As thoughts and feelings were racing through my mind and body, Claire stirred on the bed and I froze in the shadow of the windowsill, hardly daring to look up at her.
“Adam?”
She was awake. She sounded fine, physically. And she sounded different. It was as if I was hearing her for the first time. There was a fragile melody in her voice as she spoke my name. It made my heart sing, and I looked up just enough to peek at her from under my curls.
“Claire. Are you alright?”
She just stared. There was surprise in her eyes and tenderness.
“What happened, Adam?”
Had I been able to explain, I would have, but there were no words for what had happened. Either I’d gone mad or I had wings. It was one of the two, and whether or not Claire saw what I saw would determine which one it was.
She studied me from top to bottom, wonder and awe defining her emotions.
“Why are you glowing like a Christmas tree?”
So, I wasn’t mad. Did that make me feel better, I couldn’t tell.
“Adam?”
“I don’t know.”
I looked up to face her and earned a shocked gasp. So she had noticed my eyes. As if they were the worst part. Every part of my body which wasn’t covered in clothes was illuminating the room. I couldn’t ignore it and neither could she. My sixth sense seemed ridiculous now. I needed to understand what was going on. How could I switch off the lights? How could I get rid of the wings? I didn’t even dare look to the side where I would see myself in the mirror.
Claire gasped again. This time it was a gasp of pain, and I felt it there in my own head, the searing sensation Claire was feeling.
I jumped to my feet, ready to help her in any way I could, and then stopped in my tracks. Would she want me to help her? Would she still see the same person I had been an hour ago? The way she was staring at me, half in pain, half-bewildered, I couldn’t tell if she was going to cry or run away and I couldn’t tell which reaction I feared more.
“Claire, I’m scared.”
Instead of doing either, she seemed to grasp the situation more quickly than I did. She had always been intuitive, even if she would never admit it, and now she was seeing something so clearly. It was there all over her face.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked as if I should know exactly what she was talking about. And I realized as I noticed where she was looking, that she must be seeing a biblical creature there in front of her. Wings and light. The thought alone scared the hell out of me.
“I didn’t know—” I glanced at the window and shied away from my reflection. The bright light was gone, but my eyes still showed that alien glow and the feathery, angled objects on my back remained in place. A shudder ran down my back, right through the area which had felt as if someone had cut it open with a knife. While the pain had vanished, a tingle was still there, as if I’d over-strained a muscle.
“Honestly, I don’t know what’s happening.” I averted my eyes, unwilling to confront myself with my new outline. “One second, all I could feel was joy, and…you.” There was a faint memory of my desire for her. It was almost like an echo now that I paid attention to my heart and found the ways I could perceive Claire. She wasn’t just Claire, the girl from the vision, the girl I loved. She was a part of me in a whole new way—and I of her. As if a small part of my self was now woven into her soul. “And then I felt like I was struck by lightning. My shoulders hurt for a second and then I saw the white around me and I saw you being thrown to the floor. Are you hurt?”
She considered for a moment, reading my face before she shook her head. “Are you?”
In all this mess she was actually worried about me. She wasn’t worried about me being a freak this time, or about whatever this might mean for us. She was worried if I was alright.
“You all but exploded in front of my eyes. And now your radiance competes with the sun’s…don’t you think I might worry more about you than I do about myself?”
“I’m fine.” I looked over my shoulder and wondered what all this meant. “Except for those feathery things sticking out of my back.” For a moment I had to smile with irony. Why would I, the person who had caused Claire pain and sorrow, left Maureen and all but played with her affections, hidden my abilities from my family…how could I possibly deserve wings? My mind flashed to the biblical creatures on the ceiling of European churches yet again.
“Can you make them disappear?” Claire tore me from my thoughts.
“No idea.” What if I couldn’t ?
She got to her feet in a somewhat stiff motion and slouched to my side, eyes still wandering all over my appearance. What did I look like to her? Was I scary? Ugly? As she raised her hand, slowly enough for me to see it in slow-motion, and laid her fingers to my cheek, her touch unleashed a wave of energy in my body, a rush strong enough to throw a human being to the ground. As I was still standing, shaking but still upright, I knew, I wasn’t human. My wings moved at my sudden insight of the obvious as if acknowledging the fact was giving me access to my new body parts. The tip of my wing hit something hard and I looked to the side, pulling my face away from her, and found her chair lying under her desk.
“Sorry.” I was as much shocked as I was amazed by the fact that I might have some influence on my extensions.
“Never mind. Are you hurt?”
Claire watched in awe as I struggled to wrap my head around the situation. It would have been easier to accept if it had been option two, if I’d gone insane. At least then there would be an explanation for this. Now, I had to rethink my entire world. Everything I knew was being challenged this very moment by the simple fact that I couldn’t possibly be the same person I had been yesterday—probably not even the same species. What would Professor Stevens say if could he see me now? He would have to rethink his whole discipline.
“Can you control their movement?” Claire was still there, looking at me as if at the biblical figure I feared I was.
As I shook my head, not even having tried, she laid her fingers on my wing. Again, a rush of energy ran through me, but this time I was prepared. I channeled it into my wing by just focusing on where Claire’s gentle touch was making the situation feel more real in all its surreality. The feathers stood a bit as an unknown muscle tightened behind my shoulders, pulling the long part of the wing inwards until it was as close to my back as it could get. Claire was regaining her balance as I looked up at her.
“How did you do that?”
“What?” My head was beginning to pulsate with exhaustion.
“Fold it.”
I hadn’t intended to fold it. “I think it was a reflex to your touch.” Or coincidence.
“Great—so you recoil from my touch now—” Claire was hurt by that simple thought. Didn't she know me enough to see nothing in this world would ever change how I felt about her?
“Not at all,” I couldn’t even let her finish her thought. “But I’m sure the wing is not used to being touched …so maybe it was a bit scary, suddenly feeling a touch outside the areas of my body I know.” A bit of rationality could help both of us deal with the situation. And saying it out loud took away that last doubt that it was really happening. “You know, until today I was sure I had only arms and legs for extremities …and now it turns out I have two feathery things sprouting from my back.” Whether or not I liked those wings, they were there. But one thing I was sure about. My life wouldn’t be the same after today. Too much had happened. I might not even be able to return to my family…
“I think they’re pretty,” Claire surprised me with yet another thought.
Pretty? I hadn’t yet had the chance to think about whether or not they looked nice, but Claire seemed to be accepting of this new me at a pace that caught me off guard. Where was the revulsion, the questioning, the fear? I most certainly felt them.
“Yeah, I really think so. They look like they belong to you.”
As she said the words, it was without doubt that she mea
nt them. And there it was again: that strange new bond running between her and me as if we were physically connected. A part of her wonder and awe was humming inside my chest, not just a perceived emotion coming from her direction, but part of myself. Could she feel it too?
“Try to move the other one.”
Very well. I closed my eyes and went back to where I had felt that one muscle and followed it with my mind until I found the end of it somewhere behind my legs. I went further to the side, analyzing every inch of the surface, trying to feel the wing. If it was flesh and bones, it had to have muscles and nerves and bones and I had to be able to feel joints and skin. There it was, the longest end of the wing. I forced all the questions which were welling up in the back of my mind and focused on pleasing Claire by getting the wing to move. Just an inch or two so I wouldn’t destroy the place or hurt her again.
“Did you do this?” she asked as the wing moved just enough to be noticeable.
I bobbed my head, trying not to lose focus.
“Try again.”
As I reached out behind my shoulders, this time attempting to steer the other wing, I found the right muscles a bit more easily. Still, it cost me a lot of concentration to make the wing move. First, it went up and down an inch and then I let it flex to its full extent. It was like having sore muscles after running a marathon, and I slowly brought it back in and folded it safely against my back. I didn’t want to accidentally hurt Claire, so it would be better to gain control over those things. A million questions were screaming for attention, asking for a textbook explanation of my new anatomy, but there were no answers I could think of, no sources I could draw knowledge from…
“They’re gone.” Claire’s shocked voice caught my attention almost the same moment I felt the weight vanish from my back.
With a movement so fast it made my own head spin, I glanced over my shoulder and found the skin between my shoulders intact. I wasn’t sure if I should be relieved about their sudden disappearance or if that meant I was crazy after all.
“How did you do it? How did you make them vanish?”
“I have no idea.” I looked at the mirrors seeing the Adam I’d known until an hour ago. No feathers, no glistening light penetrating my features, no glowing eyes. “I didn’t intend to. What do we do now?” How should she know? How could anyone?
“I don’t know. Maybe figure out why they appeared in the first place, and then figure out how to control them.” Claire looked at me with all the love I could have ever hoped to see in her eyes. “I’ve always known you’re special. This only proves I’ve been right about that.”
There was nothing I wanted to tell her more than that I loved her, that whatever happened, this would never change. But now was not the time. I had to figure things out. I had to do it for myself as much as for her.
“Claire, don’t be upset with me.” Would it help to ask that from her? I couldn’t tell. “I have to go.”
“Why?” Pain was in her voice and I felt it in my heart, in that one spot where I had felt her before. There was no excuse, no logical reason, just the urge to fix things and there, with her, wasn’t where I would get answers. Not that I knew where I would, but I at least had to try. There were references in literature about winged creatures. Angels, demons, and many others…
“When will you come back?”
14
Books
It was impossible to face her, to feel her fear and her love at the same time, her unwillingness to see me leave. If I did, I wouldn’t find the strength to cross the threshold. And I needed answers. Maybe a little time to understand what this meant…
“When I know.”
I wasn’t sure if she’d heard me, but I would return to her in time. I would explain when I had things figured out. This much I promised myself as I rushed out Claire’s front door and bolted into the streets of Aurora without knowing where I was headed. My feet hit the sidewalk almost violently as I stormed away from Claire. I kept telling myself that the faster I walked away, the faster I would be able to return.
“Sir?” A man in uniform blocked my way as I turned into the main street, blind to my environment.
I stopped in my tracks and looked around. I had almost run over a security guard at the entrance to a small boutique. People were staring at my bare chest, reminding me of the temperature. I should feel cold, but I didn’t. I should feel tired from running here from Claire’s house, but I wasn’t. I was physically fine. Not mentally—there was a war going on in my head. My knowledge of biology, anatomy, and history was fighting my better judgment. I had seen the wings, I had felt them. How could I try to reason with myself? I wasn’t crazy. With a frown, I apologized to the security guard and spotted a row of shirts behind him. A quick movement later, I had danced around him and entered the boutique.
“Can I help you, Sir?” A young man approached me, glancing over my shoulder at the security guard.
I pointed at the plain black shirts. “One of those, please.”
The man eyed me from head to toe. “What happened?”
“Long story.” I bit my tongue, keeping myself from babbling the thoughts which were boiling under my curls. I probably looked like a madman.
“Are you sure that’s all you need?” He pulled a shirt my size from the clothes hanger and handed it to me with a thoughtful expression.
“Positive.”
I pulled the shirt over my head.
“Perfect.” The young man commented. Whether it was on my stomach or on the way the shirt fit, I couldn’t tell.
As I paid and left, I felt better, a bit of normality pushing back the surprises of the day, but I still didn’t have a plan. Could I go home? What if the wings returned? What would my parents say? What if it happened in public? Would I become a science experiment? Fear got the better of me. I couldn’t tell anyone. It was too much of a risk. But I had to go home. If I started acting suspicious, people would start asking questions. I’d been able to hide my sixth sense so well, I’d find a way to hide this. Wouldn't I?
I was home before I could make up my mind and my heightened senses told me the house was empty, not even Geoffrey bustling around the rooms. So I ran up to Dad’s library and roamed the shelves for a Bible, the first book that came to my mind when thinking of angels. I skimmed through the pages for hours, searching for something which would point me in the right direction. It was almost midnight when noises in the entrance hall caught my attention. Jenna’s voice carried through the house like a gentle tune and Ben’s laughter was the beat to the melody. I couldn’t hear Dad until he closed the door. All their footsteps, their words were suddenly audible to me and I could almost see them in the mental model of the house which had formed before my inner eye.
Bible clutched under my arm, I hurried through the dark hall. I didn’t switch on the light in my room as I was perfectly able to see in the dark. I dropped onto my back on my bed, opening the Bible above my face. And there it was, on the first page I randomly opened in Genesis.
When man began to multiply on the face of the land and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw that the daughters of man were attractive. And they took as their wives any they chose…
I stopped right there, tuning out my family’s sounds as they were discussing a gallery opening. Sons of God. Hadn’t I read this somewhere recently? Between my emotional radar, the new sensory input, and my changed physique, there was hardly space to fit in memorizing quotes and lines from books…
Book! The library. Of course. I’d read it in the public library the day I’d waited to see Claire. I saw it right in front of me as if burnt into my mind. A leather-bound book without author or title. Just A5. Hadn’t there been more on Sons of God in Genesis referring to angels? Satisfied with my first track, I dropped the Bible and rolled to the side, exhausted and overwhelmed and ready to doze off to a place with fewer complications. The one image I kept holding on to as I drifted off was Claire’s face, full of love and admiration for this new version of
me…
Hadn’t she been too understanding? Why was it suddenly so easy for her to accept my wings when she’d had troubles letting me into her life because of my sixth sense? And I was awake again. Fully and uncomfortably awake in the middle of the night with no place to go. The library wouldn’t be open before nine and I had classes from eight till noon. Unable to find peace, I sat up and grabbed my tablet from the bedside table.
Sons of God. As I typed in the words, I felt stupid for even researching such a thing and was encouraged in that feeling as I found an article on giants and extraterrestrial life. With a flip of my hand, the tablet landed on the foot of the bed and I rolled to the other side, focusing on my breathing rather than thoughts.
When the first light of day broke in through the window, I was still attempting to ignore my mind. Maybe a long run would help. I jumped into my workout clothes, prepared for the cold morning air and headed out with Antonio, who was happy to stretch his legs. After two long rounds on the grounds I was waiting for my muscles to tire, but they didn’t. Even more than before, my stamina had increased. It was almost as if I was taking a stroll rather than racing along the frosty outline of the Lenard Mansion. I didn’t slow down until Antonio barked somewhere behind me, indicating he was getting tired.
When we returned to the house, Geoffrey was in the kitchen, preparing breakfast—coffee and toast from the sounds of it—and the rest of the family was still asleep, so I took an unnecessary shower, not having sweated at all, and got ready for the day.
“Can you drive Ben to classes today?” Dad asked as we all were slowly drifting into the kitchen. “He’ll get his car back tomorrow.”
I nodded, feeling the urgency of his request and not seeing any problem with it other than potential exposure should I accidentally explode into a feather-ball again. “Sure thing.” Act normal and nobody will realize just how much on edge you are.
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