EMMA: I want to continue to be honest.
,
DOCTOR: Do I still look like your mother?
,
EMMA smiles at the DOCTOR. She smiles back.
,
Happy graduation.
,
EMMA: Thank you.
The GROUP assemble in the room. The DOCTOR is now the THERAPIST.
THERAPIST: Today we say goodbye to someone who has been a challenging, inspiring and important member of the Group.
Sarah, we’re proud of you. I’m proud of you. Of the work you’ve done here. I want you to be proud of that work too and to understand that the work doesn’t stop here. But you only have to do one day at a time.
General sounds of support from the GROUP.
We wish you success, happiness and peace. And please understand what I mean when I say I hope I never see you again.
PAUL: Don’t come back.
Don’t come back.
EMMA smiles and embraces PAUL.
The GROUP gathers around EMMA and begin to chant. She shakes hands with some and embraces others.
GROUP: Don’t come back.
Don’t come back.
Don’t come back.
Don’t come back.
Don’t come back.
EMMA is handed her coat which she puts on.
EMMA picks up her bags. She stands in the doorway and looks back at the GROUP
She shakes hands with the THERAPIST.
MARK hugs her as the GROUP disperses. He gives her a scroll, tied with a ribbon.
MARK: Don’t look down.
He leaves.
EMMA stands alone with in the doorway of her childhood room. It has been preserved as she left it as a teenager. Different times and tastes collide. There are fluffy toys and teddy bears, piles of books and stacks of cassette tapes. There is a Nirvana poster. The room has also been used for storage, it is cluttered with boxes of photographs, books etc.
There is something more ‘real’ about this room, more detail somehow.
Her DAD enters, carrying her bags.
DAD: This it?
EMMA: Sorry?
DAD: Everything? This everything?
EMMA: Yes.
DAD: Travelling light.
EMMA: Yes.
DAD: Uh huh. Well.
EMMA: Would you get Mum?
Get her?
EMMA: Would you bring her up here?
DAD: Now?
EMMA: Yes.
,
DAD:
DAD: Um,
uh huh, okay.
,
He smiles at her.
Glad you’re home.
She smiles back, sadly. He leaves.
EMMA looks around. She picks up a copy of today’s newspaper from her pillow. She looks at the front page.
She mutters to herself.
EMMA: In a world that sets limits, that says you shouldn’t try, that you will fail, in a world that says ‘no’, ‘Quixotic’ says ‘yes’.
,
She puts down the paper. She picks up a cuddly toy.
Her DAD returns.
DAD: She’s just coming.
EMMA: I can’t believe you kept all these things Dad.
She looks at the toy in her hands.
I probably won’t have kids now. Probably for the best. With Mark dead that’s the end of the line isn’t it? That story’s done. You’ll be able to finish your family tree.
The end of history.
,
DAD: Uh huh.
EMMA: Dad, shit, sorry that
I didn’t mean it to sound like
EMMA’s MUM enters. It is the same actress who played the DOCTOR/THERAPIST. Her DAD continues to loiter by the door.
MUM: you wanted me?
EMMA: Yes. Right. Okay.
So,
EMMA sits down on the bed.
this shouldn’t take long. I want to I wanted to talk with you both and
MUM: here it comes.
EMMA: It’s not
please, I just want the chance
MUM: don’t say we haven’t given you / chances.
EMMA: I’m not I’m
MUM you steal from us, you go missing, we thought / you were dead.
DAD: Let her speak.
MUM: I will not be made the villain in this.
EMMA: I know I’ve been a pretty terrible daughter / over the years.
MUM: Have we ever said that? I’ve never said that.
EMMA: Will you please
this is hard for
I’d just
,
I’ve been unhappy and self-destructive. I’ve self-medicated with drugs and alcohol which has made me more insular and self-absorbed. I’ve made some terrible decisions and I’ve taken you for granted. I’ve said things that I regret and that I wish I could take back. I wasn’t there for either of you when
I wasn’t there when Mark died.
I was wrong and I wish I could take it back.
I want you to know I’ve worked really hard at getting better. And I’m starting to find peace. And it’s an on-going process. Because I’ve scared myself. I’ve disappointed myself. And I’m doing it for you two as much as anything. And for Mark. And it should have been / me.
DAD: Alright enough.
He speaks calmly.
Look, whatever you’re into now,
all of this is just words. You’re saying you’ll be less selfish and then talking about yourself even more. I can’t listen to it. The number of times we’ve tried to help you. Tried to save your life. The energy it’s taken. The sleeplessness. The money. Every time the phone rang or the doorbell we thought it would be the police. We neglected Mark. He should still be here. You’re right. It should be you. It should be you that we buried. At least we’d know you were out of trouble.
We grieved for you long ago. So, thank you for your little speech but it doesn’t mean anything. We’ve heard it before.
Get a job. Keep the job. Call us once in a while. Just to chat. Not to borrow money or to ask for help. Because you’re interested in us. Get out of yourself.
I’m sorry. There’s a lot been unsaid for a long time.
,
EMMA: I love you Dad. Thank you.
,
DAD: I love you too darling. It’s just really hard.
EMMA: I’m going to try to make it easier.
,
DAD: I’ve got
I’m in the middle of something.
I’ll order us a take out later yes?
EMMA: Yeah.
DAD: Uh huh. Right.
Well.
,
He leaves.
EMMA clenches her fist, as if squeezing an invisible hand.
She looks at her MUM.
They laugh, sadly.
,
EMMA: He’s right.
MUM: Yes, he is.
You staying the night?
EMMA: I was thinking I’d stay for a while actually.
,
MUM: It’s your home.
EMMA feels a sudden wave of emotion and tries hard not to show it.
,
EMMA: I’ve worked really hard Mum.
,
I’ve taken myself apart and put myself back together.
If you could see what I went through
I think you’d be proud of me.
,
EMMA doesn’t get the response she wants. She smiles to herself, sadly and takes a deep breath in and out.
They tell you, in rehab they tell you: avoid people who make you want to relapse. Places you associate with using and objects that might be a trigger.
People, places and things. That’s basically, you know,
everything.
As long as you steer clear of people, places and things you’ll be fine.
,
Some places, some people, are more dangerous to be around than others.
MUM: And you want to hibernate here until you fee
l safe to face them.
EMMA: No, no that’s not
,
EMMA looks to her MUM.
this is the place. This is the most dangerous place I can be. This town. This house. All this stuff.
You.
You are the biggest threat to me relapsing.
If I can be with you, here, at a time when I’m defenceless and vulnerable, if I can get through this then I’ll know, definitively, that I’m okay. Forever.
,
Are you going to say something mum?
Dad obviously needed to.
I’m saying some pretty horrible things.
Why are you smiling?
,
MUM: Who are you being?
Her MUM is unemotional, matter-of-fact.
EMMA: What?
MUM: I know you sweetheart. You think I can’t see when you’re lying.
EMMA: I’m not lying.
MUM: That time I caught you smoking and you sat right there and / swore blind, tears rolling down your cheeks
EMMA: I was a kid! I was just a kid mum.
MUM: And you only smoked to pretend you were interesting. Because, unlike Mark, you never had a personality of your own.
EMMA: Don’t say that.
MUM: You think you’re this chameleon, living hundreds of lives but you’re always just you. Full of certainty when you discover something but you never see it through and this will be no different.
EMMA: That’s not true.
MUM: We’ve still got your violin somewhere.
EMMA: I can’t believe / you’d still hold that against me.
MUM: Insisted on having a good one and then quit lessons within half a year. Tennis gear the same. Pets. Moved school three times. Quit university four times. Evening classes. Fad diets. Exercise crazes. Just once I would like to have seen you graduate.
EMMA: I did.
MUM: You’ll just have to excuse us if we / see this latest lifestyle decision within the context of a thousand abandoned projects.
EMMA: I do excuse you. Lifestyle decision?
MUM: It doesn’t suit you darling. The self-righteous, pleasure-denying role. It’s boring. If you want honesty, real, no bullshit, gloves-off truthfulness sweetheart, drink and drugs were the only things that made you any fun. And now you want closure or whatever they call it in this new cult of yours, you want to say sorry and for that to heal wounds and make us a happy clappy family and that’s just not going to happen. The family is broken. Forever.
EMMA: I’m trying my best mum.
I really am.
MUM: Okay good. Just don’t expect a fucking trophy for trying your best. That’s the bare minimum you should be doing.
,
EMMA takes her MUM’s hand. Her MUM doesn’t resist.
Her MUM sits next to EMMA.
,
Approaching forty and back living with your parents.
EMMA: I’m not approaching forty.
MUM: Sweetheart, the one person you can’t fool about your age is the person whose body you came out of.
,
EMMA smiles. Her MUM lets go of EMMA’s hand, stands and walks to the door.
I changed the bedding.
EMMA: Thank you.
MUM: Towels are in / the
EMMA: yeah.
MUM: I brought the things over from your flat.
EMMA: What things?
MUM: I picked up the things you asked me to.
Boxed it all up and brought it here.
,
EMMA: It’s here?
MUM: Yes.
EMMA: Where?
MUM: Under the bed.
,
EMMA reaches under the bed and pulls out a large clear plastic box full of pills, bottles of alcohol and various drug paraphernalia.
EMMA: Holy shit.
MUM: Look what you were doing to yourself.
EMMA pushes the box across the floor away from her. She stares at it.
EMMA: Why would you bring this here?
MUM: What was I supposed to do? Every time I’ve tried to intervene you’ve punished me. You broke my fingers when I flushed those pills.
EMMA: I broke your fingers?
MUM: Why do you think I don’t play piano anymore?
EMMA: Mum,
MUM: you want to get rid of this stuff go ahead. If you want to use it then take it and go. But don’t come back to us if you do. We’ve had too much Lucy.
,
Her MUM stops in the doorway and turns back.
It’s a new Chinese take-away that’s opened on the corner. He’s been waiting for a reason to try it out.
,
EMMA: Mum, please don’t leave me with
Her MUM leaves.
,
EMMA stands and walks to the door.
She closes the door.
She leans against it and looks at the box on the floor.
She rubs her face, runs her fingers through her hair.
She walks back to the box and takes the lid off it. She is breathing heavily.
She takes her phone out and calls a number.
hi yes hello I’m
sorry, I’m
I’m Emma. Sorry, Sarah, I was given your number by
yes hi.
I was hoping there might be a meeting this evening and maybe
great, yes I’ve got a pen.
She finds a pen, a fluffy-ended child’s pen, and writes an address on her hand.
She walks back to the door and leans her back against it, never taking her eyes off the contents of the box.
Thank you. Thank you.
She hangs up the phone. She tries to steady her breath.
,
She mutters her lines to herself.
Why choose ‘Quixotic’?
In a world that sets limits, that says you shouldn’t try, that you will fail, in a world that says ‘no’, we say ‘yes’.
We say ‘yes’.
We don’t believe in ‘no’.
‘No’. ‘No’. ‘No’. ‘No’.
EMMA rubs her head. She stretches. She speaks louder.
Why choose ‘Quixotic’?
Why why why why why?
She tries not to cry. She stretches her face and tries to grin.
In a world that sets limits, that says you shouldn’t try, that you will fail, in a world that says ‘no’, we say ‘yes’.
We don’t believe in ‘no’.
,
She speaks with more volume, more confidence.
We don’t believe in boundaries or limitations.
We believe in the pioneer.
We believe in the visionary.
However impulsive or impractical.
We say ‘yes’.
Gradually, the lights in the room are falling and a spotlight is emerging on EMMA.
We say that life is for the living.
We look at the world with joy.
With love.
We look at the world with wonder.
EMMA gradually speaks more naturally, more sincerely. She really means what she says.
Why bring the past into the present?
We stand resolutely in the present,
arms wide,
looking towards the future.
I am now.
You are now.
We are now.
EMMA stands up into the tight, bright spotlight. The rest of the stage is in darkness. She is compelling, moving, in her element.
What a thing it is to be alive.
What a thing it is to swim in the sea.
To look up at the wide clear sky.
To feel the sun on your skin.
To climb a mountain or just a flight of stairs.
To eat a donut.
To love and be loved.
What a thing it is.
I am now.
You are now.
We are now.
This is the beginning.
,
She squints into the dark
ness.
,
Was that okay? I could go again on that if you’d like. I can do better.
,
Hello?
A man’s VOICE from the darkness, amplified.
VOICE: Thank you.
,
EMMA: Right.
She looks around. She is standing on a stage. At the edge of the room is a queue of ACTRESSES, all the same age and demographic as EMMA. Some of them are stretching, some of them hold pieces of paper and silently practice their lines.
Yes, okay.
,
Thank you for seeing me.
,
EMMA leaves the spotlight, passing the ACTRESSES as she goes.
Another ACTRESS, perhaps the UNDERSTUDY, enters the spotlight. She steadies her breath and begins.
ACTRESS: Why
Blackout, cutting the ACTRESS off mid-sentence.
END
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People, Places & Things Page 8