CLAIRE: (is it really love)

by Grace Gervas

  "Um--thankyou!"

  "Wellthen,callmeifyouneedanything."shesaidandleft.

  Clairewasleftalonethere.Sheslowlypacedtowardsthe largewindow,andpeekedoutside;itwasahugemansionwitha veryvastgarden.Shesmiledatthesight,buttheideaof meetingtheStevensmadeherreallynervousasifshewasgoing forthejobinterview.Shetookabath,thendressedherselfupin someold,butstylishdress.Whilegettingready,Marthaknocked andaskedherifshewasdone.

  MarthaescortedherdownstairswhereStevenswashaving breakfast,andhisgrandsonwasbusyreadingthenewspaper. Clairewalkedinthere,andgreetedthem;sheintroducedherself andthankedthemfortheirkindness.

  "It'sokayyounglady,howareyoufeeling?"Theoldman asked.

  Claireansweredquickly."I'mfinesir,thanksalot!" Shewasinvitedforbreakfast.Thewholemoment,Ryanhad beenbusyasifhecouldn'tseeher.Afterafewminutesheput awaythenewspaper,beforepouringhimselfaglassofmilk. ThengazedatClaire;shewastalkingtohisgrandfatherabout herself.Hedrankthewholeglassatonceandstooduphisfeet.

  "Oh,yourfriendcalledyesterday."Hesaidwhileleavingthe table.

  ThatmustbeGena,Clairethought."Thankyou!"shereplied, andhedidn'tseemtocare. Shewonderedabouthisindifferencewhilewatchinghim leave.Shenoticedthathewasasnobbishtypebutyetonepart ofherexpectedalittlecourtesy;thewayhestaredatherand talkedwassobland.ShekeptontalkingtoMr.Stevensandhe seemedtoenjoyhercompanyalotbecauseshelikedhow chattyhewas.

  THATmorningClairespoketoGenaandexplainedshortlyon whathappened.Thecallreassuredherfriendwhowasworried sickaswellastherestofthegroupabouthersafety.After breakfast,shewalkedthroughthegardenandstoppedbythe pool,whereshesatdownonthedeckchairabsentmindedly. Shewaswonderingwhatwould'vehappenediftheyhadn't reachedthereontime.Shesighedslowlywhileleaningbackand closedhereyes,meditatively.

  "Wereyoutryingtocommitsuicide?"Suddenly,astrong, butfamiliarvoicestartledher.Ryanwasstandingbesideher, focusedonhisphone.

  Shegasped."OhGod!You'vestartledme!"Shesatstraight, onehandonherchest."Suicide?Youarecrazy!"shesnapped. Ryanturnedhishead,andstaredatherforasecond,before resumingwhateverhewasdoing."Iwasjust,Imeanitwasjust anaccident."sheadded,soundingannoyed.Ryanwasalready talkingtosomeoneonthephone,andClairefrownedathis impolitegesture.

  "Yes,reschedulethemeetingandletDorisandHarryknow aboutit.I'llbetherefirstthingtomorrowmorning."Hesaid,ina verybossyvoice,andhungup.Clairewasjuststaringathimas hepacedtowardsher;heleanedforwardandtouchedher shoulderwithonehand."Ifitwasn'tasuicide,good!Butbevery carefulnexttime,becauseyoumaynotbeasluckyagain."he toldherinalowtoneofvoice;amixtureofarroganceand cynicism,andwalkedaway.

  Whatajerk!Clairethought.Sheobviouslyfoundhim peculiarandsnobbish.Buthisattitude,onotherhand,sparked hersomecuriosity;adesiretoknowhim.

  Notlonglater,sheleftthemansion,withagreatdealof gratitudetowardsthefamily.Ryandroveherbacktoherhome; andasexpected,theroadwasterriblyawful.Buttheymanaged, andfinallyreachedClaire'shouse,whereshegotoffthecarand thankedhim.Heonlynoddedwhilelookingaroundthearea,a bitdazzledbyitscalmnessandpossiblyvastness.

  "Beautiful,isn'tit?"Claireaskedhimenthusiastically,buthe justbrushedandstartedtheengine.Shestoodtherelikea monumentwatchinghiscardisappearing.

  Howrude!ShethoughtasGenawasapproachingherslowly frombehind. "BacktorealityCinderella?"Genasaidwhilelookingatthe faintingwheels.Clairehadn'tevennoticedwhenshehadarrived there.

  "Yeahfairygrandma,I'mafraidI'velostoneshoeandit's pastmidnightnow."sheansweredblatantly,andtheylooked eachotherforawhile,beforeburstingoutlaughingliketwo middleschoolgirls.

  Sheeventuallymettheothersandapologizedforthe mishap.ShetoldGenatogoinsidewithher;whenreachedthe bedroomshethrewherselfonbedandstartedgiggling.Gena satonthechairwhilelookingatherwithashockedlook.

  "Haveyouwonalottery?"

  "Alottery?No."Shereplied

  "Thenwhat?ohIknow,isitthathottieinacarearlier?"

  "Stopit!Youarebeingsilly."Claireansweredasshewas sittingup.Shetoldherallaboutherlittleadventurefromher meetingwithBrunouptotheaccident.Genalaughedatherlike crazy."What'ssofunny?"

  "Nogirlfriend,nothing!It'sjustthatIcan'timagineyour faceinthemiddleofrainandallthat."shesaidWhiletryingto controlherlaughter."Sowhostoleyourheart?Isitthe charmingguyorthecolddarkknight?"Genaaskedinanaughty way

  "OhpleaseGena,noonedid.Well...honestly,Iliked BrunoandI'mmerelygratefultoRyan.That'sall."shereplied. Genastaredather,doubtfully."I'mserious!Ryanissocold,I can'tstandhim.Andbesides,Imaynotseethemagain anyway!"shesaidwithadisappointmenthint.

  "ButIdidn'tsayanythingordidI?andwhydoIgetthe feelingthatyouwannaseethemagainhuh?Youslyfox,don't tellmeyoufellforthemboth."Genateasedher.Theykepton talkinguntiloneofthegirlsinagroupinterruptedthem.She hadanemergencyatherhomesoaskedtoleavefirst;theyall agreedtoleavetogether.

  Whilebiddinggoodbyestotheoldman,thecartheyrented hadjustarrived.Therestwentin,whileClairewasfinishingthe talktohergrandfather.

  "Thankyougramps,myfriendshaveenjoyed!"shesaidand huggedhim "Don'tmentionClaire,andtakethisbeforeIforget."he handedheralargeenvelope.Sheaskedwhatwasitaboutbut hetoldhertoopenitathomeandseeforherself.Claire acceptedandfollowedtheothers.

  TWOweekshadpassedClaire'striptoMontesby.Itwas Saturdaymorning;herstepmotherandbrother,Jorge,wereall athome.SheandJorgewerenotascloseashowabrotherand sistershould,butalsoshehadnoproblemwithhim.Hesmiled atherasshetookaseat;themotherhadcalledforafamily meeting.

  "IbarelyseeyouJorge,howareyou?"Claireaskedhim "Fine,I'mjustabitoccupiedlately.Youknow?Workand all?"heshrugged."Whydon'tyoucomeandworktherehuh?" Jorgesuggested.Hismothergavehimalookofcontempt,asif shewastalkingnonsense.

  Clairenoticed;sheonlysmiled."No,I'mtakingashort breakbeforeIdecidewhatIreallywanttodo,butthanksforthe offer."sheansweredtruthfully.Jorgeattemptedtotellherabout howthecompanywasgoingbutthesubjectwastheleastof Claire'sinterests.

  "Okayenoughofthischitchat!"Themotherbarked."Ionly calledyoutoaskyouthis,"shepaused,andtheyallstaredat herwaitingtohearwhatshehadtosay."Imetyourfather's attorneyandIdiscoveredtheremightbeotherproperties somewhere,thathedidn'tmentioninhiswill,doyouknow anythingaboutit?"

  Sheaskedherasifshewastalkingtoheremployee.Claire remainedsilentlookingather,shewasnowconvincedthatall thatwomancaredaboutwasthefortune.Shefeltsoangrybut triedtocontrolhertemper.

  Shesighedsoftlyandtoldherthatsheknewnothingabout it.Thatwomandidn'twanttobelievebutClairetoldherthat evenifsheknewaboutit,therewasnowayshewould'vetold her.Hermothergotsoangryandthreatenedtothrowheroutof thehouse.

  "Iwaseagerlywaitingforthisday!Iwonderwhattookyou solongtobringupthistopicMOTHER!"Clairesnapped."But youknowwhat,I'llonlyleavethishousewhenIfeellike!"

  ThenextthingthatClaireheardwasaheavyslaponher face.Shewincedback,holdinghercheek.ThatmadeJorgeangry forthefirsttime.

  "Whatareyoudoingmother?Stop!"Jorgeshouted. Clairerushedtoherbedroomandslammedthedoor, leavingamotherandsonarguing.Shewantedtocrybutforced herwayagainstit;itwasn'tsomethingnewafterall.

  IntheafternoonshewenttoGena'sapartment,andfoundher shoutingtosomeoneoverthephone.Ignoringtheusual,Claire pulledherselfthepillowsandlieddown,untilthecallended.

  "HaveyoutalkedtotheStevens?"AskedGena;itwasthe onlyhottopic,apparently. "No,andIreallydon'twannagetentangledwiththatfamily Gena!I'vedecidedtoforgetitall."Clairesaidwhilestaringthe bottle.Shewantedtobelievethatitwasjustacoincidenceto meetthosepeopleanditwasabouttimetomoveonwithinher normalworld.

  Theydecidedtogoshopping,sinceGenawasaboutto attendhercousin'sweddingthenextweek.Ittookthemalong whileinthemall;movingoneshoptoanother,andwhile headingout,Clairepausedsuddenly,glaringattheotherside whereaveryfamiliarguy,andsomegorgeouswomanwere walkingsidebysidebytheescalator.

  "Heywhat'swrong?Doyouknowthem?"Genaaskedwhile lookingattheirdirection.

  Clairegawped."It'shimGena,it'sRyan!"Shesnapped. "Ohreally?WowheishotterthanIthought,won'tyougo afterhim?"

  "Noway,let'sgetoutofherebeforeheseesme." "Wait,Whyareyousoworkedup?areyouavoidinghim?" Genaaskedcuriously.Claireseemedlikeshewastryingtoblock thepathbetweenhimandheratallcosts."Andwhoisthat woman?"

  "Hisgirlfriendperhaps?Haven'tyouseenhowhappythey look?"shequipped.Genalookedathercarefullywithoutaword. "Whyareyoulookingatmelikethat?"

  "Tryingtoreadyou!Ijustdon'tgetit,doyoulikethatguy Claire?
"Genasnappedinaserioustoneofvoice. "What?Noway!Idon'tlikehim,Imean,I'veonlymethim once,sohowcanIpossiblylikehim?"shewhinedandwalked away,leavingGenastandingtheremotionless;sheshrugged andfollowedher.

  GenawasstillcuriousaboutClaire'sreaction,Shewas determinedtofindoutaboutit,henceshebroughtupthetopic again.

  "Idon'tthinkshe'shisgirlfriend,shewasobviouslyflirting withhim."Genateasedherwithadetectivelookonherface. "Really?Flirting?"SheutteredandGenalaughed."Butsheis beautiful,itwon'tbeasurpriseiftheyaredating;anyways,let's forgetaboutit.I'mhungry!"Clairesaid.

  CHAPTER3

  Lyingonherbed,Clairestartedthinkingoftheearlierincidentat themall.Shewasn'tsurewhyitkeptstirringher,butnomatter howhardshetriedtoignoreit,thereseemedtobeafire burninginsideher.GetagripClaire,youhavealottoworry about;weretheonlywordsshecouldthinkof,toomittheideas. Atthatmoment,theideaofopeningthatenvelopeshehad receivedfromherfatherpoppedup.Shegotupfrombed, openedherclosetandtookitout.Shesatdownandlookedatit forawhile,wonderingwhatcouldbehidinginside.

  Shehesitantlyopenedit,andfoundsomedocumentsanda platinumcreditcardunderhername.Agape,Claireflipped thosedocumentsandreadoneaftertheother.Hereyes widenedwithsurprise;therewasalanddeedandbankaccount papers.Whatsurprisedherwastheamountofmoneyand vastnessofthelandinacres.Sheneverexpectedsuchaan inheritance;sheknewherfatherwasrichbutnottothatextent. Andgrowingup,sheknewhowpreciousasmallpieceofland canbeatarightplace.Shewasamillionaire.

  Recoveringfromshock,sheunwrappedanotherpieceof paperthatwasseparatelypackedinitsownsmallenvelope.It wasaletterfromherfather,andsheopenedquicklytoreadit. Accordingtoit,herfatherexplainedhowsorryhewasfor makingherfeelneglected;thatheonlywantedtopreparea brightfutureaheadforher.Hestressedhowimportantshewas inhislifeandthathelovedhermorethananything.

  TearsrolledClaire'sfaceendlesslyasshefinishedreadingthe letter.Whatevershethoughtbythetimeremainedbetween herself.Sheonlysniffed,driedupthetearsandbracedherself. Shewasnolongerthesamedaddy'slittlegirlwhoyearnedfor hisattention,andnothingwould'vechangedathing;noteven thatenormousfortune.Shereplacedtheenvelopebacktothe closet,onanotionthatshe'dconsultanattorneytomakesure everythingisinorder.Claireknewwhattypeofamothershe had,hencewantedtomakesureofherlegalstanding.Onher waydownstairsfordinner,shegottooverhearJorgeandhis motherconversing;

  "Whyareyousoconcernedaboutthatbrat?"Herstepmother barked. "Momdon'tstart!Andthatbratasyoucallher,happensto haveaname!Untilwhenwillyoupickonher,can'tyoumakean effort?"Jorgesaidfuriously.

  "Hey,what'swrongwithyou?ForwhomdoyouthinkI'm doingallthis?" Jorgegrowled."Stopusingmeasanexcuseforyourambition! I'msosickofit.IcantakecareofmylifesopleaseleaveClaire alone,shedoesn'tdeservethis!"hescreamed,thenhisfootstep followed.Clairereturnedbacktoherroom;theappetitegone.

  Jorge'smotherremainedseated."Whyishemadatme? Ungrateful!DoeshethinkIcametothishousetodosome charitywork?"Shethoughtoutloudly."Iwon'tleaveheralone, I'lltakeeverythingthatIdeserveforwastingmylifehere!"she addedangrily.

  Shewasindeedanambitiouswoman,soobsessedwith moneyandluxuriouslifebutnotsmartenough. THEnextdayClairedroppedbytheattorney'sofficeforher documentation,andlaterafter,atthecoffeeshoptoinvigorate herself.Shewassittingacrossahugeglasswall,staringoutside thoughtlessly.Thestreetseemedbusted,peoplemovingonand about;typicalcitylife.Assheturnedaroundsighing,hereyes metsomethingunexpected.ItwasRyan,thegorgeouswoman andsomeotherguy;thethreeofthemlookedfriendlyenough totapeachother'sbackswhiletalking.Theywerehavingcoffee aswell.

  Shefeltacoldairblowingherbodyallover.No,Nothimagain. Sheswallowedasifseenaghost.Herheartwasthumpingand shedidn'tlikethesituationatall.Asbestie'salwaysdo,Claire textedGenaaboutitjusttodistractherselffromherown reactionwhichwassounlikely;herphonerangaminutelater.

  "Hey,areyousureit'shim?"AskedGena. "Ofcourseit'shim,withthatwomanandtheotherguy.I'm leavingrightnow!"Clairerepliedandstoodup,grabbingher purse.

  "Don'tbestupid,goandsayhello!"Genasuggestedlaughingly. "AreyoucrazyGenaMontero?WhyshouldI?"Clairewas alreadyattheexitthatwas,bypurefortune,closertohertable. "Youarethecrazyone.Ahwhatever!I'mhangingup,mycuz needsme."Genareplied,disappointedlyandreallyhungup. "Hello?Hello?Traitor!"Shescreamed. Onceoutside,andfarfromthesight,shetookadeepbreath. Itwasasifshe'ddodgedabullet.Notforlongthough,because shesuddenlyheard;

  "CLAIRE?" Shestoodstill,contemplatingthevoice.Itwasamasculine voicecallingherfrombehind;andfreshlyfamiliar.Her breathingwascocky,assheturnedbehindslowly,onlytosee Ryanapproachingherway,withasidesmileonhisfacewhile tellingsomeonehewastalkingtoonthephonethathewould calllaterandhungup.

  "RYAN?"Itwastheonlyhowshecouldprompt.

  "Itisreallyyou!Howareyou?"Heaskedandstoodrightin frontofher.

  "Um--good!Whatareyoudoinghere?"Claireanswered hesitantlywhileforcingasmile.

  "Justgrabbingacoffee!"Heeyedtheshopinstinctively."Iwas actuallytakingacallandsawyouhere."

  "Oh,Isee."sheanswered."Well,howisyourgrandfather?" "Heisfine,I'mgoingtheretomorrow."Hesaid."Hewouldbe gladifyouvisithim." ClairewassurprisedbyRyan'scalm,friendlypersona;it almostsoundedlikeaninvitationofakind. "CanI?"

  "Sure!Here,"heretrievedabusinessescardfromhiswallet andhandedher."Callme!"

  Callhim?Shegawped. Ryan'sattitudewasstrangethatday;hewascool,different fromthearrogantguyClairemetinMontesby.Foramoment shewonderedifhehadn'ttheDissociativeIdentityDisorder,or itwasjustthathisactingskillswereofpremiumlevel.Theidea madehergigglewhilehoppingataxihome.

  ****

  AROUNDtwelvenoon,thefollowingday,Clairewasalreadyat hercountryhouse;hersbecauseitwasoriginallyherlatemom's. "Grandpa!"Shescreamedasshedroppedoffthetaxi.The oldmansmileduponseeingher.Clairehuggedhimtightly withoutaword.

  "Yougonnakillmeyoubiggirl."hesaidwithacough,then joinedherlaughter,untilherfacesuddenlydarkened."Whatisit mychild?"

  Shesighed,takingaseatatoneoftheporchchairs"Oh grandpa!WhatshouldIdohuh?Ifeelsolostrightnow."she whinedathimtakingaseatsluggishly."IthinkI'manawful person,selfish,whoonlythinksofherself."

  "Whychild?"Hecoughedagain. Clairetookhertimetosay,"HeleftmemorethanIneed,I shouldbehappyright?"Shekepttalking."ButIfeelsolonely grandpa!IfeellikeI'mthepoorestoneonearth;I'mso ungratefulIknow,butIjustcan'thelpit."Shelookedattheold mansadlybutheonlylaughed.

  "Don'tthinktoohardmychild,timewilltakecareof everything!"Heremarked."Andwhosaidyouarepitiful?Soon youwillseehowamazing,lovedandluckyyouare."hesaid calmly.

  Clairesmiledatthosekindwords,butitdidn'tmeanshe believedthem.Lucky?She'dlongforgottenit'smeaning,after lifetookeveryoneshecaredabout.

  Laterwhiletakingawalk. "Thisiswhatbelongstoyou!Thisentireland."Theoldman saidpointedly.Hereferredtotheenormousbeachplotland that'snottoofarfromthehouse.

  "Allofit?But--"

  "Lifeissofunny;youknowwhat,thislandispartlyyour father'sandpartlyyourmother's."Hesaidinawisetone. Clairewassoastounded,herbighazeleyeswideopened "What?How'sthat?"Sheaskedcuriously.Hetoldherthestory abouthowhergrandparentsusedtofightoverthebordersof whiletheirchildrenwereslowlyfallinginloveandeventually boreher.Thestorywashilariouslyfascinating;Clairelaugheda lotandfeltsohappyknowinghowcrazyherparentswerefor oneanother."Andwheredidhelive?"Sheaskedanxiously.

  "Overthere,althoughhesoldthehouseinordertostart afreshinthecity,anditsnowaboardinghouseforfishermen!" heanswered.Thatwasmorethantwentyyearsago.

  Astimewenton,Clairerealizedhowwiseofheritwas,to gothere.SherememberedBrunoanddecidedtopayhimavisit aroundthree-thirtyafternoon.Whenshearrived,Brunowas abouttoleavetherestaurantbutfortunatelytheysaweach other.Hehuggedandkissedheronthecheek;hewasn't expectingtoseeheragain.

  "Iwasjustheadinghome,whydon'tyoucomeandsee whereIgrewup?"Brunosuggested.Hewasascharmingas Claireremembered,andhandsometoo.

  "Yourhome?Ican't!"shereplied.

  "Whynot?Doyouhaveplans?"

  "Wellnotexactly,It'sjust--"

  "It'sjustnothing!Wearegoingtogether."heopenedthe doorforher.Clairewasspeechless;resignedly,shesmiledand complied.

  Ontheway,Brunoaskedifshearrivedhomesafelythatday consideringthestorm.Heevenwenttocheckonherbutshe wasalreadygone;heassumedallwaswell. "Um--yeah,let'ssayIarrivedsafely."sheanswered unconvincingly. Heeyedhersuspiciously."Really?Thenwhyareyou--"his querygotcutshot.Hiscellbuzzed.Hepluggedtheearpiece."Yes bro,tellme."hesaid
,"Oh,whatacoincidence!I'monmaway there."headdedtothepersononthephone."Itwasmy brother!"HenotifiedClairewhoonlysmiled.

  Thecardivergedtotheroadthatledtoafamiliarplace;the sameplaceshespentthenightwhentheunfortunatehappened. ItwasMr.Stevensgrandmansion.Whattheheck?Clairewas staringoutsidewithShock.Shesnappedabruptly;

  "Holdon,isthisyourhome?" Brunonoddedapprovingly."Yes,what'stheproblem?"He returned,almoststunned.Clairetoldhimeverythingthat happenedonthatday."SoyouarethefamousgirlIwastold about?Theladyinrain?"Hegawped.

  Ladyinrain?Seriously?Shethought.

  "I'msorryIliedearlier,it'skindaembarrassing."Shemade herdefense,forwhichBrunoagreedwithalaugh. THEYmetMr.Stevenswhowasalsosurprisedtoseethem together.BrunotoldhimhowhemetClaire.Aftersometime Ryanpresentedhimself,shockedastwicetohearthestory.A latelunchwasserved,perStevensorderandtheyallate togetherlikeonebigfamily;somethingthatmadeStevensand BrunohappywhileRyanoutofplace.

  "What'swrongson?Youdon'tlookgood."MrStevensasked him,worriedly.Theyalllookedathim.Obviouslyhewasthere justphysically,fakingsmileswhenevertheycrackedajoke.

  "Nothing,I'mjusttired."Heanswered."IthinkI'lljustgoto myroom,I'vegotaheadache!"heansweredandstoodup. "YoushouldprobablytakeiteasyRy,youareworkingtoo much."Brunoteasedhisbigbrotherasheleft. WithRyangone,StevensstartedscoldingBruno;insistinghe shouldstopwanderinglikeawildandreturnhome.Claire soughtitwisegivingthemspacealthoughwasn'tnecessarily needed.Shewalkedaimlesslyandlandednearthekitchen wherethemaidswerechattering;

  "Sowhosegirlfriendisshe?IsItBruno'sorRyan's?"Oneof themaidsspoutedwhilewashingthedishes.

  Anotherreplied."MaybeBruno,Oharen'tthetwobrothers hot?"

  Theysharedascandalizedlaugh.

  "Ienvytheladyinrain,she'sclosetoboth.Howlucky!"The firstmaidsighedaudibly. "Andwhataboutthatmissperfect?Ithoughtshewas datingRyan;tellusMartha,youmustknoweverythingaround here."theothersaidwhilelookingatMarthawhowasbusy packingsomefruitsintothewiderefrigerator.

  Missperfect?Coulditbethatwoman?Themechanicof Claire'sbrainactivated.Marthaignoredthem;sheremained silentasiffoundthemtoonosyfortheirowngood.

  Thefirstadded,"Well,Iwon'tbesurprisedifDorisisdating him.Imean,they'reboth--"