by Beth Wiseman
“Nee, I just need to go back to bed.” Rose spread her other arm across her chest as she flinched.
Esther stared at her. “All right. I hope you feel better. We will see you early afternoon.”
Rose nodded before she went back to her room.
“Where’s Rose?” Lizzie asked with her teeth in.
Esther shuffled toward the door. “She said she doesn’t feel well, that she threw up and isn’t going this morning.”
“It’s because of me.” Lizzie slipped into her shoes.
“Ya, probably.” She opened the screen door and held it for her sister. “And I’m sure she’s afraid to face Benjamin.”
“I thought I was helping.” Lizzie shuffled her teeth back and forth before she stomped down the porch steps. She was already in the driver’s side of the buggy by the time Esther had trudged across the yard.
“Maybe don’t help so much next time.” Esther climbed into the seat.
They were quiet on the way to the Millers, who were a young couple with a small home. Worship service would be held outside in the heat. But it was early and not too warm yet. Maybe she could convince Lizzie not to stay for the meal afterward. It would be blazing hot by then. And Lizzie and Rose needed to talk.
* * *
Rose’s lie tore at her insides, but she wasn’t ready to face Benjamin. She resumed the task at hand before Esther had called upstairs for her.
She continued to remove all the letters from her brothers and sisters from the keepsake box and put them in a pile on the bed, and she took out the broken angel necklace. She also salvaged two movie ticket stubs from when she and a friend had gone to see a movie during the early part of her running-around period. Luckily her father hadn’t found out. They’d seen a romance movie, and although parts of it had embarrassed her, it was so tender and sweet that Rose wanted that for herself someday. Or she thought she did. But her only potential chance at happiness was ruined. Rose would have to forgive Lizzie. Her intentions had been good, just misdirected.
After she had all of the things she wanted to keep out of the box, she stuffed the letters from her mother inside. She closed the box and picked up the duct tape she’d found in the barn and began haphazardly wrapping it around the box until none of the brown showed at all. She slid it back under the bed, vowing to never read her mother’s letters again.
She gathered up the letters from her brothers, sisters, and sisters-in-law, and eased them into the drawer of her nightstand so she could reread about their lives and continue corresponding with them. All her mother’s letters had ever done was upset her, and since she didn’t anticipate a response to the recent note she’d sent, she was committed to work on her own healing. Even if she had no idea how. But rereading her mother’s insincere, often judgmental, and sometimes cruel letters would not help Rose to feel better about herself.
After retrieving a pair of tweezers from the bathroom, she got to work repairing the chain on the angel necklace. After it was whole again, she slipped it over her neck and tucked it beneath her nightgown. Take that, Daed. Hate was a strong word, and she wished she hadn’t used it during her outburst with Esther and Lizzie. But to recover and let go of her past, she was going to have to find a way to rid herself of the extreme dislike she had for her father, and even her mother.
She lay back on the bed and closed her eyes. Help me, Gott, to rid myself of such hateful thoughts about my own parents. Show me how to heal.
She was drifting back to sleep when she heard a voice in her mind loud and clear.
Forgive them.
* * *
Benjamin sat through worship service, but he didn’t hear much of what was said. Rose had obviously chosen not to see him today, even though Esther said Rose was ill. Esther also said that Rose was very angry with Lizzie for telling him about her childhood. Benjamin could understand that, but he needed a chance to let her know that he’d fallen for her, and that her past didn’t matter. But he was also wise enough to know that until Rose figured out a way to heal herself, she wasn’t going to be back to the woman he’d grown to care so much about. Still, he wanted to help somehow.
“I’m in big trouble at home,” Lizzie said as she sidled up to him following the service. “Rose isn’t speaking to me because of all the things I told you.”
Benjamin was appreciative of the information Lizzie had shared, but he would rather not have a conversation about it with Lizzie. Without Rose, he’d slipped back to a more emotionally isolated place. “I’m sure she will forgive you,” he said to Lizzie.
“Are you going to talk to her?” Lizzie’s pleading eyes longed for a yes.
“Nee, I-I don’t think I should push her.”
Her face clouded with uneasiness and regret, but her expression quickly shifted into a hostile glare. “You have to talk to her, to help her get through this. And I can’t stand her being mad at me.”
Benjamin hung his head and avoided her scorching stare. He just wanted to go home, away from this crowd and away from Lizzie.
She stomped a foot before she stormed off, and Benjamin breathed a sigh of relief. Until Esther met up with him.
“Lizzie and I aren’t going to stay for the meal. We want to get home before it gets too hot.” Esther handed him a glass of tea. “The men are getting seated, and the food is on the table. I just wanted to let you know that Rose will find her way. I know you must be disappointed that she chose not to be here today.”
“Is she really sick?” A hard knot formed in the pit of his stomach.
“I doubt it,” Esther said before she put a hand on Benjamin’s arm. “Maybe just give her some time.”
“Ya, okay.”
His thoughts were scurrying all over the place. Lizzie rushing him to talk to Rose, and Esther saying he should give her some time.
Benjamin thanked Esther for her advice, then went to join the men for the meal. But his appetite wasn’t what it usually was.
* * *
On the ride home, Esther began to doubt what she’d told Benjamin, about giving Rose time. Gus and Lizzie were both against that, and maybe they were right. Perhaps time was the enemy in this case. But all things happened on God’s time frame, and Esther wasn’t sure anyone should push Rose. It was all very confusing, but Lizzie was so quiet that Esther wanted to distract her sister from her worries.
“Rose said something interesting related to the mysterious flowers I received.” Esther glanced at Lizzie, who perked up right away.
“Does she know who sent them?” Her face brightened, which was nice to see since Lizzie had held a pout throughout the worship service.
“Nee, but she said you would probably call our driver, Henry, suspect number three.” Esther laughed. “It’s not Henry, but I thought it was funny that she would mention him.”
Lizzie held the reins in one hand as she rubbed her chin with the other and shifted her dentures around. “Why didn’t I think of him?”
“Because he is younger than me, I don’t know him well, and he wouldn’t have sent me flowers. With everything going on, I haven’t given much thought to that delivery.”
Lizzie sighed. “I guess I need to beg for Rose’s forgiveness. Again.”
Esther had managed to distract her sister but not for long. “She’ll come around.”
When Lizzie turned into the driveway, Rose was standing on the front porch. Lizzie bolted from the buggy and ran across the yard without even tethering the horse. Esther scurried to secure the animal, then hobbled toward them.
“I’m sorry!” Lizzie flung her arms around Rose, who was fully dressed now. “I’m sorry. Don’t stay mad at me. I’ll never meddle in your business again.”
When Rose wrapped her arms around Lizzie, Esther’s heart warmed. Every family had issues, and hers was no exception. But she was absolutely certain that Lizzie would meddle in Rose’s business again.
There was still a hint of anger in Rose’s expression when she eased out of the embrace. “I forgive you, Lizzie. But do
you understand that you took away mei right to tell Benjamin about mei past in mei own way? I know your intentions were gut, and I know how you like to play matchmaker, but this was one time when you should not have interfered.”
Lizzie hung her head. “I know.”
After she saw that Rose and Lizzie were making amends, Esther turned back and went to the barn to check for messages. There weren’t any.
By the time she returned from the barn, Lizzie and Rose had gone inside. Esther sat in one of the rocking chairs and gazed at the cottage. What would it be like without Gus’s grumbling and stomping across the yard to complain about something? No sparring with Lizzie either. She closed her eyes. Please Gott, heal Gus. I’m not ready for him to go.
Chapter 22
Friday was Esther and Lizzie’s day to go see Gus, and Esther used the ride to think back on the week. Lizzie was scheduled to give more blood today. Naomi and Amos had visited Gus on Monday and had even taken the babies. Rose and Evelyn had gone on Tuesday, and Jayce had been by Wednesday and Thursday. The schedule would vary from week to week, but everyone agreed that Gus shouldn’t be alone and without visitors.
Rose hadn’t heard from Benjamin, and she definitely wasn’t herself, but at least she and Lizzie were getting along. Lizzie must have apologized a dozen more times.
Esther’s sister eyed Henry from the back seat of the van almost the entire ride to the hospital. After they exited the vehicle and told Henry they’d only be staying long enough for Lizzie to give blood, Esther cut her eyes at Lizzie.
“Don’t look at me like that.” Lizzie held her chin high.
Esther fought to keep up with her and eventually tugged on her apron from behind. “Slow down.” When she did, Esther said, “It’s not Henry. I saw you eyeballing him the entire ride. We’re going to forget about this topic again. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“It was Henry.” Lizzie’s black purse swung at her side as she picked up the pace again.
By the time they caught the elevator and made it to Gus’s room, Esther was winded and stopped in the hallway to catch her breath.
“I’m off to the lab. I’ll meet you back here,” Lizzie said as she took off to her right.
“Lizzie.”
Her sister slowly turned around.
“You need to come say hello to Gus.”
Lizzie groaned as she took heavy steps back to Esther. “Isn’t giving the man my blood enough?”
“Just a brief hello would be fine, and you need to be nice.” Esther warned her with her eyes before turning toward the room.
Esther knocked on the door and pushed it barely ajar. “Gus, it’s Esther and Lizzie.”
“Come in,” he responded, not much more than a whisper.
Esther tried not to look surprised when she laid eyes on him. Someone should have warned her. She’d never seen so many tubes before, and there were several monitors beeping instead of just one. Gus looked like he had lost twenty pounds in a week, which didn’t seem possible, and his face had a yellowish tint where it was visible. His beard was a matted mess.
“Wie bischt, Gus,” Lizzie said, her eyes round with surprise. She hadn’t been in to see Gus, so she had nothing to compare this to, but she was clearly shaken. Lizzie didn’t move from her spot. She only took one step inside the room.
Esther swallowed hard and walked to the bed. She laid a hand on his arm, studied him for a moment, then glanced around the room and smiled. “I see Naomi brought you a painting. And it’s of your cottage.” Esther brought her free hand to her chest. “Aw, that’s you on the front porch holding Whiskers.” She eyed the flowers she’d sent with Naomi and Amos. “It’s much brighter and more colorful in here.” It wasn’t true, but she couldn’t tell Gus that his appearance took away from the efforts to make the place more cheerful.
She startled when Gus jerked his arm away from her touch. He glared at Lizzie. “Can you get out of here so I can talk to Esther?”
“I see that mei blood hasn’t made you any nicer. I’m off to go give more.” She held her arms up for him to see. They were bright purple in several places. “I look like a druggie.” Clearly, another English word Lizzie had picked up from one of her novels. She stomped out of the room.
“Esther, where have you been?” Gus’s voice was hoarse and not nearly as loud as usual.
“I told you I wouldn’t be here every day. And I heard you’ve had people visit daily, except for Sunday.” She tried to touch his arm again, but he pulled away.
“I don’t need you sending substitutes. If you can’t come, then don’t send anyone.” He turned away from her. “Except Jayce. Those others are doing it because you asked them to.”
“Gus, that’s not true. Everyone wanted to see you, so we thought it best to come up with a schedule so we didn’t all show up on the same day. And didn’t you enjoy seeing the twins? Regina and Eve always brighten mei days.”
“They screamed the entire time.” Gus slowly held up both his arms. “Can you blame them for being scared? Look at me. I’m hooked up to so many gadgets, I look like some sort of alien life form.” His voice was hoarse and low, but his spirit was intact.
He attempted to roll onto his side, but moaned and gave up. “Open that drawer under the nightstand. There’s a small black bag in there. I need that.” He glanced at her when she didn’t move. “Please. Can you please hand me that bag?”
She reached over, pulled the drawer open, and retrieved the bag. After she handed it to him, he attempted to pull back the zipper several times.
Esther finally eased it from his hands and unzipped the bag. “Here.”
“Thank you.”
She smiled. “You’re welcome.”
He reached inside, fumbled around, and took out a rolled-up wad of money and handed it to her. “This is to pay for your driver when you come see me.”
Esther shook her head and didn’t take it. “I don’t need money, Gus. We’re fine financially.”
“I had Jayce sell my truck. I can’t believe they gave him two grand for it.” He pulled her hand to his and placed the money in her palm.” Grinning, he said, “Now you gotta come see me.”
Esther chuckled. “Nee, I don’t. I come because I choose to, but I can’t come every day, and I’m not taking this money.”
He sighed. “I ain’t got nothing else to do with it.” He moaned again as he shifted his weight and tried to get his pillow behind his head.
Esther set the money on his chest, then leaned around him and cupped the back of his neck. “Lift up, I’ll get your pillow right.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” She gently patted his arm. “See how easy that is? Manners?”
Gus nodded at the money on his chest. “I don’t think any of my other family—as you call them—need money.” He offered it to her again. “Maybe put it in a trust or account for the screaming twins.”
Esther picked up the roll of money. “I think that is a lovely idea.” Before she arrived, she might have chosen not to accept the money on the twins’ behalf. She would have held out for Gus to receive his miracle. But seeing him like this led her to believe a miracle wasn’t in his future.
Lizzie burst in the door like a whirlwind tornado. Strands of gray hair had blown loose from beneath her prayer covering, and she curled her fists into balls at her side, her black purse swinging from her wrist. “We have a problem.”
Esther grimaced as a sense of dread filled her. What now?
“Gus, can you order anything you want from room service?” Lizzie struggled to catch her breath.
“I ain’t hungry.” Gus scowled. “What’s wrong with you anyway? You look like you’ve been in a cat fight.”
“I ran all the way back here,” Lizzie said, still breathless.
Gus rolled his eyes. “I bet that was a sight.”
“Lizzie can you please tell us the problem?” Esther sat down in the chair by the bed.
“They won’t let me give blood.” She gl
anced at Esther. “I told you how easily I lose weight.” She thrust her hands to her hips and flashed her pearly whites. “You need mei blood. Today. So you best call room service.” She tapped her finger to her chin. “Do you have a menu?”
Gus stared at her for a long while. “First of all, they ain’t got room service here. They bring you three meals a day, and not very good ones, I might add.” He glared at Esther. “I’d be hard up for good food if I had an appetite. Apparently dying robs you of that too.”
“How many pounds are you short?” Esther’s head felt like it might explode. Her throbbing temples were probably visible.
“Just two.” Lizzie shuffled her teeth. “There’s a cafeteria downstairs, ya?”
“Ya, I saw the sign when we came in.” Esther stood up. “Gus, I’m hungry so I’ll go with Lizzie, then I’ll come back after we load her up on food and I’ll get a bite to eat too.”
They were almost out the door when Gus said, “Lizzie?”
Esther flinched and waited for whatever insult Gus had in store for her sister.
But all he said was, “Thank you.”
Lizzie stretched her arm as far as it would go and wagged a finger at him. “I knew it. Mei blood is working on you already! A few more rounds and you might even be a pleasant human being.”
Gus actually grinned.
Esther walked back to Gus, leaned down, and kissed him on the forehead. His eyes watered. “One nice gesture deserves another. I’ll see you soon.”
Perhaps Gus was going to get his miracle, just not the way Esther had imagined it.
After they stuffed Lizzie with as much food as she could possibly eat, she headed to the lab. Esther said a quick prayer that she’d make the weight.
When she got to Gus’s room, he was sleeping. She watched him for a while as she yawned, wishing she could lie down somewhere and take a nap. When she covered her mouth and coughed, he opened his eyes.
“Sorry, I had a tickle in mei throat.”
They were both quiet for a few minutes.
“Esther, I’ve been thinking.” He scratched his beard. “I was upset that you went so long without seeing me. But . . . I’m thinking it would be selfish of me to expect you to come here every day. It would wear you out.”