by Kat Stiles
Finally, she turned her eyes away, flustered. But, still, she didn’t say a word. The doctor had to be curious at this point. I figured I only had to pique his curiosity a little more to push him over the edge.
“Your emotional unavailability may have something to do with it.” The doctor cocked an eyebrow and scribbled some notes.
“What are you talking about, Emily?” my mother said.
Her question sounded more like an accusation, and I could hear the annoyance in the tone of her voice. But if she was becoming angry, I couldn’t feel it from her.
The doctor gazed at my mother in the same way he had with me, at previous sessions. Now she’ll feel what I’ve been trying to tell her.
“Everything is strictly business with you,” I explained. “It’s like you don’t have any emotions whatsoever.”
She appeared genuinely shocked for a moment before she became defensive again. “We’re not here to pick me apart. This is not my session.”
The doctor continued to stare. I felt frustration from him and that desire again. Any second now, she’ll feel it.
A solid minute passed. If she were in pain, she didn’t show it. Several beads of sweat formed on the doctor’s brow. His eyes focused on her so intensely, and somehow, she didn’t even seem to notice.
“Are you all right?” I asked her. “Do you have a headache?” I reached a hand to gauge her temperature and was alarmed to feel a cold forehead.
“No,” she answered, confused. “Why would you ask that?”
“No reason.” I lay my hands on my legs and felt heat. Why was she cold? And why didn’t I feel my own heat?
The doctor’s face reddened more with each passing second. His concentration was intense—I could feel the raw energy from him, directed at my mother. And yet she just sat there, oblivious of the threat sitting across from us.
Damn, what do I do now? Maybe if she can see firsthand the pain he causes me…
“Doesn’t seem to be working. Your therapy.” I smiled. It broke the doctor out of his concentration. Have to push more... “Heard it didn’t work on Judy, either.”
He turned to me, his eyes wide, with one of them twitching ever so slightly.
“Last night?” I continued, despite the overwhelming urge to run away from him as far as I could. This is going to hurt, I thought. “Seems like you’re losing control.”
“Emily, what the hell are you talking about?” my mother said.
The doctor’s eyes narrowed at me, and that horrendous pain returned. “Let’s focus on you then, shall we?” he said, his voice chillingly methodical.
Squinting my eyes, I immediately covered my temples. The soothing energy flowed from my hands in a rush.
“What… what’s going on?” my mother said.
“The headaches,” I whispered, opening my eyes to look at her. “He’s doing it again.”
“You were about to tell me something very interesting about your father at our last…productive session,” he said.
The pain throbbed in agonizing waves, the energy unable to keep up with his penetrating stare. I got the feeling this time he could see deeper into my mind. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on healing myself.
“Tell me the truth about him,” he said, not bothering to disguise the desperation in his voice. I cried out at the sharp pain.
“Are you okay?”
I glanced up to see my mother reaching out to me, her brow furrowed. I guessed she was trying to figure out if I was faking.
The pain worsened. I collapsed back into the couch, holding my head. “Please…”
“You can’t lock it away forever, Emily,” the doctor whispered.
My mother’s arms closed around me. “I don’t think she’s feeling well, Dr. Hayes. Maybe we can pick this up next time.”
She finally believes me, I thought. I hugged her back, holding on to her like a lifeline.
Then an intense anger arose, coming from the doctor. He focused on my mother once more. Why can’t she feel it?
“As you wish,” he relented. The anger I sensed before turned into desire. Only this time it wasn’t directed at me. His eyes were focused solely on my mother.
“It was very nice to meet you, Anne.” He licked his lips then turned them upwards in a toothy grin. “I look forward to seeing you again.”
She smiled nervously, but I pulled her towards the exit before she could respond. Outside the sky was overcast, full of gray clouds ready to burst.
The car ride home was quiet at first. After what happened, it didn’t surprise me she was at a loss for words. I took the time to finish healing the lingering pain from the session. Once all traces were gone, I glanced at her and tried to sense her feelings. I found it unsettling that even when I tried, I felt absolutely nothing from her.
“That was strange,” she eventually said.
“Do you believe me now?”
She sighed. “I’m not sure what to think. Clearly, you did have some kind of adverse reaction to him.”
“So I don’t have to go back to him?”
“No.”
Thank God. The pain was worth it.
Then it occurred to me the whole reason she forbade me from seeing Tommy was because of my last session with the doctor. Maybe now that she knows the doctor is evil… “Does this mean I can see Tommy again?”
Her expressionless face downturned to a frown. “I don’t think so, Emily.”
“Why? You said you were upset because he interfered.”
“It’s more than that. The two of you should take a breather.”
Take a breather—it had to be one of the lamest phrases ever. “I don’t understand.”
“What’s there to understand? I don’t want you to see him. It’s that simple,” she said, with a decided finality.
“I need an answer that makes sense,” I said. “Is it because of something Lauren said?”
“Lauren is concerned about you. She doesn’t want to see you get hurt like she did.”
The blood rushed to my face. She was still interfering. “What did she say? You know she didn’t get the real story about what happened in Manchez—”
“It’s not that. She said the two of you are…” she trailed.
“What?” I practically yelled.
“She said the two of you are in love.”
A silence fell over the car. Of course I couldn’t argue it, she was absolutely correct. But it was the last thing I expected Lauren to say. I was astonished she could even recognize love.
“You’re too young to be in love.”
“You’re being totally unreasonable,” I said under my breath, already feeling my throat choke up.
“I know what I’m talking about when it comes to this. You’re going to have to trust me.”
“What happened with you and my father?” I asked quietly, still choking back tears. “I mean, you were in love with him once, weren’t you?”
Her hesitation was expected. My father had been a taboo subject for as long as I could remember. Lauren was usually in charge of shutting down any conversations about him, but without her around, I had a shot at some answers.
“Of course I loved him. He…changed. I don’t know what happened.”
I waited a solid minute for her to continue, but she stayed silent. “Is that all you’re going to say?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“This is exactly like with Lauren,” I muttered. “I can’t believe this is my life.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Lauren had a bad relationship, too, like you. And now I’m not allowed to have a normal life because of it.”
She sighed heavily. “Don’t be so dramatic, Emily.”
From the sound of her voice, the conversation (if it could really be called that) was over. I turned my face away when the tears began.
Once we got home, I informed her I was going to Roz’s house. I called Tommy on the way there to make plans for later, and h
e agreed to get me in an hour. I figured it would be enough time to do the vision recall.
Roz immediately hugged me after answering the door.
“This is getting old. I’m not going to die.”
“I’m happy to see you, is all.” She released me and her smile faded. “Em, have you been crying?”
“No, I’m fine,” I lied. “Are you ready?”
“Why don’t we hang out for a while? I think there’s a marathon of crappy bug movies on the Sci-Fi channel.”
“Sorry, got a date with Tommy after this. You will cover for me, won’t you?”
She appeared disappointed, but only for a second. “Of course.”
In her room, she situated herself on her bed. There was an intense heat when I connected to her. Within minutes, we were both relaxed, the energy flowing through my hands to her head.
“No, not you again…” she mumbled.
“Roz, what is it?”
“Baby girl, is that you?” she whispered. “I’m coming home.”
What the hell does that mean? I wasn’t sure if she was talking to me or if the voice was talking to her. “Are you all right?”
“It’s okay. The line’s dead now.”
She couldn’t be talking about the doctor—both of his parents and his wife were already dead, and he never had any children. “What do you mean, Roz? What line?”
She moaned in response but relaxed even further, her breathing more steady and calm. Then she began again, in a sleepy voice, “We’re all there…you, me, and Tommy, in your house. Tommy and I are both trying to reach you, but you’re out of range. The doctor is on the other side of the room, by the woman… Oh, it’s your mother. He says something… I can’t hear it.”
“Concentrate, Roz,” I whispered. “What is the doctor saying?”
Her forehead wrinkled for a moment, and then relaxed. “‘You’ll do nicely.’ He does a mind probe. You cry out, your body goes limp and falls to the floor. I try to revive you, but there’s nothing. Nothing.” She started to cry.
I felt guilty in making her relive it, but I had to question her further, find something.
“Roz, do you see anything else? Any other details at all?”
Her tears flowed worse now, and through sobs she said, “No. There is nothing else.”
I sighed in defeat. “Okay, Roz, I want you to clear your mind now.” I kept my hands fixed to her head, until her tears ceased and the heat subsided.
Slowly, she sat up, massaging her forehead. She looked down to the floor, and I felt utter disappointment from her. “I didn’t say anything, did I?”
I half-smiled. “At least now I know what my death is going to look like.”
“Em, that’s not funny.”
“Sorry. The thing is, we couldn’t stop him before. I don’t see how we’re going to stop him now.”
She grabbed my hands. “We will stop him. It’s the reason I get these visions. We will change it.”
I wanted to believe her. But she spoke the words more out of hope than certainty.
“I only wish I said something useful,” she said.
“Maybe you did,” I said, recalling the visit with the doctor earlier. “At the session today—”
“Wait a minute. You went to your appointment?”
“My mother wouldn’t take no for an answer.”
“I can’t believe you went. With all that’s been going on…”
She looked so pissed, I was afraid to respond. “It’s not like I went alone. My mother went with me.”
“She did? What happened?”
“It was strange. The doctor tried to see inside her mind, but I don’t think he could. I swear he almost popped a blood vessel, but my mother didn’t even flinch. He didn’t affect her at all.”
Her eyes grew large, as if she came to a realization.
Then I remembered the phrase Roz heard him say in the vision: ‘You’ll do nicely.’ Like I wasn’t his first choice. “What you said before…I mean, what the doctor said in your vision…”
She nodded, and I knew we were thinking along the same lines when she said, “He was by your mother at first. Em, do you think… I wonder if the doctor is even after you.”
“He’s after her,” I said, “because he can’t get inside her head.”
It suddenly hit me. By going to the appointment with the doctor, I set the wheel in motion for my own death.
Chapter Eighteen
Roz embraced me. “It’ll be all right. We’re going to stop him this time. I-I know it.”
Until that point, I might have agreed with her, or at least thought I had a shot. But not anymore. Seeing all the pieces fall into place, it seemed like my death was meant to be.
Dad knocked on the door to Roz’s room. “You guys want some dinner?”
Roz let him in. “That’s a great idea, Em. Stay and eat with us.”
Dad looked at Roz and then glanced at me. “Is something wrong?”
I manufactured the best fake smile I could. “No, everything’s fine. I was just leaving, but thank you anyway.”
“Are you sure?” Dad clapped his hands together and grinned. “I’m cooking chicken parmesan…”
This time I smiled for real. It was hard not to love him. “I’m not hungry.” I gave him a hug and found myself holding back tears as he embraced me.
“You’re a good girl, Em, you know that?”
A couple of tears escaped my eyes. “I gotta go,” I practically whispered, to mask the sadness in my voice. After I let him go, I kept my head down and allowed my hair to obstruct my face, so he wouldn’t see.
“I’ll walk you to the corner,” Roz offered.
Roz’s company would look more convincing, if my mother happened to glance out the window, checking up on me. “Okay.”
Roz must have noticed how shaken up I was because she kept telling me over and over it would be all right. I smiled to reassure her, but I didn’t disguise my anxiousness very well. Tommy arrived, and she gave me a final hug goodbye.
In the car, I hugged Tommy so tightly he gasped.
“Can’t…breathe…”
I eased up only a little and said, “Is that better?”
“Yes.”
It took me awhile to let go, and when I did, I kissed him. The warmth comforted me, and I found my tension slowly subsiding.
“Is everything all right?” he asked afterwards.
“Yeah. Now that I’m here with you.”
“So what do you want to do tonight?”
“I don’t care. We can go park somewhere.”
A devilish grin appeared on his face. “You want to go parking with me? Must be my lucky day.”
“I want to be alone with you.”
The sky was a mixture of muted purple and pink hues, as the sun set and reflected against the increasingly large storm clouds. I wondered how many more beautiful sunsets I would get to see.
I felt his concern as he looked over at me. “Okay. We can go by the trail.”
We got there and he turned the car off. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
“No. I guess I just wanna sit here and relax.” I snuggled next to his body, and he put his arm around me.
“You going to be okay?”
I didn’t answer but rested my head on his chest. The sound of his heartbeat calmed me. I continued to hold him. He stroked my hair softly, relaxing me further still.
I must’ve drifted off because it felt like only a few minutes had passed when Tommy whispered, “It’s time.”
We arrived at the corner near my house and he helped me out of the car, and then embraced me with a gentle rocking motion. The sound of the leaves rustling in the trees calmed me even more, though I knew what it meant. The storm was almost here.
“You’re my whole world, Em.” He kissed me slowly, still holding me.
“Oh, there’s something I wanted to give you,” he said. “I almost forgot.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet drawstring bag. “
It belonged to my grandmother.”
I opened it and pulled out a turquoise heart-shaped pendant on a woven black rope. A lump started to form in my throat. I whispered, “It’s lovely.”
“She told me, ‘Give it to the one you give your heart to.’”
I put it on and then traced the heart with my fingertip. It was as if I could feel the emotion the symbol represented, decades and generations of pure love. I choked back my natural inclination to cry. “This means so much. Thank you. It’s the nicest gift I’ve ever received.” I hugged him and was amazed at the heat, coming more from me than him.
“Guess I have to let you go,” he said.
“Yeah.” I so didn’t want him to leave. I was embarrassed to find myself on the verge of tears.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gave me a final kiss on the cheek.
I couldn’t respond, afraid my voice would crack. I started the walk back after he got into his car. Dragging my feet, I didn’t make it far before the sound of the Nova’s engine disappeared in the distance. All of the emotions I kept bottled all day simmered to the surface, demanding release. It’s safe now, I thought, and let my knees give out. I collapsed to the sidewalk, burying my face in my hands. The clouds answered, sprinkling rain on me. A distant rumble of thunder threatened with the real storm.
Through my sobs and the thunder, I didn’t hear Tommy return. It was only when I felt his hand on my back that I realized I wasn’t alone. “Em, what’s wrong?”
I didn’t wait long enough. Should’ve known better.
“I’m sorry, I thought you were gone.” He held me once more, his strong arms around me so warm and comforting. “I want to spend every last moment with you. I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t want to waste any time—”
His hand cupped my cheek. “I won’t let anyone hurt you. There’s no last moment, don’t even say that.”
I held on to his shoulders, but even in that proximity it was as if I couldn’t get close enough to him. His arm encircling my waist was the only thing keeping me standing. “I…I didn’t mean for you to see me like this,” I said, looking down. “The plan was to break down alone.”
“You’re not alone anymore, Em. We’ll get through this together. Lean on each other.”