“Do you want me to kiss you, Em?”
I should have guessed he’d come out and ask. He’s yet to be subtle since I’ve known him.
And yes, badly. I badly want him to kiss me, even though starting something with someone right now is not what I was planning on. I’m a woman, after all, and saying no to Knox is practically impossible, especially with his hand up my shirt and my body yearning for his touch.
“Kiss me?” I ask, my chest rising and falling at a faster rate. “Is that what friends do?”
I’m nervous.
I know I should say yes, I should pull his head down to mine and lock our lips, but this is the first guy I’m going to kiss other than Neil, and that’s huge. Am I ready for that big step? Am I ready to start something with someone who has taken over my thoughts this semester?
“You’re calling me your friend now?” His brows rise.
“Well, since you have your hand up my shirt, I’d say we’re at least friendly.”
He chuckles. “I like being known as your friend, Em.”
“Yeah?”
He nods. “You’re cool, one of the coolest chicks I know. It’s why I can’t seem to tear myself away.”
His confession makes my heart rate pick up. If I were honest, I like him as a friend too. I’ve found such ease in being around him, like we were meant to be in each other’s lives this entire time.
I bring my finger to his chest where I slowly draw circles. “I like being around you, Knox. Even though it pains me to admit it.”
A deep laugh rumbles through his chest. “I wish I had that admission on camera.”
“No cameras in the bedroom.”
“Ever?” he asks, brows drawing high.
“Ever,” I answer sternly.
“Damn.” He brushes a stray hair off my forehead while his other hand holds firmly around my ribs.
Growing serious, I say, “Can we promise each other something?”
“Multiple orgasms? I don’t have to promise that, babe, it’s just going to happen.”
I roll my eyes. “No, not that.” Even though just looking at his large, strong hands, I know he can deliver.
“Then what?” He shifts so his body is completely flush against mine, his nose rubbing closely against mine.
How does he expect me to intelligently answer him when we’re this close? When I can practically taste him on my lips, when I can feel just how hard his entire body is from the countless hours he’s spent turning his physique into a well-oiled baseball machine?
“Um, I . . . uh.”
He laughs. “Spit it out, Ealson.”
“It’s hard when you’re all up in my business.”
“Well, get used to it, because this isn’t going to change.”
I can see that being very much true if the last few weeks have been any indication. He’s determined. When he has his sights set on something—in this case me—it seems like he’s all in. It amazes me.
Gathering myself and trying not to get lost in his soulful eyes, I say, “Can we promise that . . . uh, no matter what happens to us, we’ll always friends?”
“Putting a gravestone on our relationship before it even starts? That’s very morbid of you.” His voice is joking, but I can see the hurt in his eyes.
“I’m not putting a gravestone on it, I just . . . hell,” I sigh. “I like you a lot, Knox, more than I want to make known, and I like the fun friendship we have. I don’t want to lose that. And I know we’ve only known each other for a little while now, but I still want to keep hanging out with you.”
“Ah, I see. I’ve won you over and you’re finally admitting it.”
“Are you really going to rub it in?” I ask, playing my fingers over his lips.
He nips at them and says, “Yeah, because you’re stubborn as fuck.”
I laugh. It’s so true. I’m very stubborn.
“I might be. Is that something you think you can handle?”
“I always enjoy a challenge.” He moves in closer. “And to answer your question, yes, we will always be friends.”
“Even if we go out and then have a nasty breakup?”
“Not going to happen, the nasty breakup part. The going out part is inevitable.”
“Friends first?”
He sighs. “Friends first, fuck buddies second.”
He goes in for a kiss, but I stop his face with my palm. “Fuck buddies?”
He laughs. “Or passionate lovers.”
“Oh my God, don’t say lovers.”
He swipes the tip of his thumb across the underside of my breast and in seconds, all joking is gone. My veins ignite, sending my body into an inferno. He makes another swipe and I suck in a large breath, the growing ache between my thighs intensifying. It’s hard to believe that twelve hours ago I could barely open my eyes or lift my head, because right now I’m on fire, and it’s only because of this man beside me. It’s terrifying. It’s amazing. Like him.
One more swipe and I grip the back of his neck, threading my fingers through his hair.
“Are you going to kiss me?” I ask, my chest arching off the mattress, seeking more.
“Fuck, yes,” he says, his lips descending just as a large wail of a siren blasts in my room.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
“Holy fuck,” he says, leaping up and out of bed while covering his ears. “What is that?”
I do the same, trying to stop the piercing sound from rupturing my eardrums. “Fire alarm,” I shout. Worst. Timing. Ever. “We have to evacuate or else we’ll get in trouble. The RA checks.”
“Of course.” We’re both shouting at each other as we move around the room.
I slip on my hard-bottom slippers, throw a sweatshirt over my head, and follow him out the door where we find Lindsay and Dottie. As a group, we make our way down the staircase, which is lit up by the alarm, and out the door, finally gaining reprieve from the blistering sound.
“Holy fuck, that’s loud,” Knox says, his backpack slung over his shoulders. It looks miniature compared to his large body. “How often does that happen?”
“Once a month,” Lindsay says while taking a bite of a Pop-Tart she carried out with her.
Next to her, Dottie sips from her “Get a Life” mug and says, “You get used to it after a while.” She eyes us, and the way I’m standing awkwardly far away from Knox, hands in my sweatshirt pocket, looking anywhere but my friends in the eyes. “So, what’s going on between you two?”
“Nothing,” I say just as Knox says, “Fuck buddies.”
“Seriously?” Lindsay gapes.
“Shut up.” I playfully swat Knox in the stomach. “We are not fuck buddies, we haven’t even kissed.” He did touch the underside of my boob and stare at my nipples for a good five minutes, but I choose to leave that part out.
“No kiss?” Dottie asks, hand on her hip with a look of disgust on her face. “What the hell is the matter with you? The boy left a party last night to tend to you, the least you could have done is offer him a blowie this morning.”
With a huge smile on his face, hands stuffed in his pockets, and those thick eyebrows wiggling at me, Knox says, “Yeah, the least you could have done was offer me a blowie.”
“Ha.” I shake my head. “Yeah, that’s never going to happen.”
“Uhh . . . it sure as shit better, because I have plans of nestling my cheeks between your legs.”
“Jesus,” I whisper, looking around. “Can you not say that so loud, or around my friends?”
Lindsay waves her hand over her face. “God, that’s so hot. He straight-up claimed your vagina in front of our whole dorm.”
I press my hand to my forehead, willing this moment to go away. “Can we please talk about something else?”
“Did you know no one has ever gone down on her before?” Dottie says, stealing the breath right out of my lungs as I drop my mouth wide and turn to my friend in shock. In what crazy world would she think that was okay to say?
“I gathered th
at,” Knox says with a pinch in his brow.
“You know what?” I hold up my keycard to everyone. “I’m going to get some coffee.”
I take off, making a promise to myself to have a firm conversation with Dottie about boundaries. I would expect Lindsay to say something like that, but Dottie? She’s usually tight-lipped, so Lindsay is starting to get to her. I’m mortified. Completely and utterly mortified. Why say that?
“Hold up,” Knox says, catching up to me. He moves to block my progress to the coffee kiosk in the dining hall, cutting off my path. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Removing myself from that awkward conversation.”
“It’s not awkward unless you make it that way. So what, no one has ever gone down on you? We have ways of fixing that.” He moves in closer, taking me in by my hand.
“Can we not talk about that right here? If you haven’t noticed, all eyes are on you right now, which means our conversation isn’t exactly private.”
“Who cares?”
“I do.” I point to my chest. “I care. You might be this overtly confident man when it comes to the bedroom, but I’m more reserved, okay? I don’t like the term fuck buddies, and I don’t want to be referred to as that. I find it demeaning. I know we’re just having fun, but—”
“Wait, hold up. We’re not just having fun, Em. I know I joke around a lot, but this is serious to me. I want to date you.”
“Yeah, casually, I get it.”
“Fuck, no. Not casually.” He grows stern. “If we’re dating, then we are full-on dating and that means exclusively.”
I bite my bottom lip and look away. Exclusivity is more important to me than anything, for obvious reasons, but serious dating, am I ready for that?
“Do you not want to be exclusive?” he asks, looking hurt as I look back at him.
I press my hand to his chest and look him in the eyes. “I would need things to be exclusive, but I don’t know about everything being so serious. I just got out of a six-year relationship. That’s going to take some time for me to recover from.” He doesn’t know. No one really does. I became such a shell of my former self that for all intents and purposes, my friends probably thought I was fine. But I wasn’t, and I’m still not. Someone I thought I could trust with my heart and body threw that away. Viciously. It may have been incredibly naïve to believe that Neil and I were forever, I know that now, but it didn’t negate the years I thought we were. There’s a crack in my heart I’m still trying to heal. I’m much happier now. More assertive. More decisive. I’m finding out who I am away from coupledom, and I like the girl I’m seeing. But, I’m still recovering. I’m still a little raw. A little timid to give my heart away again. And as much as Dottie and Lindsay know I’m cautious, they don’t understand the depth of pummeling my heart took. They didn’t see me the days after I found Neil and the other girl. They didn’t see the texts.
“Then let’s take it slow.” He clamps his hand around mine. “We can keep things casual as you like to say, but exclusively casual.”
“Exclusively casual.” I smile, liking the sound of that. “Okay, what does that entail?”
“Do we need to write down rules? Is that what you’re asking?”
“I mean . . . maybe.”
He shakes his head then pulls me into his side. “You’re going to be the death of me, Ealson.”
He guides us toward the dining hall and I ask him, “What are you doing?”
“We’re about to lay down the foundation of the best thing that’s ever happened to us while we eat breakfast, because damn it, I’m starving. But I have thirty minutes, so we have to make it quick. I have morning study hall to run.”
“Morning study hall after a Saturday night? That’s brutal.”
“Tell me about it. Every one of my teammates wanted to punch me in the nuts.” He kisses the side of my head. “Breakfast is on you, Ealson. I hope you’re ready to light up your dining hall card.”
Chapter Fifteen
EMORY
I’m gobsmacked.
Utterly gobsmacked.
Sitting across from me is a man who can take down a breakfast burrito the size of his head full of eggs, potatoes, refried beans, bacon, and fajita veggies in five minutes. I’m pretty sure he unhinged his jaw and slid the whole thing in, chewing occasionally.
He reaches across the table and starts picking at my fruit. “Okay, do you want to get down to business?” he asks, casually popping a piece of pineapple in his mouth.
I blink a few times.
“Now that you swallowed that burrito whole, you’re ready?”
He licks pineapple juice off his finger. “Did I impress you with my eating abilities, because there’s more where that came from.”
“You horrified me,” I say, still in a state of shock.
He chuckles and pulls out a pen and notebook. “You learn to eat fast when you have little time in between practices and classes.”
“Still . . . that thing was huge.”
“If you’re impressed with that, just wait until you see what else I can do with my mouth.” He winks, sending a wave of heat up the nape of my neck. I can only imagine.
Just what I need, to be turned on in the middle of the dining hall. Hello, fellow students, this is me, Emory Ealson, wet and ready for the man who can swallow a five-foot burrito whole.
I take a sip of my water, ignoring his innuendo, which only makes the cocky and confident man laugh to himself.
“Okay, let’s get these rules laid out so we can get to the good stuff.” He lifts his gaze to me. “You know, like kissing and all that shit.”
“How romantic.”
He points his pen at me. “Exactly. Very romantic.” Like an idiot, he clicks the pen, dots the tip on his tongue as if wetting the ink, and makes a dramatic wave of his arm to get to the paper. Seriously, what am I getting myself into? “Okay, rule number one.” He lifts a brow at me, looking super sexy as he says, “Friends forever and always.”
Shit, that look, his soft voice as he said those words . . . it strikes me hard in the chest, a feeling I wasn’t expecting right away. Yes, he might be very outgoing and personable like Neil, but there’s a softer side to him, one I can’t wait to explore more.
“Yes, friends forever.” I take a bite of my eggs and lean back in my chair, enjoying the view of Knox’s sly smile.
“Good.” He writes it down and then starts scribbling the second rule as he talks out loud. “Rule number two: lots and lots of oral. Pantloads, no boatloads of oral. More oral than anyone can ever imagine.” He actually writes that down. “Oral all the time. If there is a tongue and a pussy in the same room, they’re connecting.”
Jesus.
I shush him, moving my hand up and down to lower his voice. “Seriously, can you be a little less . . . proud?”
“No,” he answers, while finishing his sentence, and then he looks up at me. “I want everyone to know that the only person who’ll be between your legs is me.” He perks his head up and speaks louder. “Did you hear that, everyone? I’m the only one—”
I’m out of my seat in seconds and clasping my hand over his mouth before he can continue. “Oh my God, Knox, please, control yourself.”
He takes me by the wrist and spins me so I’m sitting on his lap, and of course . . . all eyes are on us. My back is to his chest and his arm is wrapped around my stomach, keeping me in place.
“You’re too much fucking fun.” He kisses the side of my neck and then goes back to writing. “Rule number three . . .” He pauses and then shakes me. “Go ahead, rule number three.”
“Keep things casual.”
“Hmm . . . not sure if I like that as a set rule. Can we make an addendum to that?”
Why is he so beyond adorable? I can’t take it. You’d never guess this larger-than-life, outgoing, and powerful man would be so . . . cute. And I’m not talking about the physical. His personality is cute, sweet, as if he grew up with five sisters and knows exactly how
to treat women: with a smidge of teasing and a whole lot of caring.
“What kind of addendum?”
He moves his hand to under my sweatshirt and my camisole to my skin where he lightly strokes his thumb. It’s innocent, almost like he just needs to make that connection while we’re sitting together, but it’s lighting me up inside.
“Well, let’s say we’re casual and all, we accomplish all the oral and then you’re like, holy fuck, I can’t ever let this man go because he’s just so fantastic in bed. We should be allowed to make the switch from casual to more than friendship bracelets, you know?”
“Are you saying like . . . boyfriend, girlfriend?”
“Yeah, that’s the term I’m looking for.”
Curious, I ask, “Have you ever been in a relationship before, Knox?”
“Nope,” he answers nonchalantly and starts writing an addendum to rule number three. “But it can’t be too hard. You listen, you talk, you give and take, and of course . . .”
“Lots of oral.’’ I roll my eyes. And even though I should feel stressed by this overzealous sports hotshot, I’m smiling. He’s a nut . . . but he might become my nut.
“Exactly, you got it now, babe.” He squeezes me and I chuckle, loving how he can make me happy in a matter of seconds. “Okay, I think we have one rule left.”
“Only going with four?”
“Why not? We don’t want to make things too difficult right off the bat. Let’s keep it at four. And the last one is, no matter how casual we are, we are always exclusive. That means my penis is the only penis you’re fondling. Got it?”
I roll my eyes even though he can’t see my face. “I know what being exclusive means and trust me, you don’t have to worry about that with me.” My voice comes out more snide than I meant.
“Hey.” He turns me on his lap so he can see me, and I can see how he’s switched to serious Knox. “Are you worried about me cheating or something?”
“No,” I say, hanging my head and playing with the drawstring of my hoodie. “You’re a good guy, and I don’t think you have that in you. But it will probably be something that’s in the back of my mind.”
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