by Maya Banks
“It pains me that I can’t even give you hell about falling hard like the rest of us poor schmucks you liked to rag on. You’re too pathetic to pick on right now.”
“Gee thanks,” Devon said dryly. “Don’t you have a daughter to go take care of? She probably needs a diaper change or something.”
“She’s sleeping with her mama, but yeah, I’m going to get back to my family. It’s the best feeling in the whole world, Dev. Get your ass out there and get your family back where they belong.”
“I will. And thanks, Rafe.”
“Hey, no problem, man. Anytime.”
Devon slid the phone back into his pocket and pondered his friend’s advice. Go big or go home. Pretty solid advice. Now he just had to figure out how big to go. There was absolutely nothing he wouldn’t do to convince Ashley to give him another chance.
CHAPTER 20
Ashley sat on Pippa’s couch, curled underneath a blanket as she sipped hot tea and watched it snow. It had snowed for the last two days, leaving a heavy blanket over the city. She longed for the comfort of her own apartment…or rather Devon’s apartment. She bleakly considered that it had never really been her home. But she missed it all the same. Nights like tonight she and Devon would have snuggled in front of the fire and watched a movie.
“Hey, chickie,” Pippa said as she settled down the couch from Ash with a bounce. “How are you feeling? Nausea still a problem?”
It was probably the pregnancy hormones—that was what she was blaming anyway—but she got positively weepy over how protective and caring Pippa had been ever since Ashley had moved in. Or sort of moved in, since Ashley hadn’t yet worked up the nerve to get her things from Devon’s apartment. Instead she’d been borrowing clothes from Pippa. But soon—as in tomorrow—she was going to have to brave going.
“Yes and no. I honestly don’t know if it’s the pregnancy or the fact I’m upset. I’ve been so queasy and nothing sounds good. Even my favorite foods have suddenly lost their appeal.”
“I’m sure neither is helping,” Pippa said dryly. She hesitated a moment as if deciding whether or not to say what was obviously on her mind. But Pippa wasn’t one to hold back. “Have you talked to Devon yet, Ash?”
Ashley put her cup down and sighed. “No. I’m a horrible coward.”
“No, you aren’t,” Pippa said fiercely. “It took guts to go to his office and lay it out to him like you did. I’m so freaking proud of you. I so want to be you when I grow up.”
Ashley’s eyes got all watery again. “Oh, my God. I’ve got to stop this,” she said, sniffling back the tears. “Pippa, you’re the most put-together person I know. You’ve got it all. You’re smart. You can cook like a dream. You’re gorgeous. And you’re the best friend I could possibly hope for.”
“And strangely I’m still single,” Pippa drawled.
Ashley giggled. “Only because you’re a picky bitch, as you should be. I could use some lessons from you.”
Pippa shifted forward on the couch, her expression suddenly serious. “Ashley, you have no idea how truly special you are. When the rest of us were struggling to find ourselves, sleeping around and experimenting with all the wrong guys, you were so calm and centered. You knew exactly who you were and what you wanted. You’ve always known who you were. You valued yourself and you refused to settle for less. Just because Devon turned out to be a prick who tried to change you doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. You may have lost your way for a very short time, but ultimately you didn’t let him change you.”
Ashley smiled but inside she wondered if Pippa was right. Devon had changed her. Irrevocably. No matter that she’d resisted and refused to become someone she didn’t like, she’d never truly be who she was before Devon entered her life.
But maybe that was what life was all about. People and circumstances changed you. It was what you did with that change that mattered.
The door buzzer sounded and Pippa made a face. “I swear if that’s another salesman I’m going to wet down my steps so they’ll freeze and anyone coming up will bust their ass. We’ve had two already this week.”
“Are you expecting a delivery? Maybe it’s your groceries.”
Pippa grew thoughtful. “No, I’m pretty sure I arranged it for tomorrow. But maybe you’re right. I’ll be right back.”
“You sit,” Ashley said as she pushed the blanket back. “You’ve been on your feet all morning. I’ve done nothing but sit around and feel sorry for myself.”
Pippa rolled her eyes but flopped back on the couch as Ashley padded toward the door. Ashley grinned as she imagined Pippa watering down her steps so they’d become icy. It was something she’d totally do.
She opened the door to the street-level apartment and blinked in shock to see Devon standing on the stoop, snow landing on his hair and wetting it. He wore a coat but had no scarf or cap, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in a week.
“Hello, Ash,” he said in a quiet, determined voice.
She gripped the door until her fingers went numb. “Uh, hi. What are you doing here?”
He laughed. It was a dry, brittle sound that in no way conveyed true amusement. “I haven’t seen my wife in a week. She won’t return my phone calls or texts. I have no idea if she’s okay or where she’s staying and she asks me what I’m doing here when I finally track her down.”
She swallowed nervously but she held her ground. It was mean-spirited to make him stand out in the cold, but she didn’t want him to come in.
“I was going to come by tomorrow to pick up my things,” she said in a low voice that barely managed to hide the tremble. “If that’s all right with you.”
“No, it’s not all right with me,” he bit out.
Her eyes widened and she took a step back at the vehemence in his voice.
“Can we go somewhere and talk, Ash?”
She shook her head automatically. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
His lips formed a grim line. “You don’t think it’s a good idea. You’re pregnant with my child. We’re married. We’ve only been married a short time. And you don’t think we have anything to talk about?”
She closed her eyes and put a hand to her forehead in an automatic gesture.
“Ash? Is everything okay?” Pippa called. Then she came up behind Ashley. “Who is it?”
Ashley turned. “It’s okay, Pip. It’s Devon.”
Pippa’s expression darkened, but Ashley held up her hand. Pippa reluctantly turned to go back to the living room but she called back in a low voice, “I’ll be right here if you need me.”
Ashley returned her attention to Devon. “I know we need to talk. I just don’t think I’m up to it right now. This has been hard for me, Dev. I don’t expect you to believe that, but this isn’t easy.”
His expression softened and he took a step forward, snow dusting off his hair as he moved. “I know it’s not, baby. Please. There’s so much I need to say to you. There are things I need to show you. But I can’t do that if you won’t talk to me. Give me this afternoon. Please. If you still don’t want anything to do with me, I’ll take you over to the apartment myself and I’ll help you pack your things.”
She stared back at him, utterly befuddled by the pleading in his voice. He almost looked as though he were holding his breath. And his eyes. They looked…bleak.
“I—I need to get my coat,” she said lamely.
The relief that poured over his face was stunning. His eyes lightened and he immediately straightened, hope flashing in those golden depths.
“And shoes,” he said. “I brought some from the apartment. I wasn’t sure you had any you loved here.” She gaped at him. “You brought my shoes?”
He shifted uncomfortably. “Six pairs. They’re in the trunk of the car. I chose those I thought would be warm and would protect your feet from getting wet in the snow.”
Something loosened in her heart and began to slowly unwind.
“That would be great,” she said softly. “
Let me go get my coat and my cap. If you brought a pair of boots, that would be perfect.”
“I’ll be right back. Wait here. I don’t want you falling on the ice,” he said.
He turned and sprinted back toward the street, where his car was parked. She stood there a moment, staring in bemusement as he popped the trunk and bent over to rummage in the boxes.
He rarely drove his own car. She’d only seen the vehicle once. They always used his car service or hailed cabs.
Realizing she was still standing in the wide open doorway, allowing the bitter chill inside, she hastily withdrew into the apartment and shut the door.
She hurried back into the living room, grabbed a brush from the end table and began pulling it through her hair in short, rapid strokes.
“Ash? What’s going on?” Pippa asked cautiously.
Ashley stopped and frowned. “I’m not altogether certain. Devon wants to talk. Asked if I’d give him the afternoon and then he’d take me to the apartment and help me pack if that’s what I wanted. He’s acting…weird.”
Pippa snorted. “Of course he is. You dumped him after telling him you were pregnant with his baby. That has a way of altering your priorities.”
“I guess I’ll go…talk,” Ashley said as she put the brush aside.
“Call me later,” Pippa said. “I’ll want a full report.”
Ashley blew Pippa a kiss and went to the closet to retrieve her coat and scarf. She pulled on a cap and tucked her hair carefully underneath before heading back to the door.
When she opened it, Devon was standing there holding a pair of fur-lined boots. When she would have reached for them, he bent over and said, “Here, let me.”
She put a hand on his shoulder to balance herself and stood on one foot while he pulled her boot on the other. After he zipped it up, she switched feet and he put the other one on for her.
When he was done, he straightened to his full height and then took her hand to help her down the steps. He walked her to the car and settled her into the passenger seat.
“Where are we going?” she asked as he pulled away into traffic.
“You’ll see.”
She wrinkled her nose and sighed. He slid his hand over the center console and tangled his fingers with hers.
“Trust me, Ash. I know it’s a big thing to ask and I totally don’t have the right to ask it of you, but trust me just this once.”
The utter sincerity in his voice swayed her as nothing else could. There was raw vulnerability echoed in his every word and expression. He looked as terrible as she felt, almost as if he’d suffered as much as she had.
It didn’t make sense to her. She had no doubt that he wasn’t exactly celebrating her departure from the marriage, but with the deal still intact, he was getting precisely what he wanted without the unnecessary burden of a wife.
When they pulled up outside the shelter, Ashley sat there, bewildered. “Why are we here, Dev?”
Devon opened his door, walked around to hers and held out his hand. “Come on. There’s something I want you to see.”
She allowed him to help her out of the car and they hurried toward the entrance of the older building. As soon as they ducked inside, the sounds and smells of the animals filled her senses. Her heart softened when she saw Harry the cat sound asleep on the reception desk. He was their unofficial mascot and the children who often filtered through the shelter in search of a pet loved to pet him as much as he loved being petted.
To her further surprise, Devon ushered her past the reception area and through the hallway lined with cages. He’d never been here before. How could he possibly know where he was going?
He stopped outside the larger room they used for animal orientation when they’d put pet and new owner together for a period of adjustment before the animal was released to his new home.
He gave her a quick, nervous smile and then pushed the door open. Inside, Molly and the other shelter volunteers stood beaming in a line, and when Devon and Ashley walked fully through the entrance, they let out a loud cheer.
“What’s going on?” Ashley asked in bewilderment.
“Say hello to your new staff,” he said. “You are now the acting director of the Copeland Animal Shelter.”
Ashley’s eyes went wide as she stared at Molly and then at the other grinning volunteers. Then she glanced back at Devon. “I don’t understand. We aren’t closing?”
Molly rushed forward and threw her arms around Ashley. “No, we aren’t closing! Thanks to your husband. He gave us the funding we needed to stay running. Not only can we stay open, but we also have the money for improvements and for marketing so we can heighten awareness for the animals we need homes for.”
She disentangled herself from Molly’s embrace and then turned back to Devon. “You did this for me?”
“I did it before you left,” he said gruffly. “I talked to your father about it the night of the party. I threatened to refuse to take his position if he didn’t agree to fund the shelter.”
Her mouth fell open in shock. She wanted to throw her arms around him so badly, but she knew it wouldn’t be what he wanted. But he looked so nervous, as if he worried she wouldn’t appreciate what he’d done. How could she not?
“I know how much the animals mean to you, Ash.”
Tears blurred her vision and her heart ached. She loved him so much. “Thank you,” she whispered. “I can never thank you enough for this. It means the world to me.”
“You mean the world to me,” he said softly.
Her eyes widened and her heart thumped so hard against her chest that she put a hand over her breast to steady herself.
But before she could question him, he turned to the others and said, “As much as we’d love to stay and celebrate with you, I have to take Ashley one more place.”
After saying their goodbyes, Devon ushered Ashley out to the car again. She sat in her seat, bemused and a little hopeful, but for what she wasn’t sure. Something was different about Devon. Something that went deeper than simple regret or guilt.
“What did you mean, Dev?” she asked softly as they drove away. “Back there when you said I meant the world to you?”
His hands tightened around the steering wheel and his jaw worked up and down.
“Exactly what I said, Ash. There is so much I need to say to you, but I’m asking you to be patient with me. This isn’t a conversation I want to have in a car when I’m driving and I can’t look at you or touch you. So I’m asking you to give me a little while. There’s a place I want to take you and then I want us to talk and I want you to listen to everything I have to say.”
Her mouth went dry at the intensity in his voice. He was tense. Almost as if he feared she’d refuse and demand he take her back. Wanting in some way to alleviate his obvious stress, she reached over to lay her hand on his leg.
“Okay, Dev. I’ll listen.”
CHAPTER 21
Devon continuously had to ease up on the accelerator as he headed out of the city. He was impatient and time was running out for him, but the roads were slick and the very last thing he wanted to do was endanger his wife and child.
His wife and child.
The words and the image were powerful. His wife and child. The woman he loved and had hurt so terribly. A child resting inside her womb. Their creation. His family. Something that belonged solely to him.
What would he do if he wasn’t granted a second chance to make amends?
He couldn’t—wouldn’t—focus on that possibility. To do so would drive him insane. It was up to him to make her forgive him or at least agree to give him one more chance to make it all right.
She was so beautiful, but there was an aura of sadness that surrounded her. It was as if a light had been extinguished or a black cloud had crawled across the sun and clung stubbornly as the storms rolled in.
He wanted her to smile again. He wanted her to be happy. But more than anything he wanted to be why she was happy. He wanted her to be happy wit
h him.
The trip to Greenwich, Connecticut, took longer than he’d like. The drive was silent and tense. They both seemed nervous and ill at ease. By the time he turned onto road that would wind around to the front of the sprawling home he wanted Ashley to see, they only had an hour of daylight left.
He pulled to the curb just before the bend in the private lane and shut the engine off. Beside him Ashley’s brow furrowed in obvious confusion.
He walked around to her side of the car and opened the door. He pulled her out, carefully arranged her scarf and cap so she’d be warm and then took her hand and tugged her onto the road.
Snow drifted in the ditches and spread out over the landscape, a pristine covering of sheer white. It reminded him of her. Magical, almost like a fairy tale.
He’d once told her that life wasn’t a fairy tale, but damn it, she was going to have one. Starting right now.
“It’s beautiful here,” she said breathlessly.
Enchantment filled her eyes as she stared out over the rolling hills. Her face had softened into a dreamy smile and he felt a stirring in his heart. This was how he wanted her to look every day. Happy. Sparkling. So damn beautiful she made him ache to his bones.
He pulled her up short just as they reached the sharp bend in the road. He kept hold of her hand and pulled her to face him, his heart pounding damn near out of his chest.
Their breaths came out in visible puffs. Snowflakes began to fall again, spiraling lazily down, some sticking in her hair, some melting and absorbed by the splash of sun in the barren white of winter.
“Ash.”
It came out as a croak and he cleared his throat, prepared to fight with everything he had to keep the woman he loved.
She cocked her head to the side and sent him an inquisitive glance.
“Yes, Devon?”
Her voice was sweet and clear in the silence that had settled over the area. Only the distant crack of a tree limb disturbed the calm.
He hated that he stood here, tongue-tied, unable to form a single damn word, his heart in knots. There was so much to say he simply didn’t know where to start. Finally his frustration got the better of him.