by Sarah Hill
“I found your backpack and there was a lighter inside the front pocket. I put two and two together.”
“I can imagine how that looked. If you had talked to me though, I could have told you what happened and our lives would’ve turned out … differently,” he said, allowing his voice to trail off.
“I’m glad my life turned out the way it did. I have more than I could have ever dreamed. I don’t regret anything,” she said, raising an eyebrow.
“You’re definitely less warm than you used to be.”
“Excuse me?” she said, sitting up straighter and glaring at him. “I’m what?”
“Nothing, forget it,” he said, waving his hand in surrender. “Rylie, that night I left you at the party because I wanted to go set up the treehouse for a special night.”
Rylie snorted and said, “Special for who? Me or Maddie?”
“I stopped at my house first because I had a few things to grab,” he continued, ignoring her interruption. “Then I was headed to your house to meet Maddie.”
A grunt like sound escaped from Rylie’s mouth as she glared at him. “I find it funny that you asked me to get a ride home with her when you knew all along, she wouldn’t be there to take me. I imagine it was part of the master plan? Make me think I had a ride and leave me stranded at the party so I couldn’t catch the two of you in the act? Tell me Maysen, did the two of you have sex in our treehouse before you burned it down?”
“I didn’t burn it down. Will you please let me talk without interruption?”
Rylie shrugged and raised her eyebrows at him. “Go ahead.”
“Maddie and I weren’t messing around behind your back. Leaving you stranded isn’t what I would call it. It was more a way of delaying you to give us more time to set up. Kevin was a part of the plan. Which is why he found you and offered you a ride home.” He paused, holding her gaze before continuing. “Maddie was helping me set up. We had at least a dozen candles lit inside the treehouse. I had rose petals scattered over anything that stood still and we hung strands of white Christmas lights along the pillow wall and draped some inside the story box to light up all the stories you’d written. It looked amazing,” he said, hanging his head and looking at his feet.
“Kevin was going to wait an hour driving you home. When we knew it was getting close to you arriving, we climbed back out of the treehouse. I walked Maddie towards the creek bridge and waited with her just inside the trees. The plan was for her to meet Kevin on the bridge after he dropped you off and they would ride back to his house together.
“I was only hugging Maddie goodbye. It wasn’t a lover’s embrace that you witnessed. We didn’t notice the fire until we heard Del yelling for you. We saw the flames licking the top of the treehouse and you falling to the ground. I started running to you when I heard limbs breaking along the creek. I saw Rebecca and Max hurtling through the trees running in the opposite direction. I saw Del and Norm running towards you through the pasture. Knowing you would be okay, I took off after Rebecca and Max.” Maysen exhaled slowly and said, “Rebecca and Max were waiting for Maddie and I to leave the treehouse so they could go up and steal your stories. When they saw what we had worked so hard to set up, they decided burning your stories would be far better. They threw one of the candles inside the story box and ran for it. We should have been paying better attention,” he said, shaking his head and staring at the floor.
“Rebecca and Max burned down our treehouse?” Rylie whispered.
“And your stories with it,” he said, with a nod. “I tried coming by to see you and tell you what happened, but Norm said you were still in shock and needed rest. I just needed to be patient. When I showed up the next morning and Del showed me your letter, my world dropped from beneath me. I asked Del if you left me a letter too. You didn’t and I couldn’t understand how we went from wanting to live the rest of our lives together, to it meaning nothing to you,” Maysen said, as he stared at the floor refusing to meet her gaze.
“Maysen,” she said, her voice cracking.
“I will accept full responsibility, though. It was me who yelled at Rebecca that day in the gym. I told her you had a box full of stories in that tree house. You were partially right to blame me, though it wasn’t me who started that fire,” he said, peeking up and meeting her eyes with his.
Rylie didn’t know what to say. For so many years she had harbored so much hate for him. To learn that it was all in vain made her sick.
“I moved on, Rylie. It took going to New York a year after you left, but it gave me what I needed to let you go.”
“You came to New York?” she asked, her eyebrows almost meeting.
Nodding, he said, “I did, the summer following our first year in college. I talked my dad into allowing me to go for just a couple weeks, before starting summer work on the ranch. You never contacted me. When I asked Del and Norm about you, they said you refused to explain what changed your mind. They said all you would tell them was that you were happy and they didn’t need to worry. I thought after a year you’d be willing to see me and explain why you left the way you did.”
“I never saw you.”
“No. I found your dorm room. It looked as though you were in the middle of packing. I talked to your roommate, Katherine, if I remember her name correctly.”
“Katherine was my first-year roommate, yes,” she said softly, nodding. An odd emptiness settled into her stomach.
“Katherine told me you were moving into an apartment for the summer with friends. She said that you had gone to eat lunch and I would find you in the courtyard if I hurried. After getting directions from her I left. I was ready to see you and tell you the truth. I was ready for everything between us to be right again,” he said, smiling and shaking his head. “It wasn’t meant to be. The stars didn’t want to hang for us.”
“What happened?” Rylie asked, wanting to understand what caused his change of heart.
“I found you. I made my way to the spot Katherine described and there you were, sitting beneath an old oak tree with a few others. So much like you, to eat lunch under a tree,” he said, pausing to laugh. “At first I didn’t think much of it. I knew you’d make friends easily. I felt exhilarated and couldn’t wait to wrap you in my arms. I’d missed you so much. The excitement that rolled through me, just seeing you, lifted my spirits. For that tiny moment in time, I knew we were meant to be.
I started across the lawn towards you just as the guy sitting next to you leaned over and kissed your forehead. It stopped me in my tracks. I watched as you looked up at him with a smile and kissed him back… full on the lips. You looked so happy. I realized, that even though I thought about you every day, you weren’t thinking about me and probably never would again. So, I went back to my hotel.
I roamed around New York, partly hoping to bump into you, but mostly because I wasn’t ready to go home empty handed. I left New Plymouth with everyone thinking I was bringing you home like some romantic movie. Heck, I even believed it. I was full of myself. I should’ve known if you still loved me you would have contacted me.”
“You saw me and you didn’t say anything?” she asked, the words coming out before she could stop them.
“You were with someone else. My heart ripped from my chest when I saw you kiss him. I never thought you’d kiss anybody but me. I wasn’t going to say hello and have to stand there and pretend to be happy about it.”
“Spencer.”
“What?” Maysen’s face scrunched in confusion.
“The guy you saw me with, it was Spencer. I wasn’t going around kissing just anybody.”
“I know. I think that made it hurt a little more. Knowing you’d only be kissing him if he meant something to you. That’s how I knew I’d waited too long to come find you and it cost me a life with you.”
“I don’t regret meeting Spencer. I love him with everything in me. I do however, regret not talking to you before I left. I didn’t think there was a reason to,” she said, getting up and sitting in t
he chair next to him. “I never felt safe dating you, not because of you,” she added, seeing hurt in his eyes caused by her words. “It was the fear of being Carrie that made me uneasy.”
“Carrie?” he asked, his forehead wrinkling.
“Yeah, like the Stephen King book? I was afraid in the end it would be some cruel joke that was being played on me. You were Mr. Popular from the first day you entered Kindergarten and I… well I wasn’t. Kids knew I didn’t belong,” she said. “I thought my nightmare had come to life. Imagine being me and finding that lighter in your backpack and your arms around another girl. My best friend. Can you imagine how it felt to find what I thought was the smoking gun? It’s why I couldn’t talk to you. Because in my mind, you had done the very thing I was most scared of.”
“I can empathize with that, but to not even speak to me before you left? Not even to let me have it for what you thought I’d done? I still can’t wrap my mind around it.”
Against her will, Rylie felt the hate she’d carried the last twenty years towards Maysen, melt away as a sadness crept its way in. “I couldn’t rationalize how you could deceive me so easily. I am so sorry, Maysen.”
“I believe you,” he said, giving her a sad smile that kept his dimples hidden.
“It turned out for the best though, don’t you think?” she asked, trying to change gears and sound upbeat, though the rock in the pit of her stomach had her feeling queasy.
“Some days I think so,” he said, with an attempted smile that was more of a grimace.
“Your wife and little girls are gorgeous,” she said.
“Don’t try to act like you understand my life, Rylie.”
“I’m not. Your family is beautiful. I mean it.”
Maysen looked at her and said, “They are beautiful, but my relationship with my wife has been a little less than beautiful lately. They aren’t even staying on the ranch anymore. Elizabeth took the girls and moved back to Boise with her parents.”
Rylie looked down at her hands, feeling a weight pull at her heart. “Oh. I’ve only seen your profile photo on Facebook. I assumed,” she whispered, trying to think of something else to say.
“You can’t believe everything you see on Facebook, Rylie. I’m surprised you haven’t learned that yet.”
Rylie ignored his comment, knowing he wasn’t trying to cut her down. “You get to see them often, I hope.”
“I get to see them every other weekend right now. We haven’t gone to court or anything, it’s just with my work on the ranch, that’s how it works out.”
“Are you trying to work things out?” she asked, trying to keep the conversation going. She felt terrible for the way she had left things so long ago and was trying to make up for it.
Maysen cocked an eyebrow at her and said, “Getting a little personal, aren’t you? What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Is your marriage still sweet bliss?”
“Yes. I love him more and more every day.”
Maysen nodded and asked, “You two don’t have any problems?”
“No. I mean, we have the basic little squabbles every couple has, of course, but no marital problems. Except, I mean it’s not a problem, but he doesn’t understand why I never bring him home,” she said, shrugging.
Maysen laughed and asked, “He doesn’t know about the awful boy who ruined your life?”
“You didn’t ruin my life. You pushed me in the direction I needed to go. Only it turns out you didn’t, did you? I guess I did that on my own.”
Maysen changed the subject. “I’ve missed you, Rylie. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. You look good,” he said, looking her over and nodding.
“Thanks,” she said, squirming a little in her seat.
“Aren’t you going to tell me I look good, too?” he asked, letting his dimples loose for the first time.
Rylie felt something in her stomach, but ignored it. “I think you know you still look good, Maysen. You don’t need me to tell you that you look exactly how I remember you. A little more mature, of course, but the same.”
Maysen’s smile told her he was satisfied with her answer. “It’s all the hard work. Keeps me in shape,” he answered, patting his stomach. She could see it was as flat and toned beneath his t-shirt as it had been in high school. She looked away feeling the warmth that spread across her cheeks. “I was teasing. I’m sorry. It’s hard finding a line of conversation with you. I want to automatically fall back into the way we used to talk. I know I shouldn’t.”
Rylie licked her lips and took a deep breath before turning to look at him again. “It’s okay, I understand. It’s weird for me too.”
“I have all your books. Read every single one of them. My favorites of course, are the ones based on life on Big Willow Creek. I’m so proud of you, Rylie. The whole town is proud of you.”
“Are they?” she asked, a bit surprised.
“How could they not be? One of our own made it big and put our town on the map.”
“A town I never came back to visit?” she asked, raising her eyebrows at him.
“Well, there may be some who are a bit sour towards you for never looking back.”
Rylie’s eyes widened. She hadn’t thought about how other people might take it when she skipped town and they never heard from her again. Maddie’s face floated to the top of her memory. “Hey, do you ever talk to Maddie? It’s obvious the two of you didn’t end up together,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “Is she still around?”
“Yeah, Maddie’s still here. I’m not sure if you heard, but she and Kevin got married after college. Who would’ve thought of the two couples, they’d be the ones to last?” He laughed. “They have three kids, a boy and two girls. Both teach in New Plymouth. Maddie is one of the first-grade teachers at the elementary school and Kevin is over at the high school teaching P.E. and doubling as the football coach. They’re doing well. Didn’t it bother you to not know what happened to your best friend?” he asked, pressing his lips together and frowning. “The two of you used to be so close, didn’t you ever wonder?”
“I thought she was sleeping with my boyfriend.” Rylie felt more ashamed of herself by the minute.
“Well, you could always make it up to her.”
“How?”
“We could all go to dinner together and catch up.”
“That sounds more like a double date to me, Maysen. I don’t think that’s going to work for Spencer.”
“It’s not a date at all. Its friends catching up after way too many years apart. He wouldn’t understand that?”
“He would if he knew I had friends, but as far as he knows I went through high school friendless and alone. Don’t you think it’d be a little odd for him?”
“Gave him the younger version of yourself and nothing else?” Maysen asked, nodding. “Yeah, I get it.”
“It’s hard to tell someone they weren’t your first love when they already have that impression.”
“Was I your first love?”
“I thought you were and then I didn’t know what to think. I know I loved you though, so I guess that means you were,” she said, looking down at her hands again. It felt wrong to say it out loud, like she was cheating on Spencer, even though she knew she wasn’t.
“You were my first love too, Rylie.”
Looking at Maysen she added, “Spencer is my last though. He is my forever.”
Maysen raised his hands and said, “Calm down. I wasn’t trying to move in on you. I’m married too and even though we’re separated, I still want to make it work.”
“You shouldn’t have to make it work, Maysen. It either does or it doesn’t,” she said, her hand flying to her mouth. “I’m sorry. I spoke without thinking.”
“No, it’s okay. You’re right,” he said, breathing deeply in through his nose. “I loved her at one time, you know. Sometimes, I think I still do. When we first got married, she acted as though she was excited to work the ranch with me. Laughter and love f
illed our house. Then as the years went by, we had Mackenzie and then Renee. More of my time was spent with them and her happiness seemed to drift away. It was like she hated being here. Everything I stood for and loved, she sneered at. I didn’t know how to make her happy anymore.
“I realized she probably felt more like a ranch hand than a wife. I wasn’t making enough effort to spend time with just her. I tried spontaneous dates, like you and I would go on, but she always had something to complain about. There were too many bugs or it was too hot or why can’t we go to a movie like normal couples or some other city girl woe. So, I gave up. We essentially ignored each other for a couple years. Only speaking when necessary. It was for show. Then, one day I came home and she and the girls were gone. I guess she’d had enough and honestly so had I. I take every other weekend off so I can take the girls and spend time with them, but it’s nowhere near enough. I asked her to come back and live on the farm. I’d buy her a nice manufactured house to live in, at least until I could build her a new home. I figured at least that way I’d get to see the girls more often, but she refused, saying she couldn’t take the smell anymore.”
“The smell of the farm?” Rylie asked.
“Yeah. Not everybody likes the smell of silage baking in the sun, Rylie.”
Rylie’s mouth dropped open. “You remember that? Oh, my gosh that takes me back!”
“I remember everything, Rylie. Did you ever learn to drive a stick shift?”
Snorting, she shook her head, “No, I have an automatic. But in my defense, New York traffic would kill my clutch foot if I drove a manual.”
“Girl, you are something.”
Hearing Maysen call her girl sent a tiny shiver from her toes to her heart and she smiled. “I know. Some things never change.”
For the next couple hours, they caught up, sharing pieces of their lives from the last twenty years. Maysen met Elizabeth in one of his classes at the college towards the end of his sophomore year. He proposed to her on the banks of the creek a year after graduation. This little bit of information made Rylie sad for some reason. Maybe it was the mention of the creek, a piece of the ranch she always loved most.