by Kaylea Cross
Yeah, oh. “I hear you’re compiling a list of past transgressions against me, so you can possibly get custody of Ella.”
He sighed, and she could easily picture his grimace. “About that. I—”
“You swore to me when we met that you weren’t going to pursue custody of any sort, and then I find out this. What the hell, Evan?” She was pissed. And hurt. Stupid of her to be hurt by a man who had left her a decade ago, but she was.
“Look, I was only thinking about Ella. Someone left me a file with that stuff in it, and I was concerned.”
“What? A file?”
“I came out of the restaurant after meeting you and there was an envelope on my windshield with my name on it. Papers inside listed the incident with…Brian Palmer. Is it true?”
She flexed her jaw. “Yes, it’s true, and he got his nose broken for it prior to being arrested. We’re still waiting to see if there’s going to be a trial or not. As for my family history that your lawyer may or may not use against me, you knew all of that a long time ago. And it’s beyond low that you would ever try to use that as evidence to take Ella from me.”
“I would only think about trying for custody if I believed Ella was in danger by being with you. I got this file, was worried, and asked my lawyer to look into everything to see if it was all true. That’s all, I swear.”
“Who gave you this file?”
“I have no idea.”
That was unsettling. Obviously she had an enemy out there somewhere. Someone who wanted to hurt her. Other than Brian, she couldn’t imagine who it was, and until this morning, he’d been watched closely by the authorities. “And you didn’t think that was weird? Or think about coming to me first?”
“I honestly didn’t know what to think.”
“Well, Ella’s not in danger with me. I would never let anything happen to her if it was in my power to prevent it, and I sure as hell wouldn’t put her in jeopardy knowingly. And it’s rich that you would think that when you literally abandoned her when she was a baby.”
She paused, her heart thudding as her anger grew at his audacity. He’d been an absentee parent for all Ella’s life, and now he thought he knew best? Fuck that.
“You were the one who started this whole process. You came to me and asked to keep this civil, for Ella’s sake. I’ve done everything you’ve asked of me. I went to mediation, I agreed to proceed with this, and I met with you face-to-face. I can’t believe you would ever do this to me after everything you’ve already done. Or not done, as it is.”
He groaned, and she could picture him rubbing a hand over his hair the way he did when he was agitated. “All right. You’re right. And I should have called you after I read the file and had time to absorb it all. I should have talked to you about all of this rather than going to my lawyer.”
“Yes, you should have. Jesus, Evan. You seriously thought I would have just let any of that happen to my daughter? You know better.”
“Yeah.” He was quiet a moment. “I’m sorry, Tiana. I’m sorry for not asking you directly, and for causing you any more stress and concern. But please, don’t take away my chance to meet Ella just to hurt me. Please.”
Her heart was way too damn soft if that speech affected her. “You’d deserve it if I did.”
“I know.”
She pushed out a breath, feeling better now that she’d vented and had her say. Ella wanted to meet him. So, that was that. “All right, if the liaison is available, Ella can meet you this afternoon.”
“Thank you—”
“But I swear to God, if you pull any more shit going forward, I will fight you in court with everything I have to make sure Ella won’t see you until she’s legal age. She and I have been through too much together. I won’t allow anyone to add more to our load.”
“Understood. And I agree with you.”
“Good.” She glanced behind her. Aidan and Ella were on their way down the lane. They were engrossed in conversation, Aidan listening intently to whatever Ella was saying. “Have the liaison text me about what time she’ll be picking Ella up.”
“I will. And Tiana…”
“Yes?”
“Thank you. I mean it.”
“Don’t screw this up. Bye.”
She ended the call, shoving aside the stab of fear as she watched her daughter and Aidan walk toward her. It was done. All she could do now was hold onto what was right in front of her for as long as she could.
Chapter Seventeen
“You remember Lindsay, the lady from the court who you met at the police station a few weeks ago?” Tiana asked as she did up Ella’s raincoat.
“Yes.” Her daughter checked through her backpack distractedly.
“She’s the one taking you to meet your dad. She’ll stay while you guys talk, and then she’ll bring you straight home afterward. Okay?” And if things don’t go well, you never have to see him again. Tiana would make sure of that.
Ella was still preoccupied by whatever was in her pack. “All right.”
Tiana straightened and examined her daughter for any outward signs of nerves or stress but didn’t find any. No, that was all coming from her. Dammit.
She put on a smile even though she hated this and dreaded every moment Ella was at the meeting. Her anxiety was battering at her, whispering about all the possible things that could go wrong as a result of this. “We’ll be here when you get home and you can tell us all about it.”
Ella looked up, her face brightening. “Is Mac staying over again?”
She glanced behind her as Aidan came down the hallway. “Yes, if that’s all right with you. His house still isn’t safe yet.”
“Sure, it’s fine. Better than fine,” Ella answered, shrugging into her backpack. “I’m taking some of my drawings to show my dad. Just in case we don’t have a lot to talk about. You know how that happens sometimes when you meet someone?”
“I do,” he answered, and shot Tiana a wry smile.
“I don’t want it to be awkward.”
This kid. She said the damndest things. “My phone,” Tiana blurted, reaching for her purse, then stopped. Crap. “It’s almost dead.” She’d forgotten to charge it after her call with Evan.
“Here, she can take mine.” Aidan handed his to Ella. “This is the swipe code. Do you know your mom’s number? It’s stored in there if you forget.”
“Of course I know it,” she told him in a “what a ridiculous question” tone as she tucked it into the front pocket of her jeans.
A car pulled up out front on the road and Tiana’s stomach dropped. “She’s here.”
She went out on the front porch with Ella. The young court liaison, Lindsay, stepped out of the car and smiled at them. “Hi, Ella. You ready to go?”
“Yes. Bye, Mama, bye, Mac.” Ella trotted down the steps before Tiana could get a goodbye kiss in, paused at the car to wave, then climbed into the back.
“I’ll have her back by four-thirty at the latest,” Lindsay promised.
“Sure.” Heart sinking, Tiana waved as the woman got behind the wheel.
She stood there on the top step as the car reversed, her insides pulling into a giant knot that kept tightening with each passing second. Every instinct screamed at her to run to the car, pull Ella out and hold on tight. To never let her go. To protect her from more possible hurt.
But she didn’t. She sucked it up, stood on that step and put a smile on her face as Ella turned to wave at them, her daughter’s excited and hopeful expression tearing at her.
“Bye sweetheart,” she called, her voice catching slightly, glad Ella wouldn’t be able to tell from inside the car.
Aidan came to stand beside her as the car reached the lane and began to drive away. He wrapped a solid arm around her shoulders and tugged her into his side. “Brave lass,” he murmured into her hair, giving her a squeeze.
She knew he meant her and not Ella. It made her throat tighten.
Tiana closed her eyes and turned into him, grateful for his q
uiet strength and the comfort he gave her. That he understood how awful this was for her. “I hate this so much.” The lack of control. The inability to protect Ella just in case it didn’t go well.
“I know you do, but you didn’t let Ella know it, and that’s what’s important.”
She nodded, leaning into his hold. He was right. And she would never tire of the way he felt, or how safe he made her feel. Valued, in a way she’d never felt with another man. “I just don’t want her to get hurt.” Any more than she already had been, and would be, when Aidan left.
He ran a hand over her back, his breath warm on the top of her head. “No. And you don’t want her to leave you, either.”
She sagged against him, his words piercing her, because it was her darkest fear. “I don’t know what I’d do if it came to that.”
“It won’t. Your ex could never have anything on you that would make the courts take Ella away. And he’ll never replace you, even if she decides she wants a relationship with him. Ever.”
He took her by the shoulders and set her a bit away from him to look her in the eyes. “No matter what happens, you’ll always be her mother, and she’ll always adore you. You’ve seen to it, by devoting yourself to her for her entire life. That lass knows deep in her bones how much you love her. Nothing will ever change that bond between you.”
Oh, God, the backs of her eyes were already stinging, and his words just made it worse.
One side of his mouth lifted, the grin fond rather than amused, as though he could tell just how thin a thread she was hanging on by. “Come on,” he said, taking her hand and leading her back inside.
“Where are we going?” she blurted. If he thought she was even remotely in the mood for sex right now, he was nuts. Wine, maybe. Several glasses of wine and maybe a relaxing bath if they had enough hot water for one now. But not sex. Even with him, the sexiest man she’d ever known.
“Out.”
She scowled. “I don’t wanna go out.”
He raised an eyebrow at her petulant tone. “You’d rather sit here and drive yourself crazy for the next two hours?”
She sighed. Dammit… “You’re right. Where do you want to go?”
He studied her for a long moment. Then, without a word he bent and swung her up into his arms, earning a squeak as she grabbed hold of his shoulders.
He walked to the living room and sank down on the couch with her, pulling her into his lap and wrapping her up in a fierce hug, holding her tight. “It’ll be all right, lass, I promise,” he whispered against her temple. “Now just let me hold onto you for a minute, and once you’re settled we’ll get out of here for a wee while.”
****
The bumblebees were back, buzzing around in the bottom of her tummy when Ella got out of the car and followed Miss Lindsay into Whale’s Tale a few minutes later.
She hadn’t felt them in a while. Not since the last time she had to talk to the judge about Brian—she never thought of him as Mr. Brian anymore, not after what he’d done—which she hated doing. She wished she could just forget him and never have to talk about him again.
These bees were different than the kind she’d felt whenever Brian was around, though. Even before he’d done…those bad things in front of her, she’d felt them. Angry, hot bees that stung her insides. These ones weren’t hot, they were just…buzzy.
She was glad she was meeting her dad here at Miss Poppy’s shop where she knew people, so she didn’t feel so alone and nervous.
“Hey, Ella,” Miss Poppy called out with a bright smile, coming into the café side from the bookstore in the back carrying something in her hands.
The bees quieted a little. “Hi, Miss Poppy.”
“I got a new shipment in today and I found something I thought you might like.” She presented the box to her at the table Miss Lindsay sat down at. “It’s a calligraphy set. It comes with an instruction manual, paper, a fountain pen and some ink refills.”
Ella gasped. “It’s so pretty.”
“I thought you’d like it. Want to give it a try? If you like it then I know other girls will too and I’ll order a few more.”
“Yes, thank you.” She slipped off her backpack and opened the calligraphy set while Miss Poppy and Miss Lindsay talked for a minute.
“Ella, you want your usual?” Miss Poppy asked her.
She looked up from the instruction manual she’d been engrossed in. “Yes, please.”
Miss Poppy tapped her on the end of her nose gently. “Coming right up, cutie.”
“Let’s take a look at all this, since we’re a bit early,” Miss Lindsay said, taking out the pen to put a cartridge in it. Ella liked her. She smiled a lot and she actually listened when Ella talked. A lot of adults only paid partial attention or talked down to her, which annoyed her.
They were busy working on the letter A in the workbook when Miss Lindsay looked up. “Oh, I think your dad’s here.”
Ella’s heart jumped in her chest. She put the pen down and swung around on her chair to face the door just as a man walked in. Her mom had showed her a picture of him. He looked like a nice man, with brown hair, and when he stopped to smile at her, his blue eyes were the exact same color as hers.
“Hi, Ella,” he said and started toward them.
Ella’s cheeks began to burn as blood rushed to them and her heart was beating too fast. The man shook hands with Miss Lindsay and sat down, his leather jacket making a creaking sound. He smelled nice, but not as nice as Mac. And she’d never felt nervous around Mac. “What are you working on?”
She couldn’t find her voice. She was too busy staring at him. Trying to see bits of herself in his face. He was handsome and seemed like he would be kind. Why would he have left her and her mom and not cared about them?
He didn’t seem to mind that she didn’t answer. His smile got bigger and the look in his eyes grew softer as he watched her. As if he was trying to see his face in hers too. “You’re even more beautiful than the pictures your mom showed me,” he said.
The burning in her face got worse. He was really her dad? She looked at Miss Lindsay, who gave an encouraging smile. So she turned her attention back to…her dad. “Are you a musician?” That’s what her mom had told her. Ella tried not to ask about him very often, though, because whenever she did her mom’s face went all tight and her tone got annoyed. She didn’t want to upset her mom.
“I am.”
“Do you play instruments, or just sing?”
“I sing and play guitar. Electric and acoustic. I can show you some video later if you want. What about you? Do you play any instruments?”
“I play the recorder for school, but I don’t like it. I like to dance.”
“Ah. I’ll bet you’re a wonderful dancer.”
She hid a smile and ducked her head, feeling warm like the sun had just come out from behind the clouds to shine on her.
Miss Poppy came over with their drinks and food and took Ella’s dad’s order before he turned back to her, his eyes kind. “I appreciate you meeting with me, Ella. I’ve thought about you so often.”
She lowered her gaze, her eyes settling on the gold wedding band on his left hand. “Are you married?” How come he’d married some other lady and not her mom? Her mom was a nice lady.
“Yes, and I have young twin boys. Your brothers. Would you like to see them?”
She gasped. She had brothers? Her mom hadn’t told her that. “Yes.”
She stared in fascination at his phone’s screen as he showed her some pictures. Her brothers were babies, but they were cute. “They have the same eyes as us,” she said, unable to help the smile forming on her face.
“Yeah, they do,” her dad said, his voice a little funny, and when she looked up, his eyes were shiny.
After that her face wasn’t hot anymore and the bees went to sleep.
Her dad told her stories about her brothers and their home in California. They lived close to Disneyland.
“I haven’t been there yet,”
Ella told him, taking a sip of her chocolate milk. Miss Poppy always put extra chocolate in it for her. “Mom said she’ll take me there someday.”
“It’s a pretty neat place. The boys are too young to go yet, but in a few more years maybe you can show them the ropes.”
They ate lunch together. Ella answered questions about school, her dance, and she even took out her drawings to show him, too. Miss Lindsay didn’t say anything at all, just ate her sandwich and listened. She was a great listener. Maybe that’s why the court had given her this job.
“What about you, Ella,” her dad said as they finished up. “Do you have anything you want to ask me?”
She hesitated. There was something, but she wasn’t sure she should say it.
“Anything you want to know. Ask away.”
She glanced at Miss Lindsay for permission and received an encouraging nod. So she blew out a breath and toyed with the edge of her drawing before speaking. “Why did you leave?”
Everything froze. Or at least, that’s what it seemed like.
Her dad was like a statue as he stared at her in surprise, and her face got hot again. She shouldn’t have asked him. Now she’d ruined everything and he might not want to see her again. Her stomach started to hurt and the bees woke up.
“That’s a fair question,” he said softly after a horribly long moment. He leaned back in his chair, his eyes fixed on her.
She risked a peek at his face. He didn’t seem mad. He seemed almost…sad. So sad that even the bees felt sorry for him and settled down again.
“Your mother and I had you when we were really young. I wasn’t very mature then. I was selfish and not ready to be a dad to anyone, not just you. That probably sounds awful to you, and it is. I was. I left you and your mom because I wanted to be a musician so badly, and I didn’t think I could do it if I stayed with you. But I thought about you all the time. And since I had your brothers, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
He paused, watching her, and her pulse thudded in her ears. “I’m a different person now. I’m not asking you to forgive me for leaving you and your mom, but I want you to know I’m sorry. And I want you to know that it wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I promise you didn’t do anything wrong.”