He closed his eyes again. “I tried not to. But I can’t seem to stay away from you. You’re like a damn vacuum that keeps sucking me in.”
I chuckled. “A vacuum?”
He opened his eyes, his gaze meeting mine. This time, there was no guardedness in his eyes. No walls blocking me out. The look in his eyes was completely open. Vulnerable. His lips twitched again. “Yeah. That’s not a very good reference, is it?”
We both laughed softly. My heart warmed. I’d been so afraid to hope, but Tony was finally opening up to me.
“I feel the same about you,” I admitted. “There’s a powerful pull between us that neither of us can deny. We belong together, don’t you think?”
He pulled his gaze away, staring at that invisible thing behind me again. Was he looking at a ghost?
Silence stretched again for several minutes while we just sat there on the mat, holding hands. It wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable. At least not for me. I liked being with him in any way.
Finally, he spoke again, his words so soft I had to lean closer to hear him. “My mother didn’t want me. She abandoned me at birth.” He paused, swallowing hard. “My whole life I’ve felt unwanted. Unloved. I just...I have a hard time believing you really want me.”
My heart squeezed. I leaned into him, wrapping my arms around him, holding him tightly. He tensed, then slowly relaxed.
“I’m not a liar,” I whispered in his ear. “I want you, Tony. I love you. Always. You hear me? Always.”
He drew in a ragged breath. Then, amazingly, his arms came around me. He squeezed me back. So tightly. Nearly cutting off my breath. He buried his face against my neck. There was so much emotion in the action, so much feeling, that I didn’t protest, even though it hurt my back where the bullet had ripped in between my ribs. Tony was hugging me. He was actually hugging me.
We stayed that way for a long moment, just sitting there on the mat, hugging. Then he released me and leaned back. I looked into his face, into his eyes.
“Will you make love to me?” I asked. “I need you to touch me. I need to touch you. To feel you. Two weeks was too long to be away from you.”
He hesitated, his gaze searching mine. “I’m all sweaty.” It was a half-hearted protest, but it gave me hope.
“Then I’ll wash you in the shower,” I suggested. “And you can wash me.”
His gaze darkened. Then he bolted to his feet and reached his hand out to me. Overcome with emotion, I slipped my hand in his.
Yeah, Tony was actually holding my hand. I tried not to make a big deal out of this rare moment. I tried to act casual, like it was nothing.
But it was momentous.
My heart raced. Hope filled my chest. Joy billowed deep inside me.
Together, we walked out of the gym.
Hand-in-hand.
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Tony
Grace said she loved me.
No one had ever loved me before. No one had ever said anything remotely like that to me. Ever.
I want you, Tony. I love you. Always.
Her words stirred up those feelings that had been hibernating somewhere deep inside me for so many years, forcing them back to the surface. And one feeling in particular that I’d never felt before.
Joy.
Her words filled me with complete and utter joy.
My chest warmed as that fissure spread open again. Wide. Letting her in.
I want you, Tony. I love you. Always.
She loves me.
As we stepped out into the corridor, we nearly collided with Nate and Alissa, who were just getting ready to enter the workout room. To check on us? Had Alissa gone to get him? Were they afraid I might do something to fuck this up? Never again. Grace was mine now. I wasn’t letting her go.
They paused and Nate’s gaze narrowed on us, scrutinizing, taking in our locked hands.
Heat flushed up my neck and into my face. I sent him a challenging look, daring him to comment.
He just smiled and jerked his head in a nod, not saying a word.
A huge grin split across Alissa’s face before Nate pulled her into the gym with him and closed the door, leaving us alone in the hallway.
I urged Grace away, toward my apartment. We went in, and I shut and locked the door behind us. Alone at last. I hadn’t seen her for the entire two weeks she’d been in the hospital. And fuck, I’d missed her. So much.
I’d never showered with a woman before and wasn’t sure how to start. This would be another first I experienced with Grace.
Not shy in the least, Grace took my hand and led me into the bathroom. We both stripped down and stepped under the hot spray.
And I quickly lost my uncertainty. She boldly washed me. Everywhere. And when she was done, I washed her. Everywhere. It quickly turned sexual—how could it not?—and then I was lifting her up against the wall and making love to her the way she wanted. I devoured her. Completely. I made her come undone. Again and again. I tasted her. Everywhere. Touched her. Everywhere. And only after I was certain she was completely satisfied did I seek my own release.
Then we took it to the bedroom. And we made love again. I’d never made love with a woman before Grace. Sex had been nothing but fucking. Impersonal. Just satisfying a need. Scratching an itch. But this powerful thing with Grace…it was full of feeling. It was emotional.
I was in deep now. So deep I was drowning in her. There was no escape. I loved her.
But if I told her that, if I told her she’d gotten to me, I would make myself vulnerable. So I kept my feelings locked inside me. Too afraid to admit them to her. I hated being vulnerable. Expressing my feelings would take time. I was still trying to get used to the way she made me feel. I sure as hell wasn’t ready to express those feelings aloud. Not yet. But I would, I vowed. Soon.
She wanted me to stay and hold her. To cuddle. So this time, I did.
Grace rolled to face me, wrapping her arms around me. She looked into my eyes. “Thank you for staying with me. It means a lot to me.”
I jerked my head in a nod. Honestly, I didn’t want to leave her. I wanted to stay here with her, locked in her arms. Forever. I was slowly getting used to touching. In fact, I kind of liked it. It wasn’t as scary as I imagined.
She hesitated, searching my eyes, then asked, “Will you tell me about Tony now? Will you let me in?”
I cleared my throat. “What do you want to know?”
She reached over and threaded her fingers through my hair. God, it felt so good. I closed my eyes and sighed, reveling in her touch. Nothing had ever felt so good as being with Grace.
“I’m not going to push,” she said quietly. “You just tell me whatever you’re comfortable telling me. And if you want to know something about me, just ask.”
I opened my eyes, my gaze locking on hers. I leaned over and kissed her. Gently. And everything about this moment, about being with Grace, felt right. My fear of opening up to her vanished in that moment. Right then, I wanted her to know who I was. I wanted her to know everything about me.
I slipped an arm around her waist and yanked her against me, so that her body was flush with mine.
“Now you’re talking,” she said with a husky chuckle, her gaze locking on mine. “I love it when you get all caveman on me.”
I snorted out a laugh. Yeah, a real laugh. Before Grace, I hadn’t laughed much. Now I found myself smiling, chuckling at odd moments. Laughing with Grace felt good.
“One of the things I love about you is that you’re man enough to not let me boss you around. You and me…we’re equals. I admit I can be a bit bossy and demanding. I don’t let anyone tell me what to do. But you keep me from walking all over you. My da would like you. And so would my brothers.”
Her father and her brothers would like me? I wasn’t so sure about that. Thinking of families always made me uncomfortable. I didn’t have a family other than my dreg brothers, though I’d always longed for a family.
“I hope they get to meet you someda
y,” she went on softly. “I usually try to fly home to Ireland once a year to visit them, but it wasn’t in the budget this year, and I had foster kids that I couldn’t leave, so I didn’t make any plans to go this year. Maybe next year…” Her expression turned wistful. “I miss my mom, too. She’s sweet. I know she would love you. And you would like her, too.”
If Grace’s mother was anything like her, I had no doubt I would like her.
“My brothers are very competitive, but so are you. You would fit right in.”
I kissed her again, wanting to shut her up. Meeting her family might come later. In the future. Right now I was still trying to get used to the idea of just being with her. A part of me still couldn’t believe this was real. Or that it was actually happening.
She smiled then, her eyes filling with tenderness. And I found my heart loosening up even more. “Talk to me,” she urged gently, running her fingers gently along my back. “Let me meet Tony.”
I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to gather my words. Where did I start?
And then, the words just came to me.
“I don’t know a whole lot about my past,” I began quietly. “When we were recruited with The Company, our memories were erased. I do have a few flashes of memory of being scared and dirty and hiding in a dark closet when I was a little kid, while sounds of adults fighting came from another room. I know now that it wasn’t my mother, but the prostitute The General had handed me over to, to raise.” I paused, trying to recall more memories of the past. “I have another memory of a man visiting me when I was about ten or so. Thinking back on it, I believe it was The General, coming to check up on me.”
“I’m a little lost,” Grace said apologetically. “Who’s The General?”
“My biological father,” I admitted. “He’s dead now. We killed him a few months ago. All the dregs are half-brothers.” I sighed. “In order to understand the dregs, I’ll have to take you back to the beginning. To the General and my recruitment.”
So for the next several minutes, I told her about being recruited when I was thirteen years old, about being partnered with Nate after Christopher died, about being subjected to numerous tests and experiments and torture, and about the bond a dreg shares with his partner. I’d already told her about the injection of various experimental drugs and animal DNA, but I explained it all better this time around, giving her more details, and answering all of her questions honestly.
“All dregs share a physical, emotional, and spiritual bond with their partners that doesn’t end until one of them dies. Nate and I have always been close, but after Alissa came along…” I broke off with a sigh. “I’ll admit I’ve been feeling a little left out. I haven’t been talking to him like I usually do.”
Grace’s arm tightened around me. “Tell me more about this dreg bond. What does it mean?”
“It means we share each other’s physical and emotional pain. When he’s hurting, I feel it. When I’m hurting, he feels it.”
“What about good feelings like happiness? Do you feel that too?”
I nodded. “We don’t have any secrets between us. At least not emotionally. It’s impossible to keep things from each other when we can feel everything our partner feels. When Nate started falling for Alissa, I felt all of his emotions along with him. It pissed me off. I wasn’t very nice to her at first. I wanted her to leave. Not because I was jealous. I only want the best for him. But at first I didn’t think she was strong enough for him. I’ve since changed my mind. She’s perfect for him.”
Grace murmured an agreement. “Yes. They make a cute couple. They’re obviously very happy.”
Silence stretched for several moments.
“So tell me about why they call you The Smuggler. You said you were a magician, and I’ve witnessed you making yourself invisible. How does it all work?”
I shrugged. “I’m not really sure how or why it works. Each of the dregs came out of the experiments with a gift of some kind, a talent that earned us our name. My talent was the art of illusion, making myself and anything I touched disappear. I also became an escape artist, able to free myself from just about any situation. Locked doors can’t keep me out. Or in. Until you, I was only able to make inanimate objects disappear with me. But somehow, with you, I was able to share my ability and make you disappear, too.”
“Yes. That was amazing. How do you do it?”
“It takes a certain amount of energy. If I’m weak or wounded, I can’t do it. And if my hands are stretched wide and tightly bound, I can’t escape, which you already discovered. I have to concentrate, focus hard on creating an illusion, on making myself disappear in order for it to work.”
She was eyeing me with complete fascination. Pure love.
Damn. This woman—this beautiful, sexy, amazing woman—loved me. I still had a hard time believing that. It seemed too good to be true.
“How do you get past locked doors?”
“I just imagine myself on the other side, and poof, I’m there.”
“Wow! That’s fascinating. Is it the same with escaping?”
I let out a soft chuckle. “No. I actually do have to escape. My joints are very flexible. Kind of like a contortionist, but not quite the same. I can twist and move into positions most people can’t.”
She nodded slowly, her eyes filling with wonder. “You’re a pretty incredible guy, Tony. Thank you for trusting me and sharing that with me. Is there anything else you want to know about me?”
My lips twitched. “Yeah.” I leaned over and whispered dirty words in her ear.
She let out a hearty chuckle and playfully slapped my arm. “Do you, now? What if I want to know…” She whispered back to me, making me instantly hard. I let out a soft growl and rolled her beneath me.
“Yes,” I growled. “Fuck, yes.”
And for the next several hours, we stayed in bed, making love. Over and over. Grace and I discovered sexual acrobatics together, making love in ways I hadn’t even known were possible.
I no longer wanted to flee. I just wanted to stay here with her and hold her forever. Just be with her.
I’d given up the fight. The truth was plain to me now. I’d fallen for her. I cared. I loved her.
I had let Grace in.
And there was no pushing her back out.
CHAPTER FIFTY
Grace
Alissa and I went to the surface to check our phones for texts or missed calls. It was one o’clock in the morning, night in full swing, most of the forest creatures sleeping.
Nate and Tony came with us, but they moved off into the trees to let us have some girl time.
As soon as we were alone, Alissa squeezed my hand. “You look happy,” she whispered. “Did you tell him how you felt?”
My heart swelled. “Yes. For the past four or five hours, we only got out of bed long enough to eat or use the restroom.”
She giggled, her cheeks turning pink. “Oh, I’m so happy for you. I knew it would work out between you. You’re perfect for each other.”
“Thanks.” I was happy. So happy. Tony had stayed with me and we’d made love many times over the past several hours. And we’d talked. We’d shared. I felt a connection to him now in a way I never had with any other man before. He hadn’t said he loved me, but I wasn’t worried. In time, he would tell me how he felt. Patience and baby steps were required with a man like Tony. And those baby steps were now paying off.
Alissa and I both checked our phones. I had three texts from fellow officers wishing me a speedy recovery and hoping to see me back to work soon. There was also a voicemail from the police chief.
I played the message, my limbs turning to ice as his voice came through the speaker. “Murphy, we had an incident at the jail last night. An Asian gang broke into the building, injured two of the officers on duty, and freed Darcy Waters. There’s a manhunt underway, but so far, no one has spotted her. You need to be careful and stay alert. It’s possible the woman will come for you. Call the station when you get t
his message and we can update you at that time.”
Alissa turned to me, her eyes wide. “I’m really beginning to dislike Darcy.”
I grunted. “Me, too. I need to warn Tony.”
I felt Tony’s presence behind me right before he spoke. “Warn me about what?”
I turned to face him as he and Nate paused behind us, their expressions grave.
“Darcy escaped from jail last night. The Black Dragons broke into the jail and freed her. Now she’s on the loose.”
Tony scowled. “I shouldn’t have saved that bitch. We should have killed her long ago.”
I nodded. “I need to call the chief back and get more details.”
Alissa and Nate moved away while I called the station, but Tony remained close by. Waiting.
Five minutes later, I disconnected the call, and lifted my gaze to Tony’s. “Last night after Darcy escaped, Ronald Aikens was murdered in his home in Atlanta. A gunshot to the chest. Apparently he was shot in front of his wife and small son.”
Tony hissed out a breath. “I saved that bitch and this is what she does? She murders a man in front of his wife and kid?”
I sighed. “Yeah. The wife said Darcy had a gang with her, and that the gang killed his guards to clear the way for Darcy to get inside.”
Tony turned a sickly green. “I almost did that same thing a few weeks ago. But I couldn’t kill the man in front of his kid.”
I squeezed his hand. “That’s because you have a soul. Darcy has completely lost her mind.”
Nate and Alissa approached. “What happened?” Nate demanded.
I relayed what I’d just told Tony.
“Darcy’s losing it,” Alissa murmured. “She’s gone berserk. Why would she kill Aikens? Isn’t she working with him? And isn’t he her brother?”
Nate and Tony exchanged a glance.
“She’s definitely gone off the deep end,” Nate said quietly. “Maybe everything just got to the point that she finally snapped. It sounds like Darcy is out for revenge or something. Maybe she’s pissed that Aikens left her in jail to take the fall for everything.”
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