by Lauren Smith
“It’s settled, then. We’ll let you rest a few days at home, and then we’re off to Wales.”
“Fly-fishing,” Carter’s father said with a sigh like a young boy.
Carter smiled. He hadn’t seen his father so relaxed in a long time. It reminded him that it was time for him to take over for his father. Permanently. Time to leave his foolish dreams behind and take his place as steward. He stepped out into the hall and found Tristan waiting for him.
“Where’s Kat?” he asked.
“Fetching some coffee.” Tristan had his hands on his hips. “What happened?”
“What do you mean?”
“Celia. Where is she?” Tristan’s eyes searched Carter’s face for answers. They’d been friends their entire lives. Sometimes it felt as though they were brothers. They’d shared so much, but he didn’t want to share his pain with Tristan.
Carter slipped his hands into his pockets and leaned against the wall. “She’s in Scotland.”
“Scotland? What happened to Italy?”
“We were there until two days ago. She was selected to help restore a Scottish castle, and the owner flew us to Edinburgh.”
“Who’s that now?”
“Lord Kincade.”
“Oh? Garrick?” Tristan smiled. “Nice bloke. Had a rough time of it. His wife died last year, you know. Cancer. He’s been hiding away in his home ever since, from what I hear.”
“I didn’t know about his wife.” Carter remembered the quiet, brooding intensity of the man, which now spoke volumes.
“Why didn’t Celia come back with you?” Tristan asked.
“I left while she was asleep. She’d want to come, but she needs to stay in Scotland and finish her work. It could make her reputation in the firm. That’s what matters.”
Tristan shook his head. “You bloody fool. You’ll only upset the poor girl.”
Carter sighed. “I know, but what choice did I have? We were getting too close. The longer we were together, the harder it was going to be to say goodbye. I needed to cut it off cleanly before it was too late.”
Tristan laid a hand on his shoulder. “When I broke up with Kat, it almost killed me.” Tristan’s eyes grew distant. Carter knew he was reliving that pain. But he’d been lucky—he’d fought to be with Kat, and they’d been together ever since. But Carter didn’t have that luxury.
“What will you do now?” Tristan asked.
Carter shrugged. “Well, it seems our fathers are leaving for Wales to do a month of fishing. You and I are in charge of the estate while they’re gone.”
“So burying your broken heart in work?” Tristan guessed. “How very English of you.”
Carter didn’t respond, though that was exactly what he planned to do. Bury himself so deep in work that he’d never have a chance to think of Celia and the joy she’d given him. He closed his eyes, trying to stay calm, or else he’d breakdown right there in the hospital hallway.
“Well, let’s get your father home first. Then I say we drink ourselves under the nearest table with my father’s best Scotch whisky. The stash he thinks I don’t know about.”
“Finally, something I’d want to do,” Carter said wryly. But there weren’t enough bottles of scotch in the world to drown out the pain he felt.
* * *
***
* * *
CELIA AWOKE TO AN EMPTY BED, her hand reaching for the hard masculine body that wasn’t there anymore. Her fingertips brushed over a piece of paper, and she rolled over, holding it up in the morning light.
* * *
CELIA,
I’m sorry I couldn’t stay. My father is in the hospital, and I have to go to him. We both knew saying goodbye would be hard, and I didn’t want to make this any more difficult than it had to be. We both have our families to think about. I’ll never forget a single moment of our time together. I will always belong to you.
Yours forever,
Carter
* * *
THE LETTER ENDED SO ABRUPTLY that Celia read it several times, trying to will more words onto the page. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she folded the note, setting it on the nightstand with a shaky hand.
Fourteen days. Those precious moments with him had been stolen, and he wanted to make it sound like he’d done her a favor? She stayed in bed for over two hours, unable to move. Her thoughts ran like quicksilver, flowing too quickly for her to grasp or make sense of except for the agony building inside her chest.
Only after Mr. Dean knocked at the door did she finally find the strength to move.
“Miss Lynton? You didn’t come down to breakfast. His lordship was worried…”
She cleared her throat of the sob she’d trapped there. “I’m…not feeling well. Please tell Lord Kincade I’m sorry for being late. I’ll be down in an hour.”
“Very good, miss.” Mr. Dean’s footsteps receded as he left.
Celia slipped out of bed and walked into Carter’s bathroom. His scent still hung in the air like a ghost, teasing her with memories of whispered words, hands roaming over her body, and unions deep in the night that had left her feeling a bliss unlike anything she’d ever experienced before.
It was one thing to know that she loved him—she’d always known that. But the last two weeks had allowed her to catch a glimpse of what their life together could have been, was soul shattering.
She knew that she shouldn’t have to pay for her parents’ mistakes. But then, life wasn’t fair. She’d been raised knowing that truth above all others.
She showered and dressed, unable to summon any energy except what she needed to function. Even the beautiful castle couldn’t shake her from the bleakness that curled around her heart, slowly suffocating her. Garrick was waiting for her in the library, a tray of tea and biscuits sitting untouched on the table beside the architectural plans. When he saw her, his smile faltered.
“Celia, Mr. Dean said you were feeling unwell.” He walked around the table and put a hand on her shoulder. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” she lied.
Garrick was quiet a long moment, studying her anxiously. He released her shoulder. “I’m sorry Mr. Martin had to leave,” he said. “I understand you two were very close.”
Celia nodded as she stepped up to the table with the plans. She had to focus on her work, not on the man who’d left her brokenhearted.
“We…we should look into the electrical systems in the new bedrooms here. They will need to be rewired once we restore the wall paneling.” She pointed to that section of the plans, her hands visibly shaking.
Garrick clasped her hand in his. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life it’s that you cannot let anything stand between you and the person you love. Carter mentioned your troubles regarding your brother. The school and tuition. If that problem didn’t exist, would you spend the rest of your life with him?”
There was a lump in her throat. She was mortified that Carter had shared her personal issues with Garrick, but at the same time it was a relief to talk about it. She nodded.
“Then heed my advice. Go after Carter and ask him to marry you. Now. You will find another way to pay for Matthew’s school. Trust me.”
“But—”
Garrick’s eyes hinted at a deep buried pain as he stared down at her. “Turning away from love? That will haunt you forever. If you lose love because you were afraid, you will have only half a life, Celia.”
“But I made a promise. Callum also has…” She didn’t know how to explain his delicate situation, but Garrick smiled.
“I know about Callum. Or rather, I suspect. He’s a good man, and he should not have to hide from love any more than you should. No matter what others think.”
“But what about the proposal for the castle? I can’t leave now.”
Garrick waved a hand dismissively. “I have more than enough to work with for now. You can come back in a few weeks. I’ll call Mr. Ridings and tell him how pleased I am with the work so far. You have nothing
to worry about.”
Celia’s heart pounded as she realized that she could do it—she could go after Carter and risk everything.
“Why?” She barely knew Garrick, and yet he was counseling her in the most important moment of her life.
Garrick smiled. “Because I couldn’t have my happy ending. My wife died two days after we got married at the hospital. The end came so fast, I…” He paused, his voice roughening. “I didn’t even have time to take her on a honeymoon. I would give anything to change that, but I can’t. I can, however, allow others to not miss out on their chance. Carter is as madly in love with you as you are with him. I can’t stand by and let you ruin your lives.”
“How do I know if he…” She held her breath, trying to find the words. “Wants me enough to fight for what we have? What if it’s just me who feels this way? I can’t just go back to London and make a fool of myself if he doesn’t feel the same.”
Garrick caught her chin and lifted her face up. “Of course you can. That man would give anything for you, and unfortunately, he’s convinced himself that what he needs to do is to let you go. Prove him wrong.”
Prove him wrong. Celia squared her shoulders. She could do that. Let go of her fear. Let go of what everyone expected her to do and do what she wanted to do. She could do it. She could convince Carter that they’d figure out everything else somehow.
Celia threw her arms around Garrick, hugging him. “Thank you.”
“Go. My plane is at the airport. You can take it straight to London.”
She hugged him again before she raced upstairs to pack. By the time she was ready, Mr. Dean had a car waiting for her.
She wasn’t going to think about the risks; she was going after the man she loved. She was going to convince him they could make this work. Love could find a way.
“I’m coming, Carter.”
13
As the car turned into the drive of the Pembroke estate, Celia clenched her shaking hands together. She was going to find Carter and tell him she wasn’t marrying Callum. Then she was going to kiss him, make him forget why he’d ever left her, and only then, when he was good and seduced by her kiss, would she tell him that they could make this work. They’d find a way. Whatever it took, she would do it. He was worth it. They were worth it.
The driver stopped in front of the main entrance and retrieved her suitcase from the boot while she pressed on the doorbell, her heart racing. At her uncle’s house, she’d always felt a bit like a guest. But this was Carter’s home, too, and always had been.
Her mind was awash with ideas and complications that still needed to be ironed out. They’d have to save every penny from work, and she could get a second job at night and on the weekends. They could use Tristan’s flat in London while they scraped together enough for Matthew’s tuition. Wait, no—Carter had to run the estate. They’d have to have a long-distance relationship until she could find a way to work from the estate and not be in London five days a week. Maybe she could ask her uncle if they could stay in one of the hunting lodges during the holidays…
The door opened and shook her out of her thoughts. She’d expected the butler to answer, but instead she found herself facing her uncle.
“Celia?” Uncle Edward looked her up and down in surprise. “I thought you were still in Scotland. Are you all right?” He waved for her to come inside.
“I was…” She glanced around. “How is Mr. Martin?”
“He’s resting upstairs. We brought him home only a few hours ago.”
“Thank goodness. When Carter left, I was so worried. Where is he?” She hoped her uncle wouldn’t be upset, but he likely knew they’d spent the past two of weeks together. Carter hadn’t been able to keep that from him when he’d asked for his holiday leave.
“I believe he is taking a walk in the grounds to clear his head. Seeing John in the hospital was hard on all of us, but him especially.”
“Then I’ll just go—”
Her uncle caught her arm gently, stopping her. “Celia, the boy needs time to clear his head after seeing his father and I believe it’s time we had a talk.” He nodded toward the open door of his study. She was afraid of what he might know about her and Carter, but she couldn’t say no. He was letting her family live in a cottage on the grounds. If he wanted to lecture her, she would have to listen—she owed him that much. But he wasn’t going to change her mind, not when it came to who she loved or who she married.
She followed him to the study and sat down opposite him after he eased into the leather chair behind his desk. She took the silence that followed as a cue to speak first.
“Uncle—”
He raised a hand to silence her. “Celia, do you know what’s expected of you?”
With a tight throat she nodded. “To marry well, to increase the family’s social connections, to be a good wife and mother.”
“Those are your parents’ expectations.” He steepled his fingers, his gaze downcast. “But they are no longer mine. Times are changing. I admit I’ve been too old-fashioned, too set in my ways. Trapped in the past, you might say. After I almost lost Tristan, I finally changed too.”
Celia stared at her uncle. For years he had been the stern voice in her family, demanding duty before love, and family before anyone else. She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t expected to hear him say this. She had expected to have to defy him, battle against everything he stood for, but he wasn’t telling her to marry for family and duty.
“Uncle, I don’t understand…”
“Do you love him? Carter, I mean, not Radcliffe.”
She nodded.
“And would you give up everything to spend your life with him? Your parents, your home, your social standing…Matthew’s place at Ravenswood Academy?” Edward asked.
She tilted her head, realizing for the first time that her uncle had known all along what she was planning. She shouldn’t have been surprised.
“So you know that Callum and I had agreed to a marriage of convenience for Matthew’s sake?”
“Of course. There’s nothing I don’t eventually find out about around here. Now, would you give it all up for Carter?”
“Yes.” The word came out steady, despite her body vibrating with panic. Why was he asking her this?
“You won’t have any regrets?”
She didn’t answer right away, not because she felt she would have any regrets, but because she wanted him to understand she’d thought this through—all of it.
“My only regret would be to live without him. We’ll find a way to help Matthew.” She had thought of nothing else since Garrick had spoken to her. She had been building toward this moment her whole life; she just didn’t know it until then. She’d only needed to spend a few weeks with Carter, just the two of them, to know for certain that he was the love of her life, and she couldn’t sell her happiness, or his, for anything.
Finding true love in a world like this was rare, far too rare. And she had been attempting to reject the gift the universe had given her. Her eyes were finally open. Waking alone with only the memories of the joy she’d experienced with Carter had shown her what the rest of her life would be without him, and she wasn’t going to let that happen.
I will fight the whole world just for the chance to love him.
“If that is your desire, then I give you my blessing.”
For a second her uncle’s words didn’t register.
“What?” She needed to hear him repeat the words.
“My blessing to marry him, Celia. You have it.” Her uncle’s eyes twinkled, and his usual stern expression had vanished.
She smiled, though she was stunned that he was approving the match. “Isn’t it the man who usually asks for the blessing?”
Her uncle laughed. “We both know that he’s too noble-hearted to ask you to marry him. I fear you’ll have to be a modern woman and be the one who proposes. Queen Victoria proposed to Albert over a hundred years ago, I think you can do it.” Edward chuckled and sto
od, and Celia followed suit. Her heart felt light, and hope began to blossom like a budding flower inside her.
“Uncle…why are you allowing this? I know Tristan’s accident was a shock to everyone…”
Edward was silent for a moment. Then he looked beyond her, out the window toward the gardens.
“I once loved someone very much. Someone considered unsuitable to my position. Things were different then, she and I…we were soulmates. I know that sounds rather silly, but it fit. When I was with her, I felt there was nothing I couldn’t do. But…to my eternal shame, I didn’t fight for her. Instead, I stood by as best man and watched her marry my dear friend. And later, when she grew ill and I watched her fade away, I didn’t even have the right to grieve for her as a husband, or as a lover. Those regrets follow you to your grave. I wouldn’t wish that pain upon anyone else, certainly not you.”
“Carter’s mother,” Celia whispered. “You did love her, didn’t you?”
Edward smiled, though it was tinged with sadness. “More than my own life.” He looked away for a moment, trying to compose himself. “When I look at that boy, all I see is her. And she would have wanted him to have the world at his feet. And you, my dear, are Carter’s world. From the moment you met as children, it was so plain for the world to see that you belonged together. I won’t stand in the way of that, as long as I know you’ll do everything to be with him, to make each other happy.”
“I will, Uncle. I promise.”
“Good, good. Well, you’d best go find him.”
“Thank you, Uncle Edward.” She hugged him and rushed to the door that led to the main grounds. The setting sun, ruby-red, kissed the tops of the trees on the horizon. Celia studied the gardens and the entrance to the woods beyond, catching a glimpse of Carter walking into the fields between the gardens and the woods. She almost called out his name, but instead she followed him at a distance. She wanted to watch him for a moment longer, unobserved while her heart hammered with excitement and joy.