‘What’s the hardest part of coming out, for you?’
He shakes his head, sadly, looking defeated and shrugging his shoulders.
‘Facing up to my own fear, I suppose, that people I love will look at me differently from there on in. What if they don’t understand? My parents were, no doubt, expecting me to settle down again, at some point, with a nice young woman, and eventually give them a grandchild, or two. That’s the norm for the little village in which they live and now, suddenly, I’m going to turn their lives upside down once more. The divorce was more than enough drama to inflict upon them and this is going to rock their world all over again.’
The coffee arrives and there’s a temporary lull in our conversation. I can’t help thinking that one glance at Harrison and the assumption is that here’s a man whose life is sorted. And yet, that’s so far from the truth.
‘I know precisely what it’s like to be surrounded by people whose lives seem to fit the mould, because mine doesn’t. I hate the fact they feel the need to tread carefully around me. I’m grateful for the help and support I’ve been given, of course I am, but I don’t want people feeling sorry for me. A lot has gone wrong but that only seems to perpetuate the sympathy. I cringe every time someone close to me says it’s about time I had some good luck. That makes me sound ungrateful, doesn’t it?’ I shrug ruefully.
Harrison stirs his coffee, moving his cup so the waitress can lay his breakfast plate on the table in front of him. It’s a stack of pancakes with blueberries and I have French toast with crispy bacon. But instead of tucking in, we both play with the food in front of us, our appetites having evaporated into thin air. We sit in silence for what feels like an eternity and then both look up at the same time.
‘I’m done. How about you?’ The look on Harrison’s face makes me wish my stay on board was longer. After a rough night, he needs something to lift his mood.
‘Let’s get out of here. I feel the need for some fresh air.’ I’m already pushing back on my chair.
Harrison offers to walk me back to my cabin but we amble, going slightly out of the way to linger and take in the view out over the port. We stand together by the guard rail, two people united by the baggage they find themselves carrying.
‘I wish I could stay just one more day, but I can’t. I want you to promise me that you’ll shrug off all those negative thoughts and find someone who is going to cheer you up for the remainder of the cruise.’
He makes a face. ‘One of the lonely widows, you mean?’
I smile at him, because there do seem to be a lot of elderly single women on board.
‘Yes, that’s just what you need! Someone who is out to have a thoroughly good time and would really appreciate a little company.’
He looks at me, studying my face.
‘I doubt I’ll find another Leah,’ he replies, rather soberly.
‘I think one Leah is enough for this trip. I’m best tolerated in small doses.’
He laughs out loud and it’s good to see his face light up again.
‘Well, that works both ways. You managed to drag my secret out of me and that’s a first.’
‘Friends in need, eh?’ My eyes search his face, reaching out to him.
Harrison steps forward to give me a brotherly hug.
‘What’s the saying? Two heads are better than one? Between us we’ll finally knock our lives into shape, you can bet on that.’
He puts a smile on my face, too, but even though I’d love to stay, thoughts of Rosie and home are calling.
‘And you need to look into getting some help the moment you get back home.’
I stifle a sigh, but I know he’s right and I wonder how often Mum and Dad have longed to say that to me and haven’t, for fear of upsetting me? Sally has touched on the subject a few times over the years but always ended up backing off when she saw my less than enthusiastic reaction. I thought I was coping well enough on my own. But maybe I’m not.
~
‘Mum, I missed you!’ Rosie runs forward, wrapping her arms around me and hugging with all her might.
‘How was the journey back?’ Mum looks at me over the top of Rosie’s head.
‘Good. Uneventful. The plane wasn’t full and I had a window seat with no one sitting the other side of me.’
Rosie finally releases me so I can hug Mum and Dad. Dad looks a little flushed, but is his usual bright and breezy self. Mum looks drawn and I wonder what’s up.
‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ Dad says, heading off to the kitchen. Rosie follows him, probably more interested in grabbing a biscuit than helping with the preparation.
‘Are you okay?’ I make eye contact with Mum but it only lasts for the briefest of moments before she turns around to sit back down in her chair.
‘Everything’s fine. You look chirpy considering that must have been quite a tiring little break.’
She’s trying to change the subject but I need to know what’s gone wrong.
‘Mum, I’ll only worry if you don’t tell me.’
She looks exasperated, glancing at the doorway and then back at me.
‘It’s probably nothing. Dad’s had some blood tests taken because his blood pressure was up. There’s nothing to worry about, really, as they’re keeping an eye on it.’
It’s the little nagging worry that never goes away. Ever since Dad had his heart attack Mum watches him like a hawk, and I know it’s a daily worry for her. She’s my barometer when it comes to gauging how he’s doing and one look at her face is enough to see that she’s concerned.
‘You will let me know when the results are back, won’t you? I thought he looked like he’d been rushing around. Maybe it’s just—’
Rosie appears, her mouth full of biscuit as she puts the tin down on the coffee table.
‘Grandma and I made biscuits,’ she says, a few crumbs escaping, making her put her hand up to her mouth to stem the fallout.
‘You know it’s rude to talk with your mouth full, Rosie,’ I admonish.
‘Sorry, Mum. Did Grandma tell you I won the pupil of the week award? I’ll find the certificate.’
Dad arrives with a tray of drinks and we soon settle down to allow Rosie to have her little moment in the spotlight. I inspect the certificate, noting that it’s in recognition for the excellent work on her project and having the tidiest desk. It seems the island was finished while I was away then, and Dad proudly shows me the photo on his phone. As for the tidiest desk, well that’s a welcome surprise.
‘Wow – that’s amazing! Well done, darling. I’m so proud of you.’
Rosie and Dad exchange conspiratorial smiles. I bet they had a lot of fun finishing off that model. We’re so lucky we have Dad; if something awful ever happened it would break our hearts. The fact that his heart attack was caused by the break-up of my marriage is something for which I can never forgive myself. Or Antonio.
Hitting the Ground Running
Even given the amount of online work I managed to fit in while I was away, it was inevitable I would come home to a backlog of emails. In addition to the work generated by the trip itself, I’m going to be very busy indeed. I have a lot of notes and photos to trawl through for what will become a series of articles, as well as the report to compile, and it all takes time.
The hours between dropping Rosie off at school on this murky, grey Friday morning and collecting her speed by but I seem to fly through the work with relative ease. Maybe it’s true when they say that a change is as good as a rest. Just as I’m about to switch the laptop onto sleep mode and head out for my second walk before the afternoon school run, a new email pops into my inbox. It’s from Loving Life magazine and I’ve long been a fan. I really do have to leave, as I’m already running a few minutes late, so I quickly scan down the email. I’m shocked to see it’s an invitation to write for them. I can hardly believe my eyes. I’d dearly love to sit down and savour every single word, but I know I can’t. Rosie expects to see me in the space and it’s become a little r
itual. Silly, I know, but it’s the small things in life that matter to kids. It’s more about the fact that her mum is now at home and the one doing the school runs every day.
When a child only has one parent in their life, it becomes even more important that they feel they have your attention. I hurry off to do my walk, spending the time thinking through the content for the next article for the website, which will be all about Monte Carlo. My mind conjures up a picture of Harrison’s face for a brief second and then it’s gone.
When I eventually jump in the car, I’m a little breathless. For some reason it was hard going this afternoon, but I have managed to make up a little time. Fortunately, the traffic lights are with me and when I pull up at the school I’m glad I left when I did. I seem to have timed it just right, with only a second or two to spare. One of the other mums is driving the car behind me and as I pull into the space she gives me a wave as she drives past. No doubt she’s disappointed I beat her to it as she heads off in search of a gap she can squeeze into. There are always cars parked on both sides of the road no matter what time of day it is; it usually entails a long walk back up to the school – even if you get here early.
However, getting here before the main crowd means I have a little time to kill and Harrison is still on my mind. I get out my phone.
Hey, how’s it going?
His response is instant so he must have had his phone in his hand.
I was just about to text you! I’m missing your company. However, I’ve met this awesome lady on board the ship who happens to be a very good opponent at chess. Envious?
I smile to myself.
Chess? You are a man of many surprises.
I can imagine the look on his face.
Well, she’s eighty-seven and she’s just beaten me twice, hands down. It’s not good for the morale. Have you booked that appointment yet?
I roll my eyes.
No, but I will. And good luck with the chess.
I click onto my inbox, desperate to read through the email from Loving Life magazine properly, while trying to push thoughts of Harrison out of my head.
Hello Leah,
I’ve been following your blog for some time with great interest. As one of the leading travel bloggers in the industry right now, the whole team think our readers might be fascinated to find out more about what you do and the places you visit. I was wondering how you felt about submitting something for the magazine?
An article in the style of a series of diary entries would be both lively and informative. Initially we could maybe trial this for three consecutive issues to see how well it’s received. Obviously, lots of lovely photos would help to draw the reader in and we’d expect you to provide a selection of high-quality graphics to go along with each article.
If this is something that would be of interest to you, then please get in touch and we can arrange a meeting to talk it through in more detail.
Best regards
Wendy Philips
Editor-in-chief
Loving Life
I look up, letting out a little squeal of excitement. There’s no mention of payment but I’m sure they don’t expect me to do it for free, even though in truth I would. Just the extra exposure alone is great advertising and what a wonderful thing to be able to add to my bio on the website!
As excited as I am, I haven’t forgotten Harrison’s text so the next thing I do is to ring the surgery and book an appointment to see Dr Watkins. The mere thought of that is enough to kill my good mood but after the deed is done I do feel a bit lighter. My fingers delight in sharing the news with him.
Appointment with my doctor booked. Watch this space. When you get back home I’ll be chasing you by text, so remember that it’s your turn next! Enjoy the sun, it’s just started raining here. Speak soon.
Suddenly Rosie is there, flinging open the car door and bundling in – all legs, damp coat and backpack.
I realise that Harrison is right; it’s time I did something about this chip I have on my shoulder. For Rosie’s sake, as well as mine. I study her closely, thinking how perfect that heart-shaped little face is and wondering if maybe she’s ready to have another male influence in her life.
I enjoyed being in the company of a man the last few days and yes, my instincts clearly knew I was safe with Harrison, but it felt good. I’ve gained a new friend and a confidante I feel comfortable with, which was totally unexpected. But he also reminded me how good it feels to interact with a man and enjoy a little harmless, in this case, flirtation. I had no way of knowing that initially, though, so it seems that maybe men aren’t totally off my agenda and that comes as a real surprise.
~
It’s Saturday morning and Rosie has a practice session for a little event coming up at gym club. She missed her class on Thursday evening because of my return, and I know that won’t have gone down very well.
We make it with two minutes to spare and I’m relieved as Miriam Peterson is a stickler for punctuality. But Rosie and I stayed up a little past her bedtime last night to watch Shrek, her all-time favourite movie. We curled up together on the sofa, eating popcorn and munching on a bar of chocolate. That was in between reeling off sections of dialogue that we both know by heart. It was a nice way to end a strange week and I felt it made up a little for my absence.
I give Rosie a kiss and she joins her friends in the changing room while I head off to meet up with Sally for coffee. It’s walking distance from the leisure centre and a pleasant stroll, plus my pedometer is clocking up those steps. As soon as I enter the café I see she’s already here and I make my way between the crowded tables.
‘Hey, girl, I was just about to drink your coffee. You have a bit of a tan going on there, if I’m not mistaken.’
She stands and we hug, then I sink down into the chair opposite her at our regular little bistro table.
‘Well, was it amazing?’ Sally leans in, eager for my news.
‘You’ll have to wait until it’s up on my blog, but yes, I had an awesome time.’
Sally’s eyes open wide. ‘Awesome, you say? You met someone!’
I drink half of my coffee in one go, making her wait. It hits the spot and I’m conscious that her eyes are watching my every move as I wipe some chocolate covered froth from my top lip.
‘Their coffee is just so good here.’
‘Never mind that, tell me all!’
Her eyes are bright and her face is a picture of expectation.
‘I met a guy named Harrison. He’s taken, but we hit it off from the moment he sat next to me on the shuttle from the airport to the port. So well, in fact, that he’s convinced me to talk to my doctor about requesting some form of counselling, or therapy.’
The smile drops from Sally’s face and her mouth opens but nothing comes out. I sit, leisurely sipping the remainder of my coffee, giving her a chance to recover.
‘He’s taken?’ she repeats.
‘Yes. He has a boyfriend.’
‘And you’ve actually made that appointment?’
‘I have.’
She exhales loudly and leans back in her chair.
‘He must be one special guy to get you to talk openly about your past. And he’s definitely taken? I mean there’s no chance at all of a relationship striking up between the two of you? People fall in and out of love all the time and maybe he likes women as well as men. Obviously, you got on very well to talk about … things. I’ve never known you to have a friendship with a man before. I mean there was only—’
She stops abruptly and I finish her sentence.
‘There was only Antonio. And there is no chance as, although he was married to a woman for a while, Harrison is now deeply in love with a man. But I enjoyed his company and it’s making me think that maybe I’m finally ready to move on.’
‘At last! Well done, Harrison!’
This time her reaction is very vocal and I raise a finger to my lips to get her to tone it down a little.
‘Actually,’ she begins,
giving me a stern look, ‘I’m feeling a bit annoyed. How come you’re prepared to listen to this new friend of yours when I’ve been dropping hints for a long time?’
I can’t hold back the little grin that’s tinged with guilt because I can understand why she’s miffed.
‘It was the ambience, I think. New experience, different surroundings and an enigmatic stranger. I guess I stepped outside my life for two days and everything he said made sense. I suppose I was listening properly for the first time, really. And I’m sorry because it wasn’t that I was ignoring your subtle hints; it was just a timing thing.’
‘Well, I can’t be cross because I’m simply glad that time has come, at long last. I mean I know how traumatic it’s going to be.’
I put my head down, focusing on my coffee cup. I know that too. There are things I haven’t said to anyone and that includes my parents and Antonio’s parents.
‘Some things happen for a reason and I guess Harrison and I were meant to cross paths. We’re going to help one another through what will be a personal worst nightmare for each of us.’
Sally’s eyes open a little wider as she realises what I’m saying.
‘Poor guy; that’s a bit of a bombshell and it sounds like it was a fun, but intense couple of days. I can tell you had a great time, though.’
‘Oh, I did. The ship was the most luxurious floating hotel you could ever imagine. It’s left me with a yearning to experience a full cruise,’ I admit. However, the reality is that at this precise moment that can only be a dream. But one day I’ll make it come true.
‘Well, maybe you’ll get to do that with Rosie and a significant other in tow.’
Now there’s an interesting thought.
‘Oh, and I have more good news. I’ve been approached by a magazine about writing three articles for them as a trial. A typical day in the life of a travel blogger. How exciting is that?’
Sally reaches out to place her hand on my arm.
‘I’m so proud of you, Leah, and what you’ve achieved. It’s been a hard road to travel.’
I nod in agreement.
‘All I owe now is the mortgage. I’m debt-free and for the first time in seven years I no longer lie in bed at night juggling figures in my head. That alone is one huge relief.’
A Greek Affair Page 7