by Mya Robarts
“Other things might happen.”
“Not unless Lila wants to.”
“If she wants to? She’s too young to know what’s best. You’re supposed to keep her away from anything that endangers her purity!”
“Like what? Like the recruitment? I can’t keep her away from that.”
“That’s different and you know it. In that case, it wouldn’t be her fault if her V… um … every future husband would understand that she didn’t want to and—”
My dad’s cart makes squealing sounds. He raises his voice. “Stop! Lila is eighteen, and I trust her. I’ve raised my daughter to become her own best friend and to do nothing that goes against herself. Whenever she decides to … start her sexual life, I’ll respect her decision.”
“You can’t tell me this is what you wanted for your daughter.”
“Recruitment isn’t what I want for my daughter,” says Dad brusquely.
“You know what I mean.”
“You’re wrong. I want Lila to have control of her life and be happy.”
It sounds as if Baron has stopped pacing. His voice comes calmer. “Ethan, I wouldn’t meddle if I didn’t care for her as though she was my own daughter. She might not want to marry now, but she’ll have to get a husband in the future and by then there’ll be no way to recover what she’s lost. Even Camilla would agree with me.”
“Don’t mention my wife!” Dad’s furious voice startles us. He’s never been so angry.
“I’m mentioning her because she wouldn’t have given Lila permission to—”
“Drop it!” Dad yells. “I’ll put it this way, Baron. I’m a doctor and a father. As a doctor, I know that the vaginal corona doesn’t have a function. What people call maidenhead is nothing but a set of elastic folds of mucous tissue. As a father, I would prefer she didn’t marry a man who values tissue more than Lila’s distinctive personality. Any guy should consider himself lucky if a woman as noble as my Lila accepts his proposal.”
“But—”
“If she’s going to lose that stupid membrane I’d rather Lila make that decision, as opposed to the soldiers making that decision for her.” Dad drops his voice to a whisper. “Do you get it now? Or should I bring Duque in to explain it to you?
A thumping sound tells us that Baron has left the ER, and the squeal of Dad’s cart follows.
“That was fun! Vaginal corona,” says Olmo, giggling as he leaves the office.
My father's support moves me. Whatever else is missing from my life, I’ll always feel grateful for the honor of being his daughter.
I look at the window and see my godfather storming down the stairs. Baron means well, but the Diazes’ decisions are more situated in the have to, than in the want to territory. I can’t live like that. I need balance between the two. And right now what I have to do is to give priority to Olmo’s health. I can’t drag him out of the clinic to a homeless existence. Wasn’t he the reason I decided to share a bed with Aleksey in the first place?
I want to make my family leave this clinic, but I have to accept the fact that they’re all better near medical help. I’m the one who can’t live here anymore.
“And?” Azzy asks with a malicious look on her face. “Have you lost the stupid membrane yet?
She becomes incredulous, but supportive, when I explain to her my reasons to leave and promises to inform Dad and Olmo my decision.
I still have time before curfew. There’s only one place in Starville where I can go to spend the night.
Chapter 39
The blonde, green-eyed woman looks at me, petrified.
“Good evening, Aunt Olga.”
Olga Busko, Angie’s mom, is my only living relative in town. While my father was recovering from the amputation of his legs, we stayed for a while with my uncle Flint Velez. We fled when Azzy told me that our fifteen year old cousin had showed her his penis. We ended up living with Aunt Olga for a while. She’s always been kind to me and my siblings, but she’s still on bad terms with Dad. She can’t forgive him for marrying my pure-blood Circassian mom.
“Would you let me stay here just for tonight? Please?”
My aunt looks at me and understands that I can’t give her a reason. “Sure, Lila. You’re welcome any time.”
Aunt Olga’s hut is humble but full of furniture thanks to Rey’s carpentry talents. He made pieces of ornamental art out of chairs, cupboards, cabinets, and an engraved musical clock, giving the small one-window room a cozy look. Fine woodworking that was supposed to be a surprise for his bride.
My uncle Ben died but Olga is relatively safe. No soldier, no Starviller, would dare to come near a hut that is so close to the museum ruins and their ghosts. Just in case, she has three dogs that are almost as big as Poncho, although their lack of fierceness makes it evident they’re not genetically modified. After the ritual of smelling their asses, they welcome Poncho like an old friend.
I end up sleeping in Angie’s bed. As usual, vivid dreams assault my slumber. A beautiful, deadly lion howls in pain, searching for the mate it lost. Its search around the wood becomes frenetic, desperate. The lion’s mate won’t come back, and the predator’s agony is evident. For some reason the agony of its loss breaks my heart. The lion starts a race toward the cliffs at supernatural speed.
My habit of getting up at three-thirty wakes me up at that exact time. I toss in bed for a while, thinking about recruitment.
Aunt Olga gets up when the clock chimes five o’clock. I accept the piece of bread she offers me as I get ready for work. I’ll spend the night at the factory for a night shift.
“Only ten days until recruitment,” says Aunt Olga, interrupting my musings. A shiver runs down my spine. Even if I’m somehow afraid of him, I’m sure he wouldn’t let them rape me. After his C.N. confession, I think he wanted the privilege of raping me for himself.
At that moment, Poncho whimpers, springing to alertness. He’s sensed something. It takes a little bit longer for my aunt’s dogs to detect the enemy. When they start to bark and snarl loudly, Poncho remains utterly still, angling his body towards the door. Ready for combat.
I take a cautious look out of the window and freeze on my spot. There are no words to describe my shock.
“Aleskey,” I whisper.
The cop is scanning the entrance of the museum ruins fervently. A genetically-modified hound accompanies him. My scent must have led the dog there, and it won’t be long ‘til he follows my trace here.
He looks as confident, regal, and fierce as always, but there’s something different about him. There are hints of despair in his stance. In the way he storms through the museum entrance shouting my name. In the way his fist hits the unhinged doors when he finally comes out, making them fall to the ground with a crashing sound.
Aunt Olga looks at me worriedly. “Is there anything wrong?”
I peer outside one last time. As he runs his hands through his blonde mane his face reflects anguish. Even pain. I’ve never imagined such a strong, expressionless man could show despair like that. He reminds me of the lion of my dream.
Except that lions don’t mate for life. For Aleksey, I’m not a long-term mate. I’m prey.
I lower my voice. “An Accord cop will come looking for me. Please tell him that I visited you two days ago and that you haven’t seen me since.”
“I knew you had gotten yourself into trouble,” she says as she takes a look outside.
The barking turns deafening; Aleksey must be getting closer.
She looks at me knowingly. “What have you done to that man?”
“I wish I knew,” I whisper. With a closed up man like Aleksey, I might never know.
* * *
Knowing well that Aleksey is never at the clinic in the afternoon, I return to leave a false trail and check on my family. I find the twins trying to cheer up Duque. All of us thought Duque was feeling better and determined to rejoin TCR after Sara’s execution. But the Diazes are taking turns to be with him night and day to prevent h
im from ending his life.
“You are a chiiiiiiiiiild of the universe, no less than the trees and the staaaars, you have the riiiight to be here,” sings Olmo at the top of his lungs in his chiming voice. Totally out of tune. “And whether or noooooooot it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfoldiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing as it shouuuuuuuuuuuld.” Azalea makes a gagging expression behind Olmo’s back. She has caught Duque’s attention and is making him smile. But it becomes evident that Duque’s trying hard to look like my sibling’s attempts to cheer him up are working while the agony in his eyes indicates the contrary.
I ask the twins to give me a moment with Duque. Duque knows me well and realizes I’m nervous. “Do you want to tell me something?”
I nod. “Duque, you used to say that you’ll never leave Starville.”
He inhales deeply and shakes his head. “Not anymore. I hate this place. Here, everybody … knows. Everybody laughs—” He doesn’t need to say more. I haven’t forgotten how I beat his ex-fiancée because of her mean comments.
I pace around the room. “If they don’t recruit me, I’ll try to find a place in Shiloh. Why don’t you come with me?” Starvillers are allowed in Shiloh. They don’t get good jobs, and it’s difficult to find housing when you only have coupons to pay the rent, but it’d be a change.
“Shiloh isn’t far enough. I was thinking of a farther place.” His words imply that Duque’s determined to leave Starville, and he thinks his only way is through death. Not now, as he has to be here for the ceremony. Once you’re eligible for recruitment, you can’t escape by suicide unless you don’t care if the troops recruit your family as retaliation. That’s not Duque’s case.
“Nobody knows you in Shiloh and you’re the best musician in town. There’s always “Musician Wanted” signs all over there.”
“I don’t know, Lila. Maybe. It sounds better than ... I dread the moment I’ll have to walk those streets again with all the gossip and girls looking down at me and—”
I pat his arm. “Shh. I know.” Starviller’s comments about my mom still sound in my nightmares. “At least you’d consider it. Rey would never leave unless it was for the seminary.”
His head snaps back and there’s venom in his words. “Well, Rey won’t have trouble finding a wife would he? But what woman would want me after what happened to me?”
“I know of one.”
He sighs and looks at the window. “I hate your jokes, Velez.”
“I couldn’t be more serious.” I’ve planned my actions and words carefully before coming here. His eyes grow wide when I take a jar of ink from my dress pocket and kneel beside his bed. It’s not the official tattoo but it’s valid enough to count as a binding promise. “Duque Charles Diaz, would you marry me?”
Chapter 40
Duque’s amber eyes open wide at the same time that Azalea’s booming surprise startles us. “Menstruating mother of goat!” A crashing sound, as of breaking glass, confirms my suspicious that the twins are eavesdropping.
“I’m sorry,” says Olmo in a loud, apologetic voice. I leave the room briefly to scare them off.
When I return, Duque’s still in shock. I wait patiently for him to recover from the shock. Duque bursts out laughing, his hilarious outburst mixing with winces. Apparently, laughing causes him pain.
“I’m serious, Duque,” although I’m only doing this to make him desist his suicide plans. “Marry me, and start a new life with me in Shiloh.”
Duque smiles sadly and holds his stoma up. “Thanks, but no thanks. I don’t want that kind of pressure on me. I’ll never ever need to … lay with a girl. I’m broken, Lily. I can’t perform groom duties while my waste is on display.”
“Who cares about that? You’re beautiful, kind, brave, loyal, smart, and funny.”
He thinks about it for a moment and sits up straight. “You can’t imagine how good you’re making me feel. Because I know I have competition. The burly cop and my own brother ... you prefer me over them?”
“Absolutely!” I say and Duque smiles at my sincere enthusiasm. One is a rapist the other is in love with a ghost. Duque on the other hand is a V-boy as inexperienced and afraid of the troops as I am, and he would be a great life-partner. “You’ll make a better husband than either of them.”
“You’re wrong. They are too strong to be raped whereas I—” He sighs and turns his back to me. “I know why you’re doing this, Lila. Thank you. I’ll have to think about this.”
I know Duque’s answer will be negative, but I hope I made him consider other options that don’t include his death.
* * *
The time at the clothing factory flies by. Around me, dozens of seamstresses sitting in two large tables keep embroidering the open crinoline dresses that Patriot women love. Finally, my night shift is over. Tiredly, I put my backpack around my shoulders. I’ll come back later for a double shift that will keep me in the factory all night.
“What are you girls looking at outside?” asks our female supervisor
My coworkers are gathering their things before going home. There are tall windows in the square-shaped plant and my coworkers are fighting to get a look out of the window.
“There’s a mutant pacing at the entrance,” says a high-pitched voice.
A short-haired blonde girl nudges her way through the giggling girls to gain a spot near the window. “A mutant?”
“He has to be a mutant. Otherwise, why is he so handsome?” answers the first girl in an admiring tone.
“Look! He towers over the guards!” says a girl who is practically bouncing in excitement.
I stop dead in my tracks. Tall?
“I didn’t know the Accord cops could be so handsome,” says another admirer.
I don’t need to hear anymore. I dash toward the stairs. I reach the roof and jump around building roofs using the Parkour techniques Aleksey taught me. I find Poncho at Shiloh’s plaza and together we make for the railroad.
Aleksey is going to be extremely difficult to avoid. I barely managed yesterday morning. There are only two places where I can spend the night without the risk of being found.
* * *
I wake up curled against Poncho in a dark storage attic and brush the dust from my cloak. Broken-beyond-repair artifacts, black armor, and dusty cardboard surround me. A story below me, the Accord cops end whatever business that keeps them busy in the evening and are heading for bed. The sound of steps and conversations in foreign languages filters through the loose floorboards.
The Accord headquarters are at an old three-story house. Soldiers won’t come here as they consider this building UNNO territory. And the lion never hunts at a lion’s den. Even less its own den. Aleksey won’t search for me in here.
The murmurs fade and the night watch starts as evidenced by the sound of steps going back and forth in the dark. I hope that the watchman’s rounds don’t include checking the attic.
I spend most of that night dozing at intervals. I don’t have a way to know the hour but my natural clock tells me it’s around four a.m. I have to leave before the cops wake up for their 0600 drills.
Just when I thought I could relax, Poncho snaps his giant head up. Someone is climbing up the attic stairs. Poncho and I hide behind some huge carton cardboards and remain utterly still.
To no avail.
The dim light of a flashlight points directly to where we are. The sound of a confident, heavy stride approaches.
“Miss Velez,” says an accented, beautiful voice.
Chapter 41
Poncho wiggles his tail and walks enthusiastically toward the new arrival, leaving me alone in our hiding place.
The accented voice sounds closer. “I saw your dog’s silhouette when I pointed the light. The cardboard is translucent.”
I reluctantly step out of my hiding place and am momentarily blinded by his flashlight.
“We wouldn’t hurt a citizen for trespassing on UNNO property, but it’ll be better if my comrades don’t find you here.” He
grabs my arm. “Come on. Let’s go to my room.”
Tristan’s room is illuminated only by a candle. It’s so small that the door collides with the nightstand. The wardrobe is almost as big as the room, and there’s barely any walking space next to the regular single bed.
The lanky cop courteously helps me to take off my cloak and I sit next to the bed’s headboard. “Have you been hiding here all this time, Miss Velez?”
“No. Please don’t tell Aleksey that I came here.”
“I can’t promise you that. He’s my general and I’m supposed to inform him everything. Besides, we’re very close and it breaks my heart seeing him so afflicted.” He looks at me as though he likes having me here. “I’ve been worried, too.”
That’s when an idea occurs to me. It’s only eight days until recruitment. I can’t rely on Rey or Aleksey for emergency deflowering. I’m alone with a young man who seems to like me and who is neither a priest nor a rapist. What if …?
Before he knows what’s happening, I hurl myself against him. He loses his balance and falls to bed. I pinion his wrists to the mattress and straddle his stomach. He looks surprised but doesn’t push me away when I lean in to kiss him
“Tristan, let’s have sex. I … don’t want the troops … to recruit me,” I say, trying to nibble his earlobe, almost pulling his earring too hard.
Why do I have to miss Aleksey’s lips now? My mouth becomes feverish in my desperation to get him out of my mind. I only stop to take off my T-shirt. I awkwardly try to push down the bands that cover my chest, but seeing the doubt in his face, I attack his mouth again.
“Miss Velez,” says Tristan timidly, his voice muffled by my desperate mouth.
“Call … me … Lila.” I speak between kisses, but his lips don’t yield.
He wiggles beneath me. “I’m sorry, Miss Velez. I can’t.”
“You can’t call me Lila?”
That makes him smile. “I can’t make love to you. Sorry.”
Not that again! “Why not? Come on, Tristan!” I’m still struggling to pull down the bands. Perhaps looking at my breasts will entice him more than my lips. “You fear rape, too. Let’s have willing, consensual sex while we can.”