“What did you just say?” he growls.
I look over at him. “You sound like Calvin. He never talked about you either.”
“My father gave up on me—”
“No, he didn’t,” I shake my head. “He tried, but you gave up on yourself. At least he tried, Luke. You never even thought about trying with Bodhi. You just came here to screw up his life. You have no idea what he’s been through, and what this night is going to do to him.”
Luke slows the truck down a little as he looks over at me. I actually think for maybe a second he might pull over and let me out. That maybe he’s come to his senses, but then his head shakes and I feel the truck pick up speed, even faster than before.
“It’s too late for regrets, Eva.”
I look out my window. “That’s just the drugs talking, Luke.”
He laughs now. “You’re a witty one, aren’t you?”
“I wonder what my dad will do—”
“We’ll be long gone before he finds out you’re with me.”
I look ahead. High Bridge isn’t too far away now. I can feel my heart rate increase.
“Are we taking your boat?”
“My boat?” he mumbles. “No. I have friends everywhere. How do you think I got this truck? My boat can stay here … it will get taken care of. I think we’ll fly back, quickly … from Flagler airport. Need to make a pit stop first. Meet someone. Get what I need to get me through this bullshit. We’ll leave tonight, and once I gather my shit from the Bahamas, we’ll leave there too.”
My vision grows blurry. I can feel myself fighting back vomit. We were never going to his boat. Even if Bodhi makes it to High Bridge, we won’t show up. He’ll be left waiting there, thinking he was too late, thinking he’s lost me again. I can’t let that happen. I can’t let Luke pass High Bridge, I can’t get on a plane with Luke. I can’t let Luke take me away from Flagler. I can’t let Luke take me away from Bodhi.
I see the lights from High Bridge coming up ahead. Luke is driving way too fast for me to jump out of his truck, which seems to be the only thing I can do at this point. I start hyperventilating. My breathing is heavy and I feel like I can’t get any air into my lungs.
“You alright there, sweetheart?” I hear Luke ask. He turns to look at me. He actually looks concerned, which makes what I’m thinking that much worse.
I would rather die than leave Bodhi. He will be destroyed day after day wondering where I am and if I’m okay. I can’t do that to him. I love him too much to have him live like that again. I need Bodhi to find me, dead or alive, and it only takes one second for this realization to overtake every rational thought that I might have left in my body at this point. This dark, sinful feeling is one I’ve felt before, one that disappeared when Bodhi came back in my life, but one that has stayed hidden in the shadows all this time. I feel like the only choice I have right now, is to welcome her back with open arms even though I desperately don’t want to.
“Sweetheart?” Luke says again. “You alright?”
I look down at Luke’s lap. I look down at his missing seatbelt. “No,” I breathe heavily. “No, I’m not.” Then I grab the steering wheel and turn us right into the trees.
chapter thirty-nine
Bodhi
I feel hands pushing me to the ground. “How could you let him take her!” Porter is screaming at my face. “He took her and you let it happen!”
I jump up and grab his shoulders. “We need to leave!” I yell at him as quietly as I can. “He’s taking her to his boat on High Bridge! We need to get there before they do! Your boat, Porter! We need to go!”
We’re both running down the dock before I can say anything else. I can hear Coop and Luna behind us. The flames from Porter’s house are still burning strong, the smoke is making it almost impossible to even see ten feet in front of us. My eyes start immediately watering.
Porter starts his boat. “Hang on to something! I can’t see shit!”
I immediately call Beck as Porter speeds the four of us down the Halifax.
“What’s up, Bodhi?” Beck says when he picks up.
“Beck!” I shout. The wind makes me sound like I’m in a tunnel. “Beck, where are you?!”
“Uh, heading to Eva’s? Wasn’t that the plan—”
“Have you passed High Bridge?!” I yell. I’m gagging on the smoke. I have to cover my face with my shirt.
“No, just about to—”
“Stop! Don’t pass it! Pull down to the docks!”
“Bodhi? Is everything okay—”
“Just do it!”
“Okay, okay,” he says. “I’m doing it. Give me a second. Okay, I’m down at the docks. Why am I down at the docks?”
“Do you see a boat?”
We’re finally away from the smoke, but the wind is making it equally hard to breathe now. Porter’s boat is flying along the water.
“Yes, a boat is docked here. A pretty big one. Named Skyla, it looks like. I think this boat has been here for a while … you wanna tell me what the hell I’m doing down here?”
“He has her!” I cry out. “My dad! He has Eva! He took her! They’re heading there now! Stay there! Don’t let them leave on that boat! Run his fucking ass over! We’re on our way, on Porter’s boat, on the Halifax, but I’m not sure if we’ll make it before they—”
“I’m here, Bodhi,” Beck says. “I’m here. I won’t let him leave with her, okay?”
“Okay. Okay,” I nod, instant relief floods my body, but then the fear takes over again. “He has a gun, Beck.”
I hear Beck breathe heavily. “Well, I have my truck. It’s bigger.”
“Just don’t let him—”
“I won’t. I won’t let them leave.”
I throw my phone onto the boat and bring my head into my lap. I feel gentle hands on my back, rubbing up and down. I look up to see Luna sitting next to me.
“She’s so strong,” Luna tells me. “Eva. She’s the strongest person I know. She’s a badass. It will be okay, just don’t think it won’t, alright?”
I nod my head and look over at Coop. “Sorry about ruining your first date.”
“Shit, Bodhi. We can have another first date.”
The minutes seem to be hours. I can’t look up from my hands. Every awful thought is running through my mind. I just need her back in my arms. I swear to god when she finally is, I’m never letting go of her again. I’ll marry Eva at seventeen if I have to.
I hear Porter suddenly shout, “High Bridge!”
My eyes raise up and I see High Bridge approaching. The lights from the drawbridge are reflecting off the water as we pass under it, giving it an eerie glow. I immediately see a boat tied to one of the docks, rocking against the shore as we get closer. The same boat that was here when we stopped for bait earlier this week. Porter pulls up right next to it, and I’m out and running before he even turns the engine off. I collide right into Beck like he’s a goddamn brick wall.
“Where is she?! Did they get here?”
His hands are holding me back, pushing me almost so that I can’t move any further. “Bodhi,” he says. “Bodhi, they haven’t shown up—”
His words are cut off by the most gut-wrenching sound I’ve ever heard in my life. The sound of trees breaking, of glass shattering. The sound of someone screaming. The sound of a car crash.
We both look over in the direction of the noise, and then I take off running.
“Bodhi!” Beck shouts behind me. “Just stop!”
I can’t stop. I know, I know it’s them, I know it’s Eva.
I can hear footsteps hitting the ground behind me. Numerous pounding footsteps that sound like a herd of animals, matching mine as I run along the drawbridge, but they’re further back. They aren’t going to catch up to me.
“Bodhi!” Coop yells behind me. “Let us go! Let us check! Don’t do this to yourself, man!”
I’m faster than them, and I don’t give a damn about what they’re screaming at me.
“
Listen to him, Bodhi!” Porter shouts.
Hell no.
I’m going to get to her first. If she’s awake, I’m going to be the first person she sees. If she’s not awake, I’ll be the first person to hold her. She’s going to hear me tell her over and over again how much I love her and how I can’t be without her, and then she’ll wake up. I refuse to believe in any other scenario. I refuse to believe there’s a scenario out there where she could be taken from me again.
The truck comes into my view. It’s smoking. The front is crushed against the trees like a goddamn accordion. I run faster. My legs get me right to the passenger’s side and I fling the door open. She’s in there, still in her seat, my Eva, and she’s not moving. Her forehead is resting on the glove box. I scream her name, but she doesn’t stir, not even a little.
“Do not fucking take her from me again!”
I move closer. Her body looks bent in half, if that’s even possible. The seatbelt that’s kept her in her seat almost looks like it’s going to split her into two, it’s so tight on her body. Her left arm is hanging there, obviously broken. I see blood dripping down the side of her face, onto her shoulder. I want to wipe the blood away so badly, but I’m scared to death to touch her.
In the seat next to her should be Luke, but he’s not fully there. He’s halfway out the windshield. There’s no way he’s alive, I can just tell. Eva doesn’t look like him, thank god. She doesn’t look like she’s gone, but she doesn’t look like she’s here either. I can’t tell if she’s breathing. I put my head into my knees and start dry heaving in the dirt, over and over again. Nothing will come up. I am completely empty.
I hear the others approaching. I hear Luna scream so loud my ears actually ring. I hear Porter drop to the ground, shouting at the world as if that will make a difference. I feel Coop and Beck pulling at me, trying to get me away from the truck and Eva, trying to protect me like they’ve been doing every day for these last three years, but I ignore them. I shove them off and they both fall to the ground. I then reach into the truck and unbuckle her seat belt.
I need to know.
The unexpected release of the strap that was keeping her secured causes her body to involuntarily move. My arms protectively grab at her so she doesn’t fall onto the floor of the truck. I hold her shoulders as her head flops back onto my chest. Her forehead is split open, straight into her hairline. Her blood trickles down onto my shirt and soaks through it immediately. I don’t even flinch. The only thing that matters right now is that she’s back in my arms.
She’s lying sideways, her head in the crook of my elbow, the rest of her body still in the seat of the truck. The beauty that constantly leaves me speechless is still there, mocking me. Even with the blood. Even with how broken her body looks, she will always be the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.
I stand there for a minute, not wanting to let her go, but not knowing what to do. She still isn’t moving. I beg for her to wake up. I bargain with God, I bargain with my mom, I bargain with myself and I bargain with her.
“Eva, babe, listen to me,” I plead with her. “I know you can hear me. You need to wake up. Please. Please don’t leave me like this …”
Then, as my hand rests on her chest, I feel it.
The intake of a breath, and then another, and another. Her chest is moving. Something I didn’t notice as she was stuck in her seatbelt. Something I didn’t notice until a second ago. She’s been breathing this whole time. She’s still in there, somewhere. I gently move the bloody hair off her face and lift her head a little.
“Eva?” I delicately kiss her lips. They’re warm, but cold at the same time. “Eva? God. Babe? Please wake up.”
Her eyes flutter. I see them struggling, like she’s trying so hard to open them, but she’s trapped in another world and can’t.
“I’m right here. Just wake up, please.”
I kiss her lips again, and when I pull back, her eyes open. Her shocking green eyes stare right into mine, alarming me at first, but quickly becoming the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
“Bodhi?” she mumbles so quietly I barely hear her. She moans as she tries to move closer to me. “Bodhi,” she whispers, reaching for me with her unbroken arm. “You found me.”
It takes my brain a complete second to catch up to what just happened in front of me. “Shit!” I shout. “She’s alive! You’re alive! Someone call 9-1-1!”
“Bodhi?” she says louder, becoming more alert now, grabbing at my arm and trying to twist her body around. “Bodhi, get me out of this truck!”
“Don’t move, babe! Please don’t move! Please. I don’t know how hurt you are—”
“It’s my arm,” she says. She starts to cry. “Definitely my arm.”
Seeing her cry and in pain breaks me. My entire body shakes uncontrollably. “God, please don’t move. Don’t move, babe. You’re hurt, and you’re bleeding—”
“My head?” she questions, reaching up to touch it. She pulls her hand back and it’s covered in blood. “Just get me out of here!” she cries, struggling against me and trying to push herself down. “Please, Bodhi. I can’t stay in this truck!”
“Shit! Let me help! Stop moving! I’ll get you out! Someone help me!”
Porter and Coop are each at my side immediately, and we slowly bring her down and out of the truck. She wobbles on her legs, the three of us each supporting her so she doesn’t fall. She can’t stand up, even though she thinks she can. We are supporting every ounce of her battered body.
“I’m so dizzy,” she whispers, closing her eyes as she sways in our hands.
“Over here!” Luna then calls out, pointing to a clear spot of grass on the side of the street. “Bring her over here!”
Beck appears from the road. “Ambulance is on the way,” he announces, the phone still in his ear. “She needs to sit down. Now, right now, Bodhi. Get her to sit down.”
“I can walk,” Eva declares, cradling her broken arm against her chest as she tries to move. She has six hands on her and she still almost falls to the ground.
“The hell you can, Eva! Jesus Christ, stop trying to move!”
Her good hand comes up to my face, and she digs her fingernails into my cheek. “Get me away from this fucking truck. Please.”
I nod my head and bring my face right to hers. “We’re going to get you over to the grass, and then you’re going to sit down and not move another inch, okay?”
Tears fall from her eyes. “Everything hurts,” she whispers to me.
“Oh, baby,” I cry with her. “Baby, I know. I’m so sorry. What can I do?”
“Just pick me up, Bodhi,” she says. “Just pick me up.”
I nod my head, but I’m so scared I’m going to cause her more pain. “Okay,” I say, running my fingers down her face. “Just don’t move.”
I scoop her broken body up into my arms and carry her over to the grass. She cries into my chest. I know I’m hurting her and it destroys me. Everyone’s there to help as we place her down as slowly as possible on the side of the road. She screams out in pain the last second or two. I swear to god the sound of her screams echoes throughout all of Flagler. She immediately lies back onto the ground, closing her eyes and breathing heavily as she does.
Luna steps away as soon as Eva is in a comfortable position. She gets out of our view and I watch as she breaks down against the trees. I see Coop comforting her. His arms wrap around her shaking body as she silently cries.
I place myself down in the grass and put my face right against Eva’s. “Much better,” she smiles. “I knew you would be the one to find me.”
I run my fingers over the bloody hair that keeps sticking to her forehead. Touching her face, her shoulders, her neck. I can’t believe she’s lying right in front of me. I can’t believe she’s alive. Just moments ago, I thought she was gone forever. I can’t hold it together anymore, and my head buries into the soft dip of her neck as I cry. Long, drawn out sobs, wanting to pull her body into mi
ne for comfort but so afraid I’m going to hurt her.
“Bodhi, shh,” she murmurs. Her lips are on my head, kissing what she can reach. “I’m okay. I’m going to be okay,” she reassures me. “We are going to get through this, I promise.”
I lift my head up and kiss her face, wiping away her blood with my sleeve. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I let him take you away, that I let this happen …”
“Don’t you dare blame yourself for this.”
I shake my head. I don’t even know what to say. I just move her hair away from her face again and kiss her lips. “I am nothing without you, Eva.”
She gives me a small smile. “We don’t exist without each other.” I watch her gaze as she looks over towards the truck. “Your dad?”
“All that matters is that you are okay,” I say. “All I care about is you. I thought I lost you, for real this time.”
She raises her good hand and wipes my tears away with her fingers, her bloody face looking over at mine. “You will never lose me, Bodhi,” she declares, lifting her head a little as she kisses my lips. “I promise you that.” She winces and quickly pulls back.
“Your arm?” I ask, searching the road for any sign of the ambulance.
“My stomach. I think the seat belt bruised me or something.”
I suddenly hear sirens approaching from a distance. “Don’t get up,” I say to her as I go to stand. “Please. Stay right here, okay?” I bend down and kiss her head. “I love you, so damn much, and I’m going to spend every single second of the rest of our lives making sure you know how much I do.”
She closes her eyes and smiles as she says, “I love you, and I know you will.”
I walk over to the road. The flashing red and white lights that overtake High Bridge remind me of Christmas. It’s ironic to envision the most joyous holiday of the year, when the lights are only here to join the worst night of my entire life. Ambulances, police cars, a firetruck. They all show up within a few seconds of each other.
Immediately, Eva has a swarm of paramedics around her. I stand back, letting them do their job, knowing there’s nothing I can do to help her right now. I’m not far away though. I’m close enough she can still see me, and every few seconds her eyes go straight to mine and I give her a little reassuring smile.
Confession Page 43