Later that evening, my dad and Mr. Channing were out on the patio having drinks. I was hiding on my balcony, listening to see if Mr. Channing would say anything about my breakup with his son. At that point, I had no idea what Porter had done to his dad’s car, and I hadn’t spoken to Porter since he left my house.
“I’ve got about ten thousand in damages to the Mercedes,” I heard Mr. Channing say to my dad. “Did you know your daughter told my son she thought they should break up?”
“What?” my dad gulped.
Mr. Channing laughed. “Maybe your daughter thinks breaking up with my son will save your ass.”
Not true. I rolled my eyes. I’d known Mr. Channing for a long time, and he’d always been dramatic. I wasn’t breaking up with Porter because of my dad. I was breaking up with Porter because I didn’t love him and I couldn’t stand him anymore. I wondered if Porter told his dad he threw a shoe at me. I wondered if in their house, that was a normal thing to do to the people you love. I wondered if this is why Mrs. Channing left. I wondered a lot of things that night, sitting there listening to the two of them.
“Eva actually broke up with Porter today?” I heard my dad ask. He looked a little relieved, but at the same time, worried.
“She thinks I’m too hard on you, your daughter,” Mr. Channing laughed. “Porter also told me they ran into an old friend of hers on the pier a few days ago. You know who I’m talking about, Brayden.”
There was fear written all over my dad’s face. “Did she—did she say anything to him?” my dad stuttered with his words.
“No,” Mr. Channing grunted.
“She’s naïve,” my dad shook his head. “She’s only sixteen. She’ll realize her mistake with Porter. She’ll change her mind.”
The tone of their conversation suddenly shifted and became more serious. “You better get her to change her mind, Brayden,” threatened Mr. Channing. “I will not have my only son, unhappy. As long as your daughter is dating my Porter, I’ll always watch out for you and your mistakes. Haven’t I always watched out for you? Given you a life most people only dream about? But if my son is not happy …” He glared his eyes. “Don’t you want this?” he waved his hands towards our house, “to continue to be your future? Because I can take it all away. Keep this up, and you’ll be lucky if you can afford to live in someone’s pool house.”
My dad’s face lacked all emotion as he responded, “I’ll take care of it. I’ll take care of Eva.”
Then they clinked their glasses. They toasted to controlling my life.
My dad and I have never been close. I’m pretty sure he’s only a father because that was the next thing to do after you got married. I’m also pretty sure my brothers are only here because of a mistake in birth control. My dad tolerates us, he doesn’t like us, but he puts up with us out of the obligation that we’re his offspring. So, it’s no surprise to me when later that night I find him barging into my room as I sit on my bed, waiting for him because I knew he would show up at some point.
“Did you break up with Porter today?”
“He threw a shoe at my head, Dad,” I glared at him.
He waved it off like it was nothing. “You have no idea what Mr. Channing has done for our family. What he’s still doing for our family. You like our house? Your fancy clothes and shoes? Your status in this town?”
No. I didn’t give a damn about any of that.
“As long as you’re under my roof, you will continue to be with Porter Channing. I don’t care what you think about him. His family is too important to toss aside,” he said through clenched teeth. “And you will stay away from any other boys. Do you understand what I’m saying, Eva? Stay away from him.”
I couldn’t believe what he was saying, but then again, nothing my dad said surprised me anymore.
“And what if I’m not under your roof?” I questioned him. “Because last I checked, once I turn eighteen, you don’t control me anymore. And once other boys turn eighteen, you don’t control them either.”
His face turned bright red. “You better think long and hard about what will happen to this family and his family, if you ever piss off the Channings.” And then he slammed the door and left.
Father of the year right there. That was the night I lost all respect for my dad. I barely speak to him anymore. We don’t have a relationship, not even a small one. I avoid him the best I can.
I snap out of my daze. Reliving pieces of my past always brings on a panic attack. I don’t have time for that today.
Lenora. The pier.
TWO HOURS LATER, my mom rustles my brothers out of the house and I’m free to leave. A quick google search earlier that day and I found the exact details for the memorial. It starts at six, with the mention of dinner at Funky Pelican at seven. Funky Pelican is a local restaurant, one that Lenora worked at for years before her photography career took off. I read they’re closing the restaurant for the evening so that the staff can attend the memorial and reopening afterwards for anyone who wants to eat. Small town love right there.
The pier isn’t too far from my house, and I consider taking my bike. Sometimes it’s easier to ride your bike than fight to find a parking space on the side streets or minimal public parking spots, but I settle on driving for a couple reasons. One, I’m in a dress, the first time I’ve put a dress on in months. Riding my bike in a dress doesn’t sound enjoyable. And two, I need a speedy getaway in case things don’t go as well as I hope.
I get to the pier right before six o’clock and find a parking spot down a side street not too far from the massive crowd I already see forming on the beach. Lenora was loved, no question about that. I walk past Funky Pelican and stand at the railings overlooking the scene, taking everything in. I don’t hang out with the beach crew. I will definitely stick out like a sore thumb. They’ll know I’m a girl from the Halifax simply because they don’t know who I am, but I’m here for Lenora, and Bodhi, who I see right away. My eyes are drawn to him.
It’s been about a year now since that evening on the pier. Bodhi is not a kid anymore. My heart is beating madly in my chest at just the sight of him. His blonde curls are longer and still hang over his forehead in a messy pile that I desperately want to run my fingers through. He has muscles now too. His arms are busting out of his light blue Hawaiian shirt that he’s buttoned for once. That makes me smile. I forgot I could smile without forcing it.
His swim trunks are traded in for black shorts, which look great against his tanned legs, but almost look like they don’t belong on his body. And much to my surprise, he’s grown even taller. I’m pretty sure he’s almost six feet now. I’m not short by any means. I inherited my mom’s super model height that’s for sure, but for the two years Bodhi and I spent together, I was always an inch or two taller than him. It’s weird to see that he towers over me now.
I want to run to him. My entire body is aching as I stand there watching him. It’s like I need to be by his side. I can’t think about anything else besides the fact he’s so close, yet still so far away from me. I need to talk to him. It’s been three years since I’ve said one word to Bodhi, and I want to hug him and tell him how sorry I am, but I cannot get myself to move, so I stand there, watching.
A small group of people encircle him now, with Coop and Beck on each side, his two best friends. I doubt they’ll leave him at all tonight. That’s the type of friends they are. Watching them with Bodhi makes me realize how much I’ve missed them too.
I stay there for a few more minutes, trying to develop the courage I need to move. I need to get down there before the memorial starts. I need to find a seat and slip in without Bodhi seeing me because once my eyes lock with his, I won’t be able to tear myself away from him. I tell myself to count to ten, which I do, and I force a deep breath and make my way to the steps of the beach.
Suddenly, a few Funky Pelican employees in their tie-dyed get funked up t-shirts, come up and block my way.
“Hey you guys!” one of them shouts to the crow
d below, gathering everyone’s attention. I hide behind her. “We just had a local come in and open a tab for the entire night! Dinner and drinks are all paid for!”
There’s a loud cheer from below as the Funky Pelican crew make their way down the steps to join everyone. I glance back at the restaurant. The outdoor chalkboard wall is filled with messages for Lenora. My eyes are focused on them when I suddenly see two little identical boys skip right out of Funky Pelican’s doors, followed by their mom in a bright yellow sundress with a perfect messy black bun on the top of her head. The sun is bouncing off the jewels on her flip-flops as she moves.
My brothers. My mom.
It takes a minute for my brain to catch up to what I’m seeing. I move a few steps towards them. She sees me and does a quick pause. My brothers are oblivious to me standing there as they both crouch down to inspect the anthills on the sidewalk. But she and I are less than twenty feet apart now, neither one of us moving any further, just staring at each other.
She glances to the memorial that is getting ready to start on the beach, then to Funky Pelican, and then back to me. She calmly puts her perfectly manicured index finger up to her lips as if telling me both of our secrets are safe. She smiles a warm smile, grabs the hands of my brothers, and walks across the street with them in the opposite direction, leaving me standing there.
It takes me all of one minute to understand what just happened.
My mom not only knows what I’m doing tonight and doesn’t seem to care, but she also just paid for the entire memorial dinner for Lenora Bishop.
chapter four
Bodhi
H ow did your mom know all of these people?” Beck questions me, yanking on the collar of his shirt. “It’s like half of Flagler is here for her memorial.”
Coop’s dad comes up and puts his arm around my shoulder. “Your mom was well loved, son.”
I’ve been staying with Coop and his family since my mom died. They’ve always treated me like one of their own. They’ve been known as Ma and Pop since I started showing up at their house when I was four, wearing my superhero shirts and asking to play with their son. I’ve been in a few of their Christmas card photos, if that means anything. Ma, Pop and Coop, with skin as black as night, and me, bleached blonde curls. Big fake smiles, posing side by side wearing ugly sweaters, in front of a fireplace with garland and Christmas stockings.
Ma and Pop are busy people. They rent out boats down in Ponce Inlet and work every day from sunup to sundown. This works out in Coop’s favor, and mine too. He’s free to do as he pleases most of the day and just checks in with them every night. By that time, they’re both exhausted from their long day at work. Coop will promise he won’t end up in jail, and then he does whatever the hell he wants.
The plan is for me to stay with them until I turn eighteen. It’s what my mom and I had discussed when we realized she wouldn’t get better this time. It’s what she discussed with Ma and Pop, who agreed to her wishes without even questioning her. It was an instant yes. Mom, she had been so sick this last year I haven’t had a parental figure to answer to. Moving in with Coop and his family will keep things like they already are and have been. We’re meeting with my mom’s lawyer in a couple days, and it should be official.
“I know, Pop,” I say. “She would have loved this.” He gives my shoulder a squeeze and leaves to find a place to sit.
“Well, well, well,” Coop whistles dramatically. “Things just got extremely interesting. Look what the cat dragged in,” he nods to the steps. My eyes follow and my loud gulp echoes around me. “Just breathe, man. Breathe,” Coop laughs.
Eva Calloway. My soulmate. Eva Calloway is here. I can’t believe she’s standing on those steps right now. It has to be a mirage, right? I can’t believe she’s right there. I mean, I guess I expected it, she loved my mom, but I had to push the idea of her showing up, completely out of my mind. Every single time I’d think about seeing her, my head would get all dizzy and a warm sensation would overtake my entire body. As much as I enjoy that feeling, my mind doesn’t work the right way when I’m thinking about Eva Calloway.
My god, she looks amazing. I have to look away to compose myself, but then I look back because my eyes have to be on her if she’s in my presence.
It’s been at least a year since I’ve seen her, wrapped up in that slug of a boyfriend of hers. Eva and I, our story together ended with me sitting next to her in a hospital bed a few years ago, after she broke her leg falling out of my boat. I never should have left that bed. I let her parents drive us apart. I was only fourteen and didn’t know what the hell I was doing, but I consider letting her slip away as the biggest regret of my entire pubescent life.
“Damn,” Beck says, as we watch her walk down the steps.
I shove his arm. You don’t damn Eva Calloway. At least not in my presence.
Coop stands with his head tilted, staring at her. “Did her boobs grow like three sizes these last few years, or am I imagining this?”
I smack him upside the head. “Stop staring at her you asshole.”
In my seventeen years on this planet, I’ve made the conclusion that with girls, there’s beautiful and there’s stunningly beautiful. Eva Calloway is stunningly beautiful. Her dark hair that glistens in the sun, her green eyes that deserve their own crayon color, her year-round sun-kissed skin. I think it’s safe to say I’ve loved Eva Calloway since the day she showed up at my house for photography lessons when we were twelve.
“We’re ready to start, Bodhi,” Ma says, sneaking up behind me.
I jump. “Sure thing. I’ll be there in a minute.”
I watch as Eva stands by herself while everyone finds a seat. I can’t stop watching her, it’s like my eyes refuse to leave her. She never once looks over here. I’m sure she’s doing that on purpose. There’s no way she hasn’t seen me yet. It kills me. My heart sinks. I want her eyes on mine. I want her to see me staring at her.
Today, her black lace dress is clinging to her body, hugging her curves in all the right places and making my head spin. Her breasts, they did indeed grow three sizes since she used to hang out with us. They spill out of the top of her dress and the desire to touch them causes my hands to clench at my sides. The rest of her body looks so thin. I can see her hip bones through her dress and her collarbone is protruding from her neck in such great detail, it almost doesn’t seem real. It’s the same Eva, but a different Eva. I’m suddenly panicked at the thought of her being alone. I don’t want her to feel out of place, and I don’t want her to leave. I need her to stay.
“You two,” I shove Coop and Beck harder than I mean to. They both rub at their shoulders. “Make sure no one bothers her. And make sure she doesn’t leave. Do not let her leave. No matter what. And don’t stare at her boobs.”
Coop salutes me. “Yes, sir.” And they’re off.
I watch as they both approach her. Her smile takes up her entire face as she throws her head back and laughs at something Coop says. They each take one of her hands and pull her towards some chairs, sitting down together near the back. My breathing increases. I’m so jealous I almost feel resentment towards the guys even though I was the one that told them to approach her.
Shit. At least I can move now.
The memorial is exactly what I expected it would be. There are plenty of laughs and tears from my mom’s friends that speak, and a toast to her with her favorite champagne. I fill one of the empty bottles with written memories from everyone there, and the memorial ends as I seal it so that one day, I can drop it into the ocean. It was the perfect way to celebrate her life.
I don’t make eye contact with Eva at all while I’m up there. I can’t, not yet. I know that as soon as our eyes lock, I’m going to fall down a dangerous hole that will make it impossible to even breathe. But every once in a while, I do glance over to make sure she’s still there. I don’t want her to leave before I get the chance to see her up close and talk to her. I refuse to let this night go by without saying something to
her. Without touching her. God, I miss touching her.
When the memorial is over, everyone makes their way to Funky Pelican. I perch myself at the bottom of the steps, thanking everyone for coming. It’s quite the assembly line, and I almost wish my mom hadn’t been so popular. I just want to see Eva.
When it starts to thin out, I take a peek at the end and see her there, holding up the back with Coop and Beck. They’re laughing about something and she seems so calm and collected, I wonder how the hell she can be so relaxed, knowing we’re about to see each other. I rub my sweaty palms on my shorts. I haven’t been face to face with Eva this close in three years, and I think I’m going to pass out, and maybe I should at least sit down somewhere.
Then here they are, here she is, right in front of me. My god, she is so close I can touch her. Her eyes immediately find mine and don’t move, and I’m falling, falling back into my perfect past with Eva Calloway. It’s an instant feeling that makes me dizzy, weak, unable to process anything else that’s going on around me.
I love it.
“Brought back to you in one piece, sir,” Coop stands at a salute.
Eva lets out a little laugh, moving her eyes away from mine to look at the guys.
“You’re such an idiot,” Beck rolls his eyes at Coop. “The memorial was perfect,” he says to me. “Want us to stay?” His eyes dart between Eva and I.
“I got it from here, thanks.”
Confession Page 4