by Harper Bliss
“I wanted to ask you that day I came to see Tyson. He’d texted me, by the way. I knew you’d be there. But I couldn’t really find the words. Not before you left, anyway.”
“And now?” Naomi asked, bolstered by the alcohol buzzing in her bloodstream. “Can you find them now?”
Eileen’s gaze skittered away and she stared at her feet. Naomi stopped herself from inching closer toward Eileen, even though her whole body was wanting to.
She hesitated for a moment, but then brought her finger to Eileen’s chin and tilted it upward.
“I was advised to give you the time and space you needed,” Naomi said.
Eileen’s green eyes glittered in the glare of the Christmas lights outside the hospital. People were walking past them, going in and out of the main door, but Naomi didn’t notice. She only had eyes for Eileen, as though the two of them were frozen inside their own little bubble.
Eileen shook her head and Naomi’s finger lost contact with her chin. “Turns out that was the very last thing I wanted. Or needed.” Her lips curved into the beginning of a much stronger smile.
“What you did for Tyson was so lovely.” Not only for him, Naomi thought. Because it had illuminated Eileen’s true nature—the charming, bright, uplifting side of her. “I might have been a bit quick to walk out. I was just… so confused.”
“This is me asking for forgiveness,” Eileen said. “You haven’t done a single thing wrong.”
“You might be the oldest,” Naomi said, still spurred on by how light-headed the alcohol made her feel, “but I’m certainly the wisest.”
“Can I take you to dinner? So we can have a proper chat?” Eileen’s smile grew bolder.
“How about we cook something at my place?” Naomi asked. “For old times’ sake.”
“Depends,” Eileen asked. “Do we have to go shopping first? Because I’m not sure you’re in the right state to drive.” She tapped against her right shoulder. “And I might have made progress, but I can’t drive us around either.”
“I’ve got plenty of food in the fridge,” Naomi said.
“I’d be delighted then.” She offered her left arm for Naomi’s to slip hers through. “Let’s start our journey.”
They walked in silence for a few minutes before Naomi drummed up the courage to say, “What you said to Tyson, about looking into photography lessons for kids in Derby. I think that’s what confused me most.”
“I’ve spoken to my boss.” Eileen’s breath turned into little clouds as she spoke. “I can work from Derby for the foreseeable future.”
“Really?” A sense of relief washed over Naomi, but it didn’t completely erase the unease that had lodged itself in her gut when she and Eileen had last talked. Eileen had been pretty adamant that Derby would never be enough for her.
“I had to take a long hard look in the mirror. And be truly honest with myself. I won’t be going to any war zones any time soon. Not with this arm refusing to cooperate. I need more time.”
Naomi pressed herself against Eileen’s flank. “Will you become the new full-time photographer for The Derby Gazette?” she joked, when what she really wanted to ask was what would happen once Eileen’s arm was better.
“Not quite. I won’t be doing my best photography work for a while. I’ll be doing some writing instead.”
“Writing?” Naomi’s voice shot up in surprise.
“Indeed.” Eileen turned to her. Her nose had turned a dangerous shade of red. Naomi wanted to plant a kiss on the tip of it. But they were just walking home together. They’d have dinner. It was too soon. Nevertheless, Naomi felt the desire for it course through her, keeping her glowing with warmth inside.
Eileen was staying. For now, at least. Suddenly, all the Christmas spirit Naomi hadn’t been able to muster came rushing to the surface. Yet, she still refrained from kissing Eileen.
“I’m a bit rusty, but my boss has got my back.” Eileen’s voice softened. “It’s so reassuring to know that people have your back.”
“I’m glad you’re staying,” Naomi said and stopped in her tracks. They had reached the town square, where Derby’s big Christmas tree stood. “I don’t suppose you’ve bothered putting up one of those yet?”
“No. Someone offered to help me with that but I recklessly squandered my chances.” Eileen unhooked her arm from Naomi’s and curved it around her waist.
“If we work fast, we can still make it happen. And with my connections in this town, I may be able to get you a good tree, despite it being four days until Christmas.”
Eileen turned to her fully. “I’m glad I’m staying too,” she said, and gazed deeply into Naomi’s eyes. “I’m sorry for the things I said to you. I didn’t mean any of them. My mom got to me, the way she does so easily. I took it out on you.” She brought her hand to Naomi’s face and caressed her cheek with the back of her fingers. “I feel more secure now that I know I still have a job. And that I know I can stay here. Close to you.”
They stood staring at each other in silence for a few moments. Naomi knew so much more needed to be said and she could not dismiss the doubts she still felt. But she could not deny a little bubble of hope was growing inside her with every passing second.
It was Naomi who leaned in and bridged the last of the distance between them. She lightly pressed her lips against Eileen’s, in the light of the Derby Christmas tree.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“Hold on one second, let me turn a light on.” Naomi reached inside her front door with one hand. “It’s such a tricky switch. Not where you’d expect it at all.”
Eileen, bemused by the way Naomi contorted her body, asked, “How long have you lived here?”
“Oh, a few years. You’d think I’d have this mastered by now. Ah ha! Got it.” Naomi swung the door all the way open. “I hate walking into a dark apartment.”
“Didn’t you tell me Jane hated it when you forgot to lock the door?”
“Uh, yeah. She did. And, this may seem like an inconsistency, but I’m a woman, so I’m reserving the right to change my mind whenever it suits me.” Her smile was stunning. “Besides, it’s possible I’ve watched one too many episodes of Criminal Minds the past few nights...” She shrugged.
“Do you check behind the shower curtain now?” Eileen joked.
Blushing, Naomi nodded.
“And, if there was someone there, what would you do?”
“Scream my head off, I suppose. Or completely freeze. Either way, I’m dead.”
“When this”—Eileen pointed to her right arm—“is in better shape, I can teach you a few moves. Over the years, I’ve met some interesting people. The type who can kill you just as easily as saying hello.”
“Should I be worried to have you in my apartment?” Naomi’s eyes glowed with what Eileen hoped was desire not fear.
“In my state, I should be the one that’s worried.”
“What state is that?” Naomi’s voice was tender.
“Compromised,” Eileen whispered, moving closer to Naomi.
“Because of your arm?” Naomi inched even closer.
“That’s part of it.”
“The other part? Or are there more than two?”
“More than two in all likelihood, but the only other part that comes to mind is convincing you I’m not the asshole you witnessed that one day.” Eileen cupped Naomi’s cheek. “I was terrible that day.”
“You were.”
“Thank you for not excusing the behavior.”
“I believe in absolute honesty.”
“What about second chances?”
“Most definitely. Didn’t I give you one already?” As if suddenly becoming aware they were still standing in the entryway, Naomi said, “Shall we get dinner going?”
Eileen motioned for Naomi to lead the way, but neither budged, both staring deeply into the other’s eyes.
Naomi offered a timid smile, toed off her shoes and headed down the hallway to the kitchen.
Eileen kicked of
f her own shoes and trailed her. The kitchen was slightly messier than the other times she’d been here. “Have you been baking?” She ran a finger through the flour sprinkled over the small kitchen island. Maybe Jane had been right about getting Naomi a mixer.
“I was up late last night making cookies for the staff party and the last thing I wanted to do this morning was clean.” She leaned down and pulled out wet wipes from under the sink. “Care to make yourself useful while I gather things for dinner?”
“I can be talked into it, I guess.”
“Oh, really. What kind of persuasion are you referring to?”
Eileen’s cheeks burned with the beginnings of a blush. “The nonverbal kind would be much appreciated.”
“You think you can waltz in here after an apology, sweep me off my feet and into bed?”
Eileen raised her left hand. “Clearly not.” She added, “Not until I help you clean at least. What other penance do you have in mind?”
Naomi’s lips pressed together, seeming to mull over certain options. “I hate cleaning the toilet.”
“Doesn’t everyone?” Eileen wiped the island, her eyes on Naomi and not the task at hand.
“Does that mean you won’t?”
“Is this the time to explain I’m injured and in recovery?” Eileen looked down at her arm.
Naomi laughed. “Now it’s okay for you to talk about it?”
“It’s an emergency situation. And, honestly, if you had this excuse to get out of cleaning a toilet, wouldn’t you use it?” Eileen moved her arm back and forth showing that, even though she’d made progress, she was still limited.
“Shall I kiss it better?”
“Was that an option all along?”
“It would have been weird if I started kissing your arm when we first met, doncha think.” Naomi arched one eyebrow.
“True, although, it would have been an epic first impression. Even more impressive than when I first looked into your face and peered into your smoldering dark eyes. Long lashes.” Eileen closed the space between the two and ran a finger down Naomi’s cheek. “Soft lips.”
“How’d you know my lips were soft?” There was a hitch in her breath.
“Because there’s no way someone this beautiful doesn’t have the softest lips.” Eileen licked her own, finding it hard to resist shoving Naomi up against the wall.
“I wasn’t so sure about yours.”
“Aren’t you the one who said you prefer hands on experience?” Eileen’s head dipped closer to Naomi.
“We’re supposed to have dinner,” Naomi didn’t sound all that enthused about dining.
“Truth be told, I’m not that hungry… for food, that is.”
“What are you hungry for?”
There was less than an inch of space between their faces. Eileen could feel Naomi’s warm breath on her skin. “I know you’re younger and bolder, but I’m going to go out on a limb. I want you. Here. Now.”
“And how do I know you won’t do a runner again?” Naomi crossed her arms.
“I’m so tired of running.” Eileen sucked in a breath. “I said terrible things to you. I let my mom get inside my head with the same old shit she’s always controlled me with. Her guilt trip about having to give up the life she wanted to have when she got knocked up—”
“But you had no control over that, Ellie.” Naomi seemed horrified a mother could suggest such a thing.
“I know that’s true.” Eileen patted the top of her head. “In here, though, it’s so much harder to sort through all the thoughts and emotions. I still haven’t figured out a tenth of it. I need you to understand that part. The self-realization I’ve been experiencing lately is only just starting. And, I’ve been burying shit for decades.” She stopped to look directly into Naomi’s eyes. “I know this, though, I want to stay put and work on me. On us. You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I love the way I feel when I’m around you. Your thirst for life is refreshing. I’ve been surrounding myself with pain and suffering because it made the way I felt about myself easier to bear. How could I feel sorry about my upbringing when witnessing children being blown to pieces by landmines? My mom made it clear all my life she resented me. As much as I hate to admit this, it did a mind fuck on me that I’m only really confronting now.”
“Why now?” Naomi’s voice was supportive.
“Because I messed everything up. I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I’m like Bitsy.”
“Jane’s doll?” Naomi asked, incredulity etched into her brow.
“Yeah. My life is scattered from London to Derby and I need to put the pieces back together. I want to be whole, maybe for the first time. My first step was letting my London flat go to focus on my life here. And, I’m hoping you’ll want to be a part of my new life. Even if you only want to be friends for now. You’re the key piece of the puzzle—what I’ve been searching for, but I was too stubborn to realize it until I lost you.”
“What about your recovery? You’ve been so stubborn about admitting anything about your stroke.” Naomi leaned against the counter.
“That’s how I was raised. Never to show weakness.” Eileen sighed. “That day when you came over and I was a brute. Before you arrived, my charming mother straight up told me you’d grow to resent me. Just like she resented me being born.”
Naomi slapped a hand over her mouth.
“And, I believed her.” Eileen’s voice was barely a whisper.
Through her fingers, Naomi said, “I would never feel that way.”
“I don’t think you have that in you, but hearing it from my mom—I’m going to say this aloud to you: I have mommy issues.” Eileen stood straighter.
“Why didn’t you let me in sooner?” Naomi’s expression wasn’t accusatory, but sad.
“I hate myself for hurting you.” Eileen cupped Naomi’s cheek. “So very much. I asked earlier, but I want to ask again. Do you think you can forgive me?”
“Oh, Ellie. If I’d known you’d been dealing with half of the stuff you just shared, I would have done more to get you to see how evil your mother is.”
A tear fell from Eileen’s eye, followed by another and another. Naomi wrapped her arms around Eileen, pulling her close.
“Please tell me I haven’t blown my chance to be with you?”
Naomi didn’t reply. Instead she loosened her embrace of Eileen and took hold of her left hand, leading her in the direction of the bedroom.
“Good God, that’s the biggest tree I’ve ever seen!” Eileen exclaimed.
Naomi laughed. “I bet you say that to all the girls.”
Eileen, with a shy smile, goggled at the tree. “No. Only to the special ones. One, rather.” She eyed the base of the tree, where one long branch stuck out blocking half of the bedroom’s entrance. “How do you not trip on that?”
Naomi’s eyes followed Eileen’s. “I’ve been sleeping on the couch, bathed in the light from the tree.” Naomi plugged the tree in. “I thought it’d help perk up my Christmas spirit, which has been severely lagging this year. I blame you, completely.” Naomi jabbed a teasing finger into Eileen’s chest, leaving her hand on the swell of her breast.
“Allow me to make amends.” Eileen stripped the thick comforter off the couch and tossed it on the plush carpet in front of the tree.
Naomi helped her spread out the comforter, standing in the middle, beckoning Eileen with a come-hither look in her imploring eyes, the pupils expanding with longing.
Eileen moved closer. Naomi placed her hands on Eileen’s belt, and undid it, lowering the pants’ zipper one tooth at a time. When she reached the end, Naomi eased them off Eileen. She bent down to dispense with one sock. Then the other. Still squatting, Naomi planted a sensual kiss on the inside of Eileen’s calf, her mouth working its way up the inside of Eileen’s leg. Naomi bypassed Eileen’s hot zone, and stood upright, yanking off her own sweater in the process and flinging it across the room.
Naomi captured Eileen’s mouth. Her soft lips brushed Ei
leen’s gently. The sweet kisses quickly gave way to hunger, Naomi clearly wanting to possess Eileen’s mouth. Her tongue urgently jabbed to seek entrance and Eileen welcomed it. Naomi’s entreaty clarifying in Eileen’s mind how much she worshipped the woman. Craved her. How each stroke of Naomi’s tongue, touch of her fingertips, and lustful moan healed a snippet of Eileen’s soul, bridging the divide between their two minds and bodies. Eileen threaded her fingers into Naomi’s thick dark hair, pulling her as close as humanly possible, never wanting to let her go. Needing Naomi in her arms, where she belonged. She nipped Naomi’s bottom lip, sucking it into her mouth.
Naomi moaned, assaulting Eileen’s mouth with determination.
“I’m so sorry,” Eileen said in between kisses. “So, sorry.”
Naomi rested her forehead against Eileen’s, her eyes smoldering.
Eileen planted a soft kiss on Naomi’s forehead. Above her eyebrow. On the tip of her nose. Arriving back where they’d started.
Naomi kicked up the heat factor of the kiss from hot to scorching. Both hungrily grabbing at hips, hands roving over each other feeling the other’s curves.
Breathing heavily, Naomi’s mouth wandered to Eileen’s ear, leaving a trail of sensual caresses. Naomi tugged on the earlobe with her teeth, and whispered with throaty desire, “Show me, how sorry. I need to feel it. You. I need you.” Holding each side of Eileen’s face, Naomi stared into her lover’s eyes as if compelling Eileen to prove everything she’d said earlier.
Eileen’s hand started to unbutton Naomi’s shirt, but Naomi ripped it over her head, mussing her hair in a sexy way. Naomi unclipped and shed her bra, then tossed it over her shoulder where it landed on the octopus centerpiece. Laughing, she said, “Good thing the candles aren’t lit.”
“No need with all the lights on the tree. I love how the reflection dances in your eyes.” Eileen ran a finger down Naomi’s face.
“Keep talking like that and I may just forgive you entirely.”
“That would be a shame if that’s all it took. I’m eager to prove to you… how I feel… all night.”