it’s comfortable.”
“Are you calling me a sweater?” This makes her laugh.
“Yes. Exactly that. You are that worn in, perfect fitting, cozy, comfy, so many memories sweate
r. That one that fits and feels right. But sometimes, it’s time to give up that sweater that you’re comfortable with, because it’s getting in the way of maybe some other great sweaters that might end up being the right fit.” Her smile fades as her words sink into me.
“Are you saying you want to explore things with other people?” I’ve spent years chasing random girls, getting my fix from them; I don’t know how to be any different, how to live my life differently, things that should not be normal are.
“Yes.” Her answer is clear, concise and strong.
“Okay, I’ll respect that.” Her eyes widen, I owe her this. I can see it in her eyes, my indecisiveness with my feelings toward her has hurt her over the years. Maybe I too need this time truly away from her to work out if these strong feelings I have for her are real and not just a great memory from the past.