When it was time to get ready for the party, Ben popped his head in through the door.
“Fifteen minutes.”
I nodded. I didn’t need to change my clothes. All I needed was my jacket so I wouldn’t draw attention.
Before we left, I took a deep breath and swallowed all the bottled-up emotions, so I wouldn’t explode in the car.
“Are you driving?” I asked, hoping to have his attention diverted by having to focus on the street.
“Sure.”
I tossed him the keys and hopped in on the passenger side. It was a long ride out to the fields near the woods where the winter-semester party was taking place. They had a bonfire set up, and there would be music. I hadn’t talked to Toby and Karren properly in a while, maybe tonight was the time to catch up and distract myself with their joy.
“You can park right there,” I pointed at a spot at the edge of the woods. Ben pulled in and we were greeted by some of his friends who were arriving at the same time.
“You actually came,” a short girl with curly red hair cheered at him and gave him a hug. I had never seen her in my life, but then, Ben never brought home any of his friends. It was as if they existed mostly in his stories.
“I promised I would.” He broke free from her arms and gestured at me. “Adam, this is Grace,” he introduced us. “Grace, my brother, Adam.”
“Nice to meet you,” she giggled and looked up at Ben as if to communicate something through her thoughts. Whatever it was, her emotions were telling me she would rather Ben introduced himself to her more properly. I suppressed a chuckle.
I pulled Ben to my side, arm around his neck. “Are you trying to set me up, brother?” I whispered warningly.
He laughed and shrugged my arm off. “The night isn’t getting any younger. Let’s go.”
Together we mingled with the crowd which had a head-start on drinks and was acting accordingly. While Ben was talking to several people, I stayed in one spot on the side of the scene and observed and read the ones before me. There was so much excitement. People were joking and dancing and the energy level was high and spiked with amusement and delirious bliss. For once, it was something completely different from my own small world which was limited to acting as someone I no longer was, and denying my fate so I would save my love.
Toby and Karren were dancing in the middle of the crowd, laughing.
“They are a cute couple, don’t you think?” Grace joined me.
I nodded, trying to figure out whether or not Karren was serious about him. Every time I saw them together, the situation was different. Today it seemed more like a deep friendship than romance.
“How long have you liked my brother?” I accidentally asked as I caught her staring at Ben, who was laughing about something with a group of people.
She shifted uncomfortably next to me.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell him.”
“Thanks. I don’t think he knows.” Her emotions were reasonably sincere.
“So, how long?” If I was going to spend the next sixty or so years running from my own feelings so I would keep Claire safe, I might as well use the time helping others find happiness. The thought was making me feel less out of place at a joyful event like this.
“About a month or two.” She blushed in the darkness, but my keen eyes saw it anyway. “Ben said you’ve just come out of a relationship,” she verified.
I nodded again, unsure what to say.
“It’s always hard to lose someone you love.” She smiled at me with knowing eyes. “The feelings don’t just go away…”
She was right, except that I hadn’t lost Claire, and it was more than feelings, it was my soul which was affected.
“It will get easier with time,” there was wisdom in her words and memories seemed to fly through her mind as she was speaking. “You will heal.”
I nodded one more time. She meant well and her kindness was unexpected in such a party crowd.
“So, when are you going to tell him?” I changed the subject back to her crush on Ben.
“I don’t think I will.” She laughed. There was no pain in her words. She was content.
Ben wasn’t in love with her, no doubt about that. There was superficial friendship if anything. I was wondering if he was thinking she might be something for me. And why not? Looking at her, I saw a friendly face with round cheeks and intelligent moss-green eyes. She was short, but well defined from what I could make out through her winter coat. Her hair was wild and her smile was cute. But there was more than that, her emotions were a calm pond, no tornadoes like Claire’s, no dark rifts like my own. She seemed to be perfectly stable and happy with herself. Liking Ben was just a bit over the line of friendship. She didn’t actually expect him to return her feelings. It was more a silent admiration of a Greek God. In just those few minutes I had spent with Grace, her kindness had soaked through every sentence and every gesture. Eventually, she would turn somebody's world upside down, this much I was sure of. It just wouldn’t be mine.
The night went faster than I expected and talking to Grace made it less of a strain than I would have thought it would be. It was way past midnight when Ben joined us with Toby and a trail of people who were either tired or drunk. Karren wasn’t with them.
“We’re heading back,” Toby announced. “Those guys need some serious sleep.” He pointed behind him with his thumb.
“I guess we’re heading back, too?” Ben asked, looking at Grace as much as at me.
“I’m staying,” she sang out and gave me a hug before she kissed Ben on the cheek with a grin, “See you Monday, Ben,” and danced into the crowd.
We followed Toby and his crew closely.
“Hey, Toby,” Karren’s voice rang across the clearing. “I’ve got another one. Do you have one more free seat?”
Karren and a second, taller girl appeared between the cars and met Toby at his pick-up. I couldn’t hear their conversation over the music and the babbling of the people behind us. We were just stepping into the parking lot ourselves when Karren’s voice called us.
“Toby said you can give us a ride back.” There were two pairs of feet stumbling toward us, and Karren’s whisper followed by her laugh. “They are real lookers. Brothers. Remember what I said about college guys?”
When I turned around, my heart stopped. There was Karren and the other girl, but it wasn’t just any girl. It was Claire. She recognized me at the same moment and almost stumbled into me.
“Sure we can,” I said before I could gather my thoughts. Claire was staring at me like at a ghost, cheeks pale, eyes glazed, and wearing another guy’s jacket. She didn’t quite look like I remembered her. She looked exhausted, as if she could break in two any second.
“Guys this is…”
“Claire?” My arms reached out, ready to catch her should she fall apart, but then I remembered it wasn’t my place to hold her together. Not anymore.
“Adam.” Her voice was like sandpaper. It hurt physically to hear her croak my name. It was like a scream for help.
“You know each other?” Karren wondered aloud.
“You could say so,” Ben answered not quite in the same words I would have chosen.
“What are you doing here?” I couldn’t imagine what might have possibly drawn her to the woods at this time of the night. I hadn’t seen Sophie all night and I doubted Claire would come to a college-party by herself.
“Party,” she corrected my silent assumption, but it was clear in her eyes she wasn’t enjoying herself, she wasn’t here because she had chosen to be. She was feeling unsafe, she was scared to death.
Karren called us back to reality. “Shall we get going, then?” She was already climbing into the car, waiting for us to do the same. Claire tore away her gaze and got into the backseat behind Ben, who took the passenger seat.
Nobody spoke for a long time and I was glad. I had my head to myself. While I was steering the car back into the city, Ben was falling back into his cold mood, while
Claire was shaking on the backseat, unable to control her fear. What had happened to her? The only one oblivious to the tension was Karren.
“You can drop me off right here,” she pointed at a crossing and I reacted mechanically, pulling to the side.
“Thanks, Adam. See you on Monday!” She clapped my shoulder like she was praising a horse. “It was nice meeting you, Claire. Maybe we will run into each other on campus.”
“Yeah, maybe. Good night.” Claire’s voice didn’t sound any better than before.
What were they talking about? Claire didn’t go to college.
As we continued driving, I wasn’t sure if I should take her to her house or take her home with me. I pondered for a long while until we arrived at her house.
“Thanks for the ride,” she gave me a surreal smile before she climbed out of the car.
As fast as human speed would allow, I ran around the car to block her path. I couldn’t let her go. Not like this. The way her emotions were drained, almost empty, residues of pain and fear floating everywhere around her… I needed to know what had happened.
She just looked at me, mute like a fish and petrified from anxiety.
“What happened?” I finally asked when I couldn’t bear it anymore, but she merely shook her head and headed for the door.
I followed her without thinking as she opened the unlocked door and stared at her keys and phone on the small sideboard next to the door for a minute before pocketing them. I could feel how my heart was slowly imploding at her silence.
“What happened, Claire?” She had to talk to me, I needed to know what I could do to help her.
Whether it was the exasperation in my voice or the command hidden in the question, I couldn’t tell, but something made her respond and she turned and faced me with wide, fearful eyes. Agony rushed through her aura, almost knocking me to my feet. This wasn’t just the fear of something that might happen, it was a memory of something that actually had. What could it possibly be that had silenced the fighter in her?
“Adam—I’m scared.” It was like a relief of my own pain when she spoke my name and I knew I would do anything to help her, to make her feel better. But was it wise to give in to my emotions after fighting so hard to stay away from her? I watched her steady herself against the table. Tears were slowly running down her cheeks. It wasn’t a hysterical sob like when she had come to demand answers from me a week ago. It was the silent suffering of a brave person who was about to break.
I couldn’t keep my hand from reaching out for her and let it touch her arm lightly, just enough to show her I felt her.
“Come with me tonight.” The words were out against my better judgment before I could decide against them.
“But Ben—” Was she really worried about Ben when she was already carrying the world’s fear in her heart?
“Ben won’t bother you.” I would make sure of that. “Get some fresh clothes and your toiletries.”
I didn’t follow her upstairs, giving her space to gather her things, but paced her porch instead, eyes searching the street for signs of anything worth fearing. What had happened to Claire? It couldn’t have been the demons…
Claire’s footsteps were coming down the stairs, followed by the soft paws of her cat. There was some noise in the kitchen and then, after a couple of long and quiet minutes, she appeared in the doorway, Nigel beside her. I leaned against the porch, trying to at least appear as if I was calm while I kept playing scenarios of what might have happened to her, none of which made me feel any better.
“I’ll be back tomorrow, Nigel.” She knelt down and stroked his back before he disappeared into the trees.
“Ready.” She locked up and we walked down the stairs side by side, both of us in our own thoughts, but both sharing a feeling of something dark looming over us.
Ben didn’t disappoint with his coldness. “Aren’t you staying home?” It was obvious he wasn’t okay with this. I couldn’t figure out exactly why. There was more to it than just his affection for Claire. It was as if he saw a danger in her.
I shot him a warning look as I started the engine, silencing him for the drive home. Couldn’t he see how scared she was? A little compassion wouldn’t be too much to ask. Driving faster than I normally would, I made sure Claire didn’t have to endure Ben’s sulking mood longer than necessary. He surprised us both as he walked right up to the back of the car and opened the door for her with smooth features.
“Allow me.”
Claire maneuvered herself out of the car and followed me with quick strides. Interestingly enough, Ben didn’t leave her side until we were inside, and he held out his hands to take her jacket. Had my warning look been enough to remind him of his manners? That would truly surprise me.
“How are you?” he asked and looked as he would when asking me how I was doing after my breakup with Claire.
“Like you care.” Claire’s voice was colder than Ben’s had ever been. It was obvious she didn’t have the strength to exercise restraint.
As Ben grabbed her jacket and hung it on a coat hook, there was a wave of anger running through him. A dark chuckle escaped him as if he was saying ‘I told you so’.
“Enough.” I couldn’t watch this any longer. Ben turned and shrugged. As he walked away, there was another feeling in the air. Resignation maybe? “Come on. Let’s get going.” I led the way up to my room without turning on the light, forgetting that Claire would probably need it to be able to navigate. She almost stumbled at the top of the stairs when Antonio greeted us with a bark on his way down.
When I eventually turned on the light in my room, Claire stepped over the threshold with a million feelings emitting from her chest. Gratitude was the most pronounced.
“Thank you.” Her voice wasn’t as rough as before, but it was weak. I flinched at the sound of it.
As she gazed at me, eyes flat and tired, I read more than one thing from her face. She was grateful I hadn’t turned my back on her when she had clearly needed my help. This was a safe harbor for her. But there was also fear of being rejected again.
I sat down on my bed, giving her space. “You’re welcome, Claire.” I managed a smile strong enough to hide my anxious impatience and focused on my hands, waiting for her to start speaking. But she didn’t. Not without my invitation, I assumed. Had I hurt her so much that she was never going to share her worries with me? “Will you please tell me what happened to you?” I asked, hoping to be wrong.
“I’m not sure if I can explain it in a way that makes sense to you.” She sat down on the couch and I relaxed a bit, seeing how she was struggling to form a sentence, and not avoiding speaking at all.
“Try.” The word came out a bit too much like a command, and I reined in my impatience, putting all my feelings for her into my request. “I mean. Please, Claire, I need to know.”
She was still struggling, frustration furrowing her brow, and flashes of pain and fear sharing her aura.
“Come on, Claire,” I couldn’t wait any longer. So, I drew upon the one thing which had always had an effect on Claire: using my seductive tone. A quiet and soft tone which pierced right into her heart.
“You were right—partly.” She faltered without delay.
“About what?”
“About the demons.”
I gasped. “In what way was I right about them?” I didn’t dare think of what I dreaded the most.
“They would do anything to get you.”
That didn’t sound good. “How do you know?”
“They ambushed me Friday night.” I jumped to my feet as she confirmed my worst fear. “It was three of them, dark and deadly creatures.” In a matter of seconds, I was behind her on the couch, ready to throw myself between her and any danger, no matter how dark. “They wanted to know where the angel was whose mark I am carrying and they wanted to get your mark from me. They tortured me to get it…” I wanted to scream out in rage at the pure thought of it, but it wouldn’t do anyone any good if I lost control now that s
he was finally sharing the truth. Glad that she couldn’t see the expression on my face, I rested my head on her back and wound my arms around her, just to feel that she was there with me, safe for now, and whole. “But I wouldn’t give them what they wanted. I didn’t give them your mark. I had no idea how. And even if I had—I could never hand you over.” My hand took hers and squeezed gently, grateful for her loyalty and unspeakably sorry for what it had cost her. I would have taken her place without a second thought, had I known. She should never suffer for me, ever. Wasn’t our separation supposed to protect us both? Now the one thing I was so eagerly trying to avoid had happened, and it was her who had saved us both.
“Can I have a shower? I’m all dirty and sweaty.” She got to her feet and curled out of my embrace, facing me with tired eyes.
“Sure you can.” How could I deny her anything, no matter how tiny the favor? I fetched her the softest towel I had and handed it to her, failing to voice how sorry I was about her sacrifice. “Do you need anything else?”
“Yes, my nightie.” I watched her as she wearily pulled it from her bag alongside her toiletries, wondering if I could have spared her even one second of pain had I decided differently and stayed close to her. Would she have been able to dodge the demons or would we both be dead?
“Take your time.”
Reluctant to let her out of my sight, I closed the door behind her and waited for her at the threshold, leaning against the door frame.
I was ready to jump the second she would need me, but she didn’t call my name. All I heard was the shower and her quiet sobs. It pained me not to be able to comfort her. It was as if she had been holding back her true tears until she’d been alone, embarrassed to let me see her break down. And it was my fault. How could she trust me after I had sent her away? It would take time for that wound to heal…
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