And I would be damned to live on this island with the ghosts of my ancestors.
The island was suddenly alive with wind and rustling, and I imagined a wolf appearing at my side again.
No, I reminded myself, not a wolf. A dog brought there to keep the Raven prisoners in line. Perhaps that was why they'd been so drawn to me that day. They were bred to hunger after Raven flesh.
But Galian had come for me then, just as some part of me hoped he'd come for me now.
I rolled onto my back and looked up at the gray sky. Tears continued to leak down my face as I lay there, letting the ache in my leg pulse. I grieved for the hundreds of innocent Ravens who'd died here. I grieved for myself and how I'd never know anything more than a life of survival.
And I grieved for my short and sweet friendship with Galian. Grieving for what could have been between us if we had never found—
Boom.
The sound reverberated through my entire body. It sounded like an air attack, the thick bombs that I'd hear in my plane. I sat up and looked back at the source of the sound. Fear raced through my veins as a black column of smoke billowed to the sky.
"Galian..."
I hurried back the way I'd come, ignoring the sharp pain in my leg as I used it more than I should have. I'd gone farther than I'd thought, or the trek back took longer because I was afraid of what I'd find.
The thick, acrid smoke hit me as I approached the burning former radar station. The walls, the ceiling, even some of the surrounding vines—all of it was dancing in orange flame. Pieces of the building lay scattered around me as well, twisted metal and burning wood.
"G-Galian!" I choked into the smoke. Could I make it through the flames? Was he hurt, trapped under a fallen beam?
Was he already dead?
"Galian!" I cried, inching closer. "Galian, are—"
"Theo?"
I spun around, half-wondering if I had hallucinated. But there he was, his face and hair covered in black ash. In his arms, he carried a singed box.
"Wh-what's that?" I asked, for lack of any other question.
"I set off the alarm," he said, squinting at the fire behind me. "And I wanted to get the important stuff out before it all went up in smoke."
"What important stuff?" I asked.
He opened the box and showed me—blankets, gauze, alcohol. Again, his first thought had been my health. My heart swelled with emotion as I looked at him. In the ten minutes I'd thought I would never see him again, I'd crossed an ocean of grief. Looking at him yanked me across it faster than light and left me breathless.
"I don't know what else we'll be able to get out of there," he said, coming to stand beside me. "Maybe I can go back in—"
I flew into his arms, not even caring that I knocked the box out of his hands, or him back a step. His face went slack with shock, but slowly, his arms wrapped around me, his hand resting at the small of my back.
"I'm okay," he whispered into my hair.
I nodded, knowing he was holding me in a very intimate embrace, and not caring if he wanted to or not. I was crying again, and he slid his hand up and down my back to comfort me.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"For what?"
"For...?" He blinked, glancing to the burning wreckage. "For that. All of it. The experiments and the lies and...well, I know you probably never wanted to sleep there again, but it could have been a shelter and—"
"Yeah, how did you manage to blow up the lab?" I asked with a small, incredulous laugh.
"I was trying to..." He sighed deeply, and I felt the sigh reverberate in his chest. He was still holding me as if I were his lover. And then he looked at me as if I were. "I found a Herin channel. I told them we were both Raven."
My breath hitched in my chest. "You...?"
"But then I lost it and I set off the self-destruct mode," he said, releasing me from his embrace. I missed it immediately. "And—"
"Galian." I stepped forward. "Let's go home."
"But—"
"If they are looking for us," I said, tilting my head up to the column of black smoke billowing to the sky. "They can't miss that."
ELEVEN
Galian
The radar station burned for two full days. The thick column of black smoke spewing toward the sky was visible from our camp on the other side of the island. But no one came, and this time, I didn't expect them to.
I'd managed to grab three blankets from the lab before everything went up in smoke—which turned out to be a blessing, because when I returned to salvage what I could find, most everything was burnt to a crisp. Though I found the showers blown to smithereens, I did find one working tap, which meant our days of boiling seawater were at an end. Two more trips resulted in nothing but to dirty up my old Kylaen uniform which the both of us still wore.
I didn't ask Theo to come back to the laboratory with me, and she didn't offer. I still had questions about it, more specifically—what the actual fuck was my great-grandfather thinking? Theo, however, always had dinner caught and cooked by the time I returned from scavenging trips. Like so many other things, the atrocities at the lab went undiscussed.
After a few trips to the lab, I uncovered a half-charred mattress, which I decided I would drag back to camp. Unfortunately, the sun had long set by the time I showed up, and I got an earful from Theo about the dangers of being alone at night and how stupid it was to drag something so unnecessary back.
"Yeah, but...eh?" I tossed one of our three blankets on top of it and gestured to her. "Practically the hotel at the Opiela!"
"What's that?"
"The fanciest hotel in Norose," I said, adjusting the blanket on top of the mattress to cover the burned spots. "I mean, compared to sleeping on the ground."
"Galian, I didn't catch anything today!" she said suddenly.
My stomach dropped. I'd become accustomed to eating little, but I didn't like the prospect of not having anything.
She wrung her hands nervously. "It's been bad since the explosion. I don't know if we've scared them off or eaten them all or what," she said, plopping down on the mattress. "I need you to stay here and help me."
"Okay," I said, sitting next to her. "We'll figure something out. Don't worry."
There was a new light in her eyes when she looked up at me. A little relief, and a little comfort. It had been a week since the explosion; had she really been worried about that the whole time?
"You know, you don't have to keep that kind of stuff from me," I said with a small shrug. "If you want my help, ask for it."
She didn't respond, but a ghost of a smile turned the corners of her mouth.
"Seriously, Theo." I nudged her gently. "Don't think you've got to handle all of this on your own. I know what I'm doing now. I can handle it."
"Skin a rabbit, and I'll believe that."
"No rabbits here to skin, Captain."
That was the wrong thing to say, as the levity on her face melted away. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"Don't be," I said with a yawn as I lay back on the mattress. It already felt like heaven. "But you get to take the first shift."
All joking aside, the next morning, I was ravenous when I woke and I wished I had spent a little less time dragging the mattress back and more time keeping an eye out for food. And from Theo's snapping, I guessed she was thinking the same.
We traveled due north from camp, walking for an hour before deciding on a spot. I dug holes while Theo set up her rudimentary traps. Once that was complete, we sat side by side, hidden by a low tree, watching our respective traps and itching for the moment to spring.
My stomach moaned loudly, and she shifted beside me. I wasn't sure if it was a sign of annoyance or if she were simply adjusting herself. But my stomach continued to make noises. If we didn't catch something soon, I was going to crack open one of those sixty year old cans of vegetables half-melted up at the station.
I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and spotted a bird flying around. It was s
mall, and would probably give us an ounce of meat each, but it was food.
Then the little asshole landed gently on the trap, picked up the morsel of food, and flew away.
I opened my mouth to curse, but Theo let loose a long string of words I didn't understand.
"What did you say?" I asked.
"Just pissed off," she replied, sitting back and rubbing her stomach. "And hungry."
"Me too, but what did you say? I've never heard those words before."
She half-smiled. "I wouldn't expect you had, princeling. It's the old Raven tongue."
"They still use that over there?"
"There are some words the common language doesn't work for," she replied, pulling herself up and limping over to the trap to reset it. "Like to describe how hungry I am right now."
"But what does it mean?"
She hedged, and I could almost read her mind, wondering if she should share it with me.
"I mean, if it's a state secret..."
"No," she said quicker than I'd expected her to. "No, I'm actually trying to figure out how it's translated."
"It's not a one-to-one?"
"Not really." She shook her head. "I mean, I can literally translate it, but it wouldn't make any sense."
"What is it literally translated?"
She blushed again, and I had no idea what to expect. "I shit in the milk of your whorish mother."
My eyes nearly flew out of my head. "What?"
She grinned at my shock. "It's not meant to be taken literally. It's something we say when we're really, really pissed off at something."
"I shit in the..." The mental image made me cringe.
"Really, Galian, don't take it literally. Raven words aren't supposed to mean what they literally mean."
I blinked at her in confusion.
"It's hard to explain." She furrowed her brow. "For example, you would call your mother okaachai, but it doesn't mean mother." She paused, considering her own words. "I mean, it does, but it means more than just someone who gave birth to you. It means an older female person that cares for you, that you just have this...I don't know." She huffed, obviously annoyed that she couldn't find the right words.
I smiled at her frustration. "Are there any other words?"
"Osaichai is father, same thing," she said. "The only person I'd consider an osaichai is Lanis. Older guy who looks after you like a father. But I never called him that."
"Why not?"
"Raven words are only used when you feel it in your soul," she said. "You can't just say them. You have to feel them."
"Well, why don't you feel them at me?" I joked.
She glared at me, but there wasn't any heat behind it. "There is another one that's used more commonly, but..." Her face reddened again.
"What is it?"
"Amichai," she said, with a pained look on her face. "It means...lover."
I snorted at the way she'd said the word and wondered if she'd ever been in love in her life. "Lover, huh? So like boyfriend or—"
"No, for someone to be your amichai, you have to feel it. I've heard that the word just comes out when..." She trailed off, growing more flustered as she tried to think about it.
"When what?" I pressed, enjoying this rare moment of unguardedness. The idea of Theo in love made me smile.
"When you are truly, madly, and unbelievably in love with someone," she said, looking away.
"And who is your ay-mi-k-ai?" I attempted the word, but it came out clumsily and with a Kylaen accent.
She bristled, but it had nothing to do with the butchering of her word. "I...I've never been in love. Never had time to be."
"Not to break our rule," I said cautiously. "But...does anyone in Rave have the time to be in love?"
"Love? No." Theo shook her head. "But they do put a high priority on having babies. Most girls try to get pregnant so they'll get pulled from the force for a few months."
"Why didn't you...do that?" I asked, hoping I hadn't crossed the line.
"It didn't appeal to me. It seemed like trading one conscription in for another." She smiled brightly. "And to be honest, nothing compares to flying."
"Oh, I can think of some things that do." I let a lascivious look cross my face and she growled at me, turning purple in ferocious blush. I suddenly wondered if Theo had ever been with a man before.
"Have you ever been in love?" she asked. "And sleeping with Kylaen debutants doesn't count."
I considered the question, not one I'd ever been asked before. "Actually, not really, not like that anyway. I've dated girls but I didn't really...love any of them."
"Why not?"
"I don't know," I said with a half-shrug. "I guess I always kind of figured they were only with me because I was 'Prince Galian' or something. They wanted the attention, the cameras, and the fame. They wanted to tell their friends they were dating me."
I waited for her eye roll or smart remark, but there was none. "That sounds lonely."
"You have to understand, my life back in Kylae is...was...nothing more than a constant barrage of photographers and duties and pressure. If I found someone I liked, they usually hated having their face all over the front page of the Kylaen tabloids, with stories wondering when I was going to marry them or who I was cheating on them with."
That elicited an eyebrow raise. "Did you ever?"
I shook my head violently. "Never. Was never in a relationship long enough. The ones I liked usually left after the first date, and the ones who stuck around tended to be more interested in the attention, and so I ended things pretty quickly."
Theo
He trailed off, staring at our empty trap deep in thought. I'd never considered what it was like to live in that fishbowl. The more I got to know him, the more I became aware of his gentle acceptance. He really didn't let any of the pressures of being a prince affect him, never flaunted his money or his power. Not that he had any of it on the island.
"What?" He'd noticed me watching him and I looked away.
"Nothing," I murmured.
"So, I'm really thinking I want to open one of those cans of expired beans back at the station," he said, and I could practically hear his stomach growling. He had been so good up until now, I was willing to allow him a bit of grumbling. Or perhaps I was still grateful to have him in my life again.
We hadn't spoken about the laboratory or the experiments that Galian had found. I was actively avoiding thinking about it, because it reminded me of that bloody sea between his country and mine. I didn't think there was space in my heart to forgive Kylae for the atrocities and still have room for Galian, so I chose to keep the one I wanted more.
"I think I understand what you mean about those Raven words," he said after a long moment. "I don't consider His Highness to be in the same...league as my mother. He's just...well, he's just the sperm donor, I guess." He flushed a little. "But I've never considered him a father like I consider my mother to be...well, my mother."
Something changed in his face when he spoke of the queen—no, his mother. I knew Korina from news reports and interviews about her charities. But to Galian, she was his 'kaachai.
"What's she like?"
"Who? My mom?"
I nodded, turning to look back out into the forest.
"She's...man, she's something else," Galian said, sounding wistful and it warmed me to hear him so affectionate. "Elegant and kind. Educated. Graceful and patient. Passionate about making Kylae a better place. And yet, she always had time for us. No matter how busy she was. Unlike my father, who was more concerned about..."
I turned to look at him, about to mention that he was close to breaking our "no-war-talk" rule. However, he appeared to need a release. And I supposed that even Prince Galian couldn't speak freely in his own kingdom, so on our island, I would let him talk. Besides, I was a little curious how someone as gentle as Galian could come from someone so heinous. "What's that like? Being the son of Grieg?"
"It's weird. To everyone else, he's His Majesty,
but to me, he's just my overbearing and overly critical asshole of a father. He's never let me breathe, you know? I've always been one giant disappointment to him. So, you know, for a while, I thought—hey, why not just give him what he wants."
"The partying?" I offered.
"It wasn't as bad as they made it out to be, but it still felt like I had some sort of control over my own life," he said with a conviction that was unlike him. "But I stopped when I saw what it was doing to my mom, and...well, when she took me to Mael."
I swiveled my head around to stare at him. He spoke so casually, so easily about such a horrible place. "You've been there?"
His face was ashen, and it had nothing to do with our hunger. "Yes. My mother wanted to show me what my father was doing, and also, since the photographers were hounding me," he smiled a bit evilly, "I figured it served them right to be forced to go there anyway."
"The place where your father..." I trailed off. I was trying very hard not to pick a fight, so I chose my words carefully. "I don't think anyone deserves to go there. Especially the ones imprisoned there."
"I know," he said quietly, and silence descended between us for a moment.
I snuck a glance over at him and saw the anguish on his face. I had known Galian long enough to learn that his eagerness to land a joke sometimes outpaced his empathy.
"Is it as bad as I've heard?" An olive branch, I hoped, to let him know I wasn't cross with him.
"Worse," he whispered. I saw the horror reflected in his eyes. No wonder he took so long to tell me. "The moment I returned to university, I switched my major to pre-med. I had to do something to help someone. And I was pretty good at it until...well...His Royal Dickheaded-ness decided that losing one son wasn't enough."
I stifled a laugh at the name, but Galian was still somber.
"Mom was livid when she found out that I was volun-told to join the military. I'm the youngest, so she's always had a bit of a soft spot for me. Rhys was always with my father, learning how to be a king and all that. And Dig was always a brute, even as a little kid. So she and I, we just...got close."
The Complete Madion War Trilogy Page 11