by Liz Durano
My mouth hovers over hers. I feel her breath warm against my upper lip. "It's always been real, Mariah."
The kiss that follows comes from both of us, lips meeting with a desperation that's been building all night, maybe even longer. Mariah tastes of vanilla and honey, of shyness and a vulnerability I've never seen before this moment when all the masks finally come down and it's just us. No more masks. No more pretense.
Her arms circle my neck, the scent of lavender and patchouli engulfing my senses. The feel of her body pressing against mine reminds me that this is real, that she's really here with me. Our tongues swirl together as we kiss with a fervor that threatens to overtake every rational thought in my brain. I want to touch her skin, feel her naked body against mine. I want so much to kiss all her fears away and remind her that everything before now is the past. It's over and it's done.
But as I fist her hair in my hand, my other hand slipping inside her coat to feel her warm skin, I also can't allow myself to continue, not when the reality is, we're in the middle of a charade. I want everything from her, but I also want to do it the right way.
I pull away, out of breath, and cup her face in my hands. "Mariah, we need to talk."
"What about?"
"When we get back, we need to tell them the truth. I mean it. If this is how we feel for each other, I want no more pretense between us, no more games."
Her brow furrows as if she didn't understand what I just said. "I can't do that."
"Why not?" I ask. "Then we don't have to hide anything from them. I like you. In fact, I more than like you, and what's happening between us shouldn't be done under a charade."
"You mean, tell them the truth? I can't do that."
"Why not?" I ask. "You can tell them I'm your friend and it's true. It's certainly a better story than telling them I'm some escort you hired off the Internet. Or worse, I'm filling in for the escort you hired off the internet."
She doesn't answer right away but I see the fear in her eyes. Shame, too. "Haven't you seen how happy we've made them? My parents love you... us. I can't ruin that now."
"They love a version of us that's not real, at least not yet. Worse, they love a version of me that's not real. It's me, yes, because I sure haven't lied about the way I feel for you, but it doesn't change the fact that the fiancé you brought home with you is a fabrication, a made-up story so you could prove to your ex-boyfriend—not your family, but your ex-boyfriend and your former friend who have only seen us once—that you've moved on... that you're not alone anymore." I pause, hating how we've come to this point. "But the problem is, Elliot and Minerva aren't the ones bearing the brunt of the lie. It's your family. Can't you see, Mariah? The longer we keep this up, the more you're proving them right, that you haven't moved on at all."
Mariah doesn't say anything. Her hands are balled into fists along her sides and she's breathing hard. "You're wrong. I have moved on."
"How can you say that when you can't even admit to yourself that this charade is wrong? Even you know it or you wouldn't have panicked after your mother suggested we get married right here." I pause, rubbing the back of my neck. "But that's what I'm telling you right now, Mariah, and I'm telling you this as your friend, as someone who's known you for the last three years and have always admired you... as someone who's always liked you more than you know. Let's come clean to them. They're your family."
My phone buzzes from my jeans pocket again and as much as I hate having to check who's calling, I need the distraction. I need something to stop me from telling Mariah the next line, that I've fallen in love with her.
Merry Xmas! Heard you're in town. We need to catch up. Call me. Chad.
I slip my phone back into my back pocket, not wanting to text a response in front of Mariah even though every fiber of my being wants to call Chad and tell him to pick me up. I need space, space from the lie that's eating me up from the inside.
"Look, Logan, I understand you don't want to continue and I get it," she says slowly. "But I'm not telling them anything. I'm going to stick to the plan. And if that's a problem for you, I'm sorry. But I can't tell them the truth now."
I sigh. "Fine."
"I've seen them disappointed before, Logan, and this will disappoint them. More than you know, and I don't want to burst that bubble. Not when there's one more day and we get to go home."
"But it's never going to be the same between us, Mariah. You do know that, right?"
She doesn't answer. She draws the curtains close and heads outside, waiting for me to follow her. As soon as I step out, she locks the door behind me.
"So you don't think they'll be disappointed when you tell them we broke up?" I ask. "What will you tell them, that I cheated on you just like Elliot did?"
"Is that all you're worried about? Your reputation?"
I shake my head. "You can ruin my reputation all you want, Mariah, I don't care. But it'll never change the fact that you refuse to move on after what Elliot and Minerva did two years ago. And I'm sorry that they did what they did. But while what they did was wrong, there are better things to do than wallow in the past."
Mariah clenches her jaw, her nostrils flaring. I almost apologize, but what the heck would I be apologizing for? I told her the truth.
"I'm heading back to the main house. If you want to come along, fine. If you don't, fine," she announces coldly as she walks ahead of me.
My phone rings again. It's Chad. This time I answer the call. I hate how things turned out between Mariah and me but I also know I can't keep on with the pretense any longer.
12
Mariah
How did the fairy tale end so quickly? One minute everything was perfect and the next, it all fell apart. But even though Logan's right—that the charade is wrong—why quit now when there's less than twenty-four hours left before we leave? By this time tomorrow, we'll be on our way back to LA and a week from now, I'll let everyone know that we broke up.
He doesn't have to do anything. It's all on me.
"I'm going to spend a few hours with Chad," he says when he catches up with me just before we reach the gravel driveway. "I'll be back tonight."
"Fine," I snap, still walking.
"Mariah, stop. Please. Let's talk."
I stop and turn to face him. While I'm almost out of breath, he's barely broken a sweat, handsome in his jacket and jeans, his hair hidden underneath a wool cap. Still, I can't believe I agreed to let him take Cooper's place. I should have known better. I should have simply come up here and showed everyone my ring and leave it at that.
"What exactly is there to talk about, Logan? You said everything you wanted to say back there."
"I meant what I said at the cabin, Mariah," he says. "I want us to start over from the beginning. I want to see you again but not like this, not with a lie hanging over our heads."
"I think all that's off the table now, Logan."
He frowns. "All because I refuse to go on with this lie?"
I shake my head. "The things you said back there... about Elliot and Minerva, they weren't exactly nice."
"I think we're past being nice, Mariah. We need to start being honest with each other."
"By telling me I'm stuck in the past?" I scoff. "That's not being honest, Logan. That's being cruel."
"That's because the truth can be cruel. It's not all fun and games and right now, that's what this is for you. Fun and games. But for what? So that guy and his wife over there can see that you're not alone two years after he did what he did to you?" He shakes his head. "What do you want me to do, Mariah? Would you rather I lie to you just to make you feel better?"
I cross my arms in front of my chest. "You were fine lying to my family the whole weekend."
He laughs dryly. "We were both lying to your family, Mariah, about us. But you know what? I never lied about the way I felt about you."
I hear his words but my anger refuses to let me take it in. "Yeah, right. Anyway, I'm going inside."
I head toward the direction of the h
ouse, not waiting for Logan to catch up. Let him hang out with his friend, Chad or whatever his name is. Let him do whatever it is he wants to do, I don't care. I just want to get this visit over with before Mom and Dad start making arrangements for a wedding that will never happen.
Twenty minutes later, I walk through the front door, muttering a quick hi to everyone gathered in the living room. As I shrug off my coat and hang it behind the door, all I want to do is march up to my room and cry my eyes out. I don't notice the silence until a man I've never met before stands up and clears his throat.
"Hi, Mariah. I made it."
I stare at him. Deep voice. Blond hair, blue eyes, 21st-century Paul Newman. Cooper Reed, my fiancé. The real fake one.
"What... what are you doing here?"
"I'm here to meet your parents. That's what we agreed on, remember?"
"Didn't you get my message?"
He shakes his head. "I lost my phone somewhere around JFK shortly after you and I talked. Lo and behold, it's actually impossible to find a replacement phone around Christmas especially when your wallet's missing, too."
Behind me, on the other side of the front door, Logan stomps his boots on the door mat. "Chad should be here in a few minutes," he says as he steps inside, stopping when he sees Cooper standing by the tree.
"Hey, man, I thought your flight was grounded," he says slowly.
"It was, but I'm here now," Cooper says. "Who are you?"
Seated on the couch, my family stares at us. Emily looks livid with her arms crossed in front of her chest and the rest, except for Harper who's staring up at Cooper with her jaw hanging open, looks bewildered and disappointed.
"You were engaged to two men?" Mom asks. "How can you be engaged to two men, Mariah?"
"Was this the surprise you were talking about?" Emily asks.
"Ménages are in although polygamy isn't. At least, not in California," Brad says, holding a bowl of Cheerios for Jonathan who is sitting on his lap oblivious of what's going on.
"I think my sister has excellent choice in men," Harper says, her gaze never leaving Cooper. I'm glad, for once, she's not filming this. "If she has to pick only one, I'll take whoever she doesn't want."
Emily glares at her. "Harper, this is not the time."
"So what happened?" Logan asks Cooper. "Where've you been? We went to the airport. We waited."
"I lost my phone and my wallet and her information was all in there. Luckily, I had my passport, so I was able to get on the later flights with the voucher they gave me." Cooper turns to look at Harper. "The driver got lost finding this place and so he dropped me off in town."
"That's where I found him, all the way in Nevada City at Thyme & Lavender," Harper says, referring to the souvenir shop the Delphine twins own. "I'd gone to say hi to Blythe and there he was, asking about this place."
"I'll pay you back for your trouble as soon as I get my ID and debit card replaced," Cooper tells her before looking at Logan. "So who are you?"
"Mariah, can you tell us what's going on?" Dad finally asks. "I did not raise my daughter to be engaged to two men."
"No, you didn't, Dad, and I'm sorry," I say. "I'm not engaged, not to any of them. Not to Logan or to Cooper."
"Wait! You got engaged to him, too?" Cooper asks. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"You said you couldn't make it," I reply.
"No, I said I'd try my best to get on a plane to be here."
"And I sent you text and voice messages telling you I didn't need you anymore."
"Look, guys, it's my fault," Logan says. "I volunteered to take Cooper's place as her fiancé."
"How can you just volunteer like that?" Emily asks. "Who the hell volunteers to pretend to be someone's fiancé?"
"A friend," Logan replies stiffly.
"He's my mechanic. He and his brother maintain my vans and my SUV," I reply coldly.
I can feel Logan's intense gaze but I don't look at him. How can I when everything is falling apart and there's no more saving whatever we once had? Better that things end this way between us than prolong it.
"I'm confused," Mom says. "Are you or aren't you engaged, Mariah? And if you are, to whom?"
"I'm not engaged to anyone, Mom. Not to Cooper and not to Logan," I reply, fighting back the tears of shame. "I'm sorry for lying to everyone but when you told me that Elliot and Minerva were coming home for Christmas, I panicked."
"How can you panic?" Emily asks. "It's been two years."
"I just panicked, alright?" I say. "I didn't want him and Minerva to see that I was still alone two years after what happened. I mean, three weeks before the wedding? Who does that? And for crying out loud, all the wedding dinnerware and silverware are still up in the attic, every single one with our names on it."
I pause, the meaning behind my words hitting me hard. I look at Logan, realizing how right he was earlier. I am stuck in the past. I didn't just use it as armor. I lived it, breathed it, and pushed everyone away with it.
"Oh, honey," Mom says. "We gave all the wedding stuff away a long time ago. There was no sense in holding on to them."
"So none of it was true?" Dad looks at Logan. "The things you said about my daughter, it was all made up?"
"No, sir, it wasn't," Logan says. "I meant what I said about how I felt about your daughter."
A truck approaching the driveway catches Dad's attention and he peers out the window.
"Who is this now? Is there a third guy that I need to know about?" he asks when the truck stops and a tall man wearing a baseball cap emerges and makes his way toward the house.
"That would be my friend Chad," Logan replies, opening the door. "He moved up here a few months ago."
Amid all the hi's and hello's, I hurry upstairs, not wanting to face anyone for a while. What else can I say that hasn't been said? I messed up. Bad.
I hear a knock on the door and before I can tell whoever it is to leave me alone, Emily pushes open the door and steps inside.
"Mariah, I had no idea you were still hurt by what happened," she says softly.
"There were three hundred people invited to the wedding," I say. "Half the town alone knew what happened."
"You do know we can't stop Elliot and Minerva from spending Christmas with his parents," she says. "I just never thought you'd..."
"Spare me the lecture, Emily, okay? I don't have time for that right now."
She sighs and takes a step toward me but I bring my hand up, not wanting her to come closer. Everything feels too raw and the last thing I need is Emily's pity. Or anyone else's, for that matter.
The tears finally come down the moment I'm alone in my room. I always told myself to be ready for the moment things would go wrong but not like this, not with Cooper and Logan in the same room and my lie falling apart the way it did. Talk about a big reveal.
How can Mom and Dad trust me now?
The door opens and Logan steps inside.
"I'm sorry for the way things fell apart," I whisper. "You should just leave and have fun with your friends for a change."
Logan doesn't say anything. He takes three steps toward me and gathers me in his strong arms. That's when I really fall apart, the tears flowing even harder as I sob against his chest.
"You did what you thought was best. I get that," he murmurs. "But sometimes, even with the best of intentions, some things just don't work out the way we want them to."
"I'm sorry."
He lets go of me and steps back. "Mariah, I'm going to leave."
"Okay."
"Chad's going to drive me back to LA."
I nod, his words sounding distant. "I understand."
"I've said goodbye to everyone but I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to you."
Fresh tears spill down my cheeks. Why does this feel like a final goodbye?
"I'm so sorry, Logan."
"I'm sorry, too," he says.
"I never meant to hurt you."
"I know."
"Merry Christmas."
"Mariah, no matter how things ended between us, this was the best Christmas I've ever had since my mother died. I just want you to know that." He presses his lips to my forehead. "Thank you."
After one more squeeze of his arms around me, Logan grabs his backpack and is gone, and I find myself staring at my door feeling more alone than I've ever felt before.
13
Mariah
It's been three days since I left the Soraya, three days after the apologies and awkward goodbyes to Forrest, Emily, Brad, and my parents. It wasn't too awkward with Harper who volunteered to help Cooper with all his paperwork. She even convinced our parents to put him in the cabin that Summer had rented. After all, we couldn't just throw him out of the lodge after everything he'd already been through.
As for Logan, I haven't heard from him since he left the house with his friend Chad. I know they drove back to LA together, Chad overdue for his own visit to Southern California. I've tried not to check his social media account but in the end, I couldn't stop myself. A peek at the social media accounts Logan shares with his brother revealed that he, Liam, and his friends were riding their bikes up to Monterey. Actually, it was more than just a peek.
He seemed happy in the pictures with the ocean behind him. Some of the photos were taken from a drone high above, four motorcycles on the highway. If he's trying to move on, he's doing it and I can't blame him. I couldn't even call him my friend when it came down to it. Instead, I told my family he was my mechanic. How'd I become a spineless fool? And for what? All because I didn't want to tell the truth.
I wish I could talk to Logan and apologize but what else is there to apologize for? In the end, life ultimately goes on. Brides need their wedding and reception floral arrangements, lovers need their long-stemmed red roses, and debutantes, their corsages. And on Friday morning like always, I wake up early to arrange Mrs. Garrison's graveside floral arrangement just in case Logan comes by to pick it up.
But he doesn't.
Still, life goes on, and except for one little deviation from my schedule, I'm back at my flower shop making the floral arrangements for the New Year's Eve wedding scheduled for the following day. My florists and I have been at work since yesterday, crafting the bouquets, flower crowns, pew ends and hurricane lanterns for the church ceremony and the endless table arrangements for the reception being held at the country club. It's one of the biggest accounts I've ever handled and I'm grateful for the distraction. It keeps my mind too busy to replay everything that happened in Soda Springs, from the embarrassment and humiliation of being caught pretending to be engaged to the despair I felt when I saw my parents and my sisters' faces, a feeling made worse when Logan left.