Unable to read through one page without driving myself crazy, I got back to my feet and called for Antonio on my way out. A walk with the dog would be the best distraction.
“Hello,” I patted his head and sped up a bit as I set foot on the gravel.
Antonio looked at me with big brown eyes, a bit accusing and a bit worried.
“I know,” I spoke to him, somehow expecting he would have some advice for me. “I’ve been different lately. There’s a lot going on. I met someone very important.”
Antonio barked softly as if to ask me to continue.
“She is…” I took a deep breath. How could I verbalize what I knew in my heart? The engraved pattern of her personality. How does one explain…? “She is…” There were no words I could find to say it out loud. Antonio watched me curiously as I struggled for a way to verbalize it.
After a minute or two, we both gave up and continued in silence, rushing through the yard, Antonio enjoying the stroll, and me enjoying the fact that time was actually passing.
5
Party
The beat of music was unnaturally loud when I approached the door. A magical door. The door to Claire’s world. A place I couldn't have even dreamed I would get to see so soon. She had asked me, and I had followed her invitation. How could I not? How could I pass on one single opportunity to look into those eyes and know I hadn’t gone crazy?
With a deep breath, I lifted my hand and pushed the button. A faint ringing mixed into the music. There was no logical reason for me to worry, but a hint of mixed emotions was creeping through me, freezing me until the door swung open and a familiar face appeared in the gap.
“Hi,” she said.
“Library-girl,” I more thought out loud than consciously said.
She creased her forehead, obviously thinking.
“I know you from the campus,” she realized and held out her hand. “Sophie.”
“Adam.” I took her hand and instantly felt more comfortable. If Claire had a sister like Sophie, driven and hungry for knowledge—
“You are here for Claire?” she guessed right.
Before I could nod, she had turned around and disappeared into the crowd behind her.
“There is someone at the door for you, Claire,” her voice carried over the music.
For a brief second, I was surprised as my heart rate accelerated. I turned on the spot. How could I even think she would be interested the way I was? How could I be around her without raising suspicion? If to me it felt as if I’d known her forever, how could she not notice something was different? Would it scare her? If she found out how serious this was for me, would she turn away? In reality, I knew nothing about Claire.
When one foot was halfway on the stairs, curiosity got the better of me. Hadn’t I been imagining this evening all day long? Could I really walk away from this opportunity? If this was my one chance, could I let go of it this easily?
Before I could answer, I turned back to face the open door. Resigning myself to my emotional side, I leaned against the porch and gave in to the thrill of anticipation. Claire would be walking through this door within seconds. It was only a matter of being patient until I would see her. With a quiet sigh, I composed my face and tightened the grip on my jacket for support. Claire stepped into the light of the open door wearing an expression on her face that reminded me of a sappy movie. It was difficult to figure out if she was happy to see me or if she was shocked I was actually there. Had she expected I would bail? Did she think that little of me? Just one of those guys who led a girl on…
For a couple of seconds, I focused on breathing. I couldn’t make any mistakes. I had found her, that was the only thing that mattered. My insecurities had to wait. So had my racing heart.
“Hi,” she finally said with a hesitant voice that sounded a bit like sandpaper.
“Hi.” I couldn’t help but break into a grin. Claire seemed to be nervous. Not as nervous as me, probably, but still, she was showing signs of distress in a positive way. “Should I leave?” I offered. “You don’t look too happy to see me.” I hoped that would lighten the awkwardness and put her at ease.
“No…no. It’s just—I didn’t expect to see you again—today,” she stammered and the grin on my face faltered. She actually hadn’t counted on my turning up. She didn’t trust my words. It was time to do something about it.
“Were you intending to invite me inside?” Making it over the threshold would mean we would have an evening together. Sudden impatience pushing me over my rational caution, I took a step toward the door.
“Sorry, sure, come in.” Claire unfroze and stepped aside, making room for me to enter.
My feet carried me toward her easily, but when it was time to move further into the room, they weren’t as cooperative. Without any excuse, I stopped on the threshold, as close to the girl as I had ever been. Her scent was tickling my nose, her eyes were looking up at me, wide and grayish and mysterious. And as hard as I was trying, I couldn’t bring myself to move even an inch. All the emotions were returning, the whole sequence from the vision, flushing my entire being. Claire.
I stood there for a moment, frozen—no, enchanted. Every single second of my life suddenly made sense. It all had been so I could be here with her.
Before I got a chance to make a complete fool of myself, a curious voice saved me.
“So you are the dubious stranger from the graveyard.”
I tore my eyes away from Claire’s, grateful for the interruption, and looked at a pretty face framed by an array of dark curls.
“Amber—Adam. Adam—Amber,” Claire said reluctantly. Had she been electrified the same way I had? No, Adam, stop making assumptions. I stopped myself right there.
“Nice to meet you.” I smiled at the stranger instead and focused on the contrast between her blue eyes and her chocolate skin.
“Amber’s a friend of mine. We are in the same class at school,” Claire explained from beside me, still sounding a bit off. Could it possibly be she had enjoyed our moment of tension as much as I had? It was almost too much to hope…
I nodded, indicating I understood, but more to confirm I was still here in this reality where my vision had taken a shape in flesh and blood. I had to move away from her or my arms would eventually break my will and just wrap themselves around her.
“By the way, I still don’t have a clue about who you are. Why don’t you tell us a little bit about yourself?” Claire seemed cooler about the situation of our physical proximity. Had I just made myself believe for a second she was as drawn to me as I was drawn to her? Stupid Adam.
I smiled in her direction, hoping to hide my rush of worry and lack of control. When would my rational half kick in and save me for good? “Yeah, I could do that.” Did I sound nonchalant? I most definitely hoped I did. With a good kick at the backside of my psyche, I managed to step further into the room, out of the gravitational radius of the mysterious girl.
Amber glanced at me with a mixture of fascination and disapproval. I evaded her gaze and focused on Claire instead.
“Was that your sister who opened the door?” I changed the subject in an attempt to find out more about her before I gave anything away about myself. Control the situation. “You look very much alike.” Her expression was unreadable, but the way she was staring at me let me guess she might read too much into it. Unable to withstand her innocent eyes, I turned away and watched the people standing in the living room trying to figure out if I knew anyone else.
“Do you want a drink?” Claire offered as she passed me and led the way through the crowd to a small, old-fashioned kitchen. I followed, Amber at my heels. I wasn’t sure why exactly she was following us. Was it out of curiosity or an honest concern for her friend? Did she think I was actually dangerous?
“That would be very nice, thanks.”
For a second, I considered how right Amber was to be cautious. One never knew what intentions lay hidden behind the friendliest face of a stranger. And that’s what
I was. A stranger. Despite my history with Claire—one-sided history, a flash of emotions, a vision, a glimpse of her personality—the girls knew nothing about me.
“We are still waiting for your answer.” Claire teased and opened a bottle.
I sighed and leaned on the counter. “Alright. I’m twenty-one years old, I go to Med School. I’ve got a brother and a dog.” A quick summary of myself. There honestly wasn’t anything else I cared to share at this point. At least nothing I could share as long as Amber kept tailing us. And nothing I should be sharing before I had a good idea about how Claire felt about me. To be honest, she couldn’t be feeling much about me; she had seen me twice, three times? Our conversations to this point had included hellos and goodbyes and a bit of small talk.
“How come Sophie doesn’t know you?” she asked suspiciously. There it was. Naturally, she would think I had at least seen her before.
“We have seen each other several times at school, but we are not taking the same classes, so we haven’t had many opportunities to talk,” I explained. “Funny how I ended up here at her house.” I winked at her, hoping to keep the conversation light by being playful. Playful wasn’t my natural behavior. Toby kept saying I was too serious. Before I got a chance to figure out if Claire was satisfied with my answer, a captain-of-the-football-team type of boy appeared in the doorway.
“Claire, we’re waiting for you,” he said and shot me a glance that told me the invitation was for Claire only, before he gave her his full attention again.
“Greg, that’s Adam,” Claire introduced me.
“Hello, Adam.” Greg didn’t even look at me. “Claire, will you dance with me?” He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the living room. She managed an apologetic smile before she vanished between moving bodies.
“Okay, okay—I’m coming—you needn’t pull me like a cow,” her voice disappeared as soon as she was out of sight.
That left me in the kitchen with Amber, who shrugged and smiled.
“So, a doctor?” she asked and put on a serious face.
I stared at the spot where Claire had disappeared, hoping she would return but she didn’t.
“Not yet,” I grimaced. “I have a couple of years before they’ll even let me near a patient.”
Was I hoping to be funny? Maybe. It was desperation speaking. I had hoped to get a chance to speak with Claire tonight, find out what was going on behind those mysterious eyes of hers. I hadn’t signed up for an interrogation by the crazy friend.
“You met in a graveyard?” she asked, as if it couldn’t get any more uncomfortable.
I nodded.
“Interesting.” Her eyes said something more than that. They were a mixture of accusing and fascinated.
“People meet in the strangest places.” It wasn’t as if I needed to justify anything for her, but if she was Claire’s friend and Claire trusted her, I needed her to not try to talk Claire out of getting to know me. “I was lucky to be there when she showed up that day,” I added.
Amber’s serious face changed at my words. As if that one simple sentence had changed her perspective on me. “I think she was lucky she was there.” Was there actually a hint of jealousy in her voice?
“I hope she thinks the same thing.”
“We’ll see.” Amber grinned, turned, and disappeared into the crowd. For a moment I stood with my soda in my hand and wondered if I had done the right thing coming here. There was an old clock hanging above the door. It reminded me of the one in my dad’s study. The minute hand was moving forward at a bizarre speed as I kept standing and waiting for Claire to return. She didn’t.
I might have gotten it wrong after all. Maybe she had invited me out of pure politeness and I had made something more up in my mind. She was busy with her friends, and with the sporty guy, Greg, who might even be more than a friend. Apparently, I was a superfluous addition to the guest list. Or was I? A familiar pair of eyes was watching me from between the bobbing heads. Maureen. How on Earth did she get here? I moved into the hallway and ducked out of her sight, hoping to disappear before she could approach me. For some reason she was still under the impression there was a chance for us to get back together. She was clinging to that thought so desperately one could believe her life depended on it. But how could I blame her? My life certainly depended on at least getting a chance to test the waters with Claire. I needed to figure out if everything I had seen and felt was the truth. If what I had stored in my heart was an imprint of reality.
“Going somewhere?” Maureen’s girlish voice surprised me the moment I thought I was out of her sight.
Reluctantly, I straightened up and ran my hand through my hair. Did the air suddenly seem thicker?
“You’re looking good, Adam,” she chirped and pulled at one of my curls as if to intentionally destroy the order I had just created on my head.
“Hi, Maureen.” It was the polite thing to say, even though I didn’t feel like talking to her at all. Despite her pretty face, her perfect figure, and the way she was making sure every male in this room was aware of her, there was something warning me about her. She tilted her head and played with her silver necklace.
“You never call me anymore.”
“I know it’s not easy for you. And I am sorry for how I broke up with you,” I apologized yet again for something I didn’t regret, “but I honestly need you to leave me alone. You need to move on.” The words were more difficult to say than they were to think. I had most certainly moved on.
“Words,” she giggled and shook her raven hair over her shoulder, exposing the transparent black fabric covering her chest and the lace underneath it. “You could have more than words from me.”
I swallowed. Everything that was pure and beautiful about Claire was the opposite of Maureen. She was seductive. Temptation. She was the apple and the snake, unified in one alluring creature, and it was hard to not start fantasizing about what it would feel like to touch her. I closed my eyes for a moment and remembered why I could never think that way again. Every dark lace paled next to the vision I’d had. Call it naive. Call it stupid. But if my vision, my emotional flash was right, it would be Claire or no one.
The second I opened my eyes, I found Claire standing near the kitchen door. It was my cue to escape.
“I really need to go,” I said and slid through the gap between her and the wall.
Instead of heading straight for the door—which I should have, considering Maureen’s poisonous presence—I darted toward the kitchen and out of Maureen’s sight. I laid my hand on Claire’s shoulder without thinking. The fabric of her shirt was soft, a comforting sensation, as was the warmth that spread through my fingers as I left them resting there for a fraction of a second.
“Hey Miss, you left me here with the crazy brunette.” It was best to go the joking way again. She couldn’t know how invested I was in the idea of getting to know her.
An electric current ran through my skin as I felt her jump under my touch. I pulled my hand back and shoved it in my pocket so as to not startle her again.
“Were you intending to ever come back after you headed off with the jealous guy?”
She turned and faced me, expression unreadable. “I don’t think Greg was jealous. Why should he be?” There was something there in her eyes. Was she upset? “And I don’t think you were missing me that much, anyway,” she added and made a face.
Had I missed something? I went through the emotional flash, the puzzle, trying to find something which could guide me through this situation.
“I mean, Amber is enjoyable company, and there were too many people around to get bored,” she continued, not making it any clearer what she really wanted to say.
I scrutinized her face for a second and wondered what had happened to this girl that she didn’t trust.
“So, you’re still in high school?” I asked, simply trying to get the conversation moving and to finally learn something about her.
She pursed her lips and nodded.
&n
bsp; “How come? You are older than the others, right?”
When I remembered high school, I remembered giggling girls, insecure and self-absorbed. Rarely ever had there been anyone worth noticing. Claire, little as I knew her, seemed different. There was something about her that kept me guessing what had happened to her that she’d had to grow up so fast. And yet there was a girlish stubbornness and a naivety that made her endearing. All of it was there in another nod she gave me.
I gazed at her, waiting for a verbal explanation.
“I had to move to Aurora three years ago toward the end of the school year. I repeated one year here.” It was a short answer that filled my head with new questions.
“Why?” I couldn’t stop myself from demanding more. The music in the background didn’t seem loud compared to the absence of her voice.
She stared back at me as I tried to unearth her secrets with my gaze, but there was nothing there I could read from her face except for disapproval. She didn’t want me to know.
“So you want to become a doctor? How long have you been in college?”
For a moment there was the bitter taste of rejection on the back of my tongue, then I remembered that I still was a stranger to Claire. She owed me nothing. No information, no explanation.
“I’m in my second year.” If she didn’t let me into her head, the best I could do was become trustworthy to her.
“And do you like it?”
“Yeah, it’s interesting and the right thing to do, trying to help people.” My voice was serious. “You know, many people start to study Medicine because they think being a doctor is a well-respected job. But honestly, they are after the money, or the reputation, or both. Most of them don’t give a damn about the people who need their help.” Honesty. She should see who it was she was dealing with. If I was open and honest, there might be a chance she would be, too—at some point.
Spark Page 5