by Abby Ayles
“Eyes were turned in my direction,” Juliana conceded. “I suppose you have not experienced such attention yourself, cousin.”
The slight was so palpable that it was as though the whole table had drawn in a collective breath and then held it. She might as well have come right out and called him ugly. Juliana tried to suppress a ghoulish smile at their discomfort by taking a sip of her wine.
“Well, I think it is time that we retired,” the Duchess cut in, her voice strained and abrupt. “I shall go with the ladies to the sitting room. Lady Ascot, perhaps you will join us there after you have conversed with my husband?”
The Baroness inclined her head as they began to stand, the men heading off to enjoy a drink and some cigars.
Juliana tried to follow closely behind Mary towards the sitting room, but her mother caught her and drew her aside just before they reached the door. Her fingers pinched like claws into Juliana’s arm.
“Juliana,” the Duchess hissed. “What do you mean by this kind of behavior? You must stop your insolence at once.”
“My apologies, Mama,” Juliana said, though she did not moderate her tone, allowing herself to make it clear that she was not at all sorry for her words.
“We expect you to marry John Woode, make no mistake about that,” the Duchess said sharply. “Know that if you do not allow this match, you will never find a better one. Keep your tongue in your head from now on, girl. Never with any of your sisters did we see such trouble.”
Juliana did not retort anything about her sisters having had easier matches. She did not retort at all. She trailed quietly after her mother, wishing desperately that at least one of those siblings was around now to provide a united front for her.
But she would not give up. Christopher would come for her. She knew it. All she had to do, was make sure she was unattached until he did.
Whatever it took.
Chapter 16
He barely knew how he had managed to get through. Seventeen times at least he had changed his mind, decided that it was too cruel. Eighteen times at least Jasper had given him renewed vigor to continue – not least after the first part of their plot was completed, and he warned that it was too late to back out now.
Still, somehow, Christopher and Jasper had completed their plan. The medals, won in a battle some years ago and therefore of particular sentimental value, were taken from one room and placed in that of Captain Brazen. The choice items taken from ladies of ill repute were also deposited, and the deed was done.
Jasper returned to the room they shared a day later full of news. The grin he wore spoke only of great excitement.
“They’re searching for the medals now,” he said. “They were going to start with the cadets and work their way up, but I made a noise in the right ear about a rumor I’d heard. They’re going through his quarters next.”
Christopher felt a flurry of butterflies rioting in his stomach. He fought down a sudden desire to be sick. “It’s done, then,” he said. He was not sure whether he was celebrating the confirmation or asking a question.
“It is done, my friend,” Jasper said, clapping him on the back. “We’ll leave it a couple of days, now. And then you’ll move in when enough time has passed to avoid suspicion.”
“Right,” Christopher agreed weakly, staring at the wall.
Jasper tripped out of the room again, and Christopher was left alone.
His mind wandered back to when he had first met Juliana, to when they had spoken about his prospects. He remembered how impressed she was by his career in the military, and where it might lead to…
“And do you think that you will be a captain one day?” Juliana asked, excitedly, looking with wide eyes at the insignia of Second Lieutenant which was freshly added to his coat.
“One day,” Christopher said proudly. “And beyond that. I shall be a Major, mark my words.”
“Oh, how wonderful!” Juliana said. Her eyes were misty, and she seemed almost to be talking to herself. “The wife of a Major…”
Christopher’s heart leaped in his chest. “Perhaps even further above, though I should not get ahead of myself,” he said. “I shall need to have the opportunity to distinguish myself in the field. But if it should come, be sure that I will take it.”
“I’m not sure I like the idea of you in battle,” Juliana said, pouting slightly. “You should be in great danger. What if something were to happen to you?”
“Such is the risk associated with being a military man,” Christopher said, puffed out with pride and swagger despite the fact he had never been anywhere near something resembling a real combat situation. “It is the sad lot of the military wife to await news of her beloved. But the men tell me that reunion is all the sweeter for it.”
“Oh, they do?” Juliana asked. Her eyes were like saucers.
Christopher had to laugh. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” he said. He chose not to share the choice ribald stories he had been told about what happened when a man returned from the front lines to his wife. “And for a strong-minded woman, it is all the better. She has the chance to run the household by herself while he is away.”
“She is the sole regent of her own small palace,” Juliana said dreamily.
“Yes, indeed,” Christopher agreed. “It is a most pleasant life, for those who are so inclined.”
Remembering how excited she had been, Christopher couldn’t help but smile to himself. That was back when he had been falling in love with her. He was sure, now, that she had been doing the same. It was all he had ever wanted to follow through on those promises and become the man that was worthy of her love.
How could he do anything to stop it from happening, now?
He had been sitting on his bed reading a letter from Edmund, filled with news from their family home, when Jasper returned. He had read each line perhaps twenty times, none of it truly going into his head.
“They’ve got him!” Jasper announced, bursting in breathlessly.
“What?” Christopher asked, startled, clutching his chest as his heart hammered so fast it felt as though it might fall out.
“They found everything, exactly as we planned. There was such a row they almost came to blows. At last, the Major appeared, and Brazen formally resigned. He’s out.”
Christopher felt a great rushing sensation, as he were falling from a great height.
“Anyway, I’m for the common hall. I’ll see you there?” Jasper said. “Mayhap we’ll have a little wine to celebrate.”
“Right,” Christopher nodded. “I’ll just…”
He gestured vaguely towards his trunk, and whatever that was supposed to mean, Jasper seemed to accept it.
Christopher sat in their quarters for a while longer, abandoning all pretense of doing something else. After a short time, he stood and began to pace back and forth. His thoughts skittered to and fro like rats, and he could not bear to be still any longer.
But what could he do?
The question was honor, above all things. The irony of it was that Captain Brazen – no, Mr. Brazen, now – had made his choice out of honor, as they had known he would.
The question was whether honor was more important than other things. Whether it was fair to use dishonorable means to win Juliana, so long as he got her in the end. Whether winning that great prize justified ruining the life of another.
His life or Brazen’s – who was to say which was worth more?
But if all things were equal, and all people equal too, then neither of them was worth more. Neither of them had the God-given right to happiness at the expense of all else.
And following this path of thought, then Christopher had no right at all to allow Brazen’s life to be ruined just so that he might have a chance at happiness.
When it came down to it, would Juliana even accept him if she ever found out what he had done? That he had sacrificed an innocent man in search of his own happiness?
Or would she be so disappointed in him that she would turn him aw
ay and marry some rich nobleman who had never seen a moment’s service, just to spite him?
Christopher caught sight of the letter from Edmund, discarded off on a table, and it was as though a jolt of lightning ran through him. Edmund was an honorable man to the core – and made all the more so by his choice of wife in the patient and kind Joanna.
The moment he thought of how they would look at him – how his younger sisters and brother would look at him – if they found out what he had done, Christopher’s mind was made up.
The assembly of inner voices that had been feeding his guilt finally triumphed. His father’s, his mother’s, his brother’s. And, finally, the one he hadn’t recognized thus far:
His own.
He had to stop this, had to put it right, without a moment’s delay.
Christopher hurriedly finished dressing, buttoning up his jacket and making himself presentable. He checked his hat in the faded, smoky glass of a small mirror they kept balanced up on the mantlepiece, and stared at himself in the eye for one last time.
Satisfied that his appearance was befitting a meeting with the Major, he stepped outside, and hurried over to the building that housed offices for the higher ranks to conduct their business.
The Major had a small room on the lower floor, and Christopher moved towards it with a pace born of determination. Other men coming towards him changed track to let him through. They must have seen the single-mindedness with which he was now approaching his goal.
At the office, however, a young man stationed on guard duty held up a hand to stop him.
“What is your business with the Major?” he asked.
“I have something to tell him,” Christopher said. “Something urgent.”
“And do you have an appointment?”
“No. No – this came up suddenly. Please, it’s very important.”
“Has it to do with the war effort?” the young soldier asked officiously.
“Well, no.”
“Is it of tactical significance?”
“No, it’s not that kind of…”
“Has someone been killed or otherwise injured?”
“Well, only in the sense of wounded pride.”
“Then your business with the Major is not urgent,” the soldier said decisively. “You will be required to call back at a later time.”
“I’ll wait here,” Christopher said, standing his ground.
The young soldier sighed. “As you are my senior officer, sir, I cannot tell you not to do that. However, I would have you know that the Major is not best pleased to have his afternoon disturbed, and has instructed me not to let a single other person inside.”
“I will wait,” Christopher said stubbornly.
He retreated to the opposite side of the hall, a few paces away, and leaned against it. Several times, higher-ranking men moved through the corridor, forcing him to straighten up and stand to attention as they passed.
He thought about what he would say to the Major, and how he would explain what had happened.
Of course, there was likely no way that he would be able to remove his own name from the whole sorry affair. There might be repercussions for that, which might even set him back further than he had risen so far.
But there was nothing for it. He had to do the right thing.
At last, there was the sound of movement from behind the door. Christopher sprang up as he heard voices moving closer, along with footsteps.
“Well, it’s been a pleasure,” the Major was saying.
The door opened, and Christopher felt his jaw drop open.
“My thanks, Major,” his guest said, giving Christopher a smile before walking down the hall towards the exit.
“I’m not to be disturbed again, am I?” the Major asked sternly. He was directing the question towards his young guard, but it was Christopher that he looked to for an answer.
Christopher could only shake his head tightly, managing to force out a quiet, “No, sir.”
Then he turned and strode down the corridor himself, hurrying so that he would not lose sight of Jasper’s retreating back ahead of him.
Chapter 17
“Thank goodness they are going at last,” Juliana said, watching out of an upstairs window as the servants loaded box after bag onto the waiting coach.
“You shouldn’t be so unkind,” Mary said, glancing around and giggling. “At least not while there is still a chance that the Baroness will hear you.”
“Juliana! Lady Mary!”
Juliana sighed. “Mama is calling us,” she said. “I suppose we are expected to say farewell.”
Juliana trailed reluctantly down the stairs, with Mary following after her. There was quite a party awaiting them in the sitting room – the Baroness, John, the Duke and Duchess, and Aunt Bertha all sat about, and turned their attention on both girls as they entered.
“Juliana,” the Duchess began. “Lady Ascot has a proposal for both of you girls. As you know, their stay here in Bath is at an end.”
“And we will miss them greatly,” Juliana said with a smile and a dip of her head, largely prompted by Mary’s subtle elbow in her side.
“Yes, well, perhaps you won’t need to,” the Duchess went on. “In fact, the Baroness has invited you both to stay with them at their home for a few weeks.”
Juliana felt heat begin to race up her cheeks. Oh, if only the floor of the sitting room might neatly open up and swallow her whole. How she had put herself right where they wanted her, with her insipid little comment about missing their company! How was she ever supposed to refuse now?
“That sounds wonderful,” Mary said, taking the lead. She no doubt sensed that her friend was unable to speak at that moment.
“You will both go, of course?” the Duke rumbled in his low voice. “Your mother and I could see no reason why you should not, and Mrs. Reffern has graciously affirmed that she will not take it as an affront to be without your company. In point of fact, we shall stay here as her guests in the meanwhile.”
So, that was it. No way out. It would not be possible for the pair of them to return to Juliana’s home, since her parents would not be there. They were being unceremoniously removed from the house in Bath. As for Mary’s home, she had already planned to spend the whole spring away with Juliana – her family would be ill-prepared to accept not only her presence but also another mouth to feed.
So it was settled, and there was nothing she could do about it.
“We would be delighted,” Juliana said, clasping onto Mary’s arm in a show of joyful exuberance. In truth, she needed something to steady herself at that moment.
Mary clutched her carefully, keeping her on her feet. For that, Juliana was exceptionally grateful. It did nothing, however, to dispel the cloud of heaviness that now hung over her: the thought of long weeks of walks with the Baroness, of endless criticism, and of further exhortations on the suitability of their match – and all without interruption…
Weeks! She could hardly stomach it.
Around them, the adults were busy talking, their voices filling the air like the buzzing of summer-drunk bees. Juliana barely heard a word of it, except to dimly know that she had been instructed to assist the maids with packing immediately to ensure nothing was left behind.
She wandered up the stairs in a daze, only managing to get her footing right by following Mary.
“Oh, dear, love,” Mary said, pulling her into an embrace in the privacy of their shared room. “It shan’t be as bad as you think. I will do my best to make it tolerable for you.”
“Thank you, Mary,” Juliana said, moving slowly as if she had only just woken from a dream. “You are truly my strength at this moment. I don’t know how I will manage it. All that time batting off their advances. And Christopher so far away, too.”
“Not so far away that you cannot write,” Mary reminded her. “If you’d like, I can pretend the letters are from myself, to avoid the suspicion of the Baroness. We will have a grand old time, I promise you. Even
if it means we have to get up early and go on long walks of our own to avoid being ensnared.”
“You are a true friend,” Juliana said, patting at her eyes to draw away the excess moisture that seemed to have gathered there.
The packing took a regrettably short time. After all, the girls had only brought a small selection of their possessions for their stay, and it needed only to be put back into cases again – there were only a few new items for which places needed to be found. Then everything was carried onto the coach along with the rest, and at long last they were ready to depart.