by Beth Flynn
“What’s up?” I asked as I approached them.
“Won’t start,” she answered, staring at the engine. “Sam thinks he might be able to help me.”
“Want me to call and see if maybe just this once we can take my car?”
Before she could answer one of them spoke.
“I think I can fix it,” the younger of the two commented. This was Sam, her neighbor. I recognized him now. He was a nice guy. A little older than Jo, and I remembered he’d gotten into some trouble recently. He had graduated high school and fallen in with a bad crowd. I think Jo told me he’d been picked up for vandalism, drugs, the usual. His single mother, Vanessa, had asked Fess for some help getting him out of jail. Jo was certain Vanessa knew about the motorcycle gang and Fess’s possible participation, but she was an okay lady. She minded her business, kept to herself, but without being standoffish. She had been very kind to Jo’s family when her mother passed away years earlier, and they’d continued a comfortable and amicable relationship since then. It seemed only natural she would go to Fess for some help.
Fess got Sam out of jail and helped him enroll in a trade school. I hadn’t heard anything since and thought he was doing well. Still living at home, but hopefully staying out of trouble. I didn’t recognize the guy he was with.
“Kit, you remember Sam from across the street.”
I smiled and said, “Hi, Sam. How’ve things been going? Everything good, I hope.” He looked up from what he was doing and gave me a wide smile. Whoa. I didn’t remember him being that cute. Then again, I didn’t remember taking notice of many other men during that time in my life.
“Kit.” His smile grew warmer. “Nice to see you. Yeah, things are good. How about you?”
“I’m really good. I’ll be even better if you can fix whatever’s wrong with Jo’s car.”
“Aren’t you gonna introduce me?”
I hadn’t been paying attention to the other guy and now looked over at him. I didn’t like what I saw. For starters, he was leaning on my car and drinking a beer. He was probably in his thirties, a little old to be hanging out with Sam, and sleazy-looking. I didn’t say hello, just nodded and went back to looking under the hood with Sam and Jo.
“That’s Neal,” Sam said without looking up.
“So you ladies don’t look like you belong to a motorcycle gang,” Neal said in an exaggerated, phony southern drawl.
Before we could answer, Sam said, “Shut up, Neal.”
“Well, c’mon now, Sam, you was the one bragging in jail that some bikers were getting you out. That you had connections.” Neal sneered toward Jo’s house and said, “Looks like nothing but an old man and some kids. Your daddy ever ride that thing?” he asked Sarah Jo as he nodded toward Fess’s bike in the open garage.
Without waiting for her to answer, Neal started walking toward the garage. Sam by this time was totally mortified and kept apologizing to Sarah Jo while pleading with Neal to shut up and just leave.
This now made sense. Neal must have met Sam during his short stay in jail a couple of months ago. I couldn’t figure out the current connection, though. I thought Sam had cleaned up his act and was doing well for himself. I wondered how Neal fit into this picture.
I whispered to Jo, “Call Grizz at Eddie’s.”
Sam heard me and I saw an expression on his face I couldn’t read. Was it fear? Relief? Jo made a beeline for her front door. Neal sat on Fess’s bike making motorcycle sounds. In between he was yelling at Jo as she walked up to her front door, “Oh, you gonna call your old man, the big bad gang member? Well, you go ahead and do that, little girl. I bet I can get him to let me take this baby for a ride. You know what? Let’s not wait for you to ask him. Get me the key.”
Sarah Jo ignored him and went inside her house. I was praying Grizz was still at Eddie’s. Please let him be there. Please let him be there. This was long before cell phones. In the meantime I was mentally trying to devise a back-up plan in case he wasn’t there.
I turned to Sam. “What’s with this guy?”
“I haven’t been able to shake him, Kit,” Sam said quietly. “And I never told him anything about the gang. I swear. He must’ve heard stuff through the jail. He showed up acting like my best friend five days after I got out. I don’t know what he wants with me, and honestly, I don’t know how to get rid of him. He hasn’t said anything directly, but he’s hinted at hurting my mom. I’ve been giving him money just to get rid of him and then he pops back up unexpectedly and uninvited, like this morning. I don’t want no trouble.”
“It’ll be okay. Don’t worry, Sam.”
“Kit, I don’t want no trouble with the gang.”
“I said not to worry.”
Just then, Sarah Jo opened her front door and nodded at me. I knew then that help was on the way.
I turned to Sam. “You need to go home now. You need to go inside and not come back out. Okay?”
“I can’t leave you and Jo with this maniac,” he said. “It wouldn’t be right.”
We stood there a few more minutes listening to Neal ranting from the garage. I signaled to let Jo know I was okay and she should shut and lock the front door. She knew I would be fine and so she did it without hesitation.
Neal picked this time to start yelling at Sarah Jo. There was a door in the garage that went into the kitchen, and even though it was closed, he knew she could hear him.
“Bring me the key, little bitch, and I’ll get out of here and nothing bad will happen,” Neal called out in a singsong. “Motorcycle gang, my ass.”
I heard a motorcycle. Finally. It took less than ten minutes, but felt like an hour.
“Go now, Sam,” I told him, my voice low and urgent. “Now. Shut your door and don’t come out. Go. Please. We’re okay. You know who’s coming, right?”
He just nodded and whispered, “I’m sorry, Kit.”
Then he walked directly across the street and into his house, shutting the door behind him.
I had been leaning up against the back of Sarah Jo’s car. Grizz rolled up to the curb like he didn’t have a care in the world. Neal must have heard him because the garage got quiet all of a sudden. Grizz turned off his bike and got off. He walked up the driveway.
When he got to me, I asked, “Did you bring back-up? Do you want to wait for help?”
He just rolled his eyes and said, “Wait here, sweetheart.”
I was confident Grizz could handle Neal, but I was worried maybe Neal had a weapon I hadn’t noticed. He could take a gun out at any time and just shoot Grizz.
Then again, Grizz always had a weapon on him. I probably didn’t have to worry.
I didn’t follow Grizz all the way into the garage. I just stood in front of Jo’s car with my arms across my chest. Her hood was still up, and my car was parked next to hers blocking the view of what was going on inside. I was relieved. I didn’t want a nosy neighbor calling the police. I still didn’t know how Grizz was going to handle Neal. I didn’t have to wait long.
During the time it took for Grizz to walk up Jo’s driveway, Neal had gotten himself off Fess’s bike. I could see him shaking as Grizz made his way into the garage.
“Aw, fuck, man. I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know it was you, I swear,” Neal said, his voice quavering. “I was just giving the kids a hard time.”
He knew who Grizz was. Interesting.
Grizz just stood there with his arms relaxed at his sides and let Neal ramble.
“I heard some punks in jail talking about how the kid had friends in a gang. I didn’t know it was your gang, man. I swear. They never said a name. I’ll just be on my way like nothing ever happened.”
I looked past Neal and saw Jo’s face peeking out the door that connected the garage to the house. She had the widest grin I’d ever seen. I smiled back at her.
“Get on your knees.”
“What? What ya gonna do to me, man? Man, please don’t kill me.’
“Get on your knees now, motherfucker.”
&nb
sp; Sobbing loudly, Neal lowered himself to his knees. He was shaking more than before. Grizz had his back to me. He walked slowly toward Neal and I heard him undo his zipper.
What? Why was he undoing his zipper?
Neal started whining again, “Aw, man, I ain’t no fag. What are you doing, man?”
Yeah, what are you doing?
“Open your mouth,” Grizz growled.
“Aw, man, don’t make me do this, please.”
Sarah Jo and I made eye contact. Her eyes were as big as saucers.
“Open your fucking mouth now!” Grizz yelled.
Neal did as he was told, but Grizz didn’t step closer to him. Before I realized what was happening, Neal started gagging. Then I understood what Grizz was doing. He was urinating in Neal’s mouth.
Just then, Neal threw up. Grizz stepped back and zipped up. Neal was on all fours and vomiting all over Jo’s garage floor. When he’d finished, he’d sat back on his haunches and closed his eyes.
“Sarah Jo, honey, be a sweetheart and get me a spoon, would ya?”
“Sure, Grizz.”
Jo returned with a spoon and walked around Neal and his vomit to hand it to Grizz. Grizz handed Neal the spoon and said, “Eat it. All of it.”
While doing my best to ignore what Neal was doing, and not very successfully, I told Grizz about Jo’s car not starting and how we came to meet Neal. How he’d met Sam in jail and his threats to Vanessa.
Grizz walked me and Jo to my car. “Go ahead and take your car to the beach. I’ll stay and deal with shithead.”
“I can’t believe you peed in the guy’s mouth. I thought you were going to make him perform oral sex.”
I could hear Jo giggling as she got our beach stuff out of her car and started putting it into mine.
Another roll of his eyes. “After all this time with me and you can’t even bring yourself to say ‘blow job.’”
“I said it once. To Jan,” I muttered quietly.
He just laughed and took my chin in his hands. “Still my sweet little Kitten. I love you, baby.”
“I love you, too,” I told him. “Just promise me that after he cleans up, you’re done with him. Promise me. No violence or anything. Please?”
“I promise, baby.” He kissed me as I tried to block out the gagging sounds coming from the garage.
Sarah Jo and I left in my car and I noticed the garage door went down as we pulled away. I prayed Grizz was going to keep his word and not do any more harm to the guy. My new favorite group was on the radio. Boston was singing “More Than a Feeling.” Jo reached over and turned the volume down.
“Gosh, Kit. I thought we were best friends.”
I looked over at her, surprised. “We are! Why would you say that?”
“Because, as long as we’ve been friends, you never once mentioned your husband’s huge dick.”
Chapter Thirty
Time continued to pass. I rarely saw Grunt. He was still in college and working on a double master’s degree. He was interested in architecture. He still came around the motel, but he had moved the majority of his belongings out. He was living with a girl, Cindy, at her condo on the beach.
I missed his friendship, but I was happy with Grizz. I was getting tired of the motel, though. I told Grizz I was ready for something new. I really wanted to go to college. I think I was envious of Grunt’s success and happiness. I wanted to be more than Grizz’s woman. Don’t get me wrong—Grizz was still very good to me. But there was only so much I could get from a relationship. I needed a purpose.
I remembered when I was first abducted. I was only fifteen then, and had my life planned out. I knew what I wanted. I’d lost track of that in the romantic haze of Grizz’s attention. I was starting to feel that stirring of wanting something more.
Grizz detected it before I did and tried to distract me. He had Grunt design a house for us. We spent weekends driving around and looking at open land.
Did this mean he was going to give up the motel for me? Give up the gang? No. He would still continue with his activities and I would become Jan. Live in a beautiful home. Pop out a couple of kids. I was torn.
I didn’t have to dwell on it long. Something happened that took my attention away from my growing discontent. Something nobody saw coming. Something Grunt had warned me about years earlier.
It was the summer of 1978. It was a hot Tuesday night in July. Grizz had gone on one of his business trips. He was only going to be gone for two days and had actually asked me to go with him. I didn’t feel like it. I was bored and depressed and I wanted to just wallow in it by myself. And that’s just what I was doing. Lying on our bed looking at college brochures. I wanted so badly to go to college.
It was after eleven and I couldn’t sleep. Damien and Lucifer were in Moe’s room with her. I was absently stroking Gwinny’s head.
I heard our door open. That was strange. Was it Moe? Did she need something for one of the dogs? Maybe Grizz was home early. I jumped up off the bed.
Suddenly there was a large, hulking presence in front of me. It wasn’t Grizz. This man was dressed all in black and was wearing a ski mask. Before I could even register fear, he punched me right in the face and I fell back on to the bed.
He punched me hard enough to knock me out, but it didn’t. I wish it had. For two hours, he continued to torture and rape me, repeatedly. He spoke to me tauntingly the whole time in a voice I didn’t recognize.
“Grizz’s woman, huh? Let’s see if he’s going to want you after I’m done with you.”
That’s pretty much how the entire two hours went. Well, at least I can only remember two hours of it. He continued to beat me and bring me to the point of losing consciousness only to make sure I didn’t. I was so weakened by the initial punch in the face and the brutality he continued to unleash on me that I didn’t stand a chance. I couldn’t think clearly enough to come up with a plan to escape him.
Why hadn’t I locked the door? I berated myself. But I never locked the door. I never had to.
Who was at the motel? Well, Moe was, and she had my protectors locked in her room with her. Chowder had taken a rare leave from the motel to visit a sister who was dying. With Grizz gone, the pit was empty.
I was alone.
Grunt’s words from years earlier haunted me: “Just do me a favor, Kit. Stay sharp. Never let your guard down. You just never know with this kind of lifestyle what can come knocking at your door.”
Well, this guy didn’t knock. He just walked in. I’d let my guard down. I’d let myself believe that being with Grizz made me untouchable.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Moe found me the next morning. I wasn’t conscious and can only imagine her panic. She couldn’t call anyone for help. Instead, she paged everyone who had a pager. She put in her code and 911.
Blue was the first to arrive. He couldn’t call an ambulance. Even though I’d been missing for years, a public hospital was still too risky. So he called the doctor on Grizz’s payroll. I’d started to come around by the time the doctor got there. I couldn’t see anyone. Both my eyes were swollen shut. I still had all my teeth, but I required stitches to my lips and cheek. I was almost unrecognizable. My face was swollen to twice its normal size. I had bite marks all over my breasts, stomach and the inside of my thighs. I had broken ribs and a broken left wrist where I’d held up my hand to try to protect myself.
I was given enough pain medication that I was no longer feeling anything and fighting to stay awake. I don’t know how much time passed before I heard him. Grizz. He busted in the room yelling and cursing. I couldn’t see him because of my swollen eyes.
As I drifted into a painless sleep I heard him say, “God help the motherfucker who did this. He is going to suffer like no human being has ever suffered.”
I almost felt sorry for the guy. It didn’t last, though.
I didn’t know then that he’d killed my cat.
Chapter Thirty-One
My recovery was slow. I wa
s in an extreme amount of pain and was adamant about reducing the doses of my pain medication. The doctor continued to visit me regularly. After a couple days I was able to open one eye.
During my recovery, Grizz pestered me to death. He was obsessed with finding the guy who did this. He grilled me constantly on anything I could remember, even the slightest detail. Did I remember hearing a bike pull up? What color were the guy’s eyes? Was his hair long and did it show beneath the ski mask? What other kinds of things did he say to me?
I wasn’t the only one who got grilled. Poor Moe. She took the brunt of Grizz’s anger.
“What the fuck were my dogs doing with you in your room while Kit was being attacked? I have those dogs for her protection when I’m not here, not yours’!”
I begged him not to be so hard on her. It was obvious she felt awful and somewhat responsible. He berated her relentlessly. I felt so sorry for her, and when I was finally able to get around, I did what I could to intervene. But, like I said, he was obsessed. And because he didn’t know who did this to me, Moe was his whipping post. I honestly don’t know if he ever physically hurt her. I hope not. Truth was, there was nothing he could do or say to make her feel any worse than she already did.
Grizz temporarily turned over his business operation to Blue. He was going to expend every effort to find out who did this. Every informant was told there would be a substantial reward for information leading Grizz to the guy who was responsible.
Over the next several months there were a few false leads. I cannot tell you the fear I saw on the faces of the men Grizz paraded in front of me. He would make them talk to see if I recognized their voices. He made them wear a ski mask to see if anything seemed familiar. I was certain I would recognize the voice and physical appearance of my attacker. None of those guys were even close.
I eventually made a complete physical recovery. I didn’t do so well with the emotional part, though. I felt like I’d been violated, and I was certain Grizz wouldn’t want me after that. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. He’d been hesitant after I told him I was healed. I didn’t realize it was because he was afraid of hurting me. Once I convinced him he wouldn’t hurt me, we resumed our physical relationship.