by CJ Murphy
“I’ve got to get out of here before I strip you down and make love to you on your desk.” Jax kissed her again and got up. She fanned herself. “And now for an abrupt right turn and a bucket of ice water. I’m cooking at Uncle Marty’s tonight. I expect to see you there at six, Sheriff.” Jax winked, as she went through the door.
“I’ll be there.” Chance looked down at Zeus. “We are some lucky fucks, my boy.” Her cell phone rang, and she watched Faith’s number display on her screen. She sent it immediately to voicemail and grabbed a bottle of Advil. She needed quick relief from the headache that would surely follow.
Penny showed up in the door. “I just told Faith you were in a meeting.”
Chance nodded to her phone. “That was her. I sent the call to voicemail.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.”
Penny crossed her legs and leaned forward. “What does Sarah say?”
Chance put her head back and closed her eyes, willing the pain meds to take effect. “She’s worried about her sister. Faith’s drinking heavily. She sobers up for work, then sits in her house and kills a bottle or two of wine a night. I have no idea what to do. I think it’s time I go see Theresa.”
Penny looked at her with shock. “Think she’ll see you?”
“I have no idea. Only one way to find out.”
***
Chance knocked on the screen door to the ranch-style home. Theresa’s sister, Nadine, came into view. “You’re probably the last person she wants to see, Sheriff.”
Chance stood turning her hat around in her hands. “I don’t doubt that. I’m also the person she needs to see.”
“Maybe. Come in. Coffee?” Nadine held the door open for her.
“Thanks, black is fine.”
“Okay, have a seat.” She poured the coffee and set it on the table. “I’ll go get her. For the record, I know it’s not your fault, Chance.”
Chance nodded. “That’s one of you.” She watched Nadine leave and took a moment to steel herself for the coming conversation.
Slow steps brought Theresa to the doorway, where she hesitated with her hand on the wall before entering the room. Chance noticed the dark circles under her eyes.
“Didn’t expect to see you here.” Theresa turned a chair around and straddled it.
“I know you didn’t. I want to tell you a few things. You don’t have to believe any of them; it’s your choice. On my father’s badge, I swear to you they’re true.”
Theresa sighed deeply. “Go ahead, Chance. Say what you have to say.” She sat turning her wedding ring around her finger.
“The long and the short of it is this. I was happy for you and Faith when you found each other. You were able to give her what she said she wanted—a stable home life—someone who came home at four o’clock every night and didn’t have to jump and run at a moment’s notice. Getting ready for work didn’t involve putting on a bulletproof vest every day. You command an audience with a whistle around your neck and give kids an opportunity to feel what we did when we won the championship. You are exactly what she needs, even if she’s lost her way.”
Theresa slowly spun a spoon in a circle on the table. “She lost her way chasing after you.”
Chance pointed to her chest. “Not with my encouragement, Theresa, or at my request. I let her stay as my physician, because she asked to. We stayed amicable, because I didn’t want tension. If anyone had a right to be pissed, it was me. She left me for you. I’m not a fool, Theresa. I knew she was interested in you before she left me. I let her go without a blowup because we are Daniel’s godparents and I want her to be happy. The rest didn’t matter. She moved on, and now I’m doing the same. I’m head over heels in love with Jax St. Claire, and I will be until the end of time. We’re living together, and as long as that makes her happy, I’ll be right by her side. I was never what Faith needed beyond the surface. God knows I tried to find a way to walk away from who I am. Lucky for her, you gave her a chance at a different life. I don’t know if you can salvage your marriage. Only you know that. I hope, for both of your sakes, you can. If you can’t, I want you to know that I’ve done everything in my power except slap a restraining order on her. Short of leaving town, I’ll do anything you ask me to.”
Chance had almost reached the door, before Theresa finally spoke up. “I made peace with the fact you’d always be in our lives. I even made space for you. The problem was she kept making my space smaller and yours bigger. Her love for you didn’t stop when she walked away. I was hoping I would eventually be enough. I’ve done everything I can to be what she wants. Your shadow was too impossible to shine through. I want to hate you. Trust me I do. I can’t. It’s not your fault, and no, I don’t want a restraining order on her. It’ll hurt her career. She can’t lose that too.”
“I don’t think she’s lost you.”
Theresa looked up at her, eyes full of pain. “Not for lack of trying, Chance. Not for lack of trying.”
“I’m worried about her drinking. Sarah says it’s getting worse. She can’t seem to reach her.”
“I’m not sure what I can do. I keep trying to get her to meet with me, go to counseling. She keeps refusing.”
“Don’t give up. She needs you more than she knows.”
“Thanks for stopping by.”
“Remember this, Theresa. You don’t need to fill my shoes. You have an extraordinary pair of your own. If she can’t see that, lay the blame where it squarely belongs.”
***
Chance drove to Marty’s, where dinner preparations were under way. She sat with a glass of iced tea in her hands, staring off into space.
Jax put a hand on her lower back. “Hey, where are you?”
“I was thinking about my conversation with Theresa. I don’t know when I’ve ever felt that bad for someone. Faith is killing her.”
“This isn’t your fault, Chance. You have to stop taking this on yourself. Come on, help me grill the pork chops. The glaze is by the grill.”
“I love you, Jax St. Claire. Don’t ever forget that.”
***
The next morning, Taylor sat in Chance’s office with her, going over the coming week’s schedule.
Taylor stretched her back. “I think Kenny’s stopping by the office for a visit next week. He’s going to put in for retirement.”
Chance nodded. “Penny told me that the other day. He’s doing really well in therapy. It’s yet to be determined whether he’ll ever be able to come back to law enforcement. The bullet caused some major nerve damage. He still can’t get his arm into a shooting position. I know he’s been thinking about going back to law school.”
“I hate to lose him as an officer. Only time will tell if he takes some other position when he’s fully recovered.”
Chance nodded. “I’m going to retire Tyson with Kenny. It’s his dog, and they should be together. Kendra is fighting me tooth and nail to take the test next month. Swears to me she’ll finish her degree online. Maggie had me write a promise I wouldn’t let her, in blood.”
Taylor chuckled. “Daniel’s chomping at the bit for you to give that test.”
“I know. I’m not sure who’s going to kill me first, Maggie and Dee or Sarah and Kristi. He’s bound and determined to be on the top of that list. I have no doubt he’ll ace it all.”
Taylor nodded in agreement. “He’ll be a great officer, because I know his mentor. She’s the example we all strive for.”
Chance rocked in her chair. “Thank you, Taylor. Coming from you, that means a great deal. Once Kenny officially retires, we can post the test date. Daniel’s young, but unless someone comes out of left field, I expect he’ll be our new hire. Enough about that. I want to talk with you about something else.
Taylor looked concerned. “Something with the schedule?”
“No. Not work. The remodel at Jax’s is almost finished. When it’s done, I’m going to move in with her. I’d like you to consider renting my place. You’re going to need more
room, my friend.”
Taylor sat forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “I don’t know that we could afford a place like yours. You know what our salary is, and well, with the fertility treatment bills, there isn’t a lot left at the end of the month.”
“I know all that. You haven’t even heard what the rent is. How about you let me make my offer before you turn it down?”
Taylor nodded.
“We make hay for the horses on my place, and now we’ll have Jax’s too. I need a lot of help when its time. My place is going to need the logs treated soon. What I’m offering is two hundred dollars a month rent, along with your promise to help with the maintenance on both places. Don’t argue with me. I need the help more than I need the money. You guys will need the room for that little one you’re trying to have.
Penny walked in, handing them each a cup of coffee. “It’s not a question of trying anymore.” She ran her hand over her stomach and stood by Taylor, who was grinning like a Cheshire cat. “It’s the little one we’re having.”
Chance’s eyes went wide. “You’re pregnant?”
“Glad to know you haven’t noticed me tossing my cookies every three minutes. This morning sickness should be renamed all-day-and-all-night sickness.”
Chance came around the desk and Taylor stood. Chance wrapped them both in a hug. “I’m so happy for you two! You’re going to make great parents.”
Penny cried into Chance’s shirt. Taylor drew her wife into her arms. Tears streamed down Penny’s face, as she tried to wipe them away. “Damn hormones.”
Chance put her hands on the shoulders of the two women before her. “As soon as Jax’s place is done, I want you guys to move in, okay? No arguments. Let me do this for you, so I can watch that little one grow up.”
Taylor looked directly at Chance. “We wanted to talk to you and Jax about being the baby’s godparents. Since Daniel is old enough to take care of himself, we were hoping you’d have a vacancy?”
Chance was taken aback and was barely able to choke out words. It hadn’t been in the cards for her to have her own children. She was overwhelmed that those closest to her felt her worthy enough to be a stand in, if needed. “I’d be honored, and I’m sure Jax will feel the same.”
***
Chance backed her truck down to a secluded place on the riverbank.
“This is a great spot.” Jax stepped out of the truck, and Zeus bounded out behind her.
Chance drew Jax close. “Reserved for you, my love.”
They walked to the tailgate and pulled out the cooler and other things they’d brought with them. Chance spread the air mattress in the bed of the truck and attached the pump. It was made to fit between the wheel wells.
Jax chuckled. “All those years ago, we put a sleeping bag down in the bed of a truck.”
Chance looked above her sunglasses. “We’re over fifty, and neither of us would be able to walk if we did that today. When I make love to you under the stars, I want your back to be comfortable.”
Jax threw a bag of marshmallows at her and glared.
Chance shrugged. “Truth hurts, honey.”
“Your back is going to be complaining when you’re lying outside on the ground beside the truck.”
Chance put on her shocked face. “You wouldn’t kick me out of your bed, would you?”
Jax walked up to her and kissed her passionately. “Not for even a single night. Faith’s probably hiding in the bushes waiting for her opportunity.”
“If that’s so, she’s going to get one hell of a show.”
Jax blushed. “Oh really. That sure of yourself, huh?”
“Let’s just say I like my odds.”
“I’d say the odds are in your favor.”
“Then I’m all in.” Chance pulled Jax to her again. Jax’s lips opened with their kiss, and Chance grew wet as she explored the depths of Jax’s mouth. She loved this woman with everything she had. Tonight, I’ll show her how much.
***
Later that evening, they lay in the truck bed watching fireworks. One of Harley’s troopers doubled as a bomb tech. He needed to ‘dispose’ of some illegal pyrotechnics. The quarry where he set them off, allowed for a spectacular show from the spot Chance had parked the truck.
“Comfortable?”
Jax snuggled in close. “Very.”
With each colorful display, Chance saw flashes of her life: her teenage years with Jax on a riverbank, her smoke jumping career, the scars she still bore on her body, and her former law enforcement position. It was hard to compare those times to the life she led now as small-county sheriff. She thought about the people she’d met and feelings she’d once had. They all paled in comparison to what she felt with Jax. Quiet music played through the truck’s speakers; the soft lyrics of Staind’s “Tangled Up in You” said all the things Chance was feeling. All these years later, she was still so deeply in love. When Aaron Lewis crooned about the hand he wanted to hold while he grew old, Chance knew it was time.
Jax drew lazy circles on Chance’s chest. “What are you thinking about? Your heart is beating a mile a minute.”
Chance pulled Jax on top of her and kissed her. “You. I’m thinking about you and how much my life has changed.”
“I’m sorry it took me so long to find my way back.”
“None of that matters now. That’s all in the past. What does matter is the here and now.”
Jax ran her fingers down the scars on Chance’s side. “I agree.”
“All those years ago, on a riverbank just like this, I knew I’d never love another woman the way I did you. I’d never met someone so beautiful, so smart, and so damn sexy. I couldn’t believe you were mine, and somehow, I let you slip away. I know we had journeys to take in order to become who we are today. If I had to go through all that pain again to know you’d be here with me now, I’d do it without thinking twice. I don’t want to miss another minute with you.”
Jax crossed her hands over Chance’s chest and rested her chin on them. She looked Chance directly in the eyes. “I can tell you, you won’t ever have to. I’m staying right here.”
“Permanently?”
Jax furrowed her brow. “I thought you knew that. How can you doubt it? I said I want to be with you forever and I meant it.”
Chance held up a diamond solitaire and let the moonlight catch the perfectly polished facets. “Then marry me.”
Jax covered her mouth, shock showing in her eyes.
Chance rolled them over and held herself above Jax. “We’ve lost out on far too many years of being together, Jax. When you left, you took a part of me with you. By the grace of God, and the miracle of a gold-star chance, you’re back here in my world. I want everyone to know that I belong to you and only you. There is nothing in this world I want more than to wake up every morning looking into those green eyes to see the love that I’ve longed for my entire life. Maggie will tell you I should have died all those years ago when I got burned. I lived through it, because she begged me to fight.”
Jax wiped at tears running down Chance’s face.
“Do you know what I kept thinking through that hell?”
Jax shook her head.
“If I gave up, I might never see you again. I know we weren’t in touch. I didn’t even know where you were. I lay there in agony, praying for a moment’s peace without pain. I found that moment when I remembered floating down the Cheat River with you. I could see you in my ball cap, so beautiful it hurt. When I was at my worst, I’d remember hearing you say how much you loved me. I’d remember touching you and how buzzed I’d feel at the touch of your lips on mine. You kept me going when all I wanted to do was die. My dad told me my own gold-star chance at love would come one day. I’m grabbing it like he said and asking you to give us something long overdue.” Chance held up the ring again. “Marry me, Jax. Marry me and take that second chance at a love I promise you’ll never regret.”
***
Jax lay beneath Chance, stunned. She’d neve
r expected to hear Chance say those words. Now she stood on the edge of the unknown. No, not the unknown. She stood on the threshold of the life she’d walked away from all those years ago. One word would erase all those wishes she’d made as she drove from California to West Virginia. One word would give her the opportunity for a do-over, the chance to wear the gold band of the woman she’d loved for over thirty years. One word. A single syllable that would change her life forever and give them what they’d apparently both been dreaming of. One syllable, three letters.
“Yes.” The word came out as a whispered echo of a prayer said long ago. She felt her world right itself. With conviction, she answered again. “Yes, Chance Raylynn Fitzsimmons, I will marry you whenever and wherever you want.”
Chance’s whoop into the night caused an eruption of Jax’s laughter. She smiled, as Chance pumped her fist in the air then sat up, letting the blanket fall away from their naked bodies. Chance drew Jax’s left hand into hers and slid the shining symbol of devotion onto her left ring finger. The ring felt like a part of her the second it settled into place, as if it had always been there.
Jax reached up and cupped Chance’s face with her hands. “I love you, Chance. Now and forever.”
***
Chance put her arms around Jax and supported her as they lay back. She let her lips fall to Jax’s, absorbing the heat and the taste of the strawberries they’d shared. She melted into the feeling of belonging to someone on a soul-deep level.
“I love you, Jax. I’m never letting you go, never again. Thank you for coming back to me.”
Jax kissed her again and pulled her even closer.
***
Tomorrow, there’d be another emergency, another call, another case to solve. Tonight, there was nothing but the memory of something her father had told her that her mother said on the day she found out she was pregnant. Life was all about opportunities and what we did with them. Chance had been named for all the things her parents wished for. In her mind, she’d been given more than most. She thought about the woman who would become her wife. She knew she’d been blessed. With all the tragedies she’d experienced in her life, she remembered her mantra. Steel is tempered by fire, and gold is refined by it. She’d lived through it all and now would live with Jax by her side. Their story wasn’t over; it had only just begun. She was ready for whatever life threw at her, as long as the woman she held in her arms was at her side.