by Tyler, Q. B.
“Aria…be gentle,” Cal scolds and I see her lift her middle finger.
“Back off, Grayson.” She pulls back to look at me and cups my face. “Maddie.” She kisses my forehead and pulls me into a hug. “I’m so…sorry,” she whispers in my ear. Her eyes are puffy and red, and her skin is splotchy, all evidence that makes me believe she’s been sobbing for hours. She sniffles and rubs her nose with a tissue and I hold my arms out to hug her again. I can’t even imagine what Aria is going through right now. When I pull back her chin trembles slightly. “We’ll talk later, okay?”
I nod, as the tears well in my eyes. “You’ve been…” I hiccup despite the lump I feel lodged in my throat, “the best friend…and mother I could have ever asked for.” I smile at her through the tears. I knew I couldn’t be blamed for Henry’s sins, but Aria shouldn’t be either. Besides Cal, Aria loves me so much; seeing me in that position in that tiny cabin probably gutted her as deeply as Cal.
“Okay, Maddie, a few things…” one of Cal’s subordinates, Officer James, speaks up. He moves to the other side of my bed, opposite of Cal and Aria, and they both shoot him a look. “Hey, effective immediately you two are off this case. You shouldn’t have even proceeded without backup, Grayson.”
He snorts and gives him a look. “I’m sorry, who do you report to? And he had Maddie. You think I wasn’t going in? You’re insane.”
“Exactly. A big conflict of interest.” He taps his pen against his notepad before pointing it at all three of us.
“Is this really necessary?” Aria asks.
“It is if a rape kit exam is in order.” Instantly, I freeze despite the blankets on top of me and I want to burrow under them and sleep through the rest of winter.
Aria and Cal look at me and I watch as the blood drains from both of their faces, but my eyes stay focused on Cal. I shake my head slowly, letting him know that he didn’t. That no one’s touched me but him. I’m yours.
“Not necessary,” Cal says.
“Cal…” Officer James warns.
“I don’t need one.” I speak up. “He didn’t touch me, like…that.”
“Listen, I know you have a different relationship with Cal and Aria, so if they need to step out of the room so we can talk to you privately, we can do that.”
“No.” I shake my head. “They stay. He didn’t touch me, but we can do one if you don’t believe me?”
“That’s not how this works,” Cal growls. “And they’re invasive and often times a little traumatic. You’ve been through enough. If you say you don’t need one, you’re not taking one.”
I bite my lip and look at Officer James. “I don’t need one, I swear,” I whisper.
“Well, we do have a few questions to ask if you don’t mind.”
“Do we have to do that now? The suspect is…” he pauses and clears his throat as he prepares to speak of the suspect who just so happens to be his brother. “deceased.” Cal says and I watch as Aria flinches. She looks down and I reach out to grab her hand giving it a small squeeze. Her eyes meet mine and a flash of sadness floats across her face.
I’m sorry, I mouth.
She shakes her head as if to tell me that I’m the last person who has anything to be sorry for.
“And this is precisely why you two are off this case. This is personal for both of you. Your brother, your husband.” He looks at them and shakes his head. “And from what few of us have noticed, you’re romantically involved with the victim.” He points at Cal and then turns his head towards me.
How did they know? I vaguely remember him calling me baby earlier and maybe a kiss, but I thought I imagined that.
“We should remove you both from the room while we speak with her,” he continues and I freeze.
“No!” The word bursts out of me like an explosion. “What part of I don’t want to be away from them do you not understand? They saved my life and they’re my family.” I look over at them; Cal’s posture is rigid and tense and Aria looks like she’s on the verge of tears. I turn back to Officer James. “They’re two for two for saving my life.”
He lets out a sigh and flips his notepad up before pinching the bridge of his nose. “You’ll need to come down to the station when you’re strong enough, alright?”
“Okay.” I nod.
The room starts to clear out after a few of the officers take turns hugging me and giving me even more flowers and stuffed animals. I realize that my pink bunny is next to me and I wonder where it came from, when I remember who I haven’t seen.
“Where’s Margie?” Aria and Cal exchange a look and then turn back at me and I frown. “Where is she?”
“She’s…in the waiting room. She’s…not taking this well,” Cal tells me.
“Can I see her? I mean…does she want to see me?” Is she upset with me? Does she wish Henry was alive over me? He was her child…and I’m…not. I feel the familiar prickle in my scalp at the idea of being resented by Cal’s mother for the rest of my life.
Cal frowns and shakes his head, assumedly at my question. “Of course, she wants to see you. She’s worried that you hate her. Hell, she thinks we all do.”
“I’ll go get her and give you guys a second,” Aria says as she slips out of the room.
“How are you feeling about…everything?” I ask, and Cal sighs before sitting next to me on my bed.
“I haven’t really given it a ton of thought yet. I haven’t been able to focus on anything except you,” he whispers. “Seeing you tied up like that gutted me. When I walked in the room and saw you like that…I had to force my gaze away from you because I was seconds from losing it.” He raises the sleeves of my gown and kisses my wrists that are wrapped in gauze. “Does it hurt?”
“I’m okay, Cal. I promise.”
He shuts his eyes, but I notice him wince. “I’m never letting you out of my sight, I swear to God.”
“Does that mean you’ll be coming with me to college?”
His eyes fly open and he rubs his jaw. “If you want me to.”
“I want to be wherever you are,” I tell him. “This…was scary.” I let out a breath. “But it doesn’t change my feelings for you. If anything, it just makes them stronger. You really are my superhero.”
“I’ll always protect you, Maddie. Don’t feel like you have to be with me for me to keep you safe.”
“What!” I screech and my throat screams in response. Fuck, that hurt. “No. Cal, I want to be with you because I don’t want a day to go by without waking up in your arms. Because I want to spend every day of the rest of my life with you. Because I’m so in love with you. The fact that you keep saving my life…” I give him a small smile. “That’s just a bonus.”
Margie enters the room just as I’m getting reacquainted with Cal’s mouth and she clears her throat. I peek my head around him and smile at Cal’s mother. My future mother in law, I predict.
“Oh, my sweet Maddie.” She rushes to my other side and is wary to sit on the bed with me, but I make space for her. “I am so sorry for…everything.”
“Margie, it’s not your fault.”
“It is my fault…the sins of my past.” She lets her head fall. “I’ve let you both down.”
“People make mistakes…it doesn’t justify Henry’s behavior,” Cal starts.
“It wasn’t a mistake,” I whisper. “Cal wouldn’t be here otherwise. I don’t see how anyone could see that as a mistake.” I look at him and his ears turn slightly pink and I smile at the ability to embarrass him, but my heart hurts that he thinks of himself as a mistake in light of recent information.
“I thought it was best to keep it from you and I shouldn’t have.”
“I definitely have…questions,” Cal starts. “Mainly…do you, I mean, who is my father?”
“Oh my God, is it Grant?” I blurt out and I mentally slap my head as Cal’s eyes dart to me and then to his mother, his eyes wide and unblinking. “Sorry, I’ve been watching too many soap operas.”
She shakes he
r head. “No, not Grant. He didn’t even know that I’ve had an affair. He was under the impression that Patrick Grayson was your father as well.” She clears her throat and the tears well in her eyes. “Cal, I… that might be a story for another time, okay?”
“Is he…alive?”
“No.”
My eyes dart from Cal to his mother and I wonder if this is a conversation I’m old enough to hear. But then I remember my place is much different in their lives, and Cal would confide in me anyway.
“I want to know,” Cal says. “Please.”
She lets out a breath and blinks away the tears before turning towards the window. “Your father was…the love of my life.” She clears her throat. “He was my high school sweetheart.”
Both Cal and my eyes widen and I reach for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze alerting him that I’m here. “I loved him so much.”
“What…what happened?”
“I was so wild about Nathan Solomon. I wanted to get married as soon as we graduated. But he wanted to enlist, and my parents wanted me to go to college. Hell, I wanted to go to college. I got into Sarah Lawrence in New York. We both had things we wanted to accomplish before we settled down. He was only supposed to be gone for a year,” she whispers, and the tears flow down her cheeks. “A year turned to two and then to four and then to six and I just didn’t want to wait any longer.” She bites her bottom lip, and I watch the regret wash over her face.
If I went to school, and he didn’t come with me…would we find our way back to each other? Or would it be too late? I feel a sickening feeling sinking to the pit of my stomach at the thought.
I can’t let that happen.
Margie takes a deep breath and continues. “When he finally returned home, almost a decade later, I’d met Patrick…and I was pregnant with Henry.” She shakes her head. “I did love him, don’t mistake what I’m saying. I loved Patrick and it destroyed me when he left. But you just never forget your first love. Your first love takes power over you that never relinquishes. It takes hold of your soul and never lets go. Some people learn to ignore it, or the power lessens slightly, but it’s never completely gone. Especially when things are left so open.”
My mind reels thinking about what would happen if Cal and I ever separated. I would never forget him, and at this point, I was completely convinced I would never love another as completely and selflessly and irrevocably as I love Cal Michael Grayson. If she loved Nathan even a fraction as much as I love Cal, then I don’t know how she’s even managed to go on—twice.
“Where…where do I fit into that picture?” Cal asks.
“We stayed friends.” She tells us. “It was a dangerous game. I spent time with him, more than what was appropriate.” She blinks a few times, allowing us to fill in the blanks. “I was falling in love with him all over again. So, I had a plan to leave Patrick. I wasn’t being fair to him or myself or Nathan.” She clears her throat. “And then I fell pregnant and I knew it was time to come clean about everything.” She sighs. “But…” she trails off. “I’ll never forget the call I got in the middle of the night.” I feel like I’m frozen as I prepare to hear her words. I hold my breath waiting for the bomb.
“There’d been an accident.” She sniffles. “He was killed instantly.”
“Mom…” Cal chokes out.
She brushes the tears from her cheeks. “He was so excited about you.”
“He…he knew about me?”
“Yes.” She nods. I feel like she might expand, but she doesn’t and I wonder if years later it’s still painful to talk about. “I know I kept things from you and…” she pauses before she chokes out his name, “Henry, but I told Patrick early on. The guilt was eating me alive and I didn’t want him to think I was trapping him if and when the truth came to light. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Henry doesn’t exactly remember this because he was only about four, but Patrick moved out for a while. But he was there when I gave birth to you and I think he fell in love with being a dad again. He was a good dad, Cal. His issues were with me, not with either of you. He loved you both so much.”
“Until he didn’t,” Cal grits out. “He left us too, Mom.”
“Honey…you have to let that anger go.”
“I know.” He grunts and looks at me.
Margie turns to me. “I had no idea Henry or Cal would ever learn the truth. Cal’s father wasn’t alive, so I didn’t think it was necessary to tell them, especially after Patrick left. I made a mistake in judgment. Then you get older and you learn from your mistakes, and then it feels too late to tell the truth. I didn’t even tell Grant.” She lowers her head. “Of course, he knows now. I hope neither of you hate me, and Cal, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
“Margie, I don’t think any less of you.” I put my hand on hers and squeeze. “I still love you so much and I don’t blame you at all. You did what you had to do for your family. You did what you felt was best at the time.”
Her eyes float to her son, whose eyes are fixed on the ground. “I don’t hate you, Mom. Never think that. I’m just caught off guard, of course.” I can see the confusion in his eyes. He’s not sure what to feel or what he’s allowed to feel. “It’s been a long fucking day.”
“I know. I can’t imagine what you both have been through.” She squeezes my hand. “My sweet babies. I love you both so much.”
“We love you too.” I look at her.
She nods and stands up, staring at us both. “I’ll let you get some rest.”
I wake up a few hours later to arms wrapped around me and a hand stroking my shoulder. My head is resting on Cal’s chest after I basically begged him to climb into my hospital bed with me. I would be released in the morning, and as the sun peeks up over the day, I wonder how long I’ve been asleep.
“I think a fresh start would do us both some good.” Cal speaks and I sweep my hand over his torso and raise my head slowly to look up at him.
“A fresh start, together?”
He rests his hand on the back of my head and kisses my forehead, keeping me close to his chest. “Yes, you and me.”
“Where are we going?”
“Wherever you want.”
“I can pick?” I look up at him.
“Well, you’ll be enrolled in college young lady, so make sure you like one of the schools in the state.” He smiles.
“You’re coming with!” I squeal, and it’s like the thought has my weary, aching body feeling brand new, as if I’m floating.
“I’d follow you anywhere.”
Four Years Later
“BUT CAL…” I WHINE INTO the phone, the effects of the multiple shots I took on the last day of the semester catching up with me. “I have plans that include my mouth…on your dick.” I giggle, even though I’m slightly irritated that my man won’t be home when I get home from the bar.
The transfer to the Boston Police Department was much easier than we thought it would be. Not that I was too shocked. Cal was a well-decorated officer and his reputation preceded him. Despite the fact that the majority of the force in Oregon knew that our relationship had changed, they didn’t seem to paint him in a negative light. They believed he loved me as much as I loved him and that our bond had been unbreakable from the moment we met. He wasn’t the Chief of Police yet, but I was certain it was coming in the next few years.
I had just taken my final exam of my senior year at Harvard and I was due to graduate college this weekend. Cal and I wasted no time getting acclimated into our new life in Boston leaving behind the scars and the skeletons of our past back west. Margie and Grant had gotten married and were still living in Oregon, though I had a strong inkling that they would be looking at a permanent residence in Massachusetts, the second a certain ring found its way onto my finger.
Aria, who I talk to every day, is somewhere in the middle. She moved to Michigan to join their police force, after needing a change of scenery and wanting to be closer to her family. She comes to visit al
l the time, and we’ve flown to visit her just as frequently. It’s been four years since Henry died, and only now is she feeling like she might be ready to move on. The pain of losing her husband so tragically, despite how it happened, stayed with her for a long time. She was married to him for almost a decade, and up until the end, she believed things were good. Great even. It makes me wonder if he always had something evil lurking within or if he really did just snap upon learning the truth.
I’m standing in line for the bathroom when I hear a familiar voice floating around me.
“Ew, can you not talk about your mouth anywhere?” I spin around to see Aria standing behind me with one hand on her hip and a beer in the other.
“ARIA!” I squeal as I launch into her arms, almost sending her backwards. She looks amazing. After she moved to Michigan, she dyed her hair almost black making her look like a badass version of Snow White when she donned her uniform.
“Maddie!” She squeezes me hard and gives me a loud kiss on my cheek. “I can’t believe you’re a college graduate!”
“Well, not officially, and what are you doing here?! I thought you weren’t flying in until tomorrow like Margie and Grant!”
“And miss the party tonight?” I hear Margie’s voice as she and Grant come into view, and I squeal even louder.
“Oh my God! All my favorite people!” I cheer as I shoot my hands into the air. “We need to do a round of shots.” I realize I’m still on the phone with Cal and I put my phone to my ear. “Hello?”
“Hey,” I hear in my ear behind me and I jump.
“Oh my God! How did you pull this off without me knowing?” I raise an eyebrow and he wraps his arms around me.
“You don’t know all my tricks.”
I narrow my eyes at him and cock an eyebrow at him. The words are on the tip of my tongue, and I try to keep them at bay but the multiple Fireball shots have them falling out of my mouth. “Like the ring in your safe?”
I hear Aria snort from behind me. “I’m going to go get us a round. Tequila, Mads?”