“Which means?” she wanted to know.
“I like music as long as it doesn’t destroy a nice atmosphere.” The sound of the Argentine guitar in the background emphasized the meaning of what I had just said. The melody was perfect for the moment. As I felt Claire relax on the other side of the table, I felt the urge to reach over the dishes and take her hand into mine. It would make the moment even more perfect. Knowing better than to startle her like that, I held on to the glass between my hands and glanced down to make sure they didn’t move without permission. From the corner of my eye, I could swear I saw a grin flash over Claire’s features. Had she noticed my struggle? Had I given away too much?
“How’s school?” I changed the topic, hoping to divert her attention from my tense physique. My question, however, triggered tension in her.
“Don’t ask.”
“What’s wrong?” Her reaction made me curious. Was it that bad? I couldn’t imagine. Was someone making life difficult for her at school? Concern automatically welled up inside of me. If there was anyone…
Her facial expression let me know I had guessed wrong. “Let’s just say, I have to get some knowledge into my head. Time is running out, and it doesn’t help that I’m lousy at memorizing things.”
“What subject do you like best?” I asked.
“Algebra,” she shot and gave me a smug smile as my eyebrows wandered up in surprise. She was smart. This actually shouldn’t surprise me.
“And which subject is the one bothering you at the moment? What kind of knowledge do you have to fill your head with?”
“History.” She wiggled her shoulders as if to shake off a cold wet towel. “The Civil War, to be precise. And there’s not much time left. The exam’s next Monday.”
History. My dad was a history professor. One of his favorite activities was sharing historical details he’d just read in his library.
“Do you need help?” If my knowledge of history wouldn’t be enough, he could always step in and help out.
“No, thank you, I’ve got a friend who’s helping me. He’s perfect at history and…patient enough.”
A friend. Sporty Guy? If it was him, it was the perfect opportunity for him to get closer to Claire. A jolt of jealousy kicked my empty stomach and I had to chuckle at my lack of control over my own feelings. Be rational, Adam. She’s sitting here with you, not him.
“Hey, that’s not funny.” She had noticed my self-ironic outburst and laughed. Though it seemed she was thinking that I was laughing at her need for a patient tutor. Seventeen-year-old boys with a crush on someone normally were that type—until they figured out they didn’t stand a chance. But she had no idea how patient I was—had to be. After all this time of waiting to find her, I still had to keep my mouth shut about what was truly behind my interest in her, and I couldn’t know if she’d ever understand. I was mastering patience as the minute hand wandered around the clock.
“Steak and salad for the lady,” Kyle startled Claire as he set down her plate hastily. I shot him a warning look as Claire wasn’t watching. “…and for the gentleman.” He set down my plate carefully and retreated with a respectful bow. “Bon Appetit!”
When my focus returned to Claire, she was digging her knife into the steak as if she was about to kill the poor cow again, completely oblivious to what she was doing. It had a certain humor, fragile Claire stabbing a piece of meat. I chuckled at the image. As if she could ever hurt anyone. Now the salad was getting to feel her wrath, too, I had to stifle a laugh and she realized she had an audience. Embarrassment filled the air again.
“What?” she tried to hold my gaze, but from what I was perceiving from her, she’d rather vanish under the table. I recognized a line from the pattern in my heart, it was as if I had known she wouldn’t apologize for being hungry.
“Sorry.” I fought back another chuckle and when I gave her my full and honest attention, no judgment, her face changed. She obviously hadn’t expected me to apologize for finding her amusing, either. It seemed to unsettle her. The slowly building confidence, which had spiked in the steak-cutting action, disappeared from one second to the next. So did the embarrassment. This wasn’t what I had been aiming for. I shook my head at myself. “Really, go ahead. I’m as hungry as a wolf, too.”
Without any further comment on the situation, I put my napkin on my lap and pulled out the cutlery, slowly cutting my way to my first mouthful of steak. Claire’s eyes were on me as she followed my lead. I didn’t have to look up to know. She was trying to figure something out and I couldn’t really tell what it was, but my reaction had made her think.
Just when I was still wondering what conclusion her thought processes had led her to, she flinched and dropped her fork, reaching for her juice, and almost drained it. As she swallowed, her expression changed and she looked up. A crease had appeared on her forehead and her emotions went downhill into a spiral of doubt. I was aware of it as if it was my own feeling, and I feared the worst. Was she wondering if it had been a good idea to go out? Was she not enjoying herself? Then as her feelings seemed to be self-diminishing, a deep sadness overcame me. I averted my gaze and hid my face in the shadows of the candlelight. She couldn’t know how hyper-aware I was of everything she felt, every tiny change of mood, of emotion. It took me a moment to gather my thoughts and understand what might be the underlying reason for the feelings she had. The doubts weren’t because she thought it had been a bad idea to go out. She thought she wasn’t good enough for me. Again a thin winding of the pattern made sense to me. Claire was insecure.
I looked up again and found my suspicion confirmed in her eyes. That moment I made it my job to make her feel exactly how special she was.
“Do you like the steak?” I asked to steer her thoughts away from her worries. It wasn’t what I wanted to say, though. Had I been free to speak I would have said how incredible she was. How beautiful. But I wasn’t able to judge anymore what I could say to her without giving away how much I knew, how much I felt. So I took it slow, one step at a time, starting with making her feel entirely comfortable sitting there with me.
“Yes, it’s perfect.” It was obvious she wasn’t telling the truth. Plus, I had seen her ease the fire in her mouth with apple juice. So, again I fought back a laugh while she was fighting the pain of a burnt tongue. Would she try to hide any weakness for the rest of the evening?
As I watched her eat, my own mind became very active. I hadn’t really managed to engage her in conversation. What was I doing wrong? We’d talked normally before…
“Antonio!” Claire jumped in her chair.
The dog had stolen out of the corner and come up to ask for food. Bad habit. I had to be more strict with him at home.
“Do you want some steak?” Claire’s voice was completely different when she spoke to my dog. She wasn’t weighing every syllable the way she was when addressing me. It was natural, and I liked what I saw.
Antonio licked his muzzle, obviously liking what he saw when Claire dropped the last two strips of meat into his mouth. He swallowed and looked at her with puppy eyes.
“Sorry. You ate it all—nothing left,” Claire apologized to the dog. For a second, it upset me that she’d fostered his bad behavior.
She noticed my eyes on her and looked up, face more relaxed than it had been all evening. “I should have asked, sorry.”
“Never mind.” How could I be upset with her for longer than one second? I was still trying to get over the miracle of finding the face that matched the pattern.
As I was dwelling on my own luck, Claire surprised me with a sudden nervousness.
“Oh no!” She was on her feet, and I was confused. What was going on now?
“What?” Did I need to worry?
“I have to go home. I completely forgot about Sophie. She’s waiting for me. I promised to be home early today.”
Her excuse for leaving so early could be the truth or it could be what it sounded like—an excuse. While I was stalling, deciding if she wa
s just trying to ditch me, I called Kyle and paid the bill, so I could rush out with her.
“Come on, Antonio, the lady wants to leave.”
Antonio followed us as we hurried past Kyle who lifted his hand and wished us a good evening. I couldn’t help but notice a smirk on his face and guessed he found my failing date amusing.
My heart knew I wanted to walk Claire home and make sure she would arrive safely. It would also buy me a couple more minutes with her. My head, on the other hand, kicked in and forbid me to make a fool of myself. What if it had really been an excuse? I didn’t want to force myself on her. If she wanted to leave, she should.
“I’ll walk straight home if you don’t mind, it’s not far and walking you home would be a big detour.” I let her know the outcome of the dialogue between emotion and reason.
There was a hint of disappointment in her face, which shouldn’t have made me so happy, but it did. It meant there was hope.
“Thank you for the evening, Adam. It was great, really. Sorry I have to leave. It’s just—”
“No. Thank you, Claire.” I interrupted before she could ruin my peace of mind. “I really enjoyed having dinner with you. I hope to see you soon.” I let her go with a smile, no kiss on the cheek, no handshake. Just a smile, a promise that I would be waiting patiently until our next encounter.
8
Anticipation
The truth was, I wasn’t as patient as I would have liked to give myself credit for. A second date would help clarify if there was a chance for Claire and me and this time I was aiming for something where the main content of the evening would be provided externally—the theater. A nice play, maybe Shakespeare, would be great to have something to discuss afterward. After spending an entire morning of analyzing everything I’d perceived from Claire the night before, I found myself tracking down Sophie in the campus library and asking for Claire’s number.
“Are you serious?” Sophie asked and raised her thin eyebrows.
If it hadn’t been a necessity to call her that same day, I would have never exposed myself to that awkwardness, but I simply couldn’t wait. Why? It left me worried when I didn’t see her. Maureen hadn’t shown up to complain about my date with Claire, but who knew. If she found out, she might make a scene after all. And I wanted to know if it had just been me and my own feelings which had given me the impression there was something between us. Hidden behind a lot of insecurities maybe, but still there.
“Positive,” I laid my cell into her outstretched hand and let her type in Claire’s number—a sacred combination of digits opening a direct line of communication with her.
Sophie returned the phone with a smile and serious eyes. “Don’t hurt her,” she warned. “I know where you go to school.” The warning was mirrored in the protective emotions Sophie had for her little sister, and they were hitting me full-force.
I shook my head. Never in my right mind would I want to hurt Claire.
“Not my intention at all.” I smiled back at her, my eyes being as serious as hers. “Thank you. I’ll call and surprise her today.”
As I headed off to classes, the stress and concern, the worry and pre-exam nausea rolling off my fellow students didn’t bother me as much as it had on the way to see Sophie. Claire’s number safely in my phone, I had an armor of joy enclosing my body, and I seemed to be less susceptible to people’s moods.
I waited until it was late enough in the day and she would be home from school before I released my impatience onto the touchscreen of my phone and pulled up Claire’s number with the goal to dial. I was interrupted by Ben who popped his head in through my bedroom door, wearing his usual smile.
“Mom and I are heading out to meet Dad for dinner. Wanna join?”
I didn’t need to tell him I wasn’t going to come, he figured it out by my tense facial expression.
“You’re busy…” he guessed and waved. “We’ll bring you some take out.”
“Thanks,” was all I could say before his blond hair disappeared behind the door and I heard his footsteps receding.
For a moment, I wondered how long I would be able to hide my obsession with Claire from my family. If they realized what was going on, there would be questions—ones I didn’t have any answers to.
The screen of my phone caught my attention as it turned into a black surface. I picked it up and this time I got to dial without interruption.
“Hello,” her voice startled me as she answered right away. Despite all the anticipation, I hadn’t been prepared.
“Claire, it’s Adam,” I informed her. “Your sister gave me your number.”
There was a brief silence on the other end and again I didn’t have the patience to wait until she responded.
“Claire?” Was she still there? I pulled my phone away from my ear and with a glance checked that the call was still up.
“Hi,” I heard her as clearly as if I was holding the phone directly to my ear, which was surprising, considering it was a foot away. I held it closer, just to see if there would be a difference and heard Claire’s stuttering breath which got my attention and pushed me into a short moment of concern about her health.
“Everything alright? You sound like you’re out of breath.”
“Yeah, I was just doing some…exercises.”
“Oh, sorry for interrupting.”
“Never mind. I’m finished.”
It was strange being blind on my emotional radar when talking to her. Not having her in my field of vision would do that. I had figured that out about my extra sense by experimenting on campus. I ignored the uncomfortable sensation in my stomach and asked what I had called to find out.
“I wanted to ask if you’d like to go out with me next Friday.”
Another moment of silence.
“Hold on a second, please.” There was a rustling of paper and some crash that sounded like a book dropping on the floor. I stood up and started pacing the room in slow motion.
“What time?”
Finally.
“9 P.M., I’d like to take you to the theater. What do you think?”
“Sorry, but I’ve promised my friends to go to the club with them on Friday evening. We’re celebrating a friend’s birthday there.”
“Oh.” Was this excuse real or had she turned me down?
While I was still debating which one it was, she saved me from burning my brain cells.
“You could join us at the club if you’d like. It’s nothing as cultivated as a theater, but it’s going to be a nice evening—hopefully.”
A club…and with her friends… Not exactly what I had been hoping for, but good enough. Even if Sporty was there, I would at least have the opportunity to figure out if he was real competition or if that was in my head, too. “Which club?”
The place she named was easy to find. It wouldn’t be a problem to drop by and stay for a little while, just to learn more about Claire so I could take her on a third date she’d never forget. I chuckled. This was the perfect moment to see if she would detest an evening of culture.
“Maybe I’ll join you…if you promise to go to the theater with me some other time.”
“Would be a pleasure.”
My heart warmed a little at the sound of her answer.
“See you on Friday, then.”
“Yeah, see you on Friday.”
Besides the fact that time always dragged when you were waiting for something good, this time it was almost unbearable. My phone had a minor scratch on the display from falling off my bed, where I had flung it in a joyful, obviously uncontrolled, motion. The damage didn’t bother me, neither did my new talent as a pitcher, my mind was too preoccupied with the anticipation of Friday night.
Antonio nudged my leg as I headed to the kitchen to stress-eat and looked up at me with puppy eyes.
“Okay, we can go out when I’m done.”
He trotted down behind me as I took the shortcut, trying to avoid running into anyone before we left the house. Long conversations woul
d probably give away my little secret and I still wasn’t ready to discuss it.
“Adam.” My father was standing right there at the kitchen counter, smiling and holding out a bag of nuts.
“No, thanks,” I returned his smile and pulled open the fridge. “I’m actually on my way out.”
“Time for his walk?”
“Yes.”
Antonio’s nose appeared next to me and he peered up into the fridge.
“Hungry?”
I pulled out a sandwich Geoffrey had made this morning and took a big bite before I pulled out the slice of ham and gave it to Antonio. He wagged his tail and trotted out of the kitchen in the direction of the front door.
“Family meeting?” Jenna asked as she joined us with Ben at her side.
Dad dropped the nuts into the bowl he had pulled out and rushed to kiss his wife. It was a remarkable sensation that ran through me as I realized—more than ever before—how deeply in love they were.
“I guess so,” I shrugged and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl.
Jenna’s face was positively glowing with anticipation.
“Let’s hear it.” Dad had noticed, too.
“Okay,” she started, building up the tension. “In a couple of weeks there will be a charity event taking place in Aurora and our family will contribute, not with money this time, but with skills.”
Okay, that was cryptic. Ben raised a knowing eyebrow.
“I’m going to play one piece,” she announced.
Dad’s eyes all but exploded with excitement. Anyone who had heard my stepmother play the violin would understand. Her playing was unearthly beautiful.
“That’s incredible news, Mom,” I hugged her and felt a surge of motherly warmth run through her.
“You’ll all be there, right?”
“Of course,” Dad confirmed. “We wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
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