Lady

by Roosh Valizadeh

  Lady Bait

  Men place so much value in beauty that you don’t need to have a perfect personality to retain the affections of your ideal man. This is not the case when teaching a man how to be attractive to a woman, who wants looks, humor, intelligence, confidence, ambition, and adventurousness—all in one man. Teaching game to men is so complex that an army of gurus has stepped up to the task, but thankfully things are much easier for you. Merely being perceived as lady-like will be enough.

  An attractive first impression, combined with your long hair and thin figure, will compel a man to want to wait for sex and stick around long after it instead of pumping and dumping you, or if you are saving your virginity for marriage, stick around until sex happens on your wedding day. This assumes that you’re looking for men who are not in their fun stage, because I must emphasize that if a man is still in this stage, there is no advice in the world that will make him commit.

  The first lesson of creating a good first impression is don’t pretend to be a man. As I have already discussed, men are not naturally attracted to a masculine essence unless they are feminine themselves. Do not try to be confident, outgoing, outspoken, demanding, or argumentative. Do not try to be a leader. If you are in touch with your feminine core, this advice will be easy to follow, because it requires conscious effort and decades of training for a woman to consistently exhibit masculine traits.

  When I meet a woman and she shakes my hand firmly and looks into my eyes with an icy stare while standing rigidly erect, I know she is consciously trying to appear confident, and hopes that I will value her for it. If she were my co-worker in an office, perhaps I might, but I’m looking for the mother of my future children, not a business partner. Her confidence tells me that she has spent time deliberately learning how to be a man. While it’s okay for you to be outgoing if you’re naturally outgoing, drop all of the masculine behaviors you’ve learned or are trying to exhibit.

  A masculine man values a meek woman who defers to his lead. Allow this type of man to hunt you. Let him put in effort at each stage of the interaction (meeting, conversing, touching, exchanging contact information, setting a date, kissing, sex), while you observe, enjoy, and receive. Only when you see a man you like start to struggle or falter should you come to his aid with a strategic question, glance, or compliment that encourages him, but it’s not your job to exhibit confident or domineering traits to maintain his desire. You will always attract the opposite of the energy you put out, so a confident woman who is “in charge” is more likely to attract a weak man than a masculine one.

  Remember that the feminine energy is made to receive. Things happen to you because you are the one who is hunted. My masculine energy is made to take. Things happen to me only if I make them happen, because I am the hunter. The universe may place a beautiful woman in my path, and she may even make eye contact with me, but I have to accept the risk of rejection and make the leap to speaking to her, or the opportunity will be lost forever. The more we behave in line with our sex-linked nature, the more we will be ready to experience what the universe offers us.

  As a modern woman, you have lived in part with the masculine and have received some rewards from that, such as an education, career, material comfort, or physical satisfaction from casual sex, but all of these things have also led to pain, confusion, and anxiety due to having two opposing energies clashing within you. The answer is to free yourself from the masculine that you have learned from the culture. Simply let go of all masculine ambition. Relax. Let the world come to you. Stop trying to hunt, grab, take, and achieve. Broadcast your feminine essence to the world so that a masculine man already accomplished in hunting, grabbing, taking, and achieving comes to share his offerings with you, taking you to a place of love and family.

  The second lesson of creating a good first impression is to let a man be a man. Understand that it’s not easy for a man to initiate a conversation with you. He’s taking a risk that may lead to public humiliation, so if he’s the type of man you want to get to know, don’t attack, insult, or test him for trivial reasons. Men in their fun stage will appreciate a verbal “challenge” from a drunk girl in a club, but a man in the settle-down stage does not want to marry a woman with a prickly, immature attitude. Instead, give encouragement by keeping your attention solely on him and asking thoughtful questions that allow him to present the best of his character—his experiences, stories, ideas, opinions, intelligence, humor, and confidence. Judge him based on his innermost values instead of how he responds to an insult or trick, which he will interpret as a sign that you are stuck in your fun stage.

  Interactions between men and women have degraded to such an extent that they now resemble a rap battle of tit-for-tat challenges, but this simply has the result of weeding out good men who want a lady instead of a hip-hop performer. It’s better to adopt the pleasant attitude of “Okay guy, I will give you some time to show me who you are.” Give him just enough encouragement so that he makes his presentation, but be careful about doing the work that he alone should do, because men only value women they have to work for. If you make it too easy for him by doing most of the talking or asking all of the questions, or even worse, by escalating the interaction, how can he possibly value you?

  Women often ask me how they can get a man to ask them out. Apart from maximizing their beauty and remaining in the feminine, ready to receive, the answer is nothing! It’s the man’s job to take the risk of rejection, not yours. You are an antelope frolicking on the savannah, full of elegance, grace, and vulnerability. It’s up to the strong lion to run after you. If you chase after the lion instead, he may think you are diseased in some way, driven mad by a parasite. He’ll run away from you, no matter how hungry he may be.

  If a man doesn’t have the strength to initiate a conversation with you and ask you out, how likely is it that he will be able to provide for you and protect you in a relationship? How is he going to deal with hard economic times or tough situations that may threaten your survival? Unfortunately, modern men have been so thoroughly neutered by feminism that they have been made to feel like criminal harassers if they ask a woman out on a date, and therefore they may have the courage to do so only if they are under the influence of alcohol. At the other end of the spectrum, you find men who are completely fearless because they’ve turned seduction into a gimmick after having interacted with thousands of women for the main goal of getting sex. I expect that you will experience much frustration from meeting men who lack balance with how they try to seduce women.

  Since results will not come quickly, you will be tempted to be more ambitious in your quest to find a man and adopt the masculine approach of trying harder, but this will fail because once you’ve maximized your beauty, the universe will put the ideal masculine man before you only when it’s ready, not when you’re ready. I estimate that your ideal match will be presented to you only once a year. No matter how big the city you live in, or how many men you manage to meet every month, you will be able to love only one or maybe two men of all the ones you meet in a year.

  This fact also applies to men. Whether I meet five girls in a year or 5,000, I will not meet more than one who is worth a relationship. You cannot cheat or rush the universe. All you can do is to keep your eyes open and embrace the feminine. All I can do is to keep my eyes open and embrace the masculine. Remain beautiful and ready for the lion when he appears, at a time that will not be disclosed to you beforehand. Staying true to our natures, whether masculine or feminine, and being patient is the only formula for success when it comes to love.

  The third and final lesson of creating a good first impression that will encourage a man to invest in you is to let him exhaust himself. Stand in his presence and watch as he does everything possible to attract you until he is visibly tired or runs out of things to say. When this happens, stare warmly into his eyes or ask him a question. Many women cut their interactions with men short, usually as a way to tease them, but this forces a man to take a second social
risk to re-initiate contact before he has fully invested in you. Most men will not do this. While it’s polite to say, “It was nice talking to you, but I want to get back to my friends,” it should only be done with the expectation that a man will never return.

  Allow a man to become mildly stressed about what he should do next to gain your favor. This does two things. First, it makes him invest in you. The more he’s working, the more committed he will be to asking you out on a date and following through. Second, you get to see the other side of him. It’s very easy for a man to put forward his best qualities while he’s talking to you, but you also want to see whether he has negative traits that are likely to emerge only when he is frustrated, tired, or even angry. Stand still, receive his game, give warm eye contact, smile, let him run out of things to say, and observe how he recovers. If he fails to recover and chooses to give up, he’s not ready to make an effort to get you, because if a man can’t deal with the strain of keeping a conversation going, how will he overcome the bigger problems that arise during a relationship?

  The most “discouraging” thing you will do is maintain eye contact but not talk much. For the first few dates, you should contribute about 30% to 40% to the conversation, which is not that discouraging in the grand scheme of discouragement. You should not cut him down or withdraw. You should not pay attention to other things in the environment or regularly break eye contact. If he’s attracted to your beauty, and you allow him to be a man without acting like one yourself, he will jump through many hoops to maintain the interaction.

  Personally, I don’t like to work hard for an average girl I only want to have sex with, but if I’m highly attracted to a girl and sense that she has good values, not only will I work hard for her, but I will feel more satisfied if I do eventually get her because of the work I had to put in. My effort starts at the beginning when I first talk to her and continues when I try to date her and she insists on progressing very slowly towards intimacy. If she delays sex, I will stick around only if there is genuine attraction and I’m not in the middle of my fun stage.

  It’s worth discussing the differences in behavior between the promiscuous girl in her fun stage and the potential wife in her settle-down stage. The promiscuous girl does not want men to think she’s a slut, while the potential wife has no fear of that because her behavior is in no way slutty. When the promiscuous girl is attracted to a man, she will put up token resistance to his advances with phrases such as “I’m not that kind of girl” or “I don’t usually do this.” This is not because she really is difficult, but because she needs to manipulate how she is seen. The future wife, on the other hand, puts up genuine resistance to block a man in his fun stage from becoming intimate with her, not because she needs to manipulate him, but because she really doesn’t want the shallow sex that he’s offering. The promiscuous girl desires fast sex and will give in easily, but the future wife has already made a firm decision of when it’s appropriate to be intimate with a man that is independent of the situation or her emotions.

  If you simply want to sleep with sexy men, I don’t have any advice on how not to appear promiscuous, but if you want to gain the commitment of a good man, you’ll have to think logically about when to kiss and have sex so that you can filter out men in their fun stage while ensuring that those in their settle-down stage stick around. You want to move slowly enough with settle-down men that they recognize your value, all without appearing asexual like a nun. This will be most relevant when it’s time for kissing and sex instead of early stage steps like having conversations, giving out your phone number, and agreeing to dates, to which you do not have to put up any resistance.

  If a man you like is putting in the work by approaching you, sustaining the conversation, asking for your number or a date, and sweating it out to win your favor, there is no need to play “hard to get,” because you haven’t yet reached the intimacy stage. Use long conversations, particularly on dates, to get to know him by finding out where he is in life, what his past relationships were like, and what he wants in the future before deciding on whether or not to become intimate. Most of this will not involve much work on your part, besides optimizing your beauty, embracing your feminine side, and allowing the man to be a man and prove himself to you.

  I suspect that women want specific steps on how they should interact with guys, but such a formula is more useful for the hunter than the hunted. Since men are expected to keep women in a constant state of entertainment and attraction, it’s a simple matter to give them tips on conversation, body language, teasing, and so on. This is unnecessary in your case because once a settle-down man has decided to hunt you, he is certainly attracted. For him to be convinced that there is long-term potential, he has to feel genuine compatibility, which you cannot fake, and he has to be certain that you are not promiscuous, which will be implied if you make him wait a long time before having sex. All that’s left for you is to be a woman. Your actions should subconsciously convey, “I like being hunted by you. Keep going.”

  Much of your demeanor should simply come down to having basic manners, which most modern women lack. Maintain eye contact with him, smile at his attempts to make jokes, encourage him by complimenting the behaviors you like, refrain from obsessively looking at your phone, dress pretty, ask questions that keep him engaged, share life stories that help him understand the kind of woman you are, and give opinions that aren’t blatantly political or combative. This may sound like common sense, but you’d be surprised how many dates I’ve been on where women did the exact opposite.

  Even if you do everything right, there is no guarantee that an interaction or date will produce the result you want. The dating game is brutal and requires a lot of failures before it yields success. Use each failure as a learning experience for dealing with the next man who wants to hunt you. I’m confident that rigorously screening out men in their fun stage will help to reduce the number of failures, but dating is not an app where you tap a button and an expected outcome occurs. Because it can take many years to find the right partner, I find it deeply upsetting that the culture tells women to delay finding a husband until they are in their late twenties or beyond.

  In the end, the best you can do is embrace your passive feminine energy and allow a man to do most of the work. A warm glance will do more than trying to make him laugh with a sarcastic wisecrack. Giving him your undivided attention will do more than trying to appear intelligent. Letting him share his opinions will do more than getting into a political debate. All the while, you’re allowing him to tire himself out and worry about how he can maintain the interaction. When you’re in the presence of a potentially good prospect, focus on relaxing and receiving. If the man is right for you, he’ll do almost everything else.

  Meeting The Good Man

  While there is some good in every man, for our purposes a good man is one who is ready to settle down and protect and provide for his woman. His attraction to you is oriented towards love and family, not the possibility of having casual sex.

  Thirty or more years ago, the average man had little knowledge of how to relate to women, but today, thanks to being exposed to “red pill” content on the internet, he is more familiar with game, female behavior, marriage laws, and feminism. Much of this knowledge is aimed at maximizing his sexual success and minimizing failure in long-term relationships. There are still many naïve men out there, but it’s becoming more difficult for women to fool men through deceit, lying, or manipulation, which is why we won’t even attempt such trickery. Assume that the next man you like is wise to the ways of women, even if his outward behavior doesn’t seem to indicate that he is.

  If a man is ready for a relationship, he won’t be seeking sexual excitement or adventure, so his game will be rusty. This means it’s unlikely you’ll instantly feel butterflies or raw attraction. He will come across as stable, easy-going, logical, predictable, and shy. The accomplished player often displays the opposite traits. In fact, if you feel that a man is exciting and your
emotional core feels an attraction that you can’t explain, your devil may be pushing you into an interaction with a man who won’t commit to you.

  The good man will not know how to harness your powerful emotions to get sex quickly like the bad-boy player. He will be less aware of your emotional games. He won’t be as pushy or aggressive and may require a lot of prodding to respond emotionally. While you will be focused on how you feel in the moment, he will look towards the future to ensure that the relationship will be stable and comfortable.

  Even if most of your behavior towards him is based on becoming a nurturing and loving wife and mother, you will test him subconsciously when you are anxious about the relationship to find out whether he really is a strong man who can protect and provide. If he fails these tests, your devil will prompt you to window shop for other men. For example, no woman will admit that she desperately wants her man to say no to her, but this is exactly what a man needs to do from time to time to prove that he is at least strong enough to stand up to a woman. If a man folds easily to his woman, how will he protect her from an external threat that could harm the family?

  I teach my male readers about the tests that women give and how it’s essential to ignore women’s emotional outbursts and say no when necessary, but this is not something you can simply read once on a website and master. If you follow my advice about reducing your anxiety, you will be disinclined to test men unnecessarily, making it less likely that you’ll jeopardize the tranquility of your relationship.