by Katt Rose
“Talking to Aaron.”
“Excuse me?” I snapped.
“Like I said, everyone seeks comfort in different ways. She’s in his room.”
“God dammit.”
“Emmy! Watch your tongue.”
I held my hands up wearily. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.” I sank tiredly on the couch and it creaked in protest. I sank my face into my hands. “I feel like everything is spinning out of control and I can’t stop it. I don’t know where I would even begin.”
“Emmy, you are only one person. The world doesn’t expect you to have all the answers, neither does your mother.”
I sat up rod straight and the heavy sadness took over. I studied the pictures on the wall and shook my head. “We left in such a hurry, everything here remains as it was, from the photos on the wall to the furniture in this house. Everything looks the same, but nothing is the same. Absolutely fucking nothing.”
Aunt Sam tensed beside me at the language but did not protest. My eyes landed on a particular picture and I stood, making my way toward it. The magnetic pull was strong. I studied the photo of Aaron and I. Our heads were pressed together, and we were laughing. Snow covered our tuques, and Aaron’s blue eyes were electric. I remembered that day well. It was the first time I had been able to keep up with Aaron down a black diamond hill. My fingertips traced the frame carefully, softly. His laughter echoed in my memory and a sudden bitterness replaced the fragile memory. In a matter of seconds, I lost control of my actions. The careful tenderness I had earlier for the photo dissipated and I tore the picture off the wall and threw it across the room. An angry yell came somewhere from the depths of my soul as the glass shattered against the wall.
“Samantha what was that, I-“my mother stopped in her tracks and stared at me with a look torn between disbelief and sudden grief. “Oh, honey…”
My hands began to shake uncontrollably. My eyes widened in slight fear as I stared at the broken glass across the floor. “I-I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
Aunt Sam bustled to work without a word. My mouth fell open as I met my mother’s face. “Mom, I’m so sorry.”
She embraced me with a hug and stroked my hair. “I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you release the anger you’ve been nurturing. Oh, honey. Don’t keep it bottled up anymore, let it out. You can never move forward if you don’t forgive.”
My body shook as the tears fell. I suddenly felt so small and insignificant in this world. What was happening? Why was our family dealt another shitty hand? We had been through so much already. So much. Too much.
I wriggled out of the hug and felt a sudden urgency to feel the fresh icy air in my lungs. “I’m sorry, Mom, I need to go. I can’t stay here.”
My mother’s angelic face fell. Weariness filled her features and she nodded heavily. “I understand. You’re not ready for this yet but I’m going to stay. I need to stay; this is my home. Our home. I know you can’t understand this yet but this is my safe place, Em. There is so much joy here, my heart feels content.”
“I know. But I can’t stay, you’re right; I’m not ready to be here. I just needed to see that you were okay.”
“I appreciate that. You go, I’ll see you later?”
I nodded and put on my jacket with a quickened haste. The walls felt like they were beginning to close in, I needed to get out. “I’ll talk to both of you later.” I gave them a quick wave and slipped out the door.
The cold had never felt so good. I let my lungs take in a deep breath, thoroughly enjoying the way they burned in protest from the frigid air. I jogged to my car and slammed my key into the ignition. There was no more hint of caution as my foot pressed heavy on the gas pedal. The car skidded sideways but I regained control. I tore out of the driveway and before I knew it, I found myself alone in the parking lot of Saddlers pub. “Fuck it, I need a drink.”
The warmth of the pub stung my thawing skin as I forced my way through the crowd to a quiet table near the fireplace.
“What can I get you?”
“Whisky on the rocks.”
“Anything else?”
“No.”
“Coming right up.”
A moment later the waitress placed a glass in front of me. My lips sipped at the strong amber liquid before me. I swallowed greedily as the drink burned its way to the depth of my stomach. By the time my third beverage came round, my head began to buzz from the effects. It had been a lifetime ago that I let myself loose control. I let the feeling take over.
“Holy shit, Emmy is that you?”
I turned to the familiar voice. “Cole?”
“It is you! Wow! Stand up and give me a hug.”
My limbs responded to his request before my brain had time to process. Cole wrapped his familiar arms around me and gave me a tight squeeze. He pulled back and smiled his playful grin. “It’s been a long time. Too long.”
I stared at him and for a split second, I saw Aaron’s cheeky grin next to his. The two of them had been best friends since childhood. They were the mischievous duo in town, always getting into trouble but managing to skirt the consequences due to the innocence they managed to hold on too. I studied Cole and felt a slight pain. The memory of his devastated face flashed behind my eyes. It was one of the first times I had seen a grown man break down.
But here he was. He had grown up, matured. He wore a slightly crooked smile and gave me a playful nudge. “You’re still as hot as I remember.”
“Cole!”
He laughed loudly. “Aw c’mon, take the compliment.” He scanned my table and the way I wobbled unsteadily. “Are you here alone?”
“Yep.”
He eyed my near empty drink. “How many of those have you had?”
“About three, I think.”
“I see. How much food have you eaten today?”
“Not that much.”
“Gotcha. C’mon, the gangs all here.”
He grabbed my arm and began to tow me away. I skidded my feet in protest. “Wait, please! I don’t think-“
Cole stopped and concern flitted his face. I sighed heavily and rubbed a hand over my face. “My mom’s sick, it’s Alzheimer’s. She’s back at home, our home. I went to go see her and I couldn’t….I just couldn’t stand to be there. It felt wrong.”
Cole’s face fell. “Em, I’m so sorry. I wish you had called. You guys were like family to me, I hope you know that.” He pulled me in for another hug, and I breathed in his scent. “Does this mean you’re back?”
I let the warmth of his embrace spread. “I’m sorry. You’ve always been family to me too. And yes, I-we are back.”
Cole released me and lifted my chin with his finger. “It’s about time. C’mon, say hi to everyone. They’ll be glad to see you.”
“Well….sure, why not.”
“Excellent.” He gripped my hand and led me through the chaos to a large table. Heads turned toward us and surprise filled the faces. I suddenly felt like the new kid at school, that terrible moment when the teacher asked you to stand up and introduce yourself. Somehow this was worse, as the faces staring back at me were all familiar; they represented a different life. One that was long dead and buried.
I put on my best smile and waved. “Hey strangers.”
Squeals and laughs of disbelief broke out before me. I got swept away in hearty pats on the back followed by quick hugs. The faces blurred together and the voices blended into one. Once I was released, I took an unsteady seat. The whisky and empty stomach began to make itself known.
“What are you drinking there, Em?”
“Whisky on the rocks, please.”
“Got it!”
Soon enough another full drink slid my way and I began to sip the burning liquid. The voices began to fade as I scanned the room, trying to tune out the noise that was everywhere. My eyes evaluated the table I sat at. I jumped in surprise when a scowling Miranda Brooks stared back at me. I straightened my posture and looked away. How had I not
noticed her sitting there? She rose gracefully and slid beside me.
“So, you’ve found your way back for good, huh?” She pursed her lips. “Welcomed back with open arms, I see.”
“Nice to see you to, Miranda.”
“I mean, really. You wasted no time at all. You have Chase wrapped around your little fingers already. I don’t know how he could even consider taking you back after what you did to him.”
I prickled at her comment. “Be careful, Miranda. I’d tread lightly if I were you.” I turned my eyes to her and threatened her with my gaze. God, how I hated her. Time had not changed her entitled beauty. At all.
Miranda loved a challenge. She tossed her luscious hair over her shoulder and sneered. “You ran because you were a coward. You left him, and after what happened with Aaron, well it doesn’t speak very highly of your character, does it?” Miranda stopped to let out a dramatic breath. “You deserve everything that’s coming to you.”
I stood. “Who do you think you are? How dare you mention Aaron!”
As our voices rose the groups happy chatter ceased to a silence. “Em, is everything okay?” Cole prodded.
Miranda stood to her feet to mimic my stance. “Everything’s fine,” she drawled. “I’m just reminding our dear friend Emmy of the responsibilities she left behind.” She looked at her nails in thought before continuing. “I don’t know how you can sleep at night honestly. Rumour has it Aaron had been reaching out to you, but you didn’t get the message in time. You didn’t even have the decency to be present for his day. The whole bloody town was there, all but you.“She pressed her finger into my chest.
A tremor tore through me and anger swelled like it never had before. A beast inside was suddenly released. I lunged toward Miranda in one swift move and knocked her to the ground. She cried out in surprise and our bodies hit the floor in a jumbled heap.
“Get her off of me!” Miranda cried. She wriggled desperately. I sat atop her and pinned her arms above her head. “Get this bitch off of me!” She kicked her feet uselessly like a flopping fish.
Strong arms wound tight against my waist and began to lift me. “Let her go,” the voice was soothing in my firing ears. “Em, let her go.”
Any anger I had possessed began to drain away. I knew that voice. It had the power to diffuse me, make me laugh, make me feel safe. Chase. He released his hold and his lips were set in a hard line. “What are you doing?”
Miranda scrambled to her feet and clawed me from behind. I tried to dodge out of her way but her hands locked on my hair. She yanked me toward her in one powerful motion. I squawked in surprise.
“That’s enough of this bullshit.” Chase grabbed her forearm. “Let go.”
Miranda pouted. “Did you see what she did to me?”
“I did. I also heard what you said. Let her go.”
“No.”
Chase took an unsteady deep breath. His body tensed as he bent toward her. “Let her go or I won’t step in to help you when Em gets her hands on you.”
Miranda hesitated as her eyes looked my way. My body went rigid, ready to fight. She looked back at Chase uncertainly. “No.”
“Fucking let her go. Now.”
Miranda stomped her foot and I felt the sweet release of her loosened grip. She glared at me. “You should have never come back.” She grabbed her purse and pulled herself together.”Well boys, looks like my nights over.”
We watched her strut away and the realization of the scene I caused came crashing down on me. I gingerly met the gazes around me. “I-“
Cole cut me off. “You still know how to make one hell of an entrance.”
My jaw dropped and I began to laugh nervously. “I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s not the first time you two have duked it out. Remember in Grade 12?”
Heat flushed to my face. “Does this town forget nothing?”
“No.”
“Clearly,” I mumbled.
Chase cleared his throat and placed a hand on my lower back. “I think I should take you home.”
Home. The word sent my stomach into a downfall. I couldn’t go home, it no longer housed any comfort. “I can’t go back,” I whispered. I turned to face Chase hurriedly. “Please don’t bring me back there, I can’t. I’m not ready.”
Chase placed his hands on my shoulders. “I meant Elayna’s.”
“Oh.” Relief rushed through me. “Okay.”
“I’ll drive you there, you shouldn’t be behind the wheel.”
“What about my car?”
“It’ll be fine. We’ll get it tomorrow after snowboarding.”
My face wrinkled. “That’s going to be a rough wake up for me.”
“The fresh air will do you good, c’mon.”
Chase found my hand and clasped on firmly. I followed him out into the darkness of the frozen night and climbed into the safety of his truck. We drove in silence before he broke the spell. “Rough day?”
“I went home to see Mom.”
Those words told the entire story. He nodded and lowered his voice sympathetically. “I’m sorry. For everything.”
I sighed and leaned against the seat. “Me too. Mom seemed happy enough.”
“That’s a good thing, Em.”
“I know, it just seems so wrong to me.”
Chase nodded. I stole a glance at him, and his gray eyes remained focused on the road before him. Whether it was the whisky coursing in my veins or long buried feelings, I suddenly craved for the warmth of his body next to mine, and his deep breaths of slumber lulling me to sleep. How I missed those strong arms wrapped around me, holding me safe.
The truck halted to a stop. I stared at the dark house before me, not wanting to move. “I’ll walk you to the door.”
Before I could protest Chase was out of the truck and opening up my door. He held out his hand and I clasped on to it, gingerly finding my footing on the frozen snow. He led me to the front door with steady steps as I fumbled for my keys.
“Have a good night, Em. I’ll pick you up in a few hours.”
I deflated. “Yeah, sure. See you in a bit.” I leaned against the doorframe and watched him walk away. His tall, strong frame moved lithely and his truck roared to life assaulting the stillness of the night.
“And I walked away from that?” I cursed myself as I shoved the front door open. I kicked my boots off and stumbled to my temporary room. At the sight of my bed, my body went weak. I collapsed like a falling tree and was out before my head hit the pillow. My last thought was of Miranda Brooks’ horrified look and I smiled.
CHAPTER TEN
“Wakey, wakey..”
“Go away,” I mumbled.
“Wake up, there’s this hot bearded guy downstairs waiting for you.”
My eyes flew open and Elayna sat next to me, her hair tousled with an amused grin on her face. “I knew that would wake you,” she sang.
I glanced for the time. “Oh no, what time is it?”
“5:25 am.”
“Crap, I was supposed to be ready to go.” I scrambled out of bed and finger combed my hair. “What am I supposed to wear? My wardrobe isn’t what it used to be.”
Elayna laughed. “Go wash your face, I’ll dig out something of mine you can wear. We’re the same size.”
“You’re a life saver. Oh, Elayna?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you have any Advil?”
“Rough night on the town?”
“You could say that.”
Elayna smirked. “Uh-huh.”
My face fell. “What have you heard?”
Elayna shrugged. “Oh, you know. Something about the return of a certain resident tackling another.”
My jaw dropped. “My god, does nothing stay quiet in this town? It happened mere hours ago.”
“I’ll be back with some clothes and Advil. Sit tight.”
I groaned and quickly set to the task of brushing my teeth and washing my face. Elayna came back and dropped an outfit before
me. I dressed quickly and tossed down the pain reliever. I glanced in front of the mirror quickly and gave a nod of approval. “As good as it’s gonna get.”
I rounded the corner and hopped down the stairs. Chase was bundled up in a thick jacket, his hair tousled under his toque. His gray eyes fell to me and he smiled. “Well, well look who made it up. I bring coffee.” He held up two travel mugs in a peace offering.
I reached for a mug in approval. “Thank you.”
He smiled his playful smile. “Ready to go?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Excellent, let’s get a move on.”
“Move! Get of the way! Oh, crap!” The tip of my board caught in a snowdrift and I went tumbling into the snow for the umpteenth time that morning. I sighed in frustration and let my head fall into the cold white powder. My body ached and the pounding in my head returned with a vengeance.
“C’mon, get up. That was the longest run of the day so far.”
I grumbled as Chase smiled brightly. I pushed my way to an upright position and groaned. “I forgot how hard this was.”
“Nah, you’re doing fine. It’ll come back to you.”
“Doubtful.”
Chase shrugged off my protest. “I think we should take a break and get some food, what do you say?’
“I think that’s the best idea you’ve had all morning.”
He rolled his eyes and took off down the hill. I managed to keep up without eating snow. Once we were at the end of the run, I kicked off my board and eagerly made my way to the cafeteria. We found an empty table near the window and placed our order. I stared out the window and I had to admit, the view was breathtaking.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
“It sure is.”
“How are you feeling?”
“Sore. Everywhere.”
Chase chuckled. “It’ll be even worse tomorrow unfortunately.”
“I don’t see how that’s possible.”
Chase grinned wider. “My advice, take a long, hot bath tonight with epsom salt. It should help.”
“Noted.” My phone beeped and a feeling of forewarning fell over me. I fished the phone out of my pocket and saw a missed call from aunt Sam. My face fell.