My skin heats underneath my plaid shirt.
I grind my teeth to tamp down these overwhelming feelings. The ones I haven’t let myself acknowledge since I saw her at our meeting, but they’re taking over now.
“I needed some air.” She clutches her jacket tighter, and my gaze falls on her bare ring finger.
Together, we stand in silence, admiring the starless sky. It’s the middle of March, and the nights are bitter, unlike the days when the sun usually shines and shares its warmth.
It’s cold like the inside of my mouth, freezing the words on my tongue, and I practically choke on them when I do try to speak.
“I should’ve told you about Raven.” I break the silence, my voice low.
“Don’t.” She pushes off the wall, her hands out. “You don’t owe me an explanation. Not about her.”
She whispers the last part so softly I almost miss it. What else do I owe her an explanation for?
“I’m going home.”
“Wait.” I instinctively grab her wrist, turning her hand into mine. Earlier tonight, I held her hand, my palm to hers, and it felt right.
Too right.
What the fuck?
“Aiden, let me go.” Her bottom lip quivers, and my fucked-up heart splits further.
It’s almost useless to me now, as the cracks in it aren’t mendable, and it’s because of her.
“Why did you choose him?” My gaze locks onto hers, finally asking her the question I’ve often wondered during these last eight years, and I hope she can see my pain. My despair.
I hope she can feel even a fraction of it, so she can only begin to understand the agony she put me through.
The agony of believing for a few sultry hours that I had the girl I loved, but the truth was… she was never mine.
“I didn’t,” she says. Her gaze is unwavering and eerie, and it confuses me. “You chose him for me. When you left for Europe, you didn’t just leave me. You took part of me with you and left the broken pieces behind. You have no idea what I went through.”
I shake my head, remembering it very differently.
“I’ve thought about that night nonstop since I saw you.”
My breaths become labored, knowing exactly the night she’s referring to. The night that changed us. The night that’s seared into my own brain.
How perfect we were together when we dropped our defenses and succumbed to the attraction between us. When she melted into me, and I wanted to keep her there forever.
“I thought you’d hesitate. That night, when I appeared at your doorstep, I figured you’d have thought it over and changed your mind. That you’d reject me after you thought I didn’t feel the same as you. Instead, you took me in your arms, gripping me like I—”
“Like what?”
“Like I was always yours.”
“You were never mine,” I rasp. “It’s why I had to let you go. Back then, I had to because of Dave. You and him… I couldn’t compete.” Halfway through, I know I should stop, but the words tumble out of my mouth. I pull her hand more tightly and bring her close.
Our quick breaths are visible in the frigid night and create a soft cloud around us.
“Things are different now.” She searches my eyes, and all I can see in hers is devastation. She clears her throat, backing away. “You have a girlfriend, and you’re a client. It’s for the best that we keep things professional. There’s no need for us to mention this again.”
“Don’t do that.” I reach for her again, unable to stop myself.
“Bye, Aiden.” She turns on her heel, and I stand in place, frozen.
I got to see a glimpse of the real Sage tonight—of Jersey. The one who dances like no one’s watching. Who has a glint in her eye that lights up her entire presence.
She used to be so full of life, reaching for the stars like they were apples in a tree, hers for the picking.
Even though I couldn’t have her, Sage was the love of my life. I never thought I’d get over her.
I never thought I’d see her again, and not only is she here now, but the feelings I thought were long gone are resurfacing, even though they have no place here in the present.
I should go after her and say… do… something.
But she looked at me like I hurt her. Like she’s in pain because of me, when it’s the other way around. Confused, I walk back inside the bar in a daze.
Back to Raven—Raven—she’s the one I’m with. She’s the one I love, now.
“It’s for the best that we keep things professional.”
I don’t register the music or people. All I can think about is Sage and why her words make me feel defeated when she’s not an option for me.
She never was.
But why can’t I stop thinking about the fact that she’s no longer his, either?
“We left the bar in a hurry.” Raven slips out of her oversized wool coat and hangs it on the coat rack she found at a thrift store. Said it’s the perfect rustic piece for my loft apartment.
It was the same day she showed me the new rug she picked out for the den.
Remaining quiet, I open the refrigerator, grab a beer, then walk to the couch where I take a seat. New York City blinks beyond the windows. Coming from a small town, I didn’t know how I’d feel about the big city. If I would fit in. If I’d like it. If I’d eventually leave, but the longer I’m here, the more I feel at home.
At peace among the chaos of screeching tires on the road, people on their cell phones, blinding lights at night.
But right now, the chaos that stretches beyond my apartment is suffocating me.
Because this fucking city led me back to her.
“A?” Raven walks to me, her hips swaying. When she reaches me, she throws her legs up one at a time and straddles me. She leans in and whispers against my neck, “Want me to make it go away?”
“Make what go away?” Nausea builds as I taste acid in my mouth, mixed with beer and the small hint of whiskey from before.
“Whatever’s haunting you right now. You have that look.” She wraps her arms around me and kisses along my neck, up to my ear.
I grip her hips and set her on the couch next to me. Running my hands down my face, my chest heavy, I sigh. “I need to sleep. We have a big few weeks ahead of us to prepare for the launch.”
“Haven’t you been preparing? What would one night of fun hurt?” She traces her fingers along my bearded jawline. “I’m not wearing anything underneath this dress…” She drops her voice to a seductive whisper that’s proven to be effective in the past but does nothing to me now.
Except confuse me.
I walk to my bed, my back to her, when she says, “Who is she, Aiden?”
I hear her footsteps behind me, coming toward me with soft pats.
I’m a dick.
Why the fuck am I getting my head turned around because of Sage—again?
I’m not being fair to Raven. We’ve been together for nearly a year, and she’s the one who’s been there for me. The one who’s made me believe I can fall in love again—I have fallen in love again.
And Sage? There’s nothing there for me.
She wants to keep things professional, and that’s what I’ll do.
My shoulders sag, and I pull Raven toward me. I kiss her cheek, wanting to take away her concerns. “She and I went to the same college. I barely knew her.”
I wait for her response. For her to push for more information and catch me in my lie. For her to see the resentment in my eyes.
But she only relaxes into me.
I expect it to make me feel better. For her peace to cure the turmoil inside me.
But I’m still on edge.
That night, I go to sleep with Raven in my arms, but I dream about Sage—my Jersey.
“You were never mine.”
Our afternoons, our memories, even our night together—she was never mine to keep.
I toss and turn most of the night as small moments of my past with Sage haunt me.<
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Long hair blowing in the wind as we drove with the windows down.
A laugh full of life—the carefree kind that lifts you up.
Playing Frisbee when we were supposed to be studying.
Her back to me as she walked away when I begged her to stay.
Chapter Seven
SAGE
There’s no sign of Naomi when I get home from work and plop down on the couch, my mind a blur from the day.
Thirty seconds after I get comfortable, basking in the quiet space, the lock on the door clicks. Naomi comes in, her ponytail lopsided and hands full of groceries.
“I thought it was my turn to do the grocery shopping.” I meet her in the kitchen and grab a few bags.
“It’s easier for me to do it.”
“What? With all your free time?” I tease. “I’m starting to think you like the grocery store. Or is there a hot guy you keep going there to meet?” I waggle my eyebrows as we set everything on the small counter.
The paper bags crinkle as we empty them. We move through the kitchenette, stepping around each other as if we’ve rehearsed it, and in a way, we have, given how frequently we do this.
After a moment, Naomi eyes me. “Speaking of hot guys, what’s the story with you and Aiden?”
I involuntarily cringe, missing a step in our routine, and bump into her. She steadies me, and I avert my gaze as I continue putting away the rest of the items. “There’s no story other than we were friends in college. Haven’t seen him in over eight years.”
“Since before your wedding to Dave? Your elopement, I should say.”
“It was a wedding,” I correct her, pinning her with my stare. “We had a nice and intimate ceremony at a beautiful little lake, where he and his grandfather used to fish. He was really close with his grandpa before he passed, so the wedding there was special.”
“Okay, but I wasn’t there, and neither was your mom, so it was an elopement.”
My heart cracks, remembering their absence from my big day. Naomi and I have made good progress the last couple months, especially since we went out last week. I’ve even talked with my aunt Ginger, Naomi’s mother.
But the fact they weren’t at my wedding continues to bother me, and I suspect it will for a long time to come.
Because I wanted them there, especially Naomi. Even though my family didn’t approve of our hasty wedding or of Dave, I wanted them all there, but Dave convinced me it would be more romantic if it was just us.
The lake.
The sunset.
The flowers.
I was wooed by it, and it was what he wanted. I wanted to make him happy because of all he was doing for me, so we agreed to keep it small.
When Dave’s brother and date showed up at the ceremony, I was shocked and disappointed, to put it mildly. I asked Dave about it, but he waved me off and justified his brother’s attendance because we needed witnesses.
I didn’t press him at the time because it was our wedding day. I wanted it to be special and memorable, even though nothing about it was as I imagined.
What I didn’t realize at the time was how much I’d come to regret that my family wasn’t there. That I would even resent Dave for the fact that I didn’t have my closest circle in attendance.
Perhaps I wouldn’t be as distant from my mom now.
Perhaps Naomi and I wouldn’t have become estranged. Perhaps… a lot of things would be different, but there’s no changing it now, no matter how badly I wish I could.
This is what I told Naomi when I first moved in. We had a brief talk about it—mostly, I talked, anyway, while she quietly listened. Even so, I knew a quick explanation and apology weren’t going to fix things, but over time, living here would.
Our little moments of progress prove it.
I sigh. “You didn’t miss anything, anyway. It all went down in flames. We might as well have had our wedding at a courthouse alongside the hookers and drunk drivers.”
She touches my shoulder, turning me to face her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. There’s no sense in talking about it again when it’s in the past.”
“As is Aiden.” Frowning, I step around her to put the empty bags away.
When I turn around, she crosses her arms. “Is it? In the past? Because judging from the other night at the bar, there are still very real—and very current—feelings there.”
“He has a girlfriend, Naomi.”
“He didn’t look at her like he looked at you, though.”
I grip the bags in my hand, freezing by the trash can.
Suddenly, it’s hard to breathe, like her statement wrapped itself around my lungs and squeezed. Because she’s right. I noticed it too. He watched me like I was special.
The way he used to.
And if Raven hadn’t shown up when she did, I would’ve fallen for it too.
“He hurt me worse than Dave ever did,” I whisper.
“What happened between you two?” she presses, her expression one of genuine sadness and concern.
“He left.” My tears build. Tears for Aiden Baxter well in my eyes for the first time in years as I relive the worst time in my life. Instinctively clutching my stomach, I let more of the weight of what happened slowly crush me. “He claimed to love me, but he ran when I needed him most and never came back.”
My phone rings, interrupting us and shaking me out of the painful fog, but my stomach sinks when I check the caller ID.
“Speaking of the past…” I groan, letting the call go to voicemail as I wipe a stray tear. “It was Dave.”
She grabs two glasses from the cabinet, asking over her shoulder, “What do you think he wants now?”
I exhale in frustration, taking a seat at the breakfast table, my emotions weighing on me. “One time it was to ask if I took the blender. Another time was a drunk call to yell at me for divorcing him. I never know.”
He calls again, and I let my head fall forward on the table, exhausted from work.
And from Dave.
Naomi remains silent as she fills the glasses with water.
After the call ends, I get a new message.
Dave: Why aren’t you answering my calls?
Then another.
Dave: Lee Ann said you moved. Where are you?
“He found out I moved.” I click my phone off and rub my temples. “I expected news to travel faster around that town, to be honest.”
“Does he know where you are?”
“Doesn’t sound like it.”
My phone vibrates again.
Dave: I can’t believe you moved without telling me. I thought we could work this out.
I scoff. “He’s acting like we merely broke up or separated. Like we have a chance of getting back together. It’s why I got a divorce—to make sure that never happened.” I shake my head, staring out the window. “He was a mistake,” I whisper.
Naomi sits with me, setting a water in front of me, and sips on her own. Furrowing her eyebrows, she stares at the exposed brick wall next to us like there’s a puzzle to solve.
“Naomi?” I place my hand on hers.
She shifts, then stands, asking, “What’s for dinner? You already eat?”
“Are you okay?” I ask, unsure if it’s me she’s upset about or her work or something else entirely.
She’s a closed book, and we’ve grown so far apart, I’m basically getting to know her all over again. I’m trying to, anyway, but she doesn’t make it easy.
Offering me a small smile, she says, “I’m fine. It’s you I’m thinking about.”
“Thank you, but I’m okay.” I rub my hands together and shake the sudden tension from my shoulders. “We can cook that chicken you bought. With zucchini?”
She nods and retrieves the food from the refrigerator as I grab the pans. We move in silence as my mind races, trying to figure out a way to get Dave to stop calling.
I’ve known him for almost half my life. He’s persistent, even when he shouldn’t be.
I believed him. I needed something to put my faith in when my world was crumbling. Even though Dave didn’t know what he was asking—he didn’t know my secret—he offered me love and comfort and stability.
And at the start of our marriage, he tried to keep his promises. He tried to be a good man and a hard, dedicated worker because he was determined to make a good living for us.
But once his why changed, he gave up.
And part of me did too.
Because my heart had wanted someone else from the beginning—Aiden.
I’d yearned for Aiden, hoping he would stroll back into my life like he simply went to the post office and not around the world. But I couldn’t have him.
I had to accept it then as I do now.
I know better than most that love only causes more heartbreak—Aiden taught me that.
And I have to see him in a couple days. I have to sit in a meeting with him less than a few feet away while I attempt to focus on my job.
On proving myself.
Instead of his eyes. His mouth. The way his jaw tics when he’s deep in thought.
I have to pretend there’s nothing more left for us than professionalism.
That’s how it has to be.
Chapter Eight
AIDEN
“Hey, Mia.” I switch the phone to my other ear as I wait in line for coffee outside our office building. “What’s up?”
“What’s up is that I’ve been trying to reach you for days,” my sister whines on the other end.
“Are you hurt? Sick? Are Mom, Dad, and Avril okay?”
“We’re all fine. Why?”
“Because you sound like it’s been urgent to speak with me.” I blink, tilting my head back toward the sky.
Unbreakable: A Salvation Society Novel Page 7