Lady

by Roosh Valizadeh

  Within three minutes of meeting a girl, I can estimate her notch count, her attraction buttons, and her long-term potential. Even her profile picture on social networking gives me valuable information. Since I’m ready to settle down, I can’t risk choosing a potential wife who is promiscuous. Men who are interested in creating a family will also train themselves to identify warning signs of promiscuity so they don’t risk marrying someone who may cheat on them. There are so many horror stories online about divorce that a man who doesn’t properly screen a potential wife will be in for a bumpy ride.

  If a man chooses not to commit to you, it’s because of two reasons. First, he’s in his fun stage thanks to his horniness, or the culture is so broken that rationally it’s the most suitable stage for him to remain in. Secondly, he could be in his settle-down stage but doesn’t see you as his dream girl. In the latter case, he will choose not to commit to you because he thinks you have a history of promiscuous sex, he doesn’t trust you, he doesn’t feel an intimate connection with you, he doesn’t think you’d make a good wife or mother, he sees you as being too negative, you don’t meet his beauty standards, or a number of other reasons he may not even be conscious of. You won’t be able to be every man’s perfect girl, but there are things about yourself you can change to appeal to men who are settling down in a way that is healthy for you and makes you feel better about yourself.

  The Dream Girl

  There is an old saying that goes, “For every old shoe there is a foot.” No matter how weird, strange, or unique you are, there is someone somewhere in the world who is right for you and who will love you completely for the person you are. Don’t make any changes to your beliefs or appearance and simply wait for that one man to appear and sweep you off your feet as if you were living in a Disney cartoon. I say this only half-jokingly, because I truly believe that every person will eventually encounter someone who accepts them totally and is prepared to dedicate their life to them. There’s only one problem: you may not like that person.

  The drawback with morphing into the type of person you think the opposite sex likes is that you lose yourself in the process. I believe I am an introvert by nature, but I forced myself to display extraversion to attract girls, and felt like I had to keep on being extraverted so that the girls I attracted wouldn’t lose interest. In other words, I became an actor. Before every date, I had to raise my energy level and prepare myself to be the most interesting man in the world. I could keep this charade going for only a few dates. Since then, I’ve learned to make only external changes that don’t conflict with my character and that I don’t mind making, whether or not girls are in the picture.

  To maintain my physical attractiveness, I go to the gym about six times a month, groom my beard, and trim my body hair. I do these things even if I’m not on the dating market, so they don’t conflict with my character and create inner conflict. To allow women to connect with me, I put myself out there by approaching women I like, and I can provide a 30-minute burst of lively conversation. Then I relax and see if the girl invests in the interaction. Staying attractive, approaching women, and being social is definitely work, but they don’t make me feel that I’m not being true to myself. If I do all these things and still don’t meet a girl, I will see whether there’s some other minor thing I can change, but I won’t do anything that makes me feel bad about who I am, and neither should you.

  Before I give you advice on how to increase your chance of being seen as a man’s dream girl, it’s important to review the differences between the masculine and the feminine.

  The masculine uses aggression, strength, and power to take from the world. A man hunts for animals, he works hard for money, and he pursues women. If a man walks out his front door and takes a long walk, nothing will happen to him—no one will present him with an opportunity and no woman will approach him. Nothing ever happens unless he makes it happen.

  The feminine uses beauty and vulnerability to receive from the world. She is a worm on a fishhook that attracts the masculine who wants to conquer her, take her, protect her, and keep her as his own. If you walk out your front door and take a long walk, something may happen. A man, or several men, may try to start conversations with you, especially if you dress in an appealing manner. Your goal should be to maximize your femininity to the point where the masculine wants to come into your world and take you. Use your beauty and feminine grace as the bait for a big fish to come and take a bite.

  Once a man optimizes his value, the best way for him to meet a girl is through constant action. Once a woman optimizes her value, particularly her beauty, the best way for her to meet a man is through inaction, by allowing the masculine to come into the feminine. The good news is that initially you have to take almost no risk beyond going outside, where men can evaluate your bait. Embracing the passivity of the feminine will ensure that men will pursue you through masculine action, which is why you should not make it easy for them by doing the work. The more effort a man has to make when he pursues you, the more he feels invested in you, and the more he feels that you are his girl.

  You already have something that every single heterosexual man loves: a vagina. He is ready to jump through flaming hoops to get it, but the bad news is that every other woman also has one. Assuming a vagina is functioning and lubricating properly, penetrating one is so intensely pleasurable for a man that he is just about guaranteed an orgasm from even boring sex, whereas for you an orgasm is far from assured. Sleeping with a woman is like playing the slot machine in a casino and hitting the jackpot every single time, which is why a man will lie or scheme his way into one 10-minute instance of drunken sex.

  Without having done anything, you already have a big chunk of juicy bait on your hook that gets men knocking on your door, but as you know, having a vagina is not enough to get the man you want. You have to ensure that your vagina is not the best thing about you, because if it is, you won’t be able to retain the commitment of a man. Men will use you for sex until they get bored with your body and move on since there are many other vaginas of different colors, sizes, and textures to try.

  The biggest complaint I receive from men is that modern women don’t have anything to offer apart from their vaginas. In the past, a woman would be trained by her mother on how to please and serve men, or even attend finishing school, but today she is educated only so that she can have a career and make money, which doesn’t enhance her bait. Sadly, most women have no idea how to please a man beyond sex, so their vagina is the main course of the meal they serve to a man instead of being the dessert. A man who meets you will initially see you in terms of your vagina, but every minute he spends with you should prove to him that you offer so much more value beyond it.

  My task is to stack your hook with enough bait that a man would have to be an idiot to see you in sexual terms only. This definitely won’t be easy in our sex-obsessed world, but my hope is that the advice I give is compatible with your character, just like how going to the gym regularly and carefully grooming my thick, lush beard fits nicely with mine while making me more attractive to women. Understand that even if your hook is stacked with the best bait in the world, a man in his fun stage won’t be able to recognize your value, so our strategy is intended only for men who have already made the conscious decision to settle down, which you need to confirm before you have sex with him.

  Before you attempt to stack your hook, you have to know the five things that a man wants from a woman. They are part of a hierarchy: once a woman satisfies a man’s first need, he will seek to satisfy the need above it, and so on. The first need, unsurprisingly, is sex—or the upcoming prospect of sex—with a physically attractive woman. If you do not meet this need, it matters little what other bait is on your hook. A man must see you as pretty or beautiful and have a strong desire to have sex with you, and this desire must be completely sated as the relationship deepens into marriage, or he may be motivated to seek out another woman.

  Going back to our shoe analogy, there wi
ll almost always be a man who is sexually attracted to even the ugliest of women. The problem for a woman isn’t so much the lack of men who want to have sex with her but gaining the interest of a good man who will stick around afterwards. If you’re not that beautiful, you will have to be more realistic with your standards. Otherwise, you’ll keep on getting pumped and dumped by men you wish would stick around but won’t because you don’t have enough bait to offer them for the long term.

  It’s not fair that a woman’s beauty, or lack thereof, puts a ceiling on the type of man she can get, just like how it’s not fair for short men that height is one of the biggest qualities that women desire, but the good news is that there is a lot you can do to improve your appearance. Men also have options: they can become rich and famous to attract beautiful women. This doesn’t necessarily lead to “true love,” but since a man’s most immediate need is sex with an attractive woman, it is usually sufficient to provide him with some happiness. I’ll provide more details later on how you can improve your appearance because it’s the most important piece of bait you can put on your hook.

  I know you don’t want to hear how important looks are, because for years the culture has lied to you that it’s “only what’s on the inside that matters,” but denying the hard truth won’t improve your situation. The reality is that beauty is initially the most important need for men, and it determines how much they will invest in you. You have to work with this fact of male nature instead of fighting it.

  A man’s second need is centered on intimacy, friendship, and companionship. Simply put, a man wants a woman he can spend time with in a way that reduces his stress. You’re doing the opposite if you are demanding, flakey, unreliable, moody, or challenging. As I mentioned earlier, a woman often projects her attraction buttons onto a man, so because she may respond well to a man who treats her badly, she thinks that men also prefer to be treated that way, not understanding that the sexes have different natures. More commonly, an unhappy woman will take out her frustrations on the nearest available target—her man.

  The only time a man will put up with negative behavior that increases his level of stress is when he’s aching to satisfy an urgent need for sex. I will tolerate a certain level of flakey and princess behavior if I’m trying to extract sex from a girl, but once my desire has been sated, the tolerance ends. A woman can get away with grotesque behavior if the man she’s with is crippled by his need for sex. Some men are so weak that they can be enslaved by a woman through sex alone, but unless you want a mindless sex slave, you’ll have to be a pleasant person who makes a man feel at ease, comfortable, and relaxed.

  A man’s third need is a woman who makes his life easier or better. The best way you can meet this need is by doing household chores or other tasks so that your man can pursue his work or hobbies. My last girlfriend helped me by doing my laundry, making my morning coffee, and cooking meals, which allowed me to finish my work earlier and spend more time with her in the evening. Since women demand so much of a man’s time, if my girlfriend or wife doesn’t take care of some of my chores or tasks, the relationship will put me in a hurried state and increase my tension. The simplest way to help your man is to dedicate at least 10% of the time you spend together towards cleaning for him, preparing meals, or doing other chores.

  One problem the average man has is that his woman wants to monopolize all of his free time. She expects him to entertain her endlessly as if he were a smartphone with a penis. Be less of a time sink by creating the illusion that having you in his life saves him time. If we spend six hours together and you spend one of those hours cooking, cleaning, or shopping for me, you will take a load off my back and decrease my stress. If you also satisfy my need for sex, I’m well on my way to seeing you as a dream girl who is worth a serious commitment.

  Ignore the feminist complaint that cooking and cleaning for a man is filling the role left absent by his mother, particularly when you consider that a man’s role of providing and protecting, which women innately crave, is what your father did (or what you wanted him to do). There is a definite overlap between a mother and wife and a father and husband, and this has been a fact of nature for millennia, but the roles are not identical.

  The girls I’ve had successful relationships with often remarked how I shared a handful of traits with their fathers. A woman who is happy with her father because he protected her will logically seek out a husband who has similar traits. A man who is happy with his mother because she was loving and nurturing will logically seek out a woman who also shares similar traits. Good mothers who fulfill their natural role will appear the same, just as good fathers will. Unless you had a bad father, it is certain that a good man will have some of his attributes.

  A man’s fourth need is centered on loyalty, honesty, and faithfulness. When a man finds out that his woman lied or deceived him, he loses trust in her, and unless that trust is regained, the relationship will die. This is especially true if the lie involves another man. Female infidelity is a man’s most serious concern because it can result in another man impregnating his woman and him being cucked into raising a child who is not his. On the other hand, if a man cheats, the worst that can happen is that he will have to pay child support to a mistress, a painful outcome for sure, but one that is far less catastrophic than raising a child you mistakenly thought was yours.

  Men tend to be jealous because it reduces the likelihood that they will be cuckolded. There’s a fine line between imposing standards on your wife so that she doesn’t put herself in a position where cheating could occur and obsessing about where she is every second of the day, but I advise men to be firm in not allowing women to “meet” a man who is “only a friend.” Many men use platonic friendship as a strategy to get laid. They orbit a woman under the guise of friendship and strike when they sense an opportunity. Unless the orbiter is obviously a sodomite, I do not permit my woman to have one-on-one encounters with other men.

  If a couple is serious about their relationship, they should avoid being alone with someone of the opposite sex, especially at venues where alcohol is served, but even coffee meetings should be avoided. The problem with permitting an “innocent” daytime coffee date, for example, is that a woman may break the spirit of her commitment by scheduling it at a time that pushes the date into the evening, or by meeting a man she suspects has a romantic interest in her. Whatever rules you and your man decide on, understand that he may spend an inordinate amount of time testing your faithfulness, and if he doesn’t, it’s because he’s hopelessly naïve or you’re a good woman who is not giving him any cause to worry.

  Honesty is also essential when it comes to telling your man how many sexual partners you’ve had. If you tell a man that you’ve been with, say, five men in your life, and he later finds out there were other men you didn’t mention, it is fair grounds for him to dump you, because such a lie erodes trust in the relationship and causes him to question the other things you’ve said or done.

  I advise you to never lie, because even if you get away with a lie today, you will be found out tomorrow, which will put your relationship—and the huge amount of time and effort you’ve invested in it—at risk. When I’m only trying to get laid with a promiscuous girl, I may lie about my age or backstory to help me have sex quickly, but when I’m with a girl I can see myself staying with, I am sure to tell the truth, even if it makes me look bad. Otherwise, the relationship will be severely damaged once she discovers my lie.

  What you will be tempted to do, and which I sometimes do, is lie by omission. When I first meet a girl, I do not tell her that I’m the writer of more than a dozen X-rated sex guides. Experience has taught me that a girl will have trouble accepting this until she has developed strong feelings for me. So without lying, I simply leave it out and vaguely state that I have an “internet business.” When she later finds out about my books, I explain the details to her and hope for the best. I’m still lying because I omit damaging information, but it gives me plausible deniability
that I didn’t “technically” lie. Not only is this shady, but there’s no guarantee it will work, and there have been times for me when it hasn’t.

  We naturally want to hide negative things about ourselves so that we appear to be the ideal partner, because we’ve all made serious mistakes in the past, not to mention the flaws in our character that we want to downplay, but outright lying will almost always come back to haunt you, while lying by omission creates an atmosphere of distrust. It’s better to deal with the repercussions of an unfavorable revelation now, when the stakes are low, than when they are higher and life-altering.

  A man’s fifth and final need is to be accepted as he is. We want a woman who swallows whole both our strengths and our flaws without attempting to change us into someone else. The problem is that as soon as you get involved with a man, you start to work at elevating his status by pushing him to improve his appearance or make more money. Although it’s understandable that you want your man to be the best that he can be, he will resent you for it unless he specifically asked you for help.

  It’s even worse when you try to change his habits for your benefit alone. I once had a girlfriend who criticized me for wanting to read the news during breakfast instead of entertaining her. Another girlfriend complained that I left hair on my bar of soap that she didn’t even use. More diabolical is when a woman tries to reduce the time a man spends with his friends or family to make him more dependent on her. If a man has an irritating habit or routine that wasn’t an obstacle to entering a committed relationship with you in the first place, your best course of action is to take a deep breath and let it go, because I guarantee that you have habits that he wouldn’t mind changing as well. Ask a man how successful his mother was at changing his habits and you will quickly learn that nagging simply breeds conflict.