by Tedd Hawks
[26] If you have not completely given up on gathering clues in the mystery, here is the text of the original note from chapter five—My Dearest Child, / It would appear that my fears were realized. In this event, I hope this letter finds you and that history has not made the contents less precious. / If your father is dead, you must come home. Find me where I rest and sing, like we used to, the old rhyme of “Duck Man of the Old Hat,” and think of the games we played when you were young. / Although time is not kind, there is always a chance to make amends for past wrongs. I hope you will have the insights and the ability to do so for myself and your father. / Love always, Mummy
[27] In times of great distress, a score of handkerchiefs was considered a respectable amount to use to show one's grief. Corinthiana’s twenty-three was, even for the time, a bit excessive.
[28] Corinthiana’s book What Colour Is Your Spirit? also had a section on dream analysis, which suggested that dreaming of pies actually belied a deep frustration with one’s love life. The pie, then, could have been symbolic of Crockett’s own frustration in his relationship with Brontë. The book goes on to say a pie could also mean you are adopted, your grandfather is a bricklayer, or you are simply hungry.
[29] At the urging of @badgrrlkinzay47, the editor is recommending everyone stop by “Bad Girl Meat Beats” a pop-up therapy shop in Idaho which specializes in meat-based therapies. Ms. Sprout was so inspired by this scene in the original draft of the novel that she immediately earned her counseling license through a Tibetan website so she could turn Martha’s hobby into a “Cathartic Meat-Bashing Idahoian Experience.”
[30] The Fantastic Death of Captain Discord was never published. This line was actually a plug for Earhart’s best friend’s novel which they thought would be published at the same time as Beatrice. It is rather fitting that while most great writers of this time period referenced Dante, Homer, the Bible, or one of the English Romantic poets, Earhart chose his third-rate writer buddy.
[31] Buttled to Death and The Murderer Is the Son are more references to Earhart’s friend’s works. These novels were actually published but only sold a few dozen copies, once again a bulk to Earhart’s mother, Adelaide, who appeared to be a patron of woefully bad writers.
[32] “Diggleshroot” was not a common exclamation at the time. In the editor’s research, no words even close to this were found as Edwardian ejaculations. It is a possibility that this chapter was written while Earhart was intoxicated, as there were more grammatical errors than in other sections, and the original pages smelled like bathtub gin.
[33] In the original manuscript, this was typed as “Is it ham?” a direct contradiction to the earlier quotation from Martha. The editor believes this chapter was written when the intoxicated Earhart’s thoughts turned to food, as pig meat is never alluded to as a suspect prior to this point in the novel.
[34] The editor will remind the reader, at this point, that he is not that bad of an editor. This misspelling alludes back to Crockett's mistake with Mrs. Brettwick when he referred to Petrarch being dead.
[35] Earhart initially inserted a long, slightly humorous incident with leeches in this scene, but it was withdrawn due to its scientific inaccuracy. Additionally, Mr. Kentworth seemed to think leeches were actually caterpillars as he kept describing the creatures as “long and furry, always with their eyes to their future as decorative ornaments in vegetable gardens.”
[36] The editor has no insight into the research methodology which generated this data.
[37] While this isn’t technically a word, the spirit of the word and its usage here seem justified. Apologies to the editor’s sixth-grade English teacher, Mrs. Stubbs.
[38] This is a play on the old Scottish saying, “We shall see ye whither be yesterday, today, tomorrow, or evemorrow ‘til the morning mash.”
[39] The editor acknowledges the complicated humor around a red herring in a book about a murdered herring.
[40] It has occurred to the editor that there are a great number of storms at convenient, atmospheric times in the novel; however, due to sheer laziness, the editor has left them all in. It was far too much work to dig through the text and make sure weather lined up with the appearance of mud, rain on windows, clouds, etc. The reader will simply have to deal with it. Since we’re almost to the end, the editor has faith we can get through this together.
[41] It should be noted the sock is getting an odd amount attention at this point in the novel. In the original draft, Earhart had put much more effort into its description. One of Earhart’s oddities, in addition to drinking and second-rate novel writing, was collecting socks from varying regions of the world, not only to wear, but at the end of their usefulness, to turn them into delightful puppets.
[42] In the editor’s research this saying was never used by anyone at any point in time, although a white hip hop group out of South Dakota did release an EP Uncheeze the Rat in 1997.
[43] The penchant continued on for several generations. @badgrrlKinzay47, in addition to hoping this novel brings her some money, is also in talks with a TV network for a reality show called The Aquatic Murder Kids about “the descendants of homicidal families looking for love, friendship, and drama…on a boat.”
[44] The editor would agree with Crockett’s sentiment in this moment; it was, as Petrarch may say, “a true dillyfog” putting it all together.
[45] It is unclear if Earhart knew Christ was both Jewish and from the Middle East.
[46] In Earhart’s notes, he very dramatically stated that this book was “not one of those usual, awful detective stories.” It was, perhaps, in one of his drunken fits (there was sherry spilled on the pages of this particular passage in his diary) that he referred to the book as a “Mysteridramaganza,” some sort of portmanteau of mystery, drama, and extravaganza.
[47] As with most of the violence in earlier drafts, this scene was much more dramatic. There was nearly a page of description on the consistency of Bixby’s brain. “The cerebellum detached itself, like a leech being removed from a commodore’s foot. It spluttered, ribbons of gore shedding outward in spools of red and gray…”
[48] In parts of rural England, one isn’t considered a real man until he has had his life put in danger by “a weapon of killing strength.”
[49] The editor was very torn about including this scene in the final text as it pushes the bounds of the narrative and is really implausible in a work of (supposedly) historical fiction; however, the inclusion of the baby herring tilted the scales in favor of its inclusion.