by Dani Wade
After a good ten minutes, she lifted one eyelid to peek at the clock. Nine o’clock in the morning. The house around her was silent, but it wasn’t the normal silence of people still sleeping. It was more of a feeling of emptiness, as if she were the only one in the building.
Paxton had let her sleep in? But was he still here somewhere? She had a feeling that he was a consistently early riser, despite the middle of the night interruption he’d had.
Hopefully he had no idea just how she’d responded to his touch last night. The morning sickness of the last two and a half months had certainly done a number on her libido. But her body had forgotten all about that when his hands had been in her hair. She’d attempted to keep her outward response to an absolute minimum out of embarrassed modesty. After all, it was clear from his smooth touch and strict attention to her hair alone, not to mention his leaving after making sure she could safely get herself dried off and dressed, that he was no longer interested in her naked body. She just hoped she had adequately hidden the telltale tightening of her nipples and the ache that surely must have shown on her face.
It wasn’t even just a desire for sex. The awakening realization that his touch alone was just as powerful had shaken her. Before last night, she hadn’t been conscious of just how much she’d craved the comfort and care of his touch. The feel of his fingers working against her scalp. The gentle pull of the comb as he released the tangles in her hair. The press of his thumbs along the muscles of her neck, releasing the tension, easing the stiffness.
It had been the stuff of both nightmares and passionate dreams. And she had no intention of letting him know just how intensely she’d felt every brush of his fingers.
The sudden sound of a door closing downstairs forced her to finally sit up. Though she had no desire to face Paxton in person with all of these emotions running rampant inside of her, she refused to let herself cower behind her fears.
Ivy’s hormones might be making her slow at the moment, but she was still a smart woman. She knew deep down that ignoring Paxton here in her house was not going to help her or her baby. Acting off emotions was not going to get her anywhere. Or at least not anywhere she wanted to go.
Time to wise up.
Her emotional side wanted to return Paxton to the role of lover. But that was not the reality of this situation.
She needed to think about the baby. And the future. Not the past.
Besides, she was just becoming aware of the stirring of hunger deep in her belly...miracle of miracles. Now that she knew he could cook—and cook really well—she had to wonder what he might have made for breakfast. Memories of his potato soup were like a warm, comfy blanket.
Getting dressed and the trek downstairs went well enough. She reached the bottom of the steps without feeling any nausea rising up the back of her throat. She sighed in relief, mentally tallying how many days she had until the doctor said she’d be out of the woods.
Of course there were no guarantees, but she sincerely hoped she was one of the lucky women who left morning sickness behind in the first trimester. Since she obviously hadn’t been lucky enough to not have it at all, like Willow.
Just the thought had her crossing all of her fingers and toes.
She found Paxton at the kitchen counter. She paused just outside the doorway so she could take in the sight of him chopping vegetables, the muscles in his shoulders rippling beneath his polo shirt as he moved. Inwardly she sighed in regret that nothing about this gorgeous picture would ever truly be hers, but she refused to let any of that show on the outside. Instead she forced herself to step through the doorway and say a quiet good morning.
“Good morning!” he replied over his shoulder.
Man, would she ever reach the point where she didn’t have to steal herself against that charming grin? Or ask herself if it was really meant for her or just an automatic reaction to the world around him?
“I wasn’t sure how you’d feel this morning,” he said. He gestured toward a small plate of crackers on the table, and the tea cozy nestled next to it. “I picked up some more ginger tea for you.”
Ivy eased into the seat, his thoughtful errand softening the armor she’d slowly been rebuilding since last night.
“I feel pretty good this morning, but better safe than sorry.”
Pulling the cozy off, she lifted the warm cup to hold between her palms. The spicy ginger scent teased her senses. She watched him as she took a few cautious sips, then a couple of nibbles of the crackers.
Paxton expertly transferred the vegetables he was chopping to a frying pan without spilling any. Even the sizzle sounded delicious as the scent of butter filled the air. Then he began to crack eggs into a bowl.
The silence between them felt awkward after the intimacy of the night before. Though the words they’d spoken hadn’t been comfortable or exactly what she’d wanted to hear, they had been honest. Only, now she didn’t really know what to say to him face-to-face. How did she start rebuilding a bridge when she wasn’t even sure what it looked like? How did one go about turning someone from a lover to something different? Something practical, like a co-parent.
Especially when everything inside of her ached for what might have been.
Finally she looked down at her plate and noticed a small tin next to it. “What’s this?” she asked.
“I got those for you at the health food store this morning. I remembered one of my sisters mentioning how she swore by them when she was pregnant with her daughter. I figured it was worth a shot.”
Inside the old-fashioned-looking tin, the little ginger lozenges were lined up in neat amber-colored rows. She lifted the tin to her nose. They smelled good. “Like you said, definitely worth a try.”
“So, you seem to have learned a lot from them,” she said, searching hard for that first plank on the bridge.
He nodded as he poured the egg mixture into the pan. “Watching them. Listening to them talk with my mom and grandmother. Reading articles about women and pregnancy. It helps to pay attention for those moments you can help...to make up for when you do screw up.”
Ivy ignored the implication and let herself laugh as memories of his many internet searches came to mind. “You just love to learn about anything, don’t you?”
He smiled sheepishly. “It doesn’t matter if it’s production or people—but my sisters deserve the best. I’ve been determined to give it to them.”
She refrained from pointing out that that was probably the job of their husbands. Though she’d seen his sisters many times in his office, she’d never met their significant others. And she wouldn’t have asked about them, even if given the chance.
Paxton’s family, which he seemed to love to no end, was not necessarily a friendly lot. They rarely talked to her at work beyond the necessities of getting into Paxton’s office, though by far Sierra was the most personable.
None of them seemed too big on seeing their employees as people, or at least not nearly as much as Paxton did. He was well loved within the company, and could often be found chatting with various employees in the hallways. Not just the upper management, but anyone from his secretary to an intern in the mail room.
He was rarely too busy for anyone.
“What will they think?” she asked cautiously.
Though they were just feeling their way now, eventually the news would spread. There would be no getting around that if Paxton planned to be a full-time part of the baby’s life.
He didn’t seem to catch her drift. “My sisters both love kids. Sierra has two. Alicia one. They’ll be thrilled to have a cousin.”
All her thoughts of allies and families pushed Ivy to ask, “What about me? Is that going to be a problem?”
Though Paxton paused to deliver a fully loaded omelet onto a plate and then place it on the table in front of her, Ivy knew there was a bit of a delay tactic in play. It took him more than a
minute after setting the plate in front of her to actually meet her gaze, but to his credit, he did.
“I honestly don’t know,” he said.
Family was a complicated subject. How his family had treated her before wasn’t something that was a credit to them, though his sisters were a bit more personable than his mother or grandmother. That woman scared the pants off Ivy.
But this was different.
Facing them alone scared Ivy. And her own family couldn’t go with her everywhere, not even her new, overly protective big brothers in the form of her sisters’ fiancés. She thought of her sisters’ words from before...about the need to learn more about Paxton, learn how they could work together...so that she did have some form of buffer between her and his family.
She needed an ally. She looked at Paxton, who was across the table from her, digging into his omelet and toast. A platonic ally.
The words made her want to cry, but she forced herself to sit straighter and brace herself. No more attitude. No more overly emotional actions. The thought in and of itself brought sadness, not because she wanted to be ugly to him, but because she knew those emotions were just the flip side of the passion she’d felt before he’d abandoned her.
But for her baby’s sake, she now needed someone who would stand by her side, help raise their child and form a united front against anyone who chose to tear apart their alliance.
Just no sex.
This isn’t about romance, she reminded herself. This is about a joint effort to create an unconventional, but supportive family. She couldn’t have the happily-ever-after, so she’d settle for whatever it was they were building right now.
* * *
“You’re what?”
“We aren’t coming home tomorrow.”
Though Jasmine enunciated her words pretty well on the other end of the line, Ivy still wasn’t comprehending. Maybe she didn’t want to. Her time spent with Paxton had become more and more enjoyable. They had taken to playing games from the overcrowded wall of bookshelves in the front parlor, and talking about books and movies and plays. Subjects they’d never explored well within the confines of the office. Though part of it was Ivy doing her best to keep discussions of family and personal subjects to a minimum so she didn’t accidentally give away anything she wasn’t supposed to.
It was good. A good way to become allies, to get to know each other deeper than they had in their business relationship. But it had been hard on her personally. With Paxton right here, there was no break to nurse her feelings of sorrow and grief over the dreams she’d been forced to abandon.
“We want to add a little side trip,” Jasmine was saying. “We’re having such a good time, and we thought we would travel down into wine country and spend three or four days. Auntie is having so much fun, but she’s really worried about you. Worried about leaving you for longer than we already have.”
Well, that made Ivy feel good. Not. The last thing she wanted was for her family to worry over her.
“And it’s so exciting, because Royce is giving up business to do this with us as a family. You know what a big deal that is.”
Ivy did. Royce had been very much a button-down businessman before Jasmine got a hold of him. For him to just blow off business at the last minute? That would’ve been unheard of six months ago.
But deep down Ivy felt panic rising. She couldn’t stay here for another week with Paxton. That wasn’t fair to him. And she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to keep her feelings to herself under those circumstances. He might spend an hour or two in front of the computer each day, but the rest of his time he devoted his attention to her. Under different circumstances it would have been a situation made in heaven.
But her current circumstances were not heavenly at all.
She drew in a breath, long and low. “Well, you can tell Auntie that I’m definitely improving. Between the ginger tea and the medicine from the doctor, and these little magic lozenges that Paxton brought me, I’m actually feeling great, keeping food down and regaining energy. I’m even feeling better enough to want to start sending out résumés again.”
“Now Ivy, don’t take on too much, too soon.”
Ivy hated when her sister got that caretaker tone in her voice. Like she was too much of a child to make sound decisions. “I’m not. I’m just trying to do what I can, when I can.”
The anger building in her chest was hard to suppress. So many people telling her what to do with her life was getting more than a little annoying.
Especially with all the uncertainty and unfavorable variables that kept popping up.
Digging deep, she forced a cheerful note. “But look, I’m thrilled that you’re going to stay for a while. I don’t want Auntie to worry. Everything is great.” She hesitated for just a moment, then asked, “But can we just keep this information between ourselves?”
Caution entered Jasmine’s voice. “What do you mean?”
“I mean...” she said, irritation quickly returning over the need to spell this out to someone she thought would understand. “Could we keep this between us? As in, could you please not tell Paxton about this?”
She’d handle that herself...once she figured out how.
“Don’t tell me about what?”
Ivy whirled around to face Paxton, who had come in without her noticing. In his hand he held his phone at chest level, display facing her. The image showed a series of text messages with Royce’s name at the top. The accompanying irritation on Paxton’s face told her she’d made the wrong move. Again. She quickly said her goodbyes to Jasmine, along with even more assertions that everything would be fine.
Then she laid her phone on the table with a very careful movement and met that accusing gaze once more. “I’m sorry—”
“Is it really that horrible hanging out with me? Letting me take care of you? Why wouldn’t you want me to know that your family is planning to stay gone another four days?”
She honestly hadn’t been thinking about hurting his feelings. Just about handling this herself instead of imposing on Paxton even further. “When you put it that way, I know it sounds pretty bad.”
He shook his head, some of the emotion draining from his expression. “No, I’m sure you have good reasons. It’s just upsetting to know that we haven’t come to a place where you would discuss them with me first.”
That’s actually what she’d wanted—after she’d had the chance to think through all of her reasoning. Guess she’d just have to wing it.
“Look, Paxton, I’ve used up a lot of your time and energy. Of everyone’s, really. I just don’t feel right taking up any more. You need to return to work. And to your family...”
Paxton looked away. Ivy knew exactly what he was thinking about. His mother had called several times during lunch on Sunday, until Paxton had finally answered. Apparently she had been extremely unhappy that he was not at the weekly family dinner, and he hadn’t been willing to give her an excuse.
He’d been quiet and unsettled the rest of the afternoon.
Paxton paced back and forth, as if trying to get his thoughts gathered through movement. Such a familiar action that made her heart ache. “What if I could continue to help you and still do all those things?”
Ivy frowned. “What did you have in mind?”
She was already hiding out from his family and the world she’d known when she’d worked with him. How much more could she disappear?
Ivy wasn’t very comfortable with how those thoughts made her feel. Selfish and jealous and just a little bit angry. Not pretty at all. And not necessary. She would never play a prominent part in Paxton’s life again—she needed to get used to that idea.
Still she said, “I’ve used up everyone’s time and energy—yours, my family’s. That’s hard for me. You need to return to work...to your life... I need... I don’t know,” she mumbled.
“Is the
re something I should be doing that I haven’t?” The surprise in his voice was almost amusing.
“Paxton, what I need, neither you nor my family can give me.” She might as well start being honest.
He just looked confused.
“I know it’s hard to tell sometimes, especially right now.” Her behavior had been less than exemplary. “But I’m very grateful for all the care and concern that everyone has given me. That doesn’t mean it isn’t hard for me to accept.”
“Why?”
Though he’d asked, she thought she saw a glimmer of understanding in his gaze. Accusation was gone from his tone, leaving a genuine curiosity that she couldn’t resist.
“Since my parents died, my sisters and Auntie have worked hard to keep our family afloat. We didn’t always have much, but they worked hard for what we did have. I was little when Mom and Dad died. There wasn’t much I could do to contribute. It made me feel...helpless.”
The sounds he made were noncommittal, but his attentive gaze urged her to keep going.
“I’ve always pushed to be responsible for myself. I got my first real job when I was twelve years old. And now...” She gestured to her tummy. “I’ve made a stupid mistake,” she whispered, closing her eyes against the welling tears she didn’t want. Her push for independence had made her take the job with Paxton in the first place. She hadn’t been able to resist the opportunity to make a good living. In a single night she’d jeopardized her ability to support herself and her family’s reputation. “A mistake that’s affected everyone. And I have to fix this.”
“Not alone.” Paxton’s voice was closer than she’d expected.
Ivy opened her eyes just in time to see his arms enfolding her. It was the first time he’d held her since their one night together, and her treacherous body melted against him immediately.