by Harper Bliss
Eileen sensed she was grinning like a fool, but who could blame her. The evening could have been disastrous, after she’d learned that the woman she was sleeping with was the youngest sibling of Joey Weaver, a boy Eileen had babysat so many years ago. That fact shone a particular light on the age difference between them—and had brought back to Eileen’s mind her secret crush on Mrs. Weaver at the time. But that was so many years ago. What did it matter now? The only thing that did was Eileen waking in Naomi’s arms after a fantastic night of making love.
Eileen should be exhausted, but a surge of positive energy radiated within her. She truly enjoyed Naomi’s zest, which was proving impossible to stay away from. Nothing was going to wreck Eileen’s mood right then and there. She was feeling so alive. Once again, Eileen gulped in a mouthful of the fresh air, looking up, appraising the thickening clouds. Would they bring rain or snow? She hoped for snow. Much more Christmassy.
Dear God, was she becoming that woman? The type who looked forward to the holidays? This was all Naomi’s doing. Eileen’s smile broadened and she then started to hum “Jingle Bells.”
Eileen, following Mack’s advice, taped the peanut butter jar to her right hand, with a straw on it so she could see how much improvement she was making since starting physical therapy a few weeks ago. The first time she had done this on her own, the straw had barely budged from the center.
This morning, sitting at the table in her kitchen, she rolled the jar back and forth, the straw sailing to one side and then the next, nearly touching the tabletop.
There was a knock on the front door. Julia always waltzed right in, so it couldn’t be her. Naomi had mentioned she may pop by for lunch, but maybe she had decided to come earlier for a cup of coffee.
In her rush to get to the door, Eileen neglected to remove the jar. She swung the door wide open, grinning ear-to-ear.
Her grin fell when her mom came into view.
“Oh, hello,” Eileen said, trying her best not to sound too disappointed, but knowing she had failed miserably.
“Hello, darling.” Her mom put her arms out for a hug and Eileen started to reciprocate, but the jar taped to her hand stopped Eileen cold.
Eileen shook her arm with the assistance of her left hand, but the duct tape didn’t budge.
“Why on earth do you have… that taped to your hand?”
“Uh…” Eileen didn’t want to confess to her mom she’d been doing exercises so she could eventually grasp something with her right hand.
“And the straw. That’s just bizarre.” Her mom’s puckered lips were enough proof as to why Eileen didn’t share anything personal with her mom. “Is… s-she here? Is that why you have this… contraption on your hand… for that?”
There was so much to unpack from her mom’s ramblings, Eileen struggled to zero in on what part to address first, resulting with Eileen remaining silent.
“Is she?” Her mom repeated.
“Is she what?” Eileen asked.
“Here?”
“Is who here?” Eileen’s face morphed into a mask of confusion.
“You know who I mean.” Her mom’s eyes tapered nearly shut.
“Julia?” Eileen mentally kicked herself for trying to evade what was rapidly becoming crystal clear. Trudy knew all about Naomi and despite Eileen’s earlier protestations that she didn’t care if her mom found out, coming face to face with it now was proving much more difficult. Eileen hated this power her mom had over her.
All the color in her mom’s face slipped off like water circling down a drain. “Don’t be disgusting.” She straightened. “Is Naomi Weaver here?”
On guard now, Eileen steadied her nerve before seeking another attempt at deflecting. “Why would Naomi be here? In my apartment?”
“Don’t treat me like a fool. Really, you’d think you’d have the decency to remove that”—she pointed to the jar on Eileen’s hand—“before answering the door. Is she tucked away in your bedroom? Does she also have one…?” Her mom pointed to Eileen’s right hand.
A troubling thought entered Eileen’s mind. Was her mom insinuating that Naomi and Eileen had been in bed when she arrived and that somehow, the peanut butter and straw were part of their bedroom activities? How did her mom factor in either? Okay, the peanut butter could be part of food play, but really, it would be time consuming and extremely messy. And the straw? Was that meant to be some type of breathing apparatus while… Eileen’s mind couldn’t go any further into the rabbit hole without irreparable harm.
“She’s not here. No one is here. This…”—Eileen slowly raised her hand—“is one of my physical therapy exercises to regain the use of my hand.” She hadn’t wanted her mom to know the extent of the damage done by the stroke, but the thought of her mom thinking she was some type of peanut butter and straw freak in bed—that was simply too much for Eileen to leave alone. How was it possible in today’s world that some still associated lesbian sex with kinky sex? And her own mom of all people? Who had been determined for Eileen to get back together with Melissa even though Eileen and Melissa had barely communicated for well over twenty years.
Her mom had clearly lost her marbles. There was no other explanation for any of this.
The unwelcome woman glanced around Eileen’s apartment, her expression souring even more. “This is convenient.”
It was an odd word to use for someone’s living space. “Would you like to sit?”
Eileen motioned with her left hand to the charcoal sectional.
Instead of taking a seat, her mom pressed on. “I know about you and Naomi.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Please. Showing up at the party together—”
“She gave me a lift since I can’t drive.” Eileen pointed to her hand with the goddamn jar still taped to it, vividly recalling a silly Father’s Day card she’d once sent her dad. The image on the card implied that if her dad had been on the Titanic, it wouldn’t have sunk because her father, who attempted to fix everything with duct tape, would have had an endless supply, thus reversing maritime history.
Her mom clutched her purse, slung over her shoulder and tucked against her breast. “Don’t bother. I have it on good authority you’re more than just casual acquaintances.”
“Ah, yes, the Derby grapevine. They also think the Vaughan’s dog is possessed by demons.”
“I saw you two!”
Eileen backpedaled, but quickly said, “At your house. Yes, I was there with Naomi as a friend.” Eileen wondered if Julia or Sophia had clued her mom in about her relationship with Naomi. Her instinct was to admit nothing unless absolutely necessary. Her mom wasn’t accepting of Eileen as it was, and given the age difference, Eileen would rather not hear what her mom had to say about that.
“Much more than friends. I spied you two outside. The two of you canoodling out in the open.”
Had her mom seen Naomi on her knees? Eileen found herself unable to utter a word at the thought.
No, not possible.
Oh, for all that was holy…
“The two of you sneaking in the back of the house… H-holding hands,” she spat out.
A whoosh of relief flooded Eileen’s system.
“You need to end things now with Naomi.”
Eileen furrowed her brow. “And who gives you the authority to tell me who I can and can’t hold hands with?”
“You admit, then, that you’re seeing Naomi?”
It seemed fruitless to deny at this point—not that she’d done a stellar job before—so Eileen nodded.
“No!” Her mom slapped the couch cushion. “That can’t be.”
“It can, actually.”
“It’s unnatural.” She groaned. “What will everyone think? She was a baby when you started dating Melissa.”
The timing didn’t quite match up, not that Eileen felt the need to correct her mom.
“You’ll ruin her, just like you did Melissa. Not to mention the mess you made of my life.”
Eileen sucked in a breath as if her mom had sucker punched her smack dab in the gut.
Her mom continued, “The way you left. Without saying goodbye to any of us, especially Melissa. Have you never wondered how that affected… her? Your selfishness. And, now you’re back in town doing the same thing all over again. Whisking Naomi off her feet and then you’ll do another runner. That’s what you do. You have no intention of staying in Derby, but I’ll have to deal with the consequences of your actions, pick up the pieces. Everyone will talk about how you broke Naomi’s heart.”
“I have zero intention of hurting Naomi!”
“Mark my words, Naomi will end up like Melissa.”
“Melissa’s fine. She married—”
“Her wife died.”
Eileen smothered her heart with her good hand. “And that’s somehow my fault?”
“If you hadn’t left, she wouldn’t have met Susan and experienced the heartache of losing a wife.”
“The three of us went to school together!”
Her mom locked her eyes on Eileen. “You know what I mean. Melissa has never been the same. Not since you abandoned her. I can’t stand by and watch you repeat the same thing with Naomi. She’s such a sweetheart.” She spoke the last words with feigned sweetness.
“Give it a rest, Mom. You didn’t even remember attending Naomi’s high school or college graduation parties. You aren’t here for Naomi’s sake. Why don’t you tell me what’s really bothering you?”
“I most certainly am here for Naomi. And for Sophia Weaver. My dear friend.” She shook her head sadly.
Eileen let out a bark of laughter. “Please. You aren’t close friends with Mrs. Weaver. You aren’t close with anyone. You’re too proud to let down your barriers and you act as if you rule this town, throwing parties for all the who’s who. None of it’s real. Nothing is.”
“Don’t think just because you don’t use the name Callahan that you can forget what it means to be part of the family. What it means to be my daughter. I gave up everything for you. If you stay in Derby, everything I’ve sacrificed will all be for nothing. You owe me.”
“You have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t owe you a thing.” Eileen’s voice had lost its confidence and the words came out no more than a whisper. How could her mom make her feel like an unloved little girl all over again?
Trudy closed the gap between them, with a finger in the air. “You’re my daughter. Julia is weak like your father, always bending to everyone else’s will. But you know deep down you’re just like me. Only, I’ve showered you with opportunities to be everything I couldn’t be. I didn’t raise you to be a quitter. I don’t even recognize the woman standing before me. It makes me sick to think of everything I gave up for you only for you to come running home with your tail between your legs.”
Eileen was unable to mount a defense, standing before her mom who only seemed to grow in size as Eileen wilted.
“And I most certainly didn’t give up everything for you to fall in love with a Weaver. Melissa was your high school sweetheart. She’s the only suitable woman for you. Do you know she’s been offered a job in London? You can go home. Leave Derby and leave Naomi. You never belonged here. And do you really believe that after the shine wears off, she’ll love the likes of you? Jesus, you can’t even get a peanut butter jar off your own hand. You’ve been a burden since before you were born!”
Eileen controlled the urge to call her mom an irrational meddling bitch, but couldn’t stop herself from shouting, “Get out!” She took a deep breath and added in a weaker tone, “Please. Just leave me be.”
Her mom stayed where she was, her chest heaving up and down.
“Don’t make me ask again.” Eileen motioned to the door.
“Well, I’ve never!” She marched past her daughter. Before leaving, she said, “Mark my words, Naomi will grow to resent you.”
The door slammed shut.
Eileen attempted to scream, but the fury lodged in her chest, causing a burning sensation she’d never experienced before.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Naomi knocked on Eileen’s door, butterflies tumbling all over each other in her belly. She wished she’d already finished her shift so she and Eileen could enjoy the rest of the day in each other’s company—or better yet, go out and buy ornaments for the Christmas tree Naomi was going to put up for Eileen. Naomi would focus on her own tree later. Eileen’s came first. But that was for later. Just having lunch with Eileen would have to do for now.
It took a while before Eileen answered the door. Maybe she’d been in the middle of one of her physical therapy exercises.
When Eileen did finally open the door, Naomi burst out laughing. Eileen had told her about taping the jar of peanut butter to her hand, but Naomi hadn’t actually seen the whole thing with her own eyes.
When she glanced up at Eileen’s face, however, any inclination toward more laughter soon left her.
“Hey.” Naomi kissed Eileen on the cheek. “Do you need some help getting that off your hand?”
“That would be really nice.” Eileen didn’t sound very grateful for Naomi’s help. “This bloody thing.” Eileen looked as though, if she’d had the power in her arm to do so, she would smash the jar to smithereens against the wall.
“What’s going on?” Naomi took Eileen’s hand in hers and gently peeled off the tape. In no time the jar and straw were disposed of.
“My mom came by for an unexpected visit.” Eileen paced to the window and back. “She knows about us.” Her voice shot up.
“Can we sit for a minute?” Naomi sat on the couch, hoping Eileen would follow her example. Her angry energy was increasing and Naomi needed to calm her down.
Eileen glared at her, then acquiesced.
“So, your mother knows,” Naomi said. “Can’t that be seen as a good thing? As in no more secrets?”
“My mother is not your mother, Naomi.” The anger Eileen couldn’t express by pacing around now shone in her eyes. “Why do you think I haven’t been back to Derby for so long?”
“What did she say?” Naomi asked.
“She said that I should break things off with you immediately because I would only end up hurting you, like I hurt Melissa.” The words rolled quickly off of Eileen’s tongue, as though she needed to get them out as soon as possible.
“Why would you hurt me? Why would your mother even think that?” Naomi was confused by Trudy’s concern for her well-being over her own daughter’s.
“Because that’s how my mom thinks of me. Perhaps I haven’t given her enough reason not to believe that about me. I did hurt Melissa when I left Derby.”
“But that was almost thirty years ago.” Naomi held back from scooting closer to Eileen. She didn’t think this was the kind of thing that would blow over just by taking Eileen into her arms and telling her everything would be all right.
“My thoughts exactly.” Eileen’s voice had dropped to a whisper.
“Could it be that she was a bit shocked because of the age difference between us? My mother was taken aback by that too and most people take more time to adjust to something like that than my mom.”
“I’m not my mom’s miracle baby, Naomi. I’m the eldest and I’ve always had a shitload of expectations heaped upon me. None of which I ever met, for the record.” Eileen stared down at her arm. “Look at me now. I can’t even move my right arm anymore. I’ve become even more of a failure. Even my own body is letting me down.”
“You had a stroke.” Naomi tried to keep her voice as level as possible, but it was hard. This wasn’t one of the children at the hospital she was talking to—this was the woman she was falling in love with who was falling to pieces right in front of her eyes.
“How’s having a stroke not my body failing?” Eileen looked her straight in the eye now, her glance defiant, as though she wanted to challenge Naomi to talk her way out of that extremely logical conclusion.
“Something went wrong in your body, yes. But that’
s not your fault, Eileen. The thing that happened to you happens to millions of people every day. It’s not a failure at all. You fell ill. You can’t possibly blame yourself for that.”
“I’m not blaming myself. My mom’s blaming me. Just like she’s always blamed me for everything!” Eileen sounded like a petulant child now.
“I don’t think that’s true. Although you’re clearly embarrassed about having had a stroke.”
“Of course I am.” Eileen’s voice shot up. “It makes me feel like I’m ninety years old instead of not even fifty.”
“You could see it as a challenge instead of an embarrassment or a failure or however you want to call it.” Eileen was a stubborn woman, Naomi already knew that—she’d seen it in her glance that first day at the coffee shop. She wasn’t a child who could be talked off the ledge of desperation with some well-intentioned words.
“I don’t expect you to understand,” Eileen said, turning away from Naomi.
“I won’t pretend to fully understand what you’re going through, but things don’t have to be as black and white as you make them. Eileen,” Naomi pleaded. “Will you look at me?”
Eileen snapped her head back into Naomi’s direction. “What do you know about anything, really? You’ve barely crossed the borders of this town. You don’t live in the real world, where I’ve been spending all my time. You know, with the adults.”
Naomi took a deep breath. She knew Eileen was speaking from a place of deep pain and she tried to take that into consideration. “Derby is the real world. At least it is to me. I may always try to see the good in people and in a certain situation, but at least I’m not always pushing everyone away to prove some silly point. Like that I’m too strong to need love.”
“Love?” Eileen spat out the word, then she rolled her eyes.
Naomi tried to look into Eileen’s eyes, to catch a glimpse of something other than all this unbridled rage, but Eileen couldn’t hold her gaze. She had to look away. Maybe Naomi shouldn’t have said the word love. Maybe she shouldn’t say anything at all anymore. Maybe the next move should come from Eileen.