I glanced down at the strategy book, wishing that the answers to my problems were in there and not just the best way to defend a squadron's left flank in formation. "You know, sometimes I miss the days when all I had to worry about was whether my plane would fly and making sure my squadron returned from patrol in one piece. Everything just seemed...simpler then."
"I'm sure it did." He smiled. "I've also arranged for a transport back tomorrow morning."
I swallowed, anxiety bubbling in my gut. "Back? To Norose?"
"The meeting will take the rest of our funds, so we'll need to get more from Korina." His curious gaze pierced me. "Why don't you look happy about that?"
I shrugged and looked back at the book, hoping to avoid a conversation about the guilt eating at me. "Just...it's a lot to get back there. Then to get back here. Might just be easier if I stayed behind."
"I can't vouch for your safety in this house for much longer, especially without me here. Besides, I think Galian would be hurt not to see you."
That, I couldn't suppress a wince at. "Would I see him though?" I said, deflecting. "A kiss, a hand hold, and that's it. Doesn't seem like..." I blew air through my lips. "Never mind."
"Talk."
I clenched my jaw, struggling to gather my thoughts. "I don't... I feel like I should miss him more. And I don't."
"Why?"
The question could've been taken several different ways, but I answered the question I heard. "Because I love him? He's my amichai and I can't...I can't..." I sighed and finally came out with it. "I barely even remember what he looks like. And all of this is... I just... God, I don't know."
Kader said nothing, waiting for me to finish my thought.
"I'm afraid it means I don't love him anymore," I whispered. "And I'm afraid to go back because..."
"You've seen him what... a handful of times in the past six months?" he asked, and I nodded. "And each time we go to Norose, we're under pressure to stay out of sight, and you have to dress up like your sworn enemy and wear that ridiculous makeup. I'd be more worried about you if you weren't dreading it."
"But what if I see him and I don't..." I sighed again. "What if I don't feel the same?"
Kader quieted for a moment, a pensive look on his face. When he spoke, it was soft and wistful. "One time, a mission kept me away from Rosie for an entire year," Kader said. "And when we got back, I barely recognized her. Her laugh was...well, it grated on me. I spent six weeks wondering what had happened to the love of my life, until one day she asked me if I'd always chewed with my mouth open. And we began talking, and we realized that we'd forgotten all of the less-than-stellar things about each other while we'd been gone, so when it came time to reconnect..." He chuckled. "But we got through it. You and Galian will as well. Do you remember how you felt when you saw him in Jervan?"
I struggled to conjure the memory, and gave up with a half-hearted shrug.
"Fine, I remember how you looked, and it was clear how you felt about each other," Kader said. "And I believe you'll feel that way again, given a little time with him."
A little time wasn't going to help things. "All I get are seconds."
"Maybe this time we can stay longer. A few days, maybe a week. Then, we'll return to the mission fully engaged."
It didn't escape my notice that he'd said 'we,' and I had a feeling our break was just as much for him as it was for me. But even with his assurances, I still slept uneasily, worried about the meeting, what would come of it, and what would greet me when I got off the plane in Norose.
We set off for the bakery at dusk, as Kader thought it too dangerous to hide in plain sight again. I'd questioned his overprotectiveness, except that the city seemed...different. Police stood on almost every corner, watching Kader and me with such scrutiny I was sure we'd been found out. But with the exception of one patrol that questioned why we were leaving the slums so late (Kader fabricated a good lie about how we were rich Ravens volunteering), we made it to the government sector with an hour to spare.
"It's a curfew," Kader explained, after we watched a few policemen argue with a young couple. "I heard some rumblings about it yesterday. It's probably limited to the slums, which could complicate our movements in and out."
I glanced around the barren street, not seeing anything that would indicate an official curfew. I also didn't know how Emilie Mondra could've spun such an unpopular idea, but I wouldn't put it past her.
We circled the bakery three times before Kader was satisfied our entry would go unnoticed by the roving bands of policemen. As before, we walked through an unlocked front door, although Odolf wasn't there to greet us inside. The bakery was dark and empty, except for a small light in the backroom. Kader pressed his finger to his mouth and walked ahead of me, keeping me to the side of the curtain as he opened it.
"Come in, come in." The voice was female, commanding. Kader nodded to me and walked through the curtain. When I didn't hear the sounds of scuffle, I joined him.
We stood in a room of long tables, each covered in a light film of flour. As I gazed around the space, I counted five guards, each with missing limbs or burns on their faces, but all as intimidating as Kader. I chanced a look at him, and he stood, unflappable, as if nothing in this room concerned him. I wished for an ounce of his acting ability.
The woman in front of me wore her black hair short and her threadbare clothes hung off her skinny frame. She was middle-aged, perhaps forty, and her eyes roamed over me as if looking for sign of weakness.
"So you're Major Kallistrate."
"I'm not—" I started, but then shook my head. It wasn't doing me any good to mention I wasn't in the military anymore. "Yes, I'm her."
"Come closer," the woman said, beckoning me with her right hand, which was made of plastic. "I'm a kallistrate myself. Wilona's the name."
Although she had offered pleasantries, her untrusting gaze hadn't changed as I drew closer.
"Who's your friend?" Wilona asked, nodding to the space over my shoulder.
"A friend," I said, as Kader had instructed. "So did Odolf explain what our intentions are?"
"I always like to hear it from the people themselves."
I nodded, and cleared my throat to steady my voice. "After I returned from Mael, Bayard promised me a lot of things, none of which he ever followed through on. Besides that, I started to see...well," I tapped my fingers on the table, "a lot of things that didn't sit so well with me. Like why most of those in the government offices had never seen a day of battle in their lives."
Wilona nodded approvingly. "Pretty shitty realization, isn't it?"
"Yeah." I chewed my lip for a moment, letting my real emotions play on my face. Kader had said it would help the lies go down easier. "When I delivered that speech in Jervan, I met a wealthy Jervanian benefactor who promised me he'd give me safe harbor if I defected."
"Who?" Wilona asked.
I winced. "I can't tell you that. See, war is bad for business, but if anyone found out he was aiding the Raven rebels—"
"And how much aid are we talking?"
"As much as you need, provided there are results," I said, glancing over my shoulder. Kader stepped forward and placed the last of our crowns on the table. "This is just a small fraction of what we can give you."
Wilona reached across the table and picked up the wad of bills. "Impressive." She handed it to one of her associates behind her. "So what does this anonymous benefactor want to give us money for?"
"His end game is peace between Kylae and Rave."
Wilona snorted. "He is aware there's a second party involved, correct?"
"Yes, of course. He's been making overtures to the Kylaens—"
"And they're listening?"
"Yes," I said, unable to resist the urge to glance at Kader again. His face was a mask of indifference, and I took that as a good sign. "The Kylaen king isn't the only one with power in that country. There are factions as eager for peace as we are."
"Then why come to us?" Wilona fold
ed her arms over her chest. "Why not go directly to Bayard?"
"Because Bayard isn't interested in peace," I said, again allowing some of my real emotion to bubble up. "He's spent millions of Rave's already limited funds on a weapon in Malaske—"
Her face shifted. "You know about Malaske?"
My heart skipped a beat; I hadn't known the rebels knew about the bomb either. They must've had some fairly high-up connections in that case. "That tidal wave—"
"Was the bomb failing to detonate," she finished for me. "Well, well, kallistrate, you do know more than you let on. Anson was right." She leaned onto the table. "Tell me what he said to you last winter, and you've got a deal."
My mouth fell open in surprise then fear. "W-what are you talking about?"
Her smile grew even larger. "Last winter, when you still worked for Bayard, Anson met with you personally. He gave you a message, and if you can tell me what it is, I'll schedule a meeting with the man himself."
"I've never..." A memory resurfaced. A cold day next to the Madion Sea, a strange man wearing a worn coat. And I'd been too afraid of what Emilie would say if she knew I'd been taking with someone affiliated with the rebellion. "I... That was Anson?"
Wilona's gaze hadn't changed. "Yes, it was. He likes to evaluate people himself," she said. "So? What message did he give you?"
My heart pounded in my chest as I scrambled back through my memories. I could see him clearly, hear the tone of his voice, feel the spray of the water on my face. But as far as the words? The only thing coming to me was how much I wanted to forget he'd ever spoken to me.
"Don't remember?" She chuckled at my obvious nerves. "Well, kallistrate, when you remember—"
A loud crack echoed through the room, and I flew out of my seat in an instant. "What was that?"
Voices, yelling, more cracks from outside the bakery. Gunfire.
"Everyone out!" Wilona barked, turning and running out the back door, her associates in tow. The door on the other side of the room flew open, and three Raven military members rushed in.
One of them, a young woman barely older than I, locked eyes with me, and recognition dawned on her face.
"You!"
Before I could say anything, Kader clamped down on my arm and yanked me forward, tugging me out of the bakery and into the back alley. I knew nothing but to follow him, pushing my legs harder than I'd thought possible to keep up with his long strides. Our footsteps echoed on the empty streets so loudly I was sure they had heard us, or were close in pursuit. Kader turned a corner sharply and we ducked into an alley, waiting. But no one had followed us.
I leaned against the side of the building, gasping for air. "W-what the hell..." I said. "Was it a setup?"
"Don't think so," Kader said, as if he ran that hard and fast every day. "Just bad timing. Or they have a mole."
I cursed. "They saw me. Bayard knows I'm alive. Or he will soon enough. What...what does that do?"
Kader clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Maybe nothing. We've got our way in to Anson now, assuming his deputy gets out of there alive."
"There's just one problem," I said, closing my eyes. "I have no idea what Anson said to me."
EIGHT
Galian
"Galian, you might as well ask me to put an end to the Madion War," Mom said, with a sad shake of her head. "The Midsummer's Ball has been my headache for three months."
I'd come to see her first thing in the morning after the auction, to tell her what Olivia had said and see if she could get an invite to some key members of Collins Shipbuilding. But I should've known that nothing was ever as easy as I'd hoped.
"Your father's insisted on approving every invitation this year," she said. "And he's been clear that Collins is not to be invited, nor the more peaceful members of his council. He says both have acted in ways that negatively affect Kylae, and they will not be rewarded." She sipped her tea as if we were discussing the weather. "I've heard rumors that he's looking to replace some key ministers with those who are more loyal to him. Bassett is in her late seventies. She should've retired years ago, but she's holding onto life and her position, to spite your father. Mansela is another he's looking to replace. Grieg thought she'd be a bit more malleable, but she's proving willful."
"I could tell," I said. "So when you say replace...what are we talking about here?"
"That's what I can't get out of Grieg," Mom said. "Best case, he simply fires them publicly. Worst...well, Mael may be closed, but there are other ways."
I knew full well what other ways there were. "Any progress on the assassination attempt investigation?"
Mom sighed, and I could tell I wasn't going to like what she was about to say. "I've told Johar to stop digging."
"What?" I nearly dropped my cup.
"Gally, it's not my preference, but it's very difficult to get the barethium processors to work with us if they think we're also trying to arrest them," she said. "If we want them to play with Collins, we have to make some concessions."
"C-concessions? Mom, they killed Martin. They almost killed me!"
She placed her cup on the saucer, looking older than I'd ever seen her before. "Politics is a nasty business. Sometimes, you have to lie down with the devil in order to get anything accomplished."
"At what cost, Mom?" I said, standing. "Am I supposed to just forget that Martin's dead? How will I be able to look at his parents, knowing I'm not doing everything in my power to bring his killers to justice?"
She was quiet for a long time. "Would you rather reopen Mael?"
I opened then closed my mouth for a moment. "Of course not. But those can't be our only options."
"For now, they are," she said. "The mined barethium is running out, and the builders are getting restless waiting for Collins to make a deal with them. They've begun to pressure your father to reopen the mines, and he's listening. But they said if I called off the investigation, they'd stop and buy us a few more months to work with Collins."
I sank back down onto the couch, something heavy settling on my chest. It was more than just disappointment, it was the reality that my mother couldn't make things better. I'd had the same feeling when she told me she couldn't stop my military commissioning. Then, as now, I'd held on to the belief that Mom could find some magic workaround that would make everything better.
"I'm so sorry," she said after a moment. "I delayed it as long as I could, but your father has made some moves lately that tell me we may be running out of time."
"What kind of moves?"
She set her jaw. "He's ending the transfer of airplane parts to Herin."
My head shot up. "But that means—"
"Our path to Rave has become a lot trickier," she finished for me. "As is the path home."
My heart went to Theo, and, I supposed, Kader, and worry gnawed at me. "But they will be able to get home...somehow, right?"
"Kader has a contingency plan he can use in case of emergencies, though I doubt we're there yet. I've sent word through the usual channels, but sometimes that can take weeks. The last shipment is going out tomorrow but..." Finally, the line between her brows relaxed and she offered me a small smile. "Let's not worry unless we have reason to. For all we know, Kader and Theo are meeting with Anson right now—"
"We aren't."
Kader's gruff voice jolted us both, and we spun to the doorway. Kader stood in his usual guard uniform, Theo by his side in pale makeup and wig. They both looked exhausted, harried, and Theo...well, Theo wouldn't even look at me.
"Eli, Theo," Mom said with a bright smile. "Welcome home. Good news, I take it?"
Kader glanced at Theo for a brief moment then strode forward, leaving her to stand against the doorway. "Yes and no. We secured a meeting with Anson's deputy."
"That's incredible!" Mom said, although Theo's gaze stayed on the ground.
"Anson has apparently met with Theo before, and gave her a code phrase. But..." Kader cleared his throat. "She's having a problem remembering exac
tly what it is."
Theo flinched and shook her head, the muscles in her jaw tensing.
"You've met with Anson?" Mom asked, clearly shocked.
"It was before my speech, before any of that," Theo said, her voice hollow. "A man approached me while I was out for a walk, and I was so..." She snorted. "I was too far up Bayard's ass to remember it."
"What do you remember?"
Theo placed her hand on her face. "It's all a blur. I've been trying for days, and I can't...I can't..."
"I think we just need a few days of rest," Kader said. "It's been a difficult couple of weeks—"
"Unfortunately, we don't have time," Mom said. "We've gotten word that Grieg is ending shipments to Herin. Starting...well, the last shipment leaves tomorrow morning."
Theo sucked in a loud breath, the worry evident in her face. Even Kader seemed put out by the news, as the lines around his mouth had tightened. But he nodded and ran his hand over his face. "Your Highness, can we talk?"
"Of course," Mom said with a meaningful look to me.
She and Kader went to the other side of the parlor, leaving Theo and me alone. Slowly, I crossed the room, but didn't move to touch her. There was something about the way she held herself away from me, how she wouldn't look at me.
"Hi," I said, finally. "I missed you."
She nodded, and, to my surprise, moved even further away.
"You'll remember what he said. I know you will," I tried, but she turned away and walked to the window.
"It's not...it's..." She had something on the tip of her tongue, but for some reason, she wasn't willing to share it with me. Finally, she shook her head and said, "It doesn't matter. Maybe if we just bring the entire Kylaen treasury..."
I laughed, although it came out forced. "I'm sure that could be arranged. We certainly aren't doing anything with it."
She leaned against the window. "I just... I wanted to..."
The Complete Madion War Trilogy Page 50