by V. A. Lewis
I sighed and walked past the Goblins dragging the dead bodies out of the room. Why doesn’t Gerritt just reanimate them to burn themselves? Seems more efficient to me! I kept looking at eye-level, and tried to breathe as little as possible. Gross.
The thought was there, but the revulsion was not as apparent as before. Apparently I was starting to get desensitized, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.
I eventually found myself outside of the fortress. Still within the walls, but no longer forced to smell the putrid stench of dead bodies indoors. Just have to smell it outdoors now!
There was a big fire as bodies were being burned; it was not for any specific reason, other than the fact that burying them would have taken too much time. And leaving them out to rot would’ve stunk up the place.
We were going to stay here for a while. Not long enough for an army to come attack us, but long enough to take the loot from travelers before they stopped trying to pass through. So at most, we would be here for a week.
I was looking forward to it— to sleep in a nice comfy bed. Which was not so nice and comfy. But it was a bed nonetheless. I hadn't slept on one in months!
So I was content.
But apparently Karna was not. I found the Goblin morosely staring up at the sky. He was not upset, just… depressed? Could Goblins even get depressed? I did not know.
"Hey Karna, is Ihsan not back yet?" I asked the opening question. Just to start the conversation; although I was actually curious if Ihsan had returned. He went with a dozen other Goblins to bring whatever was left at our camp to the fort.
Karna grunted. "Not yet."
His reply made me realize I was an idiot, as I remembered that he did not like small talk. So I sat next to him. "What’s wrong? You don’t look happy," I pointed out.
"Mhm. I’m not," he answered simply.
"Why?"
The Goblin furrowed his brows in indignation. But only at first. After a moment, he exhaled resignedly. "Because I failed. Again."
"What do you mean? We took Fort Conon like we were supposed to, and you even saved half your men from being trapped!" I argued. "How could you possibly have ‘failed’?"
"It does not matter. I should not have allowed it to happen in the first place," Karna said glumly. "The Infernalis would not take this failure kindly."
"Why wouldn’t they? This wasn’t your plan, it was Victor’s! And who cares what they think?"
"I do." His head snapped in my direction. "It matters to me."
"But why?" I asked, curious more than anything.
"Because I want to be a Dark Acolyte. And not just a regular Dark Crusader." His yellow eyes bore into me, as I cocked an eyebrow.
"And that’s your dream? To be like Victor?"
"No," he said, shaking his head. "I want to be something more than that.
"There are three categories of Dark Acolytes: Disciple, Apostle, and Herald. Victor is still a Disciple— the lowest of them all. I want to become the strongest of them all: a Herald."
I listened as the Goblin spoke with his heart.
"Previously, I thought I had a chance to at least do that. I can’t be a Dark Sage— not like Jasmin the Voodoo. But I was talented. Or at least, I thought I was. Then I met you."
He averted his eyes away from me, as he continued.
"And then, Victor showed me today how powerful a real Dark Acolyte is. He took charge of three times as many men as me, and only lost twice as many as I did. All the while they fought the main force of the fortress. I thought that maybe I could still stand— I was the only one who could cast that Blast Enchantment! But now, Ihsan…"
He did not finish his rant. But I understood. I understood that—
"You’re jealous." I poked the side of Karna’s face.
"What?"
I folded my arms, and stared sternly at him. "You’re jealous, Karna. That’s why you’re so down. You saw Ihsan cast your spell, and you got jealous. Just like when you got jealous of me."
"I am not—"
I spoke over him.
"Yes you are," I said simply, and he glared at me. "But that’s fine."
He inclined his head to the side, clearly confused, so I elaborated.
"There’s nothing wrong with being jealous. Everyone gets jealous. But as long as you don’t let it bring you down like it is doing to you now, then it’s fine. After all, we’re friends now. I don’t want to see you obsess over something that could hurt you."
I reached for his hand, and grasped it gently. The Goblin’s large eyes widened even more.
"Melas, I…" He swallowed. Then his eyes flickered, and he turned away from me. "Why would I be jealous of someone like you? I’m strong. And I’ll prove it."
"Oh yeah?" I challenged him with a smile.
"Yes! And then you’ll be the one jealous of me!" he stated firmly, and I laughed.
"Of course. But first,"— I stood up and dusted off my pants— "we’ll have to speak to Victor about that."
"The Dark Acolyte? Why?" Karna asked.
"You said you want to impress the Infernalis, right? Well, we’ll ask him to put in a good word for you."
"But—" he protested, but I spoke over him.
"Forging connections is just as important as working hard and being talented. Trust me, I know." I said with a wink. "You can stay here if you want, but I’ll just go find him and have a quick chat. He shouldn’t be mad at me anymore."
I walked away from Karna, leaving him behind as I went to search for Victor.
To be honest, I was not sure if Victor was still mad at me; I hoped he wasn’t, since he saved my life. And I liked him. He was nice… I think. He was a bit rough around the edges like Karna, but ultimately a good guy. I was sure of that.
But even if I disliked him, I was still going to help Karna out. I knew what I was talking about— from Earth knowledge: networking mattered. I had not even gone to University yet in my previous life, but I knew that much.
So I had to get Victor to… recommend Karna to the Infernalis. Put him on their radar. It made sense to me. I found a nearby Goblin, and asked him where Victor was.
"He’s in the dungeon. But the Commander told us under no circumstances should we disturb him right now."
"It’s fine, I just have to speak to him for a moment." I waved off the Goblin’s concerns, and he shrugged.
It really was a trivial issue as far as the young man was concerned. And— as mentioned— I was not sure if he was satisfied with what I’d done. I wanted to make amends. I had to make amends. After all...
I remembered Rin, Shang, and all the other slaves. Especially Theodore. When I saw all their faces after they found out, I knew I could never have stayed with them. As much as I wanted to.
But here? This was where I belonged. It had to be. There was no other place that would accept me. Where do I go if not here?
Definitely not the Church— not the Holy Xan Empire. I would be killed without a shadow of a doubt if I went there— burned at the stake, like some kind of Witch. I did not want that.
So I had to make amends. Because this was where I belonged. This was where I would be for the foreseeable future— where my story began. With these people, as my friends.
And for your friends, sometimes you had to make a compromise. Bonds were forged in making concessions. No one will ever fully agree with you. And that was fine.
I did not want to be a terrorist. But I was fretting over nothing— fearing over nonexistent moral ramifications. The truth was: I was being indecisive.
I was scared of making a choice; to think and act for myself made me afraid. I was too used to my mother guiding me by hand. I was still mentally in chains, despite being free.
But I was free. I had been for a while. I reached up and touched my face. This mark meant nothing if people did not acknowledge it. My footsteps echoed off the wooden walls, as I made my way down the short flight of stairs.
The dungeon was a separate building to the rest of the
fort. A wooden structure alongside one of the walls. It was not like a castle dungeon; this was a place to hold people trying to cross the border illegally.
So I made my decision now. I decided to live back when I was a slave, and now, I had a way to live free. I had people to help me in reaching that simple goal. I was not going to betray them. And I was going to help them if they needed it.
There was no moral descent; I was doing what I believed was right. For myself, and for those around me. It had to be right.
I reached the bottom, and found a door. I heard noises coming from the inside. But I paid it no mind. I pushed the door open, and I saw...
Victor stood over a young woman, his clothes hanging loosely off him, and—
I screamed. But it was probably a normal occurrence for me by now.
Chapter 36: Compromise
I was disgusted. Angry. Disappointed.
I felt my fingers twitch as the young man called after me.
"—listen to me, Melas! They are slavers. Monsters! The same people that hurt you!"
His voice was desperate. Pleading. I whirled around and snapped back at him.
"You’re the monster here! How can you do such a thing?!"
Victor stopped midstep; he raised both arms placatingly, as if trying to calm me down. And then he proceeded to speak in a tone that only made me more mad— as if I was being unreasonable.
"It’s justice, Melas," he said emphatically. "These people are evil— I’m only doing what’s right! Believe me."
Was he serious? To say such a thing with a straight face— to believe it was true? I could only gawk at the absurdity of it all. And he seemed to have noticed it.
Where the young man’s expression was previously frantic— in a panicked state— his face twisted into a scowl; as if he were faced with an affront.
"Don’t give me that look. I was doing what’s right, Melas. You told me, didn’t you? You wanted revenge. This is par for the course— I was helping you do just that, Melas."
"I... I never said such a thing! I never wanted you to rape—" I cut myself off. I jabbed one finger in his direction, and stared at him in revulsion. "What is wrong with you?!"
His brows snapped together as he frowned. "Well, I do apologize for trying to help you, Melas. Perhaps if you made yourself clearer, I would not have misconstrued your intentions."
"What?!" I nearly shouted the question.
Victor raised his voice as he replied, clearly showing his fury at the situation.
"Don’t give me that. You heard what I said. I was trying to help you— don’t pretend you did not hear that!"
"Wh— what?" I repeated myself. "Why are you the one getting mad here?!" I sputtered out.
"Because I was only considering your interests, Melas. But if you dislike my assistance, I will refrain from aiding you in the future as both your teacher, and as your friend. Now if you’ll excuse me, I will be taking my leave now."
The young man spun around, and stormed off. I just watched his back as he disappeared behind a door; my mind was still processing what he just said.
"...what?"
This time, I didn't even have the energy to shout.
"Did you know?"
I stormed into the room and glared at Gerritt. The Orc looked up in surprise. "Melas, did something happen—"
I interrupted him.
"Don’t play stupid!" I marched up to him, and pointed vaguely behind me. "Did you know about Victor? W-what he… he’s… doing— did!" I stumbled over my words as I grit my teeth; a surge of disgust came over me as I remembered what I saw.
I expected the Dark Commander to deny it. To pretend like he did not know. To treat me like a stupid kid, and send me on my way. But his response surprised me.
"...yes," he answered honestly, and I was not sure how to feel about that. His eyes met mine, and he bowed his head. "So you found out. I’m sorry you had to see that."
"I— sorry? Don’t apologize to me! Apologize to that poor woman who had to be…" I trailed off, then narrowed my eyes. "Don’t tell me you also…" I left the words unsaid.
For a moment, I did not breathe. I could feel my heart pounding hard in my chest, as I waited for what felt like forever for his reply. Gerritt shook his head.
"Rest assured, Melas. I would never participate in such detestable acts."
I nearly sighed in relief. But I did not let up.
"Then how could you allow it to happen?" I asked, aghast. "How can you let Victor just— do that?"
"Because I can’t stop him," he said slowly. "He’s a Dark Acolyte. A talented spellcaster. More than I’ll ever be. I never wanted him to come here. When the Infernalis told me they were sending a Dark Acolyte, I was elated. But then they told me about him— about his actions— I tried to ask for someone else. Someone not as despicable as him."
"And they… rejected your request?"
"Yes." His eyes flickered for a moment as he said it. He rested his forehead on his palm as he continued.
"They told me to bear with his tendencies, for he was young and brash. He was wanted for heresy and the attempted murder of an Earl’s daughter in the Holy Xan Empire. He sought refuge from them, so the Dark Crusaders took him in."
"But why?" I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "Why would you accept someone like him?"
"Because," he started with a sigh, "we offer protection to anyone who faces oppression for using magic, and we ally with anyone who opposes the Holy Xan Empire. Victor was both of them.
"So we sheltered him, like a King that protects its subjects when an enemy nation invades. It does not matter if among the plethora of citizens, one is a criminal. The King will fight to protect all of his people."
"And that excuses him? Excuses what he does?" I folded my arms and spoke accusingly. "Is everybody in the Dark Crusader a monster? Are there no morals here other than right is might?!"
"No," Gerritt exhaled slowly. "Power is good, it lets us— gives us the capability to— achieve justice. But senseless acts of violence— intentional maliciousness— is not right. If our members commit such acts, they will be punished and forced to reform. But, Victor is one of few exceptions."
"It’s because he’s talented, isn’t it?" I made the inference by myself.
The Orc nodded.
"It is the unfortunate truth. He has only been studying magic for a few years; and for more than half of that time, he was self taught. No teacher, and few books. He has great potential— they believe he could become something like the Fiend at the rate he’s learning."
I felt my stomach twist hearing my mom being compared to Victor… to a rapist. It was nauseating, but I swallowed the bile that tried to force its way up my throat. "And just because of that, everyone is willing to turn a blind eye?"
"Not everyone. Outside of the Infernalis, only myself and other Dark Commanders who previously worked with him are aware of his actions. "
"That’s besides the point, and you know it," I said. But deep down, there was a small sense of relief knowing that Karna and the others were unaware of Victor’s behavior.
"I know." Gerritt rubbed his temples, and chose his next few words carefully. "This is a contentious issue, even in the Infernalis. Among those who are aware of Victor’s behavior, many of them find his actions to be revolting. However, the others believe that sometimes, it is necessary to make some compromises, Melas."
"You told me that before. But this isn’t a compromise— it’s just wrong," I stated my position clearly.
"Perhaps in a certain lens, yes. But consider this: if we rejected Victor— left him to his own devices. He would still do what he’s been doing, no?"
"But that’s…" I hesitated, as I realized where the Dark Commander was going with this. He continued.
"It’s still wrong, and the outcome remains the same," he agreed at first, before adding. "Except, if he were a Dark Crusader, the Infernalis could direct his actions. Prevent him from indiscriminately harming every young woman,
to only harming our enemies. And we can even limit how often he does it too.
"In fact, that is what we’ve done; after all, a compromise requires both sides to make concessions. This way, the outcome is different. It’s wrong, but less so. And we help protect those who could fall victim to Victor."
He finished, although he did not look wholly satisfied with his own argument.
My jaw worked slowly. "But you’re sacrificing the rest."
"No," he said simply. "We’re saving those we can."
I looked at Gerritt, unable to say anything; if there was a hole in his argument, I could not see it. And yet, there was something there. I did not know what that ‘thing’ was, but I could feel it. It was… wrong.
"So you’re not going to stop him?"
"I want to help you, but it’s not possible." He shook his head. "Ignoring the fact that he’s also receiving special treatment, Victor is a Dark Acolyte. You’ll make an enemy of all the Dark Crusaders if you try anything foolish."
I clenched my fists and spoke indignantly. "But my mom— the Fiend’s my mother."
"That does not matter. It does not grant you any kind of special immunity. Listen, Melas." The Orc spoke clearly. "The Infernalis may be the leadership of the Dark Crusaders, but they are not a single monolithic entity. Some people within the Infernalis admire and respect your mother, but others do not."
"Why not? Wasn’t she in the… Shadow’s Evangelium?" I tilted my head to the side.
"Yes, she was." Gerritt nodded. "But not everyone looks upon the Shadow’s Evangelium so favorably. They made many mistakes. Each attempt at rectifying their mistakes only led to more failures. After a while— whether it was out of frustration or something else— their actions became so drastic and extreme it was clear they were only heading towards the path of destruction. The Dark Crusaders may have been born from the remains of the Evangelium, but that does not mean we will excuse their shortcomings."
That made sense; even my mom tried to distance herself from the Shadow’s Evangelium. She rarely ever talked about them to me. I was nodding along when Gerritt added.
"And..." he hesitated.