by Ivy Fox
The lump formed in my throat increases at how unhinged he sounds.
“I’m not yours, Chad. You said so yourself. Or don’t you remember? Don’t go all alpha on me now. It doesn’t fucking suit you.”
He takes a step away from me and scoffs with such disdain, the venom literally seeps into my bloodstream, making me almost choke on it.
“You’re wrong.”
“I’m not. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I’m with Saint now. He loves me.”
His eyes widen, completely shocked at the proclamation.
Maybe it’s premature of me to declare Saint feels so deeply for me. He’s never come out and said he loved me, but as the words easily fall from my lips, I hear the truth in my statement. Saint does love me. It’s in the little things he does, the way he looks at me like I’m the only person in the room. It’s my belief in his feelings that emboldens me to continue.
“I know it must be painful for you to hear it, but it’s true. Saint loves me unselfishly, without restraint or fear. He loves me like I deserve.”
I know each passionate word leaves a cut in his heart. I know because I feel it slash away at my own, too.
“I was… I was waiting…” he stammers. His heartbreak and remorse are so evidently clear on his face, it hurts to look at him. “I was waiting for you.”
“For what? Waiting for what, Chad? For it to be okay to have feelings for me? For it to make sense? No. I would rather have his love than the crumbs you threw at me over the years.”
“What are you saying, Elle? Are you saying there is no hope for us? Is that it?”
What am I saying?
I take a beat and truly dig in deep to see what I want and what my next words to Chad should be. I don’t want to hurt him any more than he already is, especially since his misery summons my own. There is only one way that we can both heal from our wounds and keep our sanity. It’s the only way I see us making it through the storm.
“I’m saying that I need you out of my life so I can retake control of it. After what happened in Aspen, it was foolish of me to believe I could keep you as a friend. I own that mistake, and I’m sorry my naivete and eagerness to turn a blind eye to the situation hurt you. If there is any hope for the future, one where we can be friends someday, then I need to do this. It hurts me just to be near you, Chad. I can’t pretend it doesn’t. Not when I look at you and see all the years I wasted on a boy who couldn’t make up his mind.”
His anger morphs into devastation.
“You’re my heart, Elle.” He hiccups on a broken sob, confirming what Saint had told me on the beach, word for word.
But his genuine declaration of love feels too little and far too late to change my mind.
“Your heart belongs to him now. Make your peace with it and forget me. For both our sakes.”
Chapter 15
Elle
“This seems like an unfair advantage. No wonder your brother is kicking ass on the swim team,” Saint exclaims with a frown the minute he lays eyes on the large pool we have on the terrace.
“Ash does spend a lot of his time up here. The water is even heated so he can get his practice in before we go to school in the morning on winter days like today.”
“Like I said. Totally unfair advantage,” he mumbles despondently.
“Don’t be like that. You do just fine on your own and with the resources you have. In fact, Ash didn’t put in so much effort until you came along and joined the team.”
“Yeah?” He cocks a surprised brow and smiles triumphantly when I nod in confirmation. “Good. It does my ego good to know I’m giving Ash a run for his money.”
“God. Are you always this competitive?”
“Only with the things that are important to me.” His black eyes shine as they stare into mine.
I swallow dryly, his intense penetrating gaze making my lower belly quiver. I bite the corner of my lip, watching him stroll alongside the pool, looking at it like it’s a toy someone told him he couldn’t play with. Lust is replaced with guilt as he stares into the crystal blue water with longing.
“I’m sorry that I made you ditch practice.”
“You didn’t make me do anything, Princess. I came because I wanted to.”
“Still, I know how important it is for you to put your time in in the water. It was selfish of me to ask you to choose.”
His eyes lift from the water and onto me.
“I’ll always choose you, cariño. No matter what.”
My heart does a cartwheel in my chest like it’s trying out for a damn cheerleading competition.
“You really can’t help surprising me, can you?”
“How did I surprise you now?” He chuckles.
“You always say the right things at the right time. I never knew this facet of you.”
“That’s because we spent years hating on each other. Not much room to be romantic.”
My forehead wrinkles as I think on that for a moment.
He’s right.
Because of the love we each had for Chad, we really didn’t make much room to be kind to one another, much less voice the feelings that were starting to brew inside of us.
“Is there any part of you that still hates me?” I ask, wondering if there is any lingering feeling of resentment inside him.
“You want the truth?”
“Always.”
“I’m not sure I ever truly hated you. Anytime we butted heads, I couldn’t stop fantasizing about kissing you. You can’t hate someone if they keep you awake at night wondering what they taste like.”
“Is that so?”
“Hmm.” He nods. “What about you, Princess? You ever think of me in that way?”
Crimson red rises to my cheeks, offering him his answer.
“Do you want to go in?” I ask instead, moving to a safer topic—one that won’t have me admitting how I daydreamed about him, too.
“You don’t mind?” he retorts, his eyes sparkling with excited anticipation at the idea of taking a swim in my pool.
“Not at all. Go for it.”
I get down and sit at the edge of the pool, dangling my feet in the water, as Saint begins to hurriedly take his clothes off. I can’t keep my eyes off him as he throws his school blazer to the ground, followed by his tie, shirt, shoes, and socks. When he starts to unzip his pants, my skin heats up, salivating at the sight of his strong, bare thighs and legs. It’s only when he gets to the waistband of his boxers that decorum hits me, screaming to look away and give him some privacy. I snap my head in the other direction, looking up at the cloudless blue sky above.
“What are you doing, Princess?” He chuckles.
“What does it look like? I’m giving you some privacy.”
“I don’t need any. It’s not like you haven’t seen me naked before.”
I bow my head to my lap, thankful he doesn’t have a clear view of my blushing face.
“Actually, I never saw… you know.”
“You never saw what? My cock?” He continues to laugh.
I fist the hem of my skirt, shaking my head.
“You want to look at it now? It won’t bite. Not unless you want it to, that is.”
“Glad to see my embarrassment amuses you.”
There is a long bout of silence, making me feel even more uncomfortable with my lack of experience.
“Look at me,” he finally says, his voice smokey hot and oh so delicious. I feel each word lick the inside of my thighs.
Slowly, I lift my head up and look in his direction. He still has his boxers on, but there is a not-so-small alteration that wasn’t there before. The evident bulge under the black fabric of his boxers has my breathing turning shallow.
“The cold doesn’t bother you?” I stammer, my pulse picking up speed.
“I’m not cold, cariño. Far from it. Now be a good little hellcat and keep your eyes on me.”
Unable to look away, I nod, licki
ng my suddenly dry lips. Slowly, with his eyes always on me, Saint pulls his boxers down and unleashes a monster that I wasn’t expecting.
“Holy shit! That thing was inside me? It looks like it could split me wide open. Do you crack walnuts with that thing?!”
His loud chuckle soothes my anxiety.
“I should come over to your place more often. It’s not every day my ego gets so stroked,” he teases, palming his cock in front of me.
Saint lets out a little groan, stroking himself again, knowing he’s got a captivated audience in me. My clit begins to throb just watching him. I shift uncomfortably in place, watching the same hand he likes to wrap around my neck now choke his cock into submission.
“Just get in the damn water, Saint!” I command when my panties are good and ruined by his little show.
With another low chuckle, he takes pity on me and dives naked into the pool.
I sigh in relief as he starts swimming from one end to the other. My rapid heartbeat slows with Saint’s razor-sharp focus now diverted from me and onto his first love.
There is no mistaking he was born for this.
Each stroke is graceful and fluid, his body perfectly aligned with the water, completely at one with the element. It’s not the first time I’ve been in awe of his talents. Every time there was a rally where I did my sisterly duty of cheering Ash and Ollie on, I would always marvel at how Saint was the real star of the show. Not only is his body a work of art—elaborated tattoos inked onto his skin that draws your complete attention to him—but you couldn’t help to be amazed at how each of his tight muscles seems to be designed to give him an edge over his competition.
An hour passes by, and I still can’t get enough of watching him do his thing, even when it looks like he’s done for the day. He swims underwater in my direction, and when he breaks the surface, pulling his wet hair away from his dark eyes, there is a certain peace embedded in them that wasn’t there before he dove in. I lean down and trail my fingertips over his face, drying the droplets of water that still cling to his skin.
“Had enough?”
“For today. Although I could spend hours in here, given the chance.”
“I can see that.” I smile. “Is this what you want to do? Compete as a career?”
He shrugs, crossing his arms over my bare lap, the chlorine water cooling my sensitive flesh.
“I haven’t thought about it yet. Right now, swimming gives me joy. It’s uncomplicated and freeing for me. The dream is to be good enough to grab some college’s attention so they can offer me a scholarship. After that… who knows what I’ll do. It will be an accomplishment just having a college degree under my belt. I’ll be the first in my family to get that far.”
With my hand still caressing his wet cheek, he leans into my palm.
“Any college would be lucky to have you.”
“Hope you’re right.”
“I am. You are one of the most talented and intelligent people I know. There is nothing you can’t do when you put your mind to it.”
“You really believe that?” he asks, his gaze turning soft.
“With all my heart.”
His expression lights up, and the hidden unnamed emotion in his eyes takes my very breath away.
“I may not know what the future holds for me, but I sure know what I want now. And that’s getting you inside this pool with me.”
“Right.” I begin to laugh but then let out a loud shriek when his strong hands lift me by the waist and throw me into the middle of the pool. Lukewarm water hits me from all sides, and it takes me a second to start swimming up to the surface.
“You asshole! I can’t believe you just did that.” I giggle, splashing water in his direction. “Look at me. My uniform is drenched.”
“Hmm. Then we might as well get you out of those clothes,” he retorts, swimming me back toward the side of the pool where I’ll gain my footing.
When my back is flush against the wall, he pins his arms on either side of me, sending a chill down my spine that has nothing to do with the cold January wind blowing in the air.
“You need some help there, hellcat?”
“I’m fine.”
“Yes, you are, but that wasn’t my question. Do you need help taking your clothes off?”
“What if I don’t want to?” I whisper, suddenly panicked with where this is leading to.
Saint’s brows pinch together as he lifts my chin up to meet his stare.
“Then keep them on. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’ll never pressure you into something that makes you feel uncomfortable.”
“But you’re okay with throwing me into the pool with my clothes on.”
“That’s different. That was funny.” He chuckles, making me roll my eyes at him. He then turns serious, running the pad of his thumb against the hollow of my neck. “Everything else is your choice to make. Just because we were together one time doesn’t mean I expect us to fuck again.”
His crude words mixed with a tenderness only manage to make me melt.
“So, when I asked you to come over this afternoon, you weren’t expecting us to have sex?”
“Expecting? No. Hoping? God, yes. But like I said, we can take this as slow as you need to. At your pace.”
God, why does he have to be so sweet?
Never in a million years would I have imagined Saint could be this endearing, this considerate. But I guess he’s right. We spent so many years being ugly and mean to each other that we never gave ourselves the opportunity to show our best sides.
Does Chad know this sweet side of him?
Is that why he fell in love with him in the first place?
If so, can I really blame him for falling hard for this tattooed boy with onyx eyes and a devilish smirk?
Maybe I can’t hold it against him after all. Not when I’m finding it really difficult not to do the same.
“You’ve gone quiet on me, Princess. Makes me nervous when you do that.”
“Why? Is it because you think I’m such a blabbermouth all the time?” I tease, praying he doesn’t read the thoughts stewing in my head.
“Hardly. I’m just used to you always speaking your mind with me. You only hesitate when you’re sad or confused. Is that it? Is that how I’m making you feel?”
I shake my head.
“No.”
“Then what is it?”
“I’m scared,” I admit.
“Of me?”
Again, I shake my head.
“I’m scared that if I truly give myself to you, then I’ll end up getting hurt again.”
He lets out an exhale, hugging his arms around me. My legs instantly wrap themselves around his waist, my arms finding purchase around his neck.
“Didn’t I say that I would always be honest with you? Well, I meant that shit. Even if the truth isn’t as pretty as I’d like it to be, I’ll never lie to you.”
“Are you saying that hurting me is inevitable?”
“No. What I’m saying is that I’ve never done this either, Princess. I have no idea what it’s like to have a girlfriend or to be in a relationship.”
“I remember. You’re more of a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am kind of guy.”
“I was. I won’t deny it or feel ashamed about my past either. But I promise it will be different with you.”
“Why?” I stammer, faced with such deep resolve in his gaze.
“Because it’s you, cariño. I never gave a shit about any girl I fucked before you came along. Most of them, I don’t even remember their names. You’re different. You always have been, and I’m different with you. I’m not saying I won’t fuck up. I’m a guy, so the probabilities of me pissing you off are high. But I’ll try every day to be the best goddamn boyfriend you’ve ever had.”
“You’re not the only one swimming in uncharted waters, you know? I’ve never had a boyfriend either, Saint. You’re the only one.”
“Jesus. Are you keeping a list?”
“You better believe it.” He smirks victoriously.
I can’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm. His cocky boyish attitude does something to me, and before I can stop myself, my lips are on his. He gasps in surprise but quickly gives in to the sensation, kissing me with everything he has in his arsenal. His tongue ring teases me as he dominates my mouth with his ardent kiss. My thighs strangle his waist, my core in desperate need of some friction. When his bare steel shaft grazes my sensitive clit through my skirt, it coaxes a wanton moan to escape me, one that startles me with how desperate I am for him. All of him.
Panting, I break our kiss, Saint instantly grunting in disappointment, mimicking my need to keep his lips latched to mine. My arms fall from his shoulders, my hands pressing on his chest, silently asking him to give me some breathing room. Reluctantly, Saint loosens his grip from my waist and lets me down from his hold. I take full advantage and hastily duck away from him, forcing him to spin around just to keep his eyes on me at all times.
Without breaking our locked stare, I take one step back and slowly begin to take my school tie off, letting it fall into the water beside us.
His Adam’s apple bobs as he stretches his arms out along the pool’s rim to ensure his own restraint. I unbutton my shirt, revealing my soaked white-lace bra that currently leaves nothing to the imagination. My nipples are hard little diamonds pointing right at him, my breasts so heavy with need that I feel like I’m going to pass out if he doesn’t touch them soon. I unclasp my bra, throwing it to the side, and with all the remaining courage I still have, my hands slip behind my back to unzip my skirt, it too falling to the wet cemetery of clothes drifting in the water.
With my panties being the only item left, Saint waits patiently for my next move, his hands now curled into fists. The beating of my heart is so loud in my ears that it’s a wonder I hear his next words at all.
“You can keep them on if you want,” he says gruffly, giving me an out if I need it.
My answer to his remark is pulling at the side of my panties on my hips and shimmying them down my legs. We both hungrily stare at each other’s naked forms, the water hitting our heated flesh doing nothing to ease the kindled fire burning inside us.