She and Jake had taken up residence at Augusta’s for the duration of the trial, and Hattie tackled Nell immediately after dinner. Having hoarded her unhappiness for some time now, Nell was only too happy to talk. By the time she finished, Hattie was furious.
“He’s punished you the past several weeks for not divulging what was told to you in confidence?” she demanded incredulously.
“He was hurt because he knew you told me something you wouldn’t tell him.”
“And meanwhile he’s hung you out to dry. What about your wedding plans?”
“I don’t know. They’re off, I guess.” Nell twisted her hands in her lap. Her dark eyes were filled with misery. “Hattie, what am I going to do? Moses and I only ever discussed marriage in general terms; we didn’t actually set a date or anything. But I assumed it would be in the not-too-far future, so I already informed the school board I’m to be married this year.” She stared at Hattie in pure misery. “They’ve found someone else to fill my position.”
“That worm!” Hattie was furious. “If he’s angry with me, fine . . . I can understand that. Kinda. But he’s making you pay for his hurt feelings, and for that I could punch his lights out. He has you over a barrel, Nell, and no matter what you do, you lose. Right now, he’s furious because I told you a secret that didn’t include him, which you won’t divulge. But I’d wager Belle against your graduation shoes he’d be angrier still if you had betrayed my trust by confiding a secret that wasn’t yours to confide.” She rose from Nell’s bed where they sat talking and paced furiously about the room. “He wants to know my secrets? Fine. I’ll just go on over to his house and tell him. And while I’m at it, I have one or two other things I’d like to get off my chest.”
“Oh, Hattie, I know how hard it is for you to talk about what Roger Lord did to you. Please, I will work this out somehow. You don’t have to—”
“I believe I do,” Hattie interrupted. “If this trial doesn’t accomplish anything else, it’s finally relieved me of the last shreds of shame I’ve shouldered for three long years. Listening to other people relate their helplessness dealing with Lord has made me believe once and for all there really was nothing I could have done to prevent him hurting me.” She smoothed her skirt, then met Nell’s eyes with utter seriousness. “I’d like to forgo the humiliation of seeing my rape become public knowledge, but I have reached a point where I can at least talk about it to my oldest friend. And while I’m at it, Nell, I’m going to also tell him what a horse’s ass he’s been in his treatment of you!” And with a swish and swirl of flying skirts, Hattie stormed from the room.
45
Moses’ father answered Hattie’s knock. “Well, hello there, young lady!” he boomed. “I haven’t seen you in a coon’s age. How’s married life agreeing with you?”
“Admirably, Mr. Marks. I love Jake to pieces and I’m very happy.”
“I guessed as much—you’re looking radiant.” He stood back and gestured her into the hall. “I imagine you’re here to see Moses.”
“Yes, sir.”
“C’mon in, then. I’ll call him down.” He led the way into the parlor and retreated to the foot of the stairs, where he called his son’s name. Hattie conversed with Mrs. Marks while she awaited her oldest friend’s appearance.
She heard him thunder down the stairs. He appeared in the doorway in his stocking feet, one big finger marking his place in a book he held. He regarded her without welcome, and the face she turned to him was equally unsmiling. “Come for a walk with me,” she requested coolly. “We need to talk.”
Without a word, he turned in the doorway and thundered back up the staircase. Hattie turned to his parents. “If you’ll excuse us?”
Etta Marks smiled gently. “Of course, dear. Come again when you can stay longer. And do wish Jake good luck for me on the outcome of his trial.” Etta Marks looked up when her son reappeared, minus his book and wearing his shoes. The furrows in her brow smoothed out as she brought her gaze back to Hattie. Etta hoped what they discussed erased the pain from her son’s heart, so he’d be fit to live with again. Returning to what she’d been saying before Moses reentered the room, she continued, “From everything I’ve heard of this trial, it appears Mr. Lord has long been quite a wicked man.”
“I believe he’s very wicked indeed.” Hattie turned to Moses. “Are you ready?”
He nodded curtly and she turned back to say her goodbyes to his parents.
They closed the door behind them and walked in silence to the edge of town. Hattie chose a fallen log by the side of the road and sat down. She looked up at Moses with cool condemnation. “You have been treating Nell most unfairly.”
“Wonderful,” he replied bitterly. “I see once again the women have been exchanging secrets.” He stood stiffly, hands in his pockets, staring into the distance. “Is this why you dragged me out here? I thought you had something important to say, but if this is it, why don’t you just run along home to your husband and your real friend?”
“Don’t be snide, Moses,” she said softly, remembering what it felt like to be excluded. “And save your sarcasm—I am not in the mood. If you were hurt because I told Nell something I could not tell you, I’m sorry; I truly am. But don’t take it out on her. You act as though this were a popularity contest I arbitrarily staged to pit you two. Well, it’s not—this is my life. You are my oldest, dearest friend, but whether or not you care to acknowledge it, there are some subjects that are simply too difficult for a woman to talk about with a man.” The cynical look he directed at her erased most of her compassion and made her add irritably, “And for the record, as you’re big on defining who is a real friend and who is not, she was there for me when I needed her most.”
He stifled a yawn and looked bored. “Meaning I was not, I gather.”
“Precisely.” Hattie’s temper snapped and she surged to her feet, hands clenched at her sides. “You’re so hot to know my secrets? By all means, then, I shall tell you. Roger Lord beat and raped me. August 11, 1906.” Words that in a far corner of her mind she knew she’d regret tumbled from her lips. “Remember that summer, Moses? Remember how you were nowhere to be found? You’ll have to excuse me if I didn’t feel I could discuss my downfall with you. You weren’t there to discuss it with, and besides, you were one of them: a man who will never in a million years understand what it’s like to be held down and struck and ripped apart by—” She swallowed the end of the sentence. Drew a deep breath. Exhaled it gustily. “Then, when you did turn up at Jane-Ellen’s funeral and reached to hug me, I was terrified. Of you, my friend. Because you were big and stronger than me. Because you were a man, and for a second it didn’t matter you had always been my friend and, in my heart, I knew you would never hurt me.”
Seeing his expression, she shut up. He looked as if a bomb had exploded in his face.
“Raped?” His voice was a hoarse croak and Hattie literally watched the knowledge sink in as his muscles stiffened all over and he grew larger where he stood. He plowed a huge hand through his hair. “Lord raped you? And Jake didn’t kill the sonovabitch?”
She sat back down, her anger fading as abruptly as it had materialized. “Jake didn’t know. Only Doc and Aunt Augusta knew, and I left almost immediately after for school. I was a wreck when I arrived in Seattle. Anxious to escape Mattawa, yet at the same time feeling as if I’d been exiled. And I felt so dirty and ashamed. Nell put me back together again.”
“Shit.” Moses sat on the log next to her. Stretching out his long legs, he turned to her and said gently, “Tell me everything.”
She talked, and when she finished they sat side by side in silence, the day growing dimmer beneath an overcast sky. In the woods behind them, tree frogs began their nightly call.
Moses’ big hands were balled in tight fists on his thighs, and he blew out a frustrated breath as he turned to her. “I can’t kill him, I suppose.”
“No,” she agreed gently. “Not without ruining my name. Jake struggled with that, too, when he found out.”
Her longtime friend peered at her in the gathering gloom. “So, in a large sense, this trial is really for you,” he said slowly.
“It’s for every woman he’s ever harmed.”
“That son of a bitch,” Moses said with icy anger. “Lord thought he was perfectly safe defiling you, knowing you couldn’t report him without ruining yourself. Your reputation then was already on shaky ground.” Then a smile slowly dawned across his face and it was filled with savage satisfaction. “But now Jake’s gonna destroy him without your name ever coming into it.” He nodded tersely and some of the rigidity in his muscles lessened. “Damn fine justice, that.”
“I know, don’t you love it?” She turned to him, laying a hand over one of his. “I’m glad I told you, Moses. You, more than anyone, can fully appreciate the irony.”
For a long moment, he simply looked at her, his face a study in bitter self-accusation. “I’ve acted like an ass, haven’t I?”
“Yes. Your behavior toward Nell has been particularly dreadful.” She dispensed criticism with her words and forgiveness with her smile, as only very good friends can do.
“Yeah.” He smiled back, seeming to accept the comfort of a friendship that displayed anger yet still remained unending. “I’ve been a pig.” He rose to his feet and turned to extend a hand to her. “Come on,” he said, pulling her up, “I’ll walk you home. Y’think Nell is there?”
“Where else would she be? The love of her life has been giving her the cold shoulder.”
“You don’t have to rub it in, Red. I know I’ve got fences to mend.”
“Don’t call me Red, Moses Marks!” When her half-hearted swing was caught in his large fist, she tucked her free hand into his forearm. “I wish I could be a fly on the wall when you talk to Nell. But since that is a conversation I don’t suppose I’ll get to hear, it’s only fair you practice your groveling on the way home. I would be delighted to give you pointers.”
* * *
—
Someone tapped a rat-a-tat-tat on Nell’s bedroom door. When Hattie didn’t rush into the room without awaiting an invitation, Nell set aside the large rectangular crewelwork she was making as a gift for Augusta. She rose and went over to open the door.
“Oh!” She stared at Hattie on the other side. “It is you. I’m not used to you waiting for me to open the door before barging in.”
Hattie laughed. “Can’t argue with that. Still, I’m trying to mend my ways. You have a guest down in the parlor.” Before Nell could ask who, Hattie whirled away, shooting a breezy, “Sorry to rush off, but I need to attend to something,” over her shoulder.
Okaaaay. That wasn’t at all odd. With a shrug, Nell glanced in the cheval mirror. She pinched her cheeks and bit her lips to gain a bit of color. Then she headed downstairs.
When she arrived at the parlor and saw who awaited her there, Nell stopped a single step into the room. Her heart banging like a loose shutter in a storm, she stared at Moses standing in front of the hearth. How could she have forgotten the man was all towering height, big hands, and broad shoulders? “Mr. Marks,” she said coolly.
“I’ve been an idiot,” he said, heading her way.
She essayed a single, regal nod. “Which time, precisely?”
He snorted, halting his forward progress. “Yeah. That is the question.” He took a step toward her. “When I blamed you for being a good friend but didn’t actually tell you that was why I was being a shit.” He took one step more. “For my petty jealousy over Hattie liking you best.” Another step brought him almost close enough to touch. He reached out as if to do so—as if he were about to stroke her hair with his rough fingertips, the way he had each and every time he’d seen her before things between them went so wrong. But his hand dropped to his side and he simply stared down at her. “Jesus, Nell,” he breathed. “For treating you shabbily when I should have been telling you how much I adore you.”
“You—what?” Nell pressed a hand over her heart, which she was certain had seized up. At the same time, the frozen knot she’d carried deep inside began to thaw.
“I love you, Nell.” He stepped into her space and this time she did get to feel the rough thrill of his fingertips stroking the pouf of her Gibson Girl hairdo from her temple to where she’d gathered it into a soft bun. “God, girl,” he rumbled. “I am so deep in love with you. You know that. We were talking marriage.”
She was melting into a big, messy pool of delight. But Nell Thomesen was made of sterner stuff than that. She stepped back. Gave Moses a cool once-over. “Yes, in the broadest of terms.” She ignored for the moment that she and Hattie had all but planned how the vaguely if several times mentioned wedding would go. “But you never said you love me. And in the wake of my refusing to break Hattie’s confidence, you looked at me as if I had slugs in my hair. So, what brought on this sudden change of heart?”
“Oh, honey, my feelings for you are far from sudden,” Moses said, crowding her. “I’ve wanted you since I first clapped eyes on you.” He rubbed a rough-skinned thumb over her cheek. “But as to my change of heart now? Well, I’d like to say I came to my senses because I’m a mature man who knows and appreciates the best thing that’s ever happened to him.” His mouth quirked up. “But the sad truth is, it took a come-to-Jesus talk from Hattie to get my thumb out of my a—” He cleared his throat. “She told me what happened to her, Nell. And how much you helped get her back on her feet.”
Nell jerked. Hattie told him? Oh, that brave, brave girl!
“I wish she could have come to me,” he said. “But I’m afraid I made that impossible.” Ruddy color crept up his strong neck and onto his face, and Nell knew he was remembering those dreams that made him avoid Hattie. She blushed, too.
Moses straightened. “I forgot you knew. I didn’t handle learning that well, either. I am glad you were there for her, though, Nell,” he said gruffly. “I let her down.”
“Yet you were there for her for seven years before that. You were in her corner when hardly anyone wanted anything to do with her.”
Moses’ big, warm hand suddenly engulfed the back of Nell’s neck and he pulled her in for a kiss that left her mind utterly scrambled by the time he stepped back. “I love you, girl,” he said, folding her in his arms. “Could you re-see yourself spending your life with me?”
She smiled against his shirtfront. “I can.”
“I’ve been living with my folks to save money for a house. I have a good-sized chunk of down-payment money in the bank. I can’t afford to give you a place as nice as Augusta’s here. But the Donovan house a few blocks over just came on the market. Maybe you and I could go view it. See if it’s to your standards.” For a moment, he looked uncertain. Then his broad shoulders squared. “I’m good with my hands and I’m not afraid of hard work. So, if anything needs fixing, I’m your man.”
“You are,” she agreed. “I am so in love with you, too, Moses.”
“Yeah?” A big grin split his face. “Enough to marry me?”
“Yes—after a trial period.”
“I’ll be so good at your trial period, your heart will sing. How long a trial we talking about? Like a wee—?” He must have seen her brows rise, for he substituted, “A month?”
A smile tugged her lips. “We’ll see.”
“Meanwhile, how about I put a ring on your finger? I picked one out before I let jealousy over you being Hattie’s best friend derail me.”
“My darling Moses.” Arms around his waist, she tipped her head back to see his beloved face. “I am Hattie’s best girlfriend. You are her number one, all-around best friend-friend.”
“I imagine Jake’s that for her now.” He smoothed a strand of hair off her forehead. “And that’s okay, honey. I plan to be a good friend to her, always. But I want to be y
our number one, all around best friend-friend.”
“I want that, too.”
“Day-am!” He suddenly swept her off her feet. “Let’s go tell my folks we’re getting engaged. Then I’ll bring you home so we can tell Hattie and Jake and Augusta that the prettiest girl in Mattawa said she’d marry me.” He grinned down at her. “Whataya say?”
“Add calling my mother and sister to let them know and that sounds like one dickens of a marvelous plan.”
46
FRIDAY, JULY 16, 1909
Hattie felt sick to her stomach again when she awoke the following morning. When she sat up and nausea crept up her throat, she carefully eased back onto the mattress. It was manageable, she discovered, if she lay very still. Mercy. Sore breasts, sick three mornings running, and yesterday’s inexplicable tiredness. She was pregnant.
Wonder saturated her senses and she’d dance in the streets if she didn’t feel so beastly. The queasiness was bound to pass sooner or later, however, and meanwhile, what a miracle! She opened her mouth to share her news with Jake when he walked into their bedroom, but closed it again. She watched him tuck, button, and adjust, and smiled inside with secret pleasure.
He could be flat-out single-minded when he got an idea in his head, and who knew what kind impending fatherhood might give him? Best to let him focus his attention on the trial. Once it was over, she’d throw them a private celebration to share the news.
“Mornin’, Big-eyes.” Perching a lean haunch on the mattress by her hip, he moved to kiss her. The mattress dipped and Hattie’s stomach pitched. She swallowed hard, thinking with weak humor that throwing up in his lap would likely render the question of timing moot.
The Ballad of Hattie Taylor Page 36