by Jayce Ellis
“Perfect! Perfection. Do this in the shows, and we will have the most exceptional world-class performance.” Elenor was high, figuratively and maybe literally, twirling around the studio and humming.
Naveed, who’d watched the performance with a careful eye, clapped a hand on Keni’s shoulders as they walked out. “That was impressive as hell. See, I knew all you needed was to get your focus back.” His grin was wide, tugging at his cheeks, but his eyes were careful, watching him.
Keni stopped in the hallway. “Why’s that? Because I’m lonely and miserable and have nothing else but this? You go home to your wife. Allison and even Timothy go home to their partners. And I go home to not a damn thing because you like me better when I’m fucking desolate? Gee, boss, thanks.”
Naveed snagged his arm as he started to walk past. “No, wait. You have every right to be angry. What I said was high-handed and I had no damn right. I just needed you to get out of the lovey-dovey mode until the performances were over. Even Allison agrees you’re doing better. You can’t blame me for that. This is my damn job, Keni.”
Good God. The same thing he’d said to Sean, and hearing the words thrown back at him was a slap in the face. How stupid it sounded. No wonder Sean thought he was full of shit. Keni took off toward the performance studio, the only room that wasn’t holding classes. Footsteps slapped behind him, and he groaned. Couldn’t he have one minute of peace?
“I told you not to do it.” Allison’s words were sharp as she and Naveed marched into the room behind him. “I told you he would resent you for it and—” She whirled on the director. “And how dare you imply that I went along with this? You know I thought he was doing great. You were the one so messed up that you tried to talk to Sean and he blew you off. This is your and Timothy’s doing. Don’t drag me into it.” Allison had the righteous fire of anger going on, and with her flaming hair, it was kind of fly. Or would be in any other circumstance.
Keni turned to respond but stopped and took a closer look at his surroundings. The stage was adorned with miniature rats on one side, swords in their hand, grimaces on their faces, looking for all the world like they were battle-ready. On the other side, toy soldiers, each one ready to nutcrack some ass. He knelt by the rats and burst out laughing. It was Frank Sinatra in rat form, his blue eyes startling in their intensity. This man, who listened to jazz in a ballet studio, turned the Nutcracker rats into the Rat Pack. Was a damn shame they lost.
“Wow,” Allison said, whistling behind him. “Who did all this?”
Keni ran his hand over the Sammy Davis Jr. lookalike rat. Absolutely exceptional craftsmanship, just a bit of 3D imagery so it didn’t look like a flat painting. “Sean,” he whispered, almost reverently. “That’s what he’s been doing here all this time.”
“The kids are going to love this.” She knelt next to him and nudged him with her shoulder. “Your boyfriend is amazing.”
Keni cut his eyes away. “Not my boyfriend. Not anymore.” Maybe not ever.
Allison looked at him thoughtfully, then grinned. “I’ve never seen you give up so easily.”
Keni’s dug his nails into his palms in an effort not to respond. “Who said anything about giving up?”
“You did, by saying he’s not yours.”
“What would you have me do? I can’t make him be with me if he doesn’t want to.”
“Then you have to make him want to.” She said it like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“How the hell am I going to do that?”
Allison rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. She cupped a hand around his neck and brought their foreheads together. “By doing what you always do, Keni. What you’re best at. You dance.”
“CAMERON! COME on, honey, hurry up. We’re going to be late.”
Footsteps like a stampeding herd of bulls sounded down the stairs. How one boy could be so heavy-footed at home and so light on his feet in dance blew Sean’s mind.
“Okay, I’m ready,” Cameron said, his chest heaving as he looked at them. “Uncle Sean, you’re going to get back with Keni, right?”
Sean ran his hand over the top of Cameron’s hair. Now that Shayna was firmly Team Keni, it was all Cameron could talk about. “I think it’s too late for that, kid.”
Cameron blew out a huff of pure exasperation. “But—”
Shayna stepped up and ruffled Cameron’s hair, then pushed him toward the living room. “Go on and finish getting ready. We need to leave.” Cameron grumbled and gave Sean one more withering glare before disappearing from sight.
Shayna squeezed his arm. “Don’t pay him any mind. I just think he wants you to be happy. He needs that role model.”
Sean got it. He knew better than to get his hopes up, though. That hadn’t stopped fantasies of him and Keni together from consuming his every waking moment, never mind his dreams. Keni had stayed on his mind for so long that he found himself back in his workshop, whittling away at a leftover piece of wood. He hadn’t started it with any plan in mind, but as it began to take shape, Sean could only laugh at himself. Yeah, he was in deep. He wanted to take a chance and risk the fall, but his heart had this nasty habit of tripping over itself and scrambling backward. No, as much as he wanted to see him, go to him, beg him to give them a real chance, it was better this way.
Shayna hustled Cameron out to the car, and Sean climbed in the driver’s seat. They drove to the college campus where the performances were being held, and Sean dropped Shayna and Cameron off at the back entrance before finding a park.
The show didn’t start for another two hours, but as Sean watched the parade of parents shepherding their children in for what were likely their first Nutcracker performances, Sean felt a sense of pride in all his nephew had accomplished, admitting he wanted to dance all those years before, despite his father’s antagonism toward the idea. After he’d passed, Sean had taken over transporting Cameron to and from classes, and it had only been in the past year that Shayna had pushed past her grief at losing her husband enough to join in some of that responsibility. The kid was resilient, and Sean was proud of him.
The side door opened and Shayna hopped back in. “So many kids. So. Many. Kids.”
Sean laughed. “Is that the real reason you like me taking him to and from classes?”
“I plead the Fifth.”
Shayna joined his laugh, and Sean looked around. “Well, we’ve got a few hours. You want to go eat somewhere?”
“Yeah, but somewhere walking distance. I don’t want to try to find another park too close to the start time.”
Amen to that. The campus was across the street from a shopping center, so it was only ten minutes before they were seated at an Asian-American fusion restaurant.
Sean opened the menu and grinned.
“What’s that look for?”
He gave a slight shrug and shook his head. “Just remembering when Keni brought me food. Barbecue and double fried chicken and kimchee.”
“Wait. The man fed you and you let him get away? The man who clearly wants you back?”
Sean put the menu down. He’d told Shayna the general outline of what had happened but not the specifics, preferring to keep his humiliation to himself. “It was good, sis. We didn’t do anything, but I liked being around him. I liked talking to him. He was actually interested in what I worked on. He asked me to watch him rehearse, but I always said I wanted to see the final performance.”
“And tonight you will.”
“Yeah, but….”
“It’s not the same.”
He nodded and ran a hand over his head. “I miss him. And I don’t know what to do with that feeling.”
Shayna’s hand landed softly on top of his. “Sean, are you sure you won’t give him a second chance? I gotta tell you, the man presents a convincing case.”
“I’m scared.” There, he’d admitted it. “What if I imagined the whole thing?”
“You know there’s only one way to find out.”
He knew. He
just wasn’t sure if sticking with fantasy wasn’t the better course of action.
“I wish I’d thought to get him something. Cameron was talking about how the kids got a bouquet for the prima ballerina, Shayna. I should’ve gotten something for Keni.”
“Don’t worry. Your being there will be enough.”
They fell quiet after that, ordering and then digging into their meals. When they walked back, falling into step with the swelling crowd, all there for the show, Sean’s nerves spiked. Keni was performing in front of all of these people. What was he thinking? How was he feeling? God, how Sean wished he could be backstage to soothe him.
“You okay there? You look a little tight.” Shayna took his hand in hers and squeezed.
“Just thinking about Keni’s nerves. Wishing I, we, I don’t know.”
Shayna hummed low in her mouth but didn’t otherwise respond. They found their seats, settling in and watching the space around them fill. It wasn’t until the lights dimmed that Sean felt the flutter of Shayna’s leg next to him.
“Cameron’s going to be amazing. Don’t you worry,” he said, laying a hand over her knee.
Shayna breathed deeply, then bestowed him with a smile so radiant it was almost breathtaking. “He will be, won’t he?”
The show began, and Sean watched Clara enjoy the dinner party before falling asleep and waking up in another realm. He watched the sugarplum fairies and the Snow Queen waltz across the floor. He watched the toy soldiers and the rats battle for dominance. He watched Cameron, one of the rats, fatally wound the soldier in front of him, then thrust his sword in the air in victory. Sean was pretty sure that was ad-libbed, and Shayna’s watery laugh next to him confirmed it.
And then, there he was. Keni, waltzing with Allison as the Snow Queen, leaping into the air with a grace that Sean couldn’t comprehend. He leaned forward, itching to touch, to get closer. Keni and Allison spun together as one, the hours of practice reaping dividends that they could probably only imagine.
“Good Lord,” someone behind Sean whispered. “He’s even better than last year.”
Sean grinned, his pride wholly undeserved but undeniable nonetheless. He’d only watched Keni on a screen, but he agreed. As good as he’d been the year before, it didn’t hold a candle to this.
When the final curtain came down, Sean hooted and hollered with the crowd as the children came out on stage. Shayna yelled so loudly that Cameron was able to find her and pointed to them. Around them, everyone laughed and patted her on the back, offering encouragement on Cameron’s excellent performance. Tears streamed down her cheeks.
Then Keni and Allison walked out and, if anything, the cheers grew, filling the auditorium. Allison curtsied while Keni bowed; then one of the girls ran over to Allison and presented her with a bouquet of flowers. She knelt to one knee and hugged her tightly, and Keni stepped to the side, allowing her another deeper curtsy. Then Cameron ran forward.
“What’s he doing?” Sean asked.
Next to him, Shayna smirked. “Sometimes you have to take things into your own hands.”
Cameron stopped in front of Keni and held up a black velvet pouch. Keni dropped to one knee and hugged Cameron tight, then opened it.
“What the—?”
Keni was holding Sean’s woodwork. It was Keni, midturn, Sean holding on to him. Silly and cheesy and nothing he’d ever expected to leave his shop. “How did you—”
“We’ve been planning it for days. Figured if you wouldn’t get your head out of your ass, we’d do it for you.”
Sean’s mouth opened and closed like a guppy. His head beat like a buzzing chain saw, so rapid he feared it might lurch along unattended before coming to a screeching halt. Keni rubbed his thumb over the figurine, then pulled out the small piece of paper next to it, and whatever it said, he tugged Cameron in for another hug before standing and bowing to the crowd again. Next to him, Allison grabbed his hand and shook it, her smile nearly blinding in its exuberance. Cameron pointed up, right to where he and Shayna were sitting, and Keni turned, clutched the figurine to his chest, and bowed. To him. Keni bowed to him, and Sean was halfway in love.
Shayna leaned in close and kissed him on the cheek. “Go get your man.”
Sean looked at his sister, all the love he had in the world threatening to burst forth. “Yes, ma’am.”
KENI TOOK a deep breath before jogging up the set of stairs outside Sean’s house. He was wired, thrilled with how well the performance had gone, and tired of shaking hands and smiling at people not named Sean. He caught sight of Sean once, towering over the other patrons, Shayna and Cameron next to him. He’d smiled almost bashfully, and Keni’d been tempted to march through the maze and claim him right then. But now, alone at his house, a frisson of worry crept in. What if he was imagining things? Still, he knocked, and the door opened so fast he tumbled in, right into Sean’s arms. Right where he wanted to be.
No time like the present. Keni pulled Sean down by his collar and fused their lips together. Sean let out a muffled startle, maintained his composure long enough to shut the door and brace himself against it, then sank into the embrace, wrapping an arm around Keni’s waist and tugging him close. Keni was hard, harder than he could ever remember being, and he wanted nothing more than to go upstairs and finally have this man. So maybe he could be forgiven for stamping his foot like a five-year-old when Sean pulled back, claiming “Baby, we need to talk.”
“We can talk tomorrow. We can talk any other time on the planet, but do we have to talk now?” He could feel Sean’s hardness and wanted to drop to his knees, to feel that heavy weight in his hand, against his tongue, stretching him open.
Sean chuckled, letting his forehead fall against Keni’s, massaging the back of his neck with strong, callused fingers. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Dammit. Keni didn’t want to lose that touch, but Sean needed to see his eyes when he spoke. “You have nothing, and I mean nothing, to be sorry about.”
Sean let his hand fall from Keni’s neck to trail down his arms, then to his hands. He grasped both of them in his own and led him to the couch. Keni got a glimpse of a wide-open space, gorgeous hardwood floors, and a kitchen that would make him drool. He’d check out the rest later. He sank down on the upholstered sofa and angled to face Sean.
“I’m sorry,” Sean started again, “for doubting you, doubting our connection, and being scared.”
Keni nodded. “It’s scary, isn’t it? I’ve never felt his way. I don’t understand what it is or what to do next, but I want to do it with you. I’m sorry too.”
“What the hell could you have to be sorry about?”
“Listening to others and letting them dictate what I did. I know Naveed meant well, but he wasn’t worth the time away from you.”
“But you were amazing out there. Even the people behind us, who I guess had gone last year, said this year was better.”
Keni leaned forward and braced a hand on Sean’s knee, trailing it up to his thigh. Right next to his hard cock, and Sean’s eyes darkened. Keni’s own cock throbbed, his pulse thudded with need, his brain willing to relinquish oxygen in exchange for being loved on by this man. “That’s because I was dancing for you. I wanted you to see how you make me feel. Like I can fly.”
Sean stared at Keni, his eyes darting across Keni’s face, before he gulped. “You’re right.”
“Right about what?”
“That’s enough talking.”
Thank God. Sean tugged Keni forward, and he laughed, lacing his arms around Sean’s neck and straddling him.
“I missed you,” Keni mumbled, peppering Sean’s face with kisses.
Sean found the elastic of Keni’s trackpants and smoothed his hands underneath. The jock he wore was really for ease of performing, but he understood now better than ever why it was so popular. Sean tapped his hole and Keni rocked back against it, chasing the sensation. “You miss me? Show me how much.”
They’d never make it to the bedroom at this rat
e. Keni reluctantly climbed off. “Your house. I’m following you.”
Sean stood, the smile on his face so wide those dimples looked like firm little imprints on his cheeks. God, he’d missed seeing them. Missed everything about him and wanted to pinch himself… just to be sure. Keni followed him up the stairs and down the hall to the right. The bedroom was gorgeous, big and strong and masculine, much like the man crowding into his back.
“Do you know how much I want you?” Sean mumbled into Keni’s neck, his warm breath shooting sparks down Keni’s spine.
Keni moaned and rocked his hips back. “If it’s half as much as I want you, we’re in for a long night.”
Sean laughed, the deep rumble vibrating through Keni, setting his senses on fire. Then Sean’s hands found the edge of Keni’s shirt and trailed it up and off. His hands came down over Keni’s nipples, rotating them with his fingers until Keni threw his head back against Sean’s neck. Kisses mixed with little nips traveled up and down Keni’s neck and shoulder as Sean walked them to the bed. He bent Keni over and stripped his pants off, leaving him in nothing but his jock while Sean was fully clothed. The contrast was almost more than he could take.
“You can’t know how much I want in there.” Sean had this super sex-god voice thing going on and Keni’s dick, already pushing past the confines of his jock, shot a burst of precome onto his stomach.
“I want that. I need that.” Was he whining? He was whining, and he didn’t care.
The puff of air against Keni’s asscheeks surprised him; then Sean’s tongue was there, licking and nibbling before spreading him wide and tonguing his crease. Keni collapsed against the bed, his arms shaking too much to hold him up. “Goddamn, you’re beautiful,” Sean whispered behind him.
Keni felt his cheeks heat and was grateful for the low light. “You always make me feel that way.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Sean murmured, but Keni was already shaking his head.