by Caitlyn Dare
He took her to my fucking fight and forced himself on her. She might not have admitted to anything else or been showing any other obvious injuries, but I'd be stupid to think that it wasn't happening and that it's not immediately about to get worse.
Grabbing my cell from the bed, I start a group message.
Conner: I need you to organize something for me. I need to see her for longer this time. Somewhere private.
Levi: You're playing with fire, man.
Shelbie: I'm on it.
Jay: Whatever you need.
A smile twitches at my lips. I have no fucking clue what I'm going to do. All I know is that I need to make up for tonight.
She deserves more than how I treated her. More than my anger.
Chapter Seventeen
Kennedy
A dark thunder cloud hangs over us most of the weekend. Every time Warren looks at me, I swear he knows.
It’s not possible. He was too drunk and high to know who or what he was fucking at the party, let alone that Conner was there.
Conner.
My heart cracks into tiny shards, remembering how angry he’d been with me. The rough sex didn’t bother me, I could handle that. Hell, I liked that. It was the things he said, the pain glittering in his eyes as he stared at me.
After he’d abandoned me in the woods, Levi had found me and took me back to the party. Warren had come out of the tree line a while later, the slut hanging off his arm. He took one look at Levi and almost lost it.
But Levi hadn’t backed down this time. He’d railed Warren for leaving me alone in the woods, and then he’d offered to drive us home.
To my disbelief, Warren had agreed.
As soon as he’d passed out, I’d tiptoed out of bed and retrieved the cell phone Conner had given me, burying it in the hidden zip compartment of my toiletry bag and shoving it in my drawer of the dresser.
I hadn’t checked it since.
“Babe,” Warren calls, sending a shiver down my spine.
“In here.”
He pads into the bedroom, narrowing his eyes. “What are you doing?”
“Just some homework.”
“Homework? Babe, it’s almost March. Graduation is—"
“Right around the corner, yeah.”
“Listen, I’m going out.”
“Out? But you just got home.” He’s only been hanging out with some of the guys that live in the trailer park, but I know he’ll expect me to be concerned.
“I’ll be back later.” He drops down on the bed and pulls me into his arms. “I can make it up to you. I was an ass at the party.”
I tremble, but it’s not for the reason he thinks. “You were wasted.”
“Yeah, but it’s not an excuse, baby.” He kisses me. “You just make me so damn crazy. I’ll do better, I promise.”
I can’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth, but I nod all the same.
“Is your dad—"
“He’s over at Hilda’s.” Hilda is Mitch’s lady friend, and when he’s sober enough to make the short trip to her trailer, she cooks for him.
If he’s out, that means I’ll be alone. Maybe I can call Conner. Butterflies flutter in my stomach.
“I’ll see you later, okay? I won’t be too long.”
I don’t know whether Warren is starting to trust me or if this is just another test, but I’m not about to ruin the opportunity to be alone.
Forcing my eyes shut, I ghost my lips over Warren’s, trying to resist the urge to gag.
“I’ll see you later.” Breaking away, I smile.
“Okay. And don’t forget what I said about tonight. I’m going to make it up to you, baby. You’ll see.”
I watch through the blinds as Warren’s beat-up car takes off down the drive. When I lose sight of it, I hurry to retrieve my cell phone and power it up. There are three messages, all from Conner. I don’t even bother reading them, just hit call.
“K?” he breathes.
“It’s me.” Tears prick my eyes.
“Thank fuck. Are you okay? I’ve been going out of my damn mind.”
“I had to hide my cell phone, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? Shit, K. I should be the one who’s sorry. What I did to you—"
“Don’t,” I rush out. “I didn’t call to make you feel bad. I just needed to hear your voice.”
“Is he...”
“He just left.”
“Fuck.” His voice cracks. “What happened after the party? Did he...?”
“Levi gave us a ride home and Warren passed out. He’s been grumpy all weekend. I’m worried he knows something.”
“He doesn’t.”
“How can you be so sure?” I ask.
“Because I am. I love you, K, you know that, right? I need you to know that.”
“I know, and I love you too. So much.”
“Fuck.” Something crashes in the background. “I fucking hate this.”
“Me too,” I whisper, my heart splintering. I’m worried that if this goes on for much longer, there won’t be anything of my heart left for Conner to save.
“I promise you I’ll get you out of there, with or without my dad’s help. I fucking promise.”
“O-okay,” I say, because I know he needs to hear the words.
“You’ve just got to hold on a little longer, okay? Can you do that for me?”
The tears threatening to fall spring free, streaming down my cheeks.
“Shit, K, don’t cry. Please, babe, don’t cry.”
“I’m trying, Con. I’m really fucking trying. But when he comes back, he’s going to...” The words get stuck over the lump in my throat.
“Listen to me. Nothing he does to you is going to change how I feel about you, okay?” Conner inhales a shuddering breath.
“Okay.”
Relief sinks into me. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear those words until he says them.
“We’ll get through this, right?” I ask quietly. Because something tells me Conner isn’t going to let me go without a fight, and the truth is, I don’t want him to.
I want to keep him and his family safe, but I don’t want it all to be for nothing.
“I’m arranging something.”
“Conner, no,” I blurt. “It’s not safe.”
“I need to see you, K. After what happened between us, I need to look in your eyes and know you’re okay.” He hesitates for a second. “Just give me this, please.”
My breath hitches. “Okay.”
“Good, that’s good. Shelbie will tell you the details.”
“Shelbie?” I balk.
“Yeah, we can’t do this alone, babe. And she cares about you. Levi and Jayden too.”
His words warm something inside me. Before Conner came back into my life, I’d felt desperately alone. Shelbie had been there, but not like she is now.
Conner’s right, I do have people in my corner, and I know it’s all because of him.
“I should probably go.” Dread fills my stomach at the thought of hanging up.
“Try and text me later.”
“I’ll try. But if I don’t, tomorrow.” It’s school; I can try to sneak my phone with me.
“I love you, K. Never forget that.”
“I love you too, Conner.”
I just hope it’s enough to get us through this.
“For fuck’s sake, she’s like an annoying fly you can’t get rid of,” Warren grumbles as he pulls into the school parking lot, a loud rumble of thunder overhead not helping the tension in the enclosed space.
I barely manage a reply. When he’d returned last night, Warren had made good on his promise to make it up to me. His touch had been soft and generous, making me want to puke more than once. I’d hated every second of it as he tried to make love to me in his own sick, sadistic way.
“Don’t be mean,” I finally find my voice. “Shelbie’s good people.”
“More like a pain in the fucking ass.”
Rolling my
eyes at him, I shoulder the door and climb out.
“Hey, Kenny.” She beams. “How was your weekend?”
“It was okay.” I give her a tight-lipped smile.
“Warren,” she clips out.
“Garret.”
“So, I wanted to invite Kennedy over after school.” She glances from him to me and back again. “If that’s okay?”
He shrugs. “I’ve got some shit to take care of anyway.”
“You’re sure?” I narrow my eyes. He’s making this too easy.
“Babe, go. Braid each other’s hair and watch Magic Mike or whatever you girls do when you get together. I’ll pick you up from there when you’re done.” It isn’t a question.
“Really?”
Warren’s brows pinch. “Unless you don’t want to go?”
“No, no, I want to.” Hope spreads through me. “I just...” I bite my lip. Why am I arguing the point?
Warren is giving me a free pass to hang out at Shelbie’s place, and I managed to sneak the cell phone Conner gave me into my school bag.
Today is a good day.
“So I’ll see you later?”
Warren ropes his arm around my neck and pulls me flush against his body. “I love you, baby.”
“I love you too.” My lips curve as I smother the contempt I feel at the words.
“Call me when you’re done.”
For a second I think he means from my secret cell, but then he adds, “I’m sure Shelbie will let you use her phone.”
“Of course.” My friend nods eagerly.
This is happening.
He’s really going to let me go with her.
“Have a good day.” He slaps me on the ass as I turn to join Shelbie.
“Oh my God,” she breathes.
“I know.” We share a secret smile and head for first period.
Conner: I wish you were here right now. We could sneak into that storage closet...
I bite my lip and squirm on my chair.
Me: And...
Conner: Do I need to spell it out for you, K?
Me: You might need to.
Conner: Fuck, I need you. I always need you, babe.
The final bell rings and the class breaks into chaos as kids jostle to get out first. I hang back, packing my few supplies into my bag. I quickly text Conner back before going to meet Shelbie.
Me: I’ll call you later.
Conner: You’d better.
I practically skip out of class.
“Someone’s happy,” Shelbie greets me.
“Conner and I were texting.”
“Of course you were.” She laces her arm through mine. “Come on, let’s go.”
We make the short ride to Joker’s in Shelbie’s car. It’s actually her dad’s car, so she doesn’t get to use it all the time, but thank God she does today because rain lashes down on the windshield as we make our way to her place.
“Home sweet home.” There’s a slight tightness to her words.
Shelbie and her dad live in the apartment over the bar, but since he’s always working, she spends a lot of time up there alone.
“Come on.” She motions for me to follow.
As I expect, the apartment is empty when we file inside.
“You want something to eat? Drink?”
“Just a soda.” I scan the apartment. It’s nothing fancy. There’s an old leather sectional dividing the living area from the kitchen. The walls are a pale grey littered with posters and MC paraphernalia. It’s messy, not unclean, but it lacks a woman’s touch.
“You want to go to my room? Or we can sit out here.” Shelbie looks a little nervous, and I realize she might think I’m judging her.
“You know I live with an alcoholic and his psychotic son, right? This makes their trailer look like the Four Seasons.”
Relief seeps into her expression. “You think?”
“Never be ashamed of where you come from, Shelb. I’m not.”
“Yeah, you’re right. You’re totally right.” Her expression softens. “Do you want to talk about it... about what happened, I mean?”
“No, I really don’t.” I blow out a long breath. “I just want to enjoy this. Thanks, by the way, for inviting me here. You didn’t have to do that.”
“Actually,” guilt flashes in her eyes, “I did.”
Chapter Eighteen
Conner
As I drive toward the Heights, I'm more nervous than I've ever been in my life. It's ridiculous, I'm only going to see my girl, but after all the bullshit, the thought of having her alone without the threat of being caught or sneaking around in the shadows has me feeling the pressure.
I want our time together to be perfect. I want to treat her how she should be treated, but I have no idea where her head's at with all this shit, and I fear that no matter what I do, I'll fuck it up. I've already spent too much time dealing with my own issues and fucking things up for us. I want all of that behind us. I want it just to be us and our future.
My palms are sweating against the wheel as I pull up into a dark lane a short walk from Joker’s. We all thought it was probably for the best that I don't just roll up to the front of the place and announce my arrival for everyone to see.
I throw a couple of mints into my mouth and run my hand through my hair before I push the door open and step out. We're in the middle of a storm, so I'm going to be drenched by the time I get there, but I really don't give a shit. I'll walk to the ends of the earth in this downpour if my girl is at the other end.
Both Levi and Jay are sitting out the front in Levi's car when I slip around the back of the building as we agreed. They're both heading inside in a bit to be our lookout in case Warren turns up early. They nod at me as I slip into the shadows to the backdoor Shelbie should have left open for me.
My hand trembles as I reach out to pull it open, and I can't help laughing at myself. This is ridiculous, it's just Kenny, I tell myself, but it's pointless. The nerves only get stronger as I climb the stairs.
I rub my hands down my pants and blow out a breath before lifting my hand and knocking three times.
Footsteps get closer as my heart rate increases to the point I wonder if I'm about to pass out.
"Hey," Shelbie says, pulling the door open with a wide smile on her face. "Everything is ready for you." She winks at me as she slips from the apartment. "I'll knock if there's an issue."
"Thank you, Shelbie. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."
She chuckles. "No problem. Go get your girl."
My heart tumbles at her words, and I race through the door to do exactly as she suggested.
"Conner," Kenny all but screams as I slam the door closed behind me. I barely get a chance to register that she's moving before she launches herself at me. Her arms lock around my shoulders and her legs wrap around my waist as she holds on for dear life.
"Hey, babe."
"I thought she was joking, I didn't think..." she trails off as her voice cracks with emotion.
"Hey, it's okay. I'm here." With my fingers in her hair, I manage to guide her face away from the crook of my neck. Tears track down her cheeks and her bottom lip trembles as she tries to contain herself.
"I'm sorry, I just... I didn't really think..."
"Shhh," I soothe. "I don't know how long we've got," I say honestly, hating that I need to bring our reality into this.
"I'll take whatever I can get right now." Her lips slam down on mine and her tongue slips inside my mouth. I don't react for a second, shock, desperation, everything just overwhelming me for a beat, but it's long enough for her to realize and to pull back.
"Conner?" she asks, her brows drawing together in concern. She tries to unwrap herself from my body but my hold tightens. There's no way I'm letting her go until I have to. "Fuck, you don't want me."
"What? No, of course I do."
"But you didn't—" Regrets from our last encounter crash into me. The things I said that night, the way I insinuated that I might not want
her. I slam my lips on hers, cutting off what she was about to say as I walk us across the living room until I get to the open door that I hope like hell leads to Shelbie's bedroom. I need to show her that night was a mistake, that I want her. That I need her.
"Never think I don't want you," I murmur in her ear as I climb onto the bed and lay her out before me. "All I can think about is this all being over and having you back in my bed with me. About kissing you, touching you, making you come over and over." I unzip her hoodie and trail my lips over her collarbones and to the swell of her breasts.
"Conner," she moans beneath me, arching her back, offering me more.
Reaching behind my head, I pull my school shirt off in one smooth move and throw it to the floor, desperate to feel her skin on skin with nothing between us. Sitting her up, I tug her hoodie down her arms before pulling her tank over her head. Slipping my hand around her back, I flick her bra open and peel it away from her body.
"Fuck," I breathe. "You're so fucking beautiful."
I stare into her eyes as I lay her back down, wishing it would just be us from here on out. I force myself to block out reality, because I know all too well that we'll be back to it long before we're ready to be. Instead I revel in this little bit of time we've carved out together.
Dropping my lips to hers once more, I kiss her like I'm going to die without her, pouring everything I feel for her into it. My pain, my desire… my regrets.
"I love you, K. I’m so sorry. I love you so fucking much," I whisper against her skin as I drop my lips to her breasts, sucking one nipple then the other into my mouth, making her cry out in pleasure. My mouth waters to suck on her skin, to leave little reminders that I've been here, that she's mine, but the little voice that won't leave me reminds me that I can't. We can't leave any evidence that we were together.