by Jenna Reed
“Okay, she’s ready to go,” Rhett announced proudly. He turned to face me, excitement and fear written all over his face. “Ready to do this?”
I swallowed the nervousness and focused on the fact that we were taking our daughter home. “Ready or not, it’s time.”
The nurse who’d been working with me all day stepped into the room. “All right, let’s get you two discharged and on your way.”
It didn’t take long to complete the process, and soon we were making our way out of the hospital to Rhett’s car. It was a combined effort to get Marie’s car seat hooked into the base for the first time. As we drove toward my apartment, I kept twisting around to check on her. If she didn’t make a sound for more than a few minutes, I immediately worried something was wrong. It was a relief to pull up to my building.
I got out and moved to undo her car seat, but Rhett gave me a chiding look and swept in ahead of me. “You’re supposed to be taking it easy,” he reminded me. “Let me carry her up the stairs.”
A cringed at the thought of the stairs. Walking around on a flat surface was still painful. Climbing stairs sounded horrible. "Maybe we should have planned to stay at your place after all,” I whined.
Rhett looked at me over his shoulder and grinned. “Not too late to change your mind.”
It was so very tempting. Rhett’s place had an elevator, was much nicer, newer, and had everything you needed within walking distance. My building was pretty much the opposite. Staying at his place felt a lot like moving in with him. In my apartment, I had control and got to set the rules. I wasn’t ready to give that up yet. Rhett had freaked out at the ultrasound and didn’t think he could actually be a good father. How would he react to actually having to care for Marie? I was hopeful he’d surprise himself and surpass my expectations, but I was still wary. These next few weeks, months probably, weren’t going to be easy.
After a slow and not very fun trek up three flights of stairs, I was ready to collapse on the couch. Instead, I moved to help Rhett with Marie. He shooed me away immediately. “Go sit down. I’ll bring her to you.”
I was too tired to argue. Lowering myself gently to the couch, I pulled a throw pillow onto my lap in preparation for Rhett handing Marie off to me. When I looked over to see his progress, I smiled at the sight of him making faces at her and brushing his fingers against her cheek. It took much longer than necessary for him to extract her from the car seat, but they were both enjoying each other’s company so much, I couldn’t complain.
“Time to sit with mommy for a few minutes while I get your stuff unpacked,” Rhett said to Marie before kissing her forehead and placing her in my arms.
Hearing him refer to me as mommy brought unexpected tears to my eyes and I had to blink quickly to keep them from falling. Rhett dropped a kiss on my forehead as well before stepping away to take care of everything we’d brought home from the hospital. I stared at Marie, captivated by her every movement and sound as Rhett mumbled about how inexplicable it was that such a small person should need so much stuff.
I lost track of time as I cuddled Marie until Rhett sat down next to us and said, “Your parents are bringing dinner by. My parents volunteered for tomorrow. They wanted to stop by tonight, but I figured you’d be exhausted and told them tomorrow would be better. I hope that’s all right.”
Relief that I wouldn’t have to try to entertain a houseful of people made me smile. “That’s perfect. Thank you.”
“No problem,” he said. He reached an arm around me and scooted closer so he could see Marie too. “I can’t stop staring at her. It seems unreal that we made something so perfect and beautiful.”
I chuckled. “I keep thinking the same thing.” I brushed the back of my finger along her cheek. The touch made her startle, then nuzzle closer to me. I smiled, but a sense of sadness lingered at the edges of my happiness. “I can’t imagine going back to work and leaving her with some stranger.”
Rhett’s arm tightened around my shoulders. “You could always take some extra time, if you need to. There will only be a few weeks left in the school year by the time you’re supposed to go back. Maybe by the end of summer we’ll have things figured out.”
“I truly wished that were an option. My boss would for sure fire me if I did that.”
Leaning down so his mouth was close to my ear, Rhett whispered, “You know it is an option. And would that really be such a bad thing?” His lips touched lightly against my temple.
It was so tempting to rely on him, let him take care of me along with Marie. We simply weren’t in the right situation for that to be a possibility in my mind. I appreciated how kind and considerate he was being, though, so I didn’t press the point. All I said was, “I’ll think about it.”
“Good,” Rhett said before tucking me under his arm a little more.
I leaned into him, allowing myself to find comfort in his presence and warmth. When we’d first started his adventure together, I had doubted everything that had to do with Rhett. He’d proven me wrong so many times. I knew he would be a good father to Marie if he could survive these next few weeks. I knew we could co-parent Marie as friends and give her a happy and full life. I also knew Rhett cared about me more than I ever expected him to.
What I didn’t know was whether we could actually have a real relationship. The pregnancy brought us back together after a one night stand neither of us had any real intention of continuing. Was Marie the only real bond we had to each other? My feelings for Rhett had softened so much. A frightening amount, actually. Every day he became more of a fixture in my life. I woke up thinking about him, and not just in a sexual way, though that still happened far more often than it should. My thoughts drifted to him in spare moments, whether we would eat dinner together, would he stop by on the weekend, would he mind if I stayed over again?
Even though I knew I should keep him at a distance until I could be sure he was here for me as much as for Marie, it was becoming more difficult to do that every day. The last time I let my emotions and body make decisions for me, I’d ended up pregnant. That alone should have been enough to convince me to hold back. But hadn’t that turned out okay? I wouldn’t wish for anything different than exactly what I had in that moment.
Turning to glance at Rhett, I smiled when I saw his head tilted back and his eyes closed. His breathing was even and rhythmical, soothing as his chest pulsed against me. Admittedly, I hadn’t made a smart choice the night I slept with Rhett without using protection. Would I go back and change it if I could? Absolutely not. I had a beautiful daughter and a sweet, sexy man in my life. I kept telling myself it would be insanity to start a relationship right now, but hadn’t we already started it? Was it really that crazy to see where it might go?
27
Rhett
My head snapped up from my palm when someone knocked on my office door. I stared at Graham, trying to wake up and clear my head. “Hey, man, you need something?”
Graham snorted and stepped into my office. “I’d ask how Marie is sleeping at night, but I think catching you napping at your desk is a pretty clear answer.”
I laughed and scrubbed at my face in an attempt to shake off my tiredness. “She’s actually not doing that bad. She wakes up twice a night usually, which is a huge improvement from every two hours. Erica’s the one who has to get up and nurse her, but I can’t go back to sleep until she’s back in bed.”
A grin spread across Graham’s mouth. “Erica or Marie?”
I was too tired to attempt hiding anything, so Graham continued to mock me when I couldn’t contain a smile. “Both.”
“So, what does that mean, exactly?” he asked.
Shrugging, my exhausted brain still hadn’t figured that one out. “The hell if I know. She’s still holding back in some ways, but when I have to go back to my place for clothes or to check on things, she misses me being there. We feel like a family in every way except…”
My brain faltered when trying to come up with the right words to exp
lain our situation.
“You’re not having sex,” Graham finished.
I rolled my eyes. “No, but it’s more than that. She avoids using any words that might classify our relationship and avoids talking about the future outside of Marie.”
Graham frowned. “So, you haven’t given Miriam Stein an answer yet?”
Sighing, I leaned back in my chair. Stein had been hounding me the last few weeks. She wanted me to join her team, and wasn’t going to wait much longer. It was a huge opportunity to pass up. If it was going to damage my relationship with Erica, I wouldn’t have a problem walking away from it. Saying no to the offer without finding out if it would work would be a mistake.
“Every time I try to bring up her job, she changes the topic,” I said. “I don’t want her to make a decision she feels forced into, but changing schools would be key to making the promotion work. We’d just be too far apart otherwise. It would put stress on us that we don’t need right now.”
Graham nodded. “True.” He turned thoughtful and didn’t say anything immediately. Eventually, he continued by saying, “If you don’t talk to her and pass on the offer without discussing it, you’ll always regret it. If you suggest moving in together and both of you changing jobs and she’s against it, at least you’ll know. I think if you tell her about the promotion in a way that makes sure she understands you want it to work, but you have no problem walking away, it’ll take the pressure off her and you can talk about it openly.”
I considered his advice and nodded. “That makes sense.”
Standing, Graham said, “I’m far from a perfect husband or father, but one thing I have learned is that communication solves most of our problems. It’s rarely as big of an issue as I think it is once we talk things out.”
I hoped he was right. Stressing myself out about it because I was too afraid to talk to Erica was only serving to exhaust me even more. Tucking away Graham’s advice for later, I turned back to him and asked, “Did you stop by for a reason, other than waking me up?”
Graham laughed. “I was just going to invite you guys to Megan’s birthday party on Saturday. She’s turning two and we’re just doing a small get together at the house.”
“And now that we’ve joined the parents club…”
My friend’s expression turned longsuffering. “This is your life from here on out. Birthday parties. Soccer games. Endless school fundraisers. Your life has officially been taken over by kid activities.”
I laughed, knowing I would probably come to feel the same way, but right now I was loving everything about being a parent. “I’ll mention it to Erica, but I don’t think we’ll have any conflicts. Text me the details?”
“Will do,” he said before heading back to his own office.
When I arrived at Erica’s that night, the birthday party invite was at the forefront of my mind, but it wasn’t the only thing I was hoping to discuss with her. Determination settled under my skin. Even if she just heard me out without changing the subject and agreed to think about it, it would be a step in the right direction. I opened the door and stepped into the little apartment, immediately swept up in the sounds of Marie crying and Erica trying to soothe her with no success.
Dropping my keys and messenger bag, I moved toward them. Because of the noise, Erica hadn’t heard me come in and didn’t see me until Marie caught sight of me and wailed even louder. When Erica saw me, her whole body sagged in relief. Without a word, she extended Marie toward me, looking as though she were on the verge of tears, too.
“Hey, baby girl,” I whispered as I accept Marie and snuggled her against my chest. “Why is my little princess so unhappy?”
Marie’s fists scrubbed at her wet eyes, but her wailing calmed to a snot-producing sob between hiccups. Erica looked on with relief and maybe just a little bit of jealousy. “She’s such a daddy’s girl.”
“Yes, she is,” I said as I started bouncing Marie lightly. Her hands fell to her sides and she laid her head against my chest. I watched as her eyes almost immediately starting drifting closed. Her reddened face slowly relaxed. Looking back up at Erica, I asked, “Why was she so upset?”
Erica shook her head. “Because she was tired, clearly. How do you do that?”
I smiled down at my little princess. “Maybe she just misses me, or she likes the way I smell or something.” I shrugged. “I’m not doing anything special.”
The tension in Erica’s expression melted away. “Well, you do smell good, and your chest is a nice spot to fall asleep.” She reached out and brushed her fingers down my arm. “And I kinda missed you too.”
Smiling, I glanced at her. “Did you?”
Her expression turned teasing. “Of course. I needed a break from this little diva!” We both chuckled, but Erica’s seriousness returned. “Seriously, though, thank you for being here. Tonight. Every day up to today. You’ve done more than I ever could have asked of you. I’m sure you miss your own apartment, and having some actual space to move around in.”
Both our gazes swept the crowded apartment. A playpen was squished in between the wall and couch. Toys and a blanket covered the rug. Both diaper bags, one for short trips and one for longer ones, had been tripped over more than once. Laundry was frequently piled in baskets, thanks to all the messes Marie made in her attempts to ruin everything the first time she wore it. It was definitely crowded, but I didn’t miss being on my own.
“I’d rather be here any day,” I said quietly. Moisture sparkled in Erica’s eyes. I almost brought up the promotion and move right then, but she looked ready to drop. “Why don’t you go shower and relax and I’ll put Marie down and start dinner.”
Hearing that, tears filled her eyes. “Thank you.” She walked over to me, leaned over Marie, and kissed me lightly on the lips. Then, without explanation, she turned and walked toward the bathroom.
I stood in the center of the apartment, shocked. I had made a point of being affectionate with Erica. The more time we’d spent together, the more she let me push the boundaries between us. She almost never pushed, despite allowing me to hold her at night and kiss her in private. I could count on one hand the times she’d kissed my cheek or taken my hand. Now, a kiss on the lips? Yes, it was brief and light, but it meant something. I just wasn’t sure what yet.
Tucking away that thought before it consumed me, I laid Marie in her bassinet and rocked her for a few minutes until I was sure she wasn’t going to wake up the second I walked away. She was practically comatose by the time I stepped away to start dinner. I worked methodically, barely concentrating on what my hands were doing. Erica filled my mind, the possibilities both exciting and frightening me.
“Whatever you’re making smells amazing,” she said from behind me a while later.
“Fettuccine carbonara,” I said with a smile. “It’s almost ready.”
She surprised me again then, by coming up behind me and wrapping her arms around my middle. Her head rested against my back.
“Graham invited us to his kid’s birthday party this weekend,” I said, starting with the least worrisome request.
“All of us?” Erica asked.
I nodded and looked over my shoulder at her. “I know you haven’t met his wife or kids, but do you mind going? You’ll like Lisa a lot.”
It took Erica a moment to get over her surprise. “Oh, yeah, I guess. I don’t mind going, if you’re sure you want me to.”
Turning off the burner, I turned to face her, confused. “Why wouldn’t I want you to be there?”
She frowned. “They’re you’re friends. They don’t even know me. I don’t want to crowd in if you’d rather just take Marie.”
I started to understand her hesitance. “The reason I haven’t introduced you to any of my friends before now has nothing to do with not wanting you to be part of my life outside of raising Marie. I just didn’t want to push you, and I really don’t have a lot of close friends outside of Graham and Cody. I would love for you to come with us to the birthday party.”
“Really?” she asked. The uncertainty in her voice was easy to pick up on.
Pulling her against me, I met her gaze without hesitation. “I want you in every part of my life, at all the silly parties and family events. You never need to worry about whether or not I want you with me.”
A small, nervous smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “Okay, then I’d love to go.”
“Good,” I said, “I’ll let Graham know.”
We slowly moved apart and helped each other finish preparing the meal. I ignored my desire to spill out my plans and hopes for the future until we were both seated at the kitchen table and had a chance to start eating. Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer.
“I’ve been offered a promotion.”
Erica’s fork paused in the middle of scooping up at bite of pasta. I saw her hands trembled before she tucked them out of sight on her lap. Slowly, her gaze lifted to meet mine. “Oh?”
I nodded.
“Is it still here in the city?” she asked in a small voice.
“Yes, at the east side office.”
A frown settled on her lips. “That would be a miserable commute…and a long one.”
Fear made me hesitate. She recognized the strain this would put on us. I needed to allay her concerns if I had any chance of making this work. Taking a deep breath, I said, “From either of our current apartments, yeah, it would be tough.”
At first, she didn’t seem to get what I was hinting at. Then her frown deepened and panic glinted in her eyes. “You’re thinking of moving?”
“Not on my own,” I said slowly.
Her gaze raised hesitantly. “What does that mean?”
I was scaring her. That was easy to recognize. Figuring out how to reassure her was much more difficult. All I could do was take Graham’s advice and try. “Either I turn down the promotion and keep going as we have been, or we take a leap together and get a place on the east side.”