by Tyler, Q. B.
My response went unanswered.
The next day my birthday gift, two tickets to see a local band we both love, arrived in the mail. But the note attached said she understood that I would probably rather take Sasha. I cried for four straight hours after that. I felt like I lost my mother and best friend and sister all rolled into one.
I was up half the night packing most of my things in preparations to move to Margie’s house, before collapsing onto Cal’s bed wrapped in his arms letting myself fall into an exhausted sleep. I wake up to the feeling of him stroking my hair and I dread opening my eyes because it means it’s morning and more importantly that I have to go.
“I know you’re awake.” He rubs his finger along my lips and I part them slightly letting his digit slip inside. “God, I’m going to miss waking up with you.”
My eyes pop open at that and I move on top of him to straddle him. “You know…I could maybe sleep over at Sasha’s sometimes?” I raise an eyebrow and he smiles, raising his pelvis underneath me.
“We’ll see each other, baby.” His hand touches my face and traces his fingers from my forehead to my chin. “I won’t be able to stay away from you but for so long.”
I lean down and rub my nose against his. “I’m holding you to that.” I plant a kiss on his lips. “Do you have time to fuck me before you go to work?”
A growl rumbles in his chest and then I’m on my back with my legs wrapped around his waist. I’m wearing one of his t-shirts and a pair of panties that he rips from me instantly. “You call me.” He grits out. “Day or night.” He grips my face and stares down at me, his eyes boring into mine. “You need me, you call me. I’ll come.” He narrows his eyes to emphasize his point. His gaze is hard and demanding, almost daring me to disobey him.
I mean it, Madeline.
“I know.” I try my best to keep the tears out of my voice, but it’s no use and I know he can sense the sadness lurking beneath the surface. His face drops to my neck, tucking it in the space there and inhaling. Teeth nip at my skin as I wrap my arms around him and slide my hands under the waistband of his sweats and slide them down.
He pulls away to remove his sweats, leaving him naked and hovering over me. He rubs his dick against my sex, lubricating his cock and tickling my clit in the process. I watch as a bead of cum trickles out of the tip and mixes with my arousal. “This still belongs to you. You know that, right? You know that you don’t have to worry about anyone else…” He trails off.
I’ll admit the idea did float across my mind that me not being around as much might open up the opportunity for women to get the wrong idea. Not that I thought he would entertain anyone, but women flocked to Cal and it made me crazy. I look up into his warm eyes that shine with love and devotion for only me, and I nod. “Do I need to remind you of the same?”
“Doesn’t hurt to hear it.” He slides inside of me and a sigh leaves my lips when he settles against me, the base of his cock kissing my mound as he glides in and out with ease.
“I belong to you, Cal.”
“Fucking assholes, think they can mess with you.” He grits out as he begins to pump in and out of me harder. “If I’m not around…” He trails off.
“I don’t want anyone else…and just because I’m at Margie’s, I have a feeling you’ll still be around and daring anyone to come within a few feet of me.” I smile, despite the sinking feeling in my stomach. I’ve never been away from Cal for longer than a few nights at a time. Now we are preparing for six months of being apart for every night. I squeeze my eyes shut to prevent the tears from falling when I feel one leaking out of the corner of my eye and slide into my hair. I turn my head when he grabs it. My eyes are still closed, but I feel his tongue at my temple, tracing the trail of my salty tear.
“Please don’t cry.” His voice is hoarse, like he’s seconds from losing it as well. I open my eyes when I feel him slip out of me, his head is lowered, staring at his hands. “I’ve never not been there…” He trails off. “And now you’re freaking out. This is a mistake.” He looks up at me and I immediately fear the worst, feeling like the wind has been knocked out of me.
My eyebrows shoot to my hairline and my eyes fill with more tears. “Cal…”
“No, no…not that.” He shakes his head. I sit up and he grabs my hand, interlacing our fingers and bringing them to his lips. “Not that,” he whispers, as if he can hear my thoughts.
We aren’t a mistake.
“I’ll be okay,” I manage to whisper. This whole time I thought that this would be the hardest on me. That being away from the man I’ve come to love in every way would leave a void in my heart and my mind and my soul. That I had come to be so dependent on Cal, that I didn’t know how to function without him right beside me, telling me that I can. That I was so used to waking up in this house every day, and seeing him every day, that the idea of going a day without seeing his smile, or hearing his laugh, or touching him made me short of breath. But watching this strong man fall apart in my arms at the thought of being away from me, makes me believe that I’m not the only one that will feel the emptiness over our distance.
Maybe this distance is for the best because this can’t be healthy…right?
He chuckles and shakes his head. “I know you will.”
I sit up on my knees and wrap my arms around him. “But I’ll miss you.”
He pulls out of my grasp and tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear before cupping my face, his thumbs stroking the space just below my eyes, drying the leftover wetness. “The place won’t be the same without you.”
“I’ll come visit.” I giggle.
“Fuck visiting. That makes it sound like you don’t live here. This is your home, Madeline. You know that, right?”
I bite my bottom lip, my body suddenly hyper-aware that my sex is swollen, his cock is hard, and neither of us finished. “Cal…” I trail my fingers up his torso, running over every defined ridge of his chiseled chest, “you’re my home.”
Cal sets my suitcase in his old bedroom that Margie has long since turned into a more effeminate guest room once I started staying with her more frequently. The posters and sports MVP awards were removed and the once blue painted walls are now white. The full-sized bed was replaced by a queen with a fluffy white down comforter with pink accents and a mountain of pillows at the head. “I think that’s everything.” He looks around the room at all of my suitcases. “Anyone tell you, you have a lot of shit?”
“You. Once or twice.” I giggle. But I didn’t want to have to be running back and forth between Margie and Cal’s no matter how badly I wanted to see him when I couldn’t find what I needed.
He looks at the door and then at me before he starts to close the door when Margie’s voice rings out. “DOOR OPEN!”
Cal groans and rolls his eyes. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“You didn’t have enough this morning?” I raise an eyebrow at him.
He rubs his forehead and I take a minute to roam my eyes over him. Black jeans and a black button-down adorn his perfect form, settled underneath a black leather jacket with his badge peeking out. I bite my bottom lip and his eyes darken when they find mine.
“Did you?” he asks in response to my ogling. “That’s precisely why I tried to close the door. I just wanted to kiss you properly.”
“I think the problem is you want to kiss me improperly.”
He shakes his head and pulls me into his arms. “I’ll call you later.”
I nod, the words getting caught in my throat. I wanted him to tell me he would see me later. I wanted a plan in place for when I’d see him again. “When will I see you?”
He rubs a finger over my lips. “You go back to school tomorrow and then you have practice…” He trails off. “And I have to work late tomorrow.”
“Will you come see me after?”
“It’ll be late.”
“I don’t care.”
“My mother might,” he laughs.
I let out a huff. “I guess
I’m going to have to learn how to sneak out of the house.”
“No.” He growls and squeezes my ass. “Behave yourself.”
“Or…what?” I know my eyes are filled with excitement and mischief.
“Madeline, don’t tempt me with my mother downstairs.” I bite my bottom lip and rub against him, before trailing my hands up his body. Not so accidentally bumping his cock with my hands twice causing him to groan. He grabs my hands and brings them to his lips. “Okay, you little minx, I have to go.”
I nod, trying my best to put a brave face on, but he can see right through it. “I love you,” I tell him as I wrap my arms around his middle and rest my head-on his chest.
He tightens his hold around me and I let his scent surround me. He lifts my chin up to meet his gaze. “Six months,” he whispers.
“And then…?”
“And then I’m never letting you go again.”
I spend most of the day in my new room, putting everything away and taking intermittent naps because moving is exhausting as hell. I’m trying my best to keep up a brave face over this recent change, but the tears have been flowing nonstop. In the midst of unpacking, I come across a photo album. It feels heavy in my hands, reminding me of what’s inside, and my heart sinks in my chest at the painful memories. I run my fingertips along the edges of the familiar red cover and hug it close to my chest as if the hard ridges are the soft, warm arms of my mother.
“What do you want for dinner?” Cal asks as he walks into my bedroom to see me sitting in the corner with my arms wrapped around my knees, hugging them to my chest. “Maddie?” He kneels down in front of me. “What’s wrong, honey?” I’ve been staying with the nice police officer that found me hiding in the closet last month and he seems nice, but I want to go home.
“I want to go home.” I speak, barely above a whisper. A tear trickles down my cheek. “I just want my mommy.”
“What?” he asks and leans closer to my face and I reach my hand out and push him hard although he doesn’t move an inch.
“I WANT TO GO HOME! I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE!” I scream so loud my throat is sore.
His eyes widen and for a second, I feel like I might have hurt his feelings. “Maddie…”
“I want my mommy! And I’ll never see her again!” The tears are flying down my face at this point, the sobs bubbling in my chest and spilling out all over this sweet man that has been taking care of me.
He rushes to my bed and grabs my pink bunny and sits next to me holding it out for me and I snatch it from his hands. “MINE.”
“I know.” He’s so calm, and it makes me wonder why he’s not yelling at me. Daddy’s yell, don’t they?
“I want to go home.” I turn to him and he looks just as sad as me.
“Maddie, I know you want your mommy and you want to go home, but… you can’t.” He turns to face me head-on and puts his hands on my shoulders. “I know this situation sucks and you were dealt the shittiest hand, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I can’t make this better for you. I would take all of your pain away if I could.”
I sniffle and wipe my eyes. “I miss her.”
“I know.”
“The kids at school said my daddy killed her.”
His eyes are cold and hard and he looks away from me. I’m not sure what happened that night. I remember yelling and screaming and a loud bang. I think I fell asleep for some of it. But then Cal was there and my parents were dead.
“What else did they say?”
“Is it true?” I ask. I know my mommy and daddy died but no one told me why or how.
“Maddie…”
My chest feels like it’s about to explode, my heart is beating so fast, and I feel like I can’t see anything through the tears in my eyes. “I hid. I hid because I was scared. He was yelling and…” My lips tremble and then I’m in his arms and he’s rubbing my back as I cry into his shoulder. “I let her die. I should have done something…”
“Shhh, sweetheart, there’s nothing you could have done. You were smart to hide. Your mommy would have wanted you to hide.”
He continues to talk but I don’t hear it. All I can hear is my mother’s voice floating around me. Singing to me. Reading me the story of “Madeline.” Teaching me how to play Hopscotch and jump rope and giving me the warmest hugs. She smelled like honey and always came when I called.
Except now.
Cal stands with me still in his arms and takes me into his bedroom and sets me on my feet. I squeeze my pink bunny harder as he moves into his closet and pulls something out of a large bag.
“This is technically evidence, but I knew one day you would want it. I didn’t want this to be filed away where you would never see them.”
I take the book from his hands reluctantly and sit on the ground. I open the book and wipe my nose as the tears begin to form again when I realize it’s a photo album.
“Mommy.” I press my fingers to a picture of her and pull it from the sleeve and hold it in my hands as he sits down across from me. “Thank you.”
He nods and rubs his jaw. I’ve noticed he has more of a beard lately. “I want you to be happy, Maddie, so if you want to go, I’ll call your social worker. We can still be friends.” He smiles at me and I shake my head back and forth.
“No!” I scoot closer to where he’s sitting and sit up on my knees putting my hands on his shoulders. “I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t mean it.” I shake my head. “I want to stay. Please let me stay.”
“If you’re not happy here…”
“I am! If I can’t be with my Mommy…” I trail off. “I want to be with you.”
I press the album to my chest and let out a sigh. I bite my bottom lip, to stop the tears from falling but it’s no use. My eyes drift upwards, and I let them flutter closed as I try to picture my mother smiling down on me.
It isn’t until dinnertime when I finally emerge to find Margie cooking in the kitchen.
“Hey Mads, I was just about to come get you! You all settled?”
I wince at her words. It’s been four hours and I already miss him. “Yep, I’m in. Do you need any help?”
“No, I’m almost finished.” She washes her hands before turning to me with her head cocked to the side.
“What?”
“We should have a little talk.”
“Margie…” I trail off and she points at the chair indicating that I need to sit.
I do as she says and rest my head on my fist. “Yes…?”
“So, there’s going to be some rules, missy.”
“Like a curfew? I assumed.”
“Not just a curfew. You can’t just go gallivanting off with my son whenever you feel like it.”
My mouth drops open. “You mean…Cal?”
She looks at me as if to say ‘don’t start.’ “Your boyfriend, Maddie.” No one’s referred to him that way before and I feel my sex clench on instinct. “You’re eighteen, so I’m not going to put very strict rules in place, but no sleeping at his house, Maddie.”
“I can’t stay there?”
“No?”
“Why?” I furrow my brows in question.
“Are you insane?”
“No! That’s a serious question.”
“You think I’m going to allow you to go have a sleepover with your boyfriend?”
I sigh. “Fine. Well, can he stay here, at least?” She looks at me from over her glasses.
“Nice try,” she says sardonically.
I gasp. “What? He’s your son, you’re going to tell your precious baby boy he can’t stay over?” My fingers cross under the table hoping that works.
She narrows her eyes at me. “You think you’re so slick, don’t you?” She chuckles. “Fine, Maddie if my son is so hell-bent on staying here, then fine, in the basement and away from your bedroom.” She gets up and goes back to the stove.
“Can’t he stay in Henry’s old room?”
“No,” she says without another word or glance in my direction.
> “Send me a picture,” I hear growled in my ear and I roll my eyes as I run my hand along my wet leg with the one hand I’ve submerged in water. I grip my phone harder, careful not to drop it in the bathtub that I’ve filled to the brim with jasmine scented bubbles.
“Later.” I murmur. “How was your day?”
“Long. Aria is still avoiding me like the plague and people are taking notice.”
I groan. “Cal…”
“I mean they just think her and Henry are having issues and it’s making things awkward and tense, or that we had a fight.”
“Do you think Aria will say anything?”
“No…I don’t, and I told you not to worry. I’ll handle it if it comes to that.”
“Baby…” I trail off. “If it comes to that…” I clear my throat, prepared to speak my biggest fears. That people wouldn’t be forgiving or accepting or willing to ignore. They’d be outraged and it would be the end of Cal Grayson, glorified Officer of the Law.
“I said I would take care of it.” I go to respond when he cuts me off. “Oh, shit!” And I can hear the smile in his voice. “I’m going through the mail. Seems like someone has a little something from a certain Harvard University.”
“Oh my God!” I sit up so fast the water sloshes over the sides of the tub. I hadn’t wanted to go away to school, but Cal and Aria had forced me into at least trying. I had the grades and SAT scores and extra-curriculars for it, not to mention an essay of what happened that tragic night that’s probably worthy of a bid for presidency. And now that Cal and I probably couldn’t be together here in Oregon, the thought of starting somewhere else new excited me. Pending we could afford it and Cal would come with me. “Big or little?”
“Big or little?” He repeats in question.
“Envelope, Cal! Is it a big or little envelope! Rejections are little, acceptances are big!”