by E. L. Morrow
“Of course. It is always better to err on the side of more caution, rather than not enough. Your secret is safe with me.”
“One more thing before we leave this topic. Phillip was also a donor. In the process of his waiting to donate, he met and spent time with Berry. She taught him some basics of what I am going to tell you about next. He used that method to minimize the damage to the package network.”
“You mean there is more?”
“I told you each one is more unbelievable than the one before. Are you ready?”
“Let me take a deep breath…. okay.”
“Apparently when multiple high categories reside in the same person some unpredictable talents emerge. Berry could predict part of the future. She said I would be a Doorkeeper, that Allison would receive two Nobel Prizes. She says there will be a third. I will let you read her letter—but that’s too much to take in today.
“So, what special talent do I possess? For one, I see shades of colors that others do not. But most importantly—I read energy trails.”
“What?”
“We’re aware of the energy body surrounding our physical bodies. The energy we generate is different when we are frightened, angered, confused, happy, anxious, lustful, or joyous.
“When we move from place to place we leave behind a trail of energy particles. For some reason, I can ‘read’ the emotions that produce that particular energy. I have been doing this occasionally for years—without understanding why. It would always come as a flash—a sudden insight. At first only a few times a year. After starting this job, it happened several times a day. When I got Berry’s letter, I began to understand how to manage this ability.
“Part of practicing reading energy trails is turning off the process. I read emotions—not thoughts. Sometimes I infer the thought that produced the emotion. The easiest trails to read are the strong negative emotions: anger, fear, and hate. Next are things like deception, manipulation, sadness, and grief. Hardest are the positive emotions: love, joy, and accomplishment.
“I’m learning to read the subtler emotions, like confusion, indecision, lust, and frustration. I developed a code of ethics for the use of my talent. The short version is only when someone is in danger, or I sense deception. I try never to invade someone’s privacy, and I respond to others based on what I could observe without the talent.”
“So, you are not sitting here reading me?”
“When I’m with someone—particularly if no one else is around—the energy field appears larger or perhaps more intense. I work at not slipping into reading you. But I can do it. Today I checked out your emotions a couple of times before we moved on. But I also asked you, or you said something to indicate readiness for the next item.”
“So that Monday night at the University—did you use this ability?”
“No. Well, once when Dr. Norris handed me the microphone—I wanted to know how he felt about what I was doing. Beyond that, I couldn’t rely on trail reading—I used attention to the mood of the room—body language and facial expression.”
“So? What does this special ability allow you to do?”
“It helps if the person is known to me before the encounter—that makes it easier. If someone has left a place, unless they’ve crossed a lot of energy trails, I can follow them to where they are and pick up on their current emotions. I can also trace a person back for a while.
“Would you like me to demonstrate? Only with your permission, of course.”
“You mean you can follow me back to what I did last week?”
“Probably not that far—and of course it has to include engaging emotion.”
“Could be interesting. I’m curious what you might find.”
Marie closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She speaks, “You walked here…prior to that you were reading messages…. Oh, here’s a spike. When I find an emotional spike, I go back until I get a more balanced perception. Then I move forward again, so I can read the experience in the right order. Only last week did I realized that’s how this aspect seems to work.
“So, you sat down at your computer to catch up on messages. You read several and answered a few then this one disturbed you. It is from a colleague saying she is suicidal. You contacted her. She told you she is better and has an appointment with a Counselor today. You believed her and promised to be in touch. Then you stopped and took some deep breaths—you meditated.”
Opening her eyes, Marie looks directly at Vivi. “That’s all I see. Am I close to accurate?”
“You couldn’t be closer. Do you know her name?”
“No. I think you called her Lill? But I sense that’s not her name.”
“It’s Jill—a nickname—no one in my group uses their real names. I’m impressed with your talent as you call it.”
“One more thing. I can also connect with energy trails electronically. Suppose someone kidnapped you, and I find out about it a half day later. I can go back to your last door opening and follow your trail to where you are. Then I confirm it by satellite and send help.”
“Even if they somehow got my SOG off?”
“You could be drugged, unconscious and naked—I’ll find you. I don’t understand why but it seems important for you to hear that—now rather than later.”
“I’m glad you are my friend.”
“Only three people have been told about my energy reading: Rudy, Allison and you. I shudder to think what the military would want me to do if they learn about this ability.”
“No one will ever hear it from me!
Two friends embrace for what seems like a long time.
Twelve
Counseling
Wichita
2094-09-27, Monday, 9:50 am
Ava always reviews her clinical notes in preparation for each session. In Marie’s case there exist only one official session to reflect upon.
Clinical Notes
Subject: Marie
Position: Doorkeeper
Date: September 27, 2094
Presenting Issue: Mating Issues and Sexual Identity
Session: 2
Reflections/Goals
Her first appointment was an emergency (see notes). Perpetrated by an incident on August 18th. A security officer under her direction was killed, by a previously unknown weapon. Her handling of the situation has resulted in residual grief. She absolved herself of blame, only wanted to understand what she might do better if there is a next time. Inquiries also found no fault with her or her supervisor’s actions. I feared subject had treated the incident as an exercise—dealing with the situation at the head level. I expected an emotional backlash once some time had elapsed.
Follow-up: I contacted her by communicator or Message every 12 to 48 hours since the first session. She sounds emotionally stable, despite being under much public scrutiny and pressure related to her new tasks.
Lingering Concerns: Client demonstrates some paranoid tendencies. She speaks of “protection” placed around her. She insisted on no audio recording, digital record, or supervisor oversight.
Standard release forms granted access to counseling history. Tests conducted January 2094 (her final year of Graduate work) indicates subject is an extreme introvert. She possesses common courtesy skills. However, she demonstrates lack of some of the more complex social graces. Especially those required in dating or most other non-structured social situation. I plan to pursue that point.
She expects this session to turn to sexuality issues. I will attempt to get her to reflect on the emotions of the trauma she experienced. I anticipate resistance.
If we address her mating concerns, I need her to tell me why she used all 20 Pre-Mating Screening sessions in 18 months. She seems very particular, having only six encounters. What are her criteria for choosing? Does she have different expectations for casual versus a longer-term relationship? Did she see Pre-Mating contacts as only about long-term relationships?
Since our pr
evious meeting, she stepped into an open forum at the university, called the presenters out on their deceptions and hidden agenda. Her action put her in the public eye. Also, since our last time, she uncovered records incriminating several public officials in corruption and misuse of public money. (Most records, if not all, were compiled by her predecessor.)
Subject was called to testify to a Federal Grand Jury regarding the photos and facts saved by an Automated Personal Assistant. These documents provided evidence surrounding her predecessor’s demise.
We touched on all these things in our communicator contacts, but I need face-to-face contact to address her deeper feelings.
My goal is to continue building the relationship and gain her trust. Anything more will be a bonus.
Ava
The Counselor welcomes Marie. They embrace briefly. Seats are arranged so no matter where the counselee sits the Counselor still gets a clear view. Positioning also puts the practitioner’s face either in shadow or a slight glare—preventing the client from inferring anything from the counselor’s facial expression. The chair choosing ritual complete, Ava begins.
“How are you feeling?”
“Glad to be home?”
“Where were you again?”
“I can’t tell you. It will be public in a few weeks—for the moment; it needs to be closely guarded.”
“With all the indictments, surely things are safer?”
“The danger is increasing because it’s unpredictable. Before, we could locate the source of the threats. Not so now—the principals moved deeper underground.”
“How will you be able to tell when it is safer?”
“I’m not sure—I depend a lot on my security people. They know this stuff better than me…. Wait a minute; you think I’m paranoid.”
“Do you think so?”
“I didn’t use to be. Until I found out protection had been placed around me since I started elementary school.”
“When did you find this out?”
“August 17th. I need to tell you something about my family. The names can’t be recorded—not even in your paper notes. Understood?”
“As you wish.”
“Maybe this will help you understand why I’m so cautious.…”
Marie told Ava about her parents, her biological mother’s death when she was eight days old; Allison Fulbright and her mate, Jamison Ward, raising her as their own. She also spoke of the Wards founding Cyclops Institute for Disease Prevention and Control, located outside Seattle. Finally, Marie told of the threats against those who work at Cyclops—and the high level of protection around her—including how she never identified any relatives by name.
She concludes by saying, “Rudy Carlson is the head of security at Cyclops. He’s the one who set up protection for me, from the time I started school. I learned a cover story if it was ever needed. I could describe my home, the street, and nearby houses, my room, address everything—all real, but not where I called home.
“I learned in August that there had been a protective shield around me all my life. At first, I was pissed. But then I saw the bigger picture. Initially, it protected Allison and Cyclops. Now it protects me as well.
“Phillip died partly because of his electronic developments. I’m now the only one who can access that data and turn it into usable products. That’s why he made me CEO of his company. One more reason my security is essential.
“Dr. Abraham Norris knew mother before she met Jamison. He can verify what I told you about Allison and Cyclops. I can ask Rudy to call you and confirm what I’ve said about my being ‘guarded.’”
Ava was skeptical at first. Now she wants to believe me, but can’t quite take it all in. Okay—she no longer thinks I’m nuts.
Changing the focus, Marie thanked Ava for her regular calls and messages. “It’s a comfort having you available.”
“You have not mentioned the death. How are you dealing with it?”
“I think about it every day; mostly as I’m getting ready for sleep. I see the image of this young man being blasted backward against a wall, garment and flesh scattering everywhere.”
“How do you feel about it?”
“Angry! The weapon makers got away with everything. Neither the stockpile nor the manufacturing facility has been located. That weapon no longer works, but who knows what other malevolence they are up to.”
“You are angry, but your anger is focused on those behind the weapon—not yourself?”
“I’m disappointed in myself. I realized the officers were not taking me seriously, but even my supervisor could not impress upon them the danger. Of course, no one knew the weapon’s ability. I could not justify any more vigorous action, but I wish I had.”
More conversation produces no change in Marie’s perspective. The 90-minute appointment is half over when the focus shifts again.
“Are you ready to talk about your issues relating to mating?”
“Why not.”
“Let me start with some questions. Do you think you’re an introvert?”
“Yes.”
“Introverts tend to have fewer friends, but deep friendships. How many friends do you count?”
“Deep friends? Three: mother, Rudy, and Vivi.”
“They are all older than you. What about friends your age?”
“None. Lots of acquaintances, tons of people who would wish me no harm, but no one I’d call and say, let’s catch a movie.”
“Any idea why?”
“Rudy says it’s because I’m smart and others are intimidated. My intention is the opposite. I do everything I can to not dominate a study group or embarrass someone … even when they’re clearly wrong. It may be that I appear busy or perhaps unapproachable.”
“Are you unhappy not having friends your age?”
“Sad? Not sure … I think not … well, maybe. I would like peers who are friends, but I can get along without them. As long as I have a few friends … and meaningful work to do.”
“So why your interest in sex?”
“Because I think I’m missing something. Everybody talks about how great it feels.”
“Tell me about your six encounters. What do you remember?”
“Everything. One was too shy to remove his clothing. He wanted to talk but couldn’t think of what to talk about—any topic I suggested he thought was ‘stupid.’ Another was only interested in my pleasuring him. Once he got what he wanted, he dressed and left—without a word.
“The third one was so anxious he entered me before I was ready. It hurt. I made him stop. He slapped me, I left and reported him. The fourth was kind and gentle, we talked and stroked each other, and when we thought it was time, he had a ‘premature event.’ I couldn’t convince him it was all right, we should try again. I liked him, but he wouldn’t face me after that. And the last was the worst of all. He brought knives, ropes, and chains. I got out of there.
“How do I pick such losers?”
“I can’t answer that. I can tell you those who use the screenings tend to be those who can’t build a relationship any other way. I’m sorry you had such unpleasant experiences. Did some people pick you but you didn’t reciprocate?”
“Yes, a few times. It also happened in reverse. That’s embarrassing—chose someone but they don’t like me.”
“Did you have a look and touch session?”
“Yes, the last one.”
“How was that?”
“In the ‘look’ part some guys wanted me to pretend to have an orgasm. Others wanted me to touch myself in ways I felt too intimate for a stranger. I closed off from them in the second round.
“There were three men and one woman I liked. They acted with respect. One asked me to think of the most pleasant place I had been in the last year and then express it with a smile and a sigh. I must’ve blown it with him because in the ‘touch’ round all I wanted to do was touch his face—ruddy in appearance yet smooth to the touch
.”
“What about the woman?”
“I thought it would be interesting with the woman—she did not choose me. It was clear by her choices; she wanted muscle building type—that’s not me.”
“How do you satisfy your pleasure needs?”
“I don’t.”
“I mean how often do you masturbate?”
“Never.”
“Never as in rarely?”
“I’ve not had an orgasm.”
“Records indicate you had the Self-Pleasuring Instruction at age 11.”
“True. The instruction was clear. We were all lying on tables separated by curtains. We had mirrors on the ceiling so we could watch ourselves. I followed the instructions… I felt nothing. I started again from the beginning…still zero. Others finished. Some around me departed. I turned my head to my right side and could see the girl next to me in her mirror. I watched what she did and then mimicked it. I faked an orgasm so I could leave. I was the last one out. I still don’t understand the big deal; I never tried again. I think about it sometimes but reading something is always more enjoyable.”
“So back to an earlier question: do you want to be involved with sex?”
“I am a sexual being. I need to find out how to express that. I bring no preconceived notions of what it ought to be, only a desire to be a full person—however that takes shape. And I’m in no hurry… if it takes a year or two, so what. I won’t put the rest of my life on hold. But mostly I want to understand my sexuality.”
“So, it’s not about finding a mate?”
“I need to understand who I am before I can figure out how I would benefit a mating relationship.”
Clinical Notes
Follow-up Session 2.
I no longer believe Client is paranoid. I will follow-up with her supervisor for due diligence – but I accept her responses. In my assessment, we reached a more significant level of trust. She shared some very intimate details of her past.