Mr. Gardiner absorbed these words. He was surprised by Mr. Darcy's story, as he had heard otherwise. He had heard that Mr. Darcy had been jealous of his father's love for Mr. Wickham, and that he had denied him what had been bequeathed to him. He had heard that the foundation for the ruined friendship was in fact Mr. Darcy's fault, not Mr. Wickham's. Mr. Darcy waited patiently for Mr. Gardiner to comprehend the information he had bestowed upon him. Mr. Darcy suddenly felt his heart lighter, as the true nature of Mr. Wickham, and what had actually transpired between them all those years ago, had been a heavy secret he had been keeping close to his chest. Very few people actually knew the truth, and now that he had told it to Elizabeth’s uncle, he felt much better about the situation.
"How awful," Mr. Gardiner eventually replied.
"Indeed, it was," Mr. Darcy agreed. "But I am not telling you this to elicit your sympathy. I am telling you this to spare the Bennet family. I feel that Mr. Wickham is out to take advantage of people. He has a reputation for showing interest in a woman but is not sincere in his interests. He is also still a heavy gambler and takes to drink far too often. I only want to protect the Bennet family from a scandalous connection with Wickham – as I have seen happen so many times.
Mr. Gardiner listened with no little distress. He did wonder briefly why Mr. Darcy had taken such an interest in the Bennet family, but he assumed the reason was Jane and Mr. Bingley's engagement. Mr. Bingley was a dear friend of Mr. Darcy's, and, as a loyal friend, it seemed fitting that he would want his friend free from scandal as well.
“Sir, I am truly grateful for your trust. I will immediately write to my brother Bennet and warn him. Such knowledge is very useful and perhaps even lifesaving. I confess I did not suspect Mr. Wickham of having such a wicked character.”
The matter was discussed for another further, then other subjects were approached and they spend a pleasant hour together.
When Mr. Gardiner arrived home, he first shared the story with his wife, then wrote to Mr. Bennet, having the letter delivered by express.
Later that day, as he had Mr. Darcy’s approval, Mr. Gardiner shared his knowledge with both Elizabeth and Jane, who received it with the deepest disbelief, then pain, embarrassment, and sorrow for distrusting Mr. Darcy so utterly and believing Mr. Wickham so readily.
Jane felt sorry for both gentlemen, but Elizabeth was angry with herself and with Wickham, disappointed in her lack of wisdom, and ashamed that once more she had misjudged Mr. Darcy so deeply. It seemed she had been wrong about him the entire time and that she did not deserve either his affection, or his forgiveness.
Her heart went out to Mr. Darcy and his suffering in being betrayed by his childhood friend. And she was most grateful that he had made Mr. Wickham's true character known. For such a private man, to make his past known to an almost stranger, was another proof of his consideration for them. Maybe for her.
She was so moved by Mr. Darcy's intervention that she thought it would be prudent and acceptable to thank him personally when they next met.
The opportunity arrived no later than the next day, when another invitation for tea arrived from Miss Darcy, brought by Mr. Bingley himself, who offered to take them to the destination. He had already sent a note to Mr. Bennet, informing him about his proposal and begging for his acceptance and blessing and was confident he would receive it any time. He felt himself already officially engaged to Jane and therefore responsible for her.
They were greeted and embraced by Georgina, who congratulated Jane and repeatedly conveyed her best wishes. They were invited into the drawing room and, before Elizabeth had time to ask, Mr. Darcy appeared and joined them.
She had not seen him since the day with the flower and chills ran through her body at his appearance. The sight of him took her breath away, and she could deny her feelings for him no longer. This made her wary, as she was not sure that he returned her affections. She wanted to think that he was sincere, but she worried that she was confusing his kindness with affection, and she risked utter embarrassment if she were wrong.
He looked at her, nodded, their eyes met and locked, then glances ran from one to the other repeatedly, while Georgiana, Jane and Bingley chatted about the upcoming wedding.
Refreshments were ordered, conversation started and Elizabeth only needed a short while until she gathered her courage to nod to Darcy to follow her near the window. He accepted, surprised and delighted as she addressed him directly.
"Sir, please allow me to thank you for your generous care for my family. My uncle told me …”
“Miss Bennet, please do not thank me for anything. There is truly no reason. I have done nothing but what was my duty…”
“Mr. Wickham had ….”
“Miss Bennet, please do not say that name loudly. My sister would be hurt to hear it … Would you like to join me in the library to speak more easily?”
She was astonished and stared at him with disbelief. His gaze spoke to her clearly in a most genuine way. There was something in his eyes that did not allow her to refuse. And she did not even want to, so she nodded in acceptance.
“Miss Bennet wishes to talk to me about something related to a previous conversation I had with Mr. Gardiner. We will be in the library for a few moments,” Darcy addressed the others, who looked at them with puzzlement.
“Is something wrong?” Georgiana asked with worry. Elizabeth smiled.
“No, not at all, I thank you for your concern. We will return shortly” she assured them, while Darcy showed her the way.
Elizabeth gasped when she entered the library. It was so impressive and rich that she remained speechless. Darcy asked her to sit, but she refused and hastily turned to him again.
“I know such a story might have been difficult for you to share. You have done a remarkable thing for my family …to think of them and wish to protect them …”
“I have done it for you … and for your family…” he whispered. “I want to know you are safe … and happy.”
Elizabeth’s heart stopped then started to race. She tilted her head to the side, watching him. Mr. Darcy never ceased to surprise her. He appeared so vulnerable now, making a confession that tormented them both.
“Thank you,” she whispered back.
“Do not thank me,” he repeated. “It was my obligation.”
Elizabeth was taken aback by his words. He took a step towards her.
"Obligation?" Elizabeth asked. "But I am afraid I do not understand. From where would such an obligation stem?"
He took another step further. "From you, Elizabeth. I am but obligated to you."
Elizabeth's face burned. She swallowed deeply. Was Mr. Darcy saying what she thought he was saying? Surely he was not so bold as to suggest...
She did not have a response to his forward words. She stood very still as he took another step towards her. She did not take a step back, but once again, she did not meet his eyes. He was standing so close now, close enough to reach out to her.
"I am most obligated to you," he repeated, very quietly this time.
Elizabeth looked up then and met his gaze. "But what would obligate you to me?" she asked.
He reached for her arms again, just as he had the day he had given her the flower. She looked to the floor, while his gaze caressed her face.
"My admiration for you. My most ardent love," Mr. Darcy stated. "By my love I am obligated to you."
Elizabeth looked to him then, and once again she was met by a gaze that was so intense she felt as though the floor might fall out from under her. She could barely believe what she was hearing. The room began to spin around her. It was all a little more than she could handle. She broke his gaze then, and stepped away, releasing herself from his grasp.
She shook her head in disbelief, and then turned and headed for the door. She needed time to process the situation and her feelings. But before she had reached the door, Mr. Darcy said:
"And of you, Miss Bennet?" Elizabeth stopped. "Do you feel no obligatio
n towards me?" Elizabeth turned around, but Mr. Darcy was not facing her. He was still facing the spot where she had stood. His head was lowered.
"I assure you, Mr. Darcy, that I feel many obligations on any given day. Today, for example, I feel obligated to assist my sister with her wedding. I also felt obligated to invite your sister Georgiana along. I feel obligated to return home to my family soon. So many obligations, Mr. Darcy," she said with a trembling voice.
Mr. Darcy slumped forward then and winced. It was apparent that Elizabeth was trying to soften her rejection of him. He could not turn to face her.
"I see," was all he said.
"However," Elizabeth continued. "Some obligations weigh heavier than others, as I'm sure you understand."
Mr. Darcy only nodded, his back still turned.
"And the obligations that stem from love are surely the heaviest of all," Elizabeth said, taking a step towards him. "You ask if I feel an obligation towards you." Mr. Darcy took a deep breath then. "I would like to assure you, Mr. Darcy, that I most certainly do," Elizabeth finished.
Mr. Darcy lifted his head. His heart raced. She had responded in the most favorable way possible. He turned to embrace her then, but she had already left.
From the drawing room, he heard the voices but he did not return to them for a while He needed some time alone. When he finally did, the guests had already left, much to Georgiana’s sadness. He had to assure her that he did not argue with Elizabeth and that there was nothing to worry about the future of their friendship.
Once alone, he knew what he had to do. He could not leave the matter so undecided. He did not want to wait, but he had no right to distress her either. She said she needed time to attend to her other obligations. He needed to ask her the most important question of his life and he needed an answer to save his sanity. But what she needed was much more important – so he would wait.
&&&
Elizabeth smiled all the carriage ride home. She hurried her sister to leave, as she did not feel confident enough to meet Darcy again. But once she was gone, she regretted her thoughtless hastiness. She should have stayed and talk with him. Now she could finally understand what her sister had been feeling all this time. She, too, saw the world with new eyes. The weather seemed a little less drab, and the rain did nothing to dampen either her spirits, or the world around her. She looked fondly out the carriage window as the landscape passed by. She reminisced on her time in London. It seemed so long ago that she had been convinced that Mr. Darcy was trying to keep Jane separated from Mr. Bingley. She smiled with embarrassment at the anger she had felt towards him. And then, when she had called him a liar and accused him of not writing Mr. Bingley when he said he had. Elizabeth was mortified at the thought. However, even the worst feelings of embarrassment or mortification could do little to lessen her mood.
Yes, Elizabeth finally understood what her sister had been feeling. Because Elizabeth could finally admit to herself that she was in love.
Chapter 10
Elizabeth and Jane were very happy in their final days on Gracechurch Street. Even the weather had seemed to lighten a little, and the sun broke through the clouds from time to time. They saw Georgiana and Mr. Bingley in those last days, as well as the Colonel. Mr. Darcy, however, was absent from their company as he had dire business matters to attend to. Elizabeth became confused, disappointed, and fearful. She very much wanted to see him, but she also understood that he was obligated to his business during that time. Was that not what she told him?
She blamed herself for giving him such an answer and wondered what he understood from it. Her torment resumed, now stronger than ever before and the number of their remaining days in London frightened her.
"I will miss London," Jane said, as they walked along the park across the street from the Gardiners. The air was colder than it had been in weeks, and the wind was blowing, gathering heavy, dark clouds in the sky. There were no people around, as the weather was completely inappropriate for outdoer activities.
"I do not think it is London you will miss, but rather a certain person who lives here. But none of it, you are to be wed. You will not be parted from Mr. Bingley for long."
"Oh, I know that. He already gave orders to open Netherfield and he will join us in a week’s time! Can you imagine, Elizabeth? When we first came here I was so certain that he had no true affection for me, and now? Now I am to be wed," Jane said, flailing her arms out to the side and spinning like a silly school girl. “Does the world not seem so alive today?" Jane asked, still smiling broadly.
Elizabeth very much agreed. The world did seem alive, but she had not told Jane of her love for Mr. Darcy yet. She wanted Jane to have all the attention and besides, she felt it best to tell Mr. Darcy first before she told anyone else. Her spirits were high, like Jane's, but she wondered what would happen when she returned home. She could not bear the thought of being separated from Mr. Darcy, but unlike Jane, she was not to be married, so she had little guarantee as of the moment as to when she would see him again.
"Do you think Mr. Darcy will attend the dinner this evening?" Jane asked.
Mrs. Gardiner was hosting one final dinner before she had to bid the Bennet sisters farewell. Georgiana, the Colonel, Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy had all been invited, but Mr. Darcy had not, as of yet, replied to the invitation.
"I can honestly say that I hope so," Elizabeth said. Because if not tonight then when, Elizabeth thought to herself. It had only been a few days since their conversation in the library, but it felt like it had been far longer to her.
They walked through the park, as Elizabeth breathed in the fresh air and looked to the sky. Suddenly, her sister grabbed her arm.
"I do not think you need hope any more, Elizabeth," Jane whispered in her ear. Elizabeth was just about to ask what Jane could possibly be talking about when she saw it for herself. Right in front of them, sitting on a small bench, was none other than Mr. Darcy himself. He was sitting on the same small bench where they had found him weeks ago on the day they invited him in for a drink. The ladies stopped, surprised to see him.
Elizabeth was overcome with joy at the sight and her cheeks colored. The two ladies approached him and he stood up.
Gathering her courage, she met him with the same words, only her tone different, filled with tender teasing. "Mr. Darcy … Whatever brings you to this particular park on this drab and dreary day?"
Mr. Darcy smiled, as he remembered the day he had come to the park to be closer to Elizabeth. "Pure happenstance," he replied.
"Well, lucky for us that happenstance brought you our way. Dinner is not ready for a few hours yet, but you are most welcome to come inside if it pleases you," Elizabeth continued.
"I assure you, nothing would please me more. However, I was hoping to have a word in private with you, Miss Elizabeth," Mr. Darcy said.
This caught Elizabeth off-guard and equally surprised Jane, who had no suspicions whatsoever. Elizabeth hoped and feared the reason for his request and nodded to Jane to leave them. The eldest Miss Bennet remained disconcerted for a moment, then she did as she was asked.
"Then I shall take leave of you both," Jane said. She squeezed her sister's arm, nodded to Mr. Darcy, and then walked away back to the Gardiners.
Mr. Darcy stood and stared at Elizabeth. He had discussed his intentions of this day with Mr. Bingley, much in the same way Mr. Bingley had discussed his intentions before he came to call on Jane. However, unlike Mr. Bingley, Mr. Darcy had not seen the need to rehearse before-hand. Like he had told his friend, it did not need to be complicated. But now that he was there, standing in front of Elizabeth, he wished he had thought before-hand of what to say. Elizabeth eyed him suspiciously.
"That day when you found me here, on this bench. I was not here by happenstance. My thoughts of you had been tormenting me for months, and I had come here on a whim. I do not know what I had intended to do when I got here. I had not thought the matter through. I only knew that I wanted to be near you, so I took
my carriage, found your address and then sat on this bench. I did not think I would see you that day. I was sincerely surprised when I did."
Elizabeth did not respond. She listened and tried to understand, but her eye were fixed on his face that looked now so honest and vulnerable that she wished to caress it.
Mr. Darcy was usually a man of few words, with a direct and reserved manner. When Elizabeth did not respond, it prompted him to speak further.
"When you confronted me in my home and called me a liar, I was very upset with you. Because I was not lying. I had written Mr. Bingley. Right. But you already know that. At the theatre then, when we stayed together … Miss Bennet, I will never forget that feeling."
He looked at Elizabeth as she raised an eye-brow. Still she said nothing so he continued.
"I love you, Miss Bennet. Most ardently and I do not fear to admit it any longer," he said. "I have loved you for a long time. Even when I was angry with you, or affronted by your behavior, I still loved you. And I feel that you know that I do, but still, I had to say it. I know you are returning home soon, and I am wild with grief over the thought of your leaving London. I can barely make it but a day without seeing you. And I know not what I will do when you leave. Because I love you."
Elizabeth smiled then, tears moistening her eyes. She took a step further, in the empty park, with the cold wind blowing in their faces.
"Yes, you have said that,” she whispered.
"Yes, I suppose I have," Mr. Darcy said, frowning. He had just confessed his love for her and she was not saying anything in return. Did this mean that she did not love him? Had he been wrong? Had he misjudged the entire situation?
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