Before, There Was You

by Kit Harlow

  I swallowed the lump in my throat, knowing the answer immediately. “That you’ll think this was a mistake.”

  “If you’re worried that I’m going to change my mind,” she said firmly, “don’t be. I’ll fight for this tooth and nail if I have to.”

  Instantly, my nerves calmed and I felt the sting of tears threaten to overwhelm me. Why I had let this woman slip away in the first place, I couldn’t say. Even now she was the only person for me. “I love you,” I said again.

  “I love you, too,” she said gently. We drove the four miles to work in a companionable silence and headed into the office holding hands lightly. The contact was enough to leave me feeling sure of my choice.

  ◆◆◆

  I took a seat at my desk, promised to meet Katie later, and watched her head to her office with a stupid grin on my face. For the first time in years, I felt like myself. Like I’d just rediscovered a part of myself I hadn’t known was missing. Before I knew it, Stephanie was standing next to me, staring with an eyebrow raised.

  “What’s up?” I asked, tearing my attention back to the three feet immediately around me.

  She tilted her head. “Same outfit as yesterday, rested look in your eyes…I’d say you got laid last night,” she said plainly. “And David is out of town.”

  I blushed, embarrassed. “I didn’t get laid,” I said simply. It was technically the truth.

  “Who did you go home with, hmm?” she asked softly. I felt my cheeks burn. “No!” she exclaimed, putting two and two together. “Really!?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t think I’ve felt this much like myself since college,” I explained.

  She crouched down and took my hand. “Liz, I’m only saying this because I care about you. She’s just using you. Kate doesn’t care about your feelings, even if that’s what she led you to believe last night.”

  The concern in her eyes was genuine.

  I licked my lips, struggling to formulate a response. “She’s not using me. Not this time.” Steph looked at me with pity and disbelief. “It’s different for us.”

  “I don’t want to see you get hurt,” she whispered. “She hurts people. It’s what she does.”

  I shook my head firmly. “No. I’m the one that hurts people, Steph. I’m the reason Katie stuck to one night stands. I’m the reason she’s been so cold. Now, maybe you’ll get to see the real her. The woman I’ve loved for the better part of my life.”

  She blinked. “You’re in love with her? Liz,” she said warningly.

  Katie hovered at the opening and cleared her throat.

  Steph jumped back in surprise. Her hands immediately disappeared into the front pocket of her hoodie as she met Katie’s eyes defiantly.

  “I’m warning you,” she said plainly. “If you hurt Liz the way you hurt me, there will be hell to pay.”

  Katie glanced at me and I smiled an apology.

  “I won’t hurt her. You have my word,” Katie vowed sincerely. “I’ll see you for lunch?” she asked, waiting for my nod. It was met with an earnest smile and a devious glance at my pink-haired friend. “I love you,” she added softly.

  “I love you, too.” Have I ever really stopped?

  She walked back down the hall, coffee in hand while Steph stared at me slack-jawed.

  “She just said I love you,” she stated.

  I nodded.

  “Kate Masterson said she loved you. Kate fucking Masterson.”

  “Yep.”

  Steph shook her head in disbelief “Christ, I never thought I’d see the day.” She glanced at me and erupted in laughter. “You actually look happy right now.”

  I giggled back. “I am. For the first time in years, I am truly happy.” I smiled as she stared at me, but there was something weighing on her mind. “You may as well say it,” I prodded.

  She bit her lip. “What about David?”

  “He’s not here. She is. That’s all that matters to me.”

  “Liz…”

  “I know. I understand the consequences. And I understand what might happen if he finds out. I’m willing to bear it if it means one more night with her in my arms.”

  Stephanie smiled weakly. “You’ve got it bad, girl.”

  By the time mid-afternoon rolled around, I was in dire need of more coffee. I headed to the breakroom, heart feeling lighter than it had in years. When I pushed the door open, Nate looked up and raised an eyebrow. Though he said nothing, I felt like he was silently judging me and I wanted none of it. As I waited for the coffee maker to finish, I turned around and faced Nate.

  “Get it out of your system,” I said flatly, already on the defensive.

  “I’m not sure if I should say congratulations or be careful,” he said with a smirk. “Don’t worry—I’m not going to rush out and call David.”

  I shrugged. “Even if you do call David, it’s not going to change anything.”

  He stared at me. “You’re that sure?”

  “I am. I love her Nate, and talking to you yesterday made me realize just how much.”

  He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “I wasn’t expecting you to move so fast,” he said with a smirk.

  I grinned. “Well, we’re making up for lost time.”

  Nate sighed, shook his head, and crossed the three feet between us quickly. Before I could react, he wrapped me in a bear hug and wouldn’t let go.

  “Just please be careful, love.” He said gently. “I haven’t seen her this happy before.” He chuckled. “She asked me about my evening!”

  My jaw dropped. “Kate Masterson showing interest in other people? Heaven forbid!”

  “What did I do?” Katie said, grinning by the door.

  Nate smiled. “You were happy for the first time in over four years,” he said plainly. “And I will do anything I can to make sure you stay that way. Both of you.” With that, he left us in the breakroom.

  “What did he really say?” she asked nervously.

  “That you asked him how his evening was. You made conversation rather than sitting at your computer in silence after a brief hello.”

  She blushed. “I have been a bit of a bitch,” she said softly.

  I laughed. “Kat, you were always a bit of a bitch. It’s one of the many things I love about you.” She grimaced, unconvinced. “But maybe since you’re happy, the rest of the office can get to know you now. The real you.”

  “The real me?” she asked, confused.

  I pulled her close. “The woman who would drop everything to drive five hours to the middle of New Hampshire because one of your girlfriend’s friends missed their bus.”

  She chuckled. “I was the only one of us with a car.”

  I smiled. “But you still went the moment she called.”

  Katie smiled sadly, resting a hand against my cheek. “Because you wanted me to. Because I knew it would make you happy. I would have done anything, Lizzie.”

  My cheeks burned as I kissed her palms.

  Chapter 14

  The last few weeks had been wonderful, but this weekend, David was set to come for a visit and I’d be lying if I said I was excited. I’d begged out of work for the afternoon, owing to my need to clean up my apartment that I hadn’t seen in more than ten days. Katie wasn’t enthused about me spending the weekend with my husband, and I wasn’t either. But it was a necessity. At least until I could figure out what I really wanted out of my life.

  I turned the key and set my bag in the chair just by the door. The place smelled stale, but otherwise looked nice enough. Despite the cold, I opened a few windows and aired the small apartment out. The kitchen was another matter altogether. With great trepidation, I opened the fridge and was overwhelmed by the smell of rotting produce.

  With a groan, I closed the door, grabbed a trash bag, and set to work, tossing out once green items with abandon. My phone rang and I struggled to answer it with my large rubber gloves coating my hands. I settled for using my nose.

  “Hello?” The phone slipped
off my shoulder. “Shit! Hang on!”

  Laughter rang out from the phone speaker as I tore off the gloves and picked it up. I stared at the caller ID and grinned. It was Emily.

  “You okay?” she said brightly.

  “Yeah, I’m just cleaning out my fridge. I’ve been spending far too much time at your sister’s apartment.”

  “So it is true,” she said surprised. “You and Kat are back together.”

  I felt my cheeks turn bright red. “Something like that, yeah.”

  “Great. That makes this way less awkward, then. I’m graduating with my Master’s this year and I want you to be there.”

  I paused, breath caught in my throat. “What?”

  “I wouldn’t be the person I am without you, Liz. You’re family, and I want you to see me walk.”

  Tears pricked my eyes. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said earnestly.

  “Good. I’ll email you the details. Now, how long have you and Katie been back together?” she asked sincerely.

  “Just three weeks,” I said, somewhat embarrassed. “But it feels like no time at all has passed. I’m just as in love with her now as I was back then. I just hope it lasts,” I said cautiously.

  Em sighed. “So do I.”

  We sat there in silence for a moment. “Listen, I have to get this place cleaned up. I’ll call you soon, okay?”

  “Alright. Just...remember, it’s okay to be happy, Liz.”

  I blinked. “Thanks.”

  We hung up and I continued my frantic cleaning, praying that I’d get everything done before David walked through the door.

  The weekend passed uneventfully, while I played the part of the dutiful wife. David was just as distant as I was and by Sunday evening, he looked like he was about to scream from frustration.

  He stared at me from his position at the dining table while I did my best to pretend nothing was wrong.

  “What’s going on?” he asked gently.

  I shook my head. “What do you mean?”

  He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “Liz, we’re barely more than roommates right now. I just want to know that when this term ends, you’ll be happy to see me this summer. I want to know that you still love me.”

  I panicked. “Of course I love you. This distance is just hard,” I explained. It wasn’t entirely a lie. I did love him at least on some level.

  It was enough to satisfy him. At least for now.

  “This will be my last visit until summer. I’m grading SATs during spring break for a bit of extra cash.” He paused and licked his lips nervously. “I thought we could take a vacation this summer. Maybe head to Hawaii for a week or two.”

  I smiled. “That would be amazing!” I knew I was feigning enthusiasm.

  He grinned. “Great! Maybe we can start planning things soon. It would give us something to work on together.”

  I nodded and we filled the evening with pipe dreams of our vacation to Hawaii that I knew would never happen. We’d never once splurged on vacations—David always found another use for our money. Not that I blamed him. I always wanted to work.

  By the time he left on Sunday, I was starting to feel only slightly guilty. He was trying, but I was just going along with the motions, pretending everything was still the same. When I watched his shuttle pull away from the apartment, my heart was instantly lighter. In a few minutes, I’d be back with Katie and I could forget about the last weekend entirely.

  I picked up my phone and dialed her number.

  “Where are you right now?”

  She groaned. “Trying to navigate through Trader Joe’s. Which was a mistake on a Sunday evening.”

  I laughed. “Want to come pick me up on your way home?”

  “No.”

  My heart fell. “No?” I was offended. “Did I do something?”

  “Lizzie, I’m kidding. Yes, I’d love to come get you. This weekend has been hell.”

  Relief washed over me. “For me, too.”

  In the background, I heard what sounded like two carts colliding and Katie muttering an apology. “I’ll be there in thirty minutes.” She paused for a second. “And, Lizzie?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you.” She hung up before I could respond.

  ◆◆◆

  Katie took me home to her apartment that night, promising a surprise. I didn’t care what it was. I was just happy not to have to be around David any longer. We got to her apartment and she made me close my eyes, leading me blindfolded to the bedroom.

  “Okay,” she whispered. “Open them.”

  I stared about the room, wondering what was so different until I noticed two drawers pulled out on Katie’s dresser. They were empty.

  I turned and looked at her, confused.

  “I thought since you’re spending so much time over here, maybe it was time to give you a drawer. Then I remembered that it was you, so I thought it might be best to give you two.”

  I grinned at Katie. “Thank you!”

  She smiled and pulled a wrapped box out of her pocket. “There’s one more thing,” she said gently.

  I stared at the wrapping, heart pounding. My fingers shook as I tore it open and carefully lifted the cardboard lid. Inside was a small silver key.

  “Now you can come over whenever you want, even if I’m stuck in an all-night editing session.” She glanced at me nervously. “I want you to feel like this is your home, too.”

  Home was where she was. I threw my arms around her neck and held her close. “I love you!”

  She chuckled. “I love you, too.”

  Her whisper in my ear made my knees weak and my heart race. I wasted no time. Our lips crashed together and my palms slipped beneath her threadbare vintage shirt, caressing her smooth skin.

  Her hips pressed against me tight as cautious fingers pulled at the leather belt around my waist. With a flick of her wrist, the clasp came undone and the leather slid out from around me, giving her access to everything.

  The chill of her fingertips sent goosebumps up and down my arms, carefully moving from my stomach up my ribs to the base of my breast. My breath caught in my chest as her thumb gently slid over my nipple. The flesh tightened instantly and I stifled a moan.

  “You like that?” Katie purred, breath warm against my ear. Her teeth nipped my earlobe and my knees went weak. Heat radiated from my core as my entire body ached for her. I craved all of her and moved to guide her to the bed. She stood firm, a mischievous glint in her eye. My hands reached for her, desperate to feel her against me. Katie chuckled as she grabbed my wrists and held them fast behind my back.

  “Tonight, you’re mine,” she said hungrily. Her shoulders flexed as she shoved me onto the bed. I struggled to sit up, but she pinned me down, hands resting on my shoulders strong and firm. Her face hovered inches above mine and I moved to kiss her. She backed away, eliciting a grunt of frustration from my throat. She laughed and bent to my lips and took my bottom lip between her teeth. I shivered beneath her, already feeling the growing need filling my center.

  I slid my hand back up beneath her shirt, desperate for her touch. Finally, she agreed and pulled me up to meet her. Our eyes met and the desire was clear. She wanted me just as much, and I was ready to give her everything.

  I slipped her shirt over her shoulders and let her do the same for me. We sat there for a moment, taking in each other’s shapes in the evening light.

  “You are so beautiful,” she whispered. Her eyes glistened and I felt my own start to burn with emotion.

  “I love you.” I’d said it so many times in the last few weeks, but each time felt like the first. She made my heart race with nothing more than a look.

  She said nothing, but her eyes gave everything away. She loved me just as fiercely. It used to scare me, but now, it only gave me hope.

  Chapter 15

  May came far more quickly than we thought it would, and with it, Emily’s graduation in Amherst. She was graduating with her Master’s in A
rchitecture and we both knew that she would go on to do amazing things. Creativity ran in her family, after all.

  Katie drove us there and we sang horribly along with the radio the entire way. Going back to our hometown together again made us both feel happy and excited. We made great time, hitting Northampton just in time for lunch.

  Katie parked the car right in front of our favorite bar and restaurant and smiled. “Wanna grab some food?”

  I stared at the familiar owl logo and Fitzwilly’s sign and grinned. “I could eat.”

  We walked inside, taking in the familiar décor with a strange sense of excitement and expectation. I hadn’t been inside Fitzwilly’s since Katie and I broke up. It had been our college getaway and I wasn’t willing to relive those memories with David in tow. She took my hand and pulled me straight over to the bar and our usual seats.

  “I’ll be right with you,” a gruff voice said from behind the bar. The surly woman was changing out one of the kegs with practiced hands.

  “Want some help, Jean?” Katie offered. Jean stood up, not registering who was talking to her.

  “I may be old, but I’m not infirm,” she chastised and placed her glasses back on her nose. Her normally stern face broke into a grin.

  “Well, I’ll be damned!” she said as she took us in. “Where the hell have you two been for the last five years?”

  She scurried out from behind the bar and wrapped Katie in a bear hug before she moved to me. “Good lord, it’s good to see you. What brings you to town?”

  Katie grinned. “Em’s graduating today and we’re here to celebrate.”

  Jean shook her head. “Was it really so long ago that you two were in caps and gowns?”

  I shrugged. “Hard to believe we’re as old as we are,” I said annoyed.

  Jean smirked. “Harder to believe that you’ve spent the last few years married to a man. I’m glad to see you came to your senses.”

  I blushed and Katie laughed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders.

  “I am too!” she said brightly.

  “What’ll you have,” Jean said gently.